And away we go...

YES, people. HOLLYWOOD WEEK. 

Take a moment to let that sink in.

HOLLYWOOD M'F'ING WEEK. This is what Lindsay & I look forward to every year. Really, there could be an entire season of the drama we're going to see over the next few episodes. So let's get started!!

First of all, what is Idol Boot Camp? The best part of this show is watching the train wrecks come through with their tragic wardrobes and skeevy bangs... Wait a second, Barry Manilow??? Guess that dream of having relevant mentors this season is out the window already. Still paying for that Beatles songbook.

It's all uber-dramatic as the first set of contestants comes through and has like 10 seconds to sing anything. Lil Rounds is up, and man, I heart this girl, even if she busted out Whitney right off the bat. Denis and his crazy eyes are going home, thank God. Lil and four other people we've never seen are through to the next day. As usual, we're getting more talking and less singing. The singing they do give is courtesy of Nathan, who looks like a Hollister bustform come to life with a headband on. Apparently music is an anchor that keeps him from freaking out. That makes me nervous about Nathan. He's in the same line as Snoop Anoop, Jasmine Murray, and Shoeless Rose, who will likely break down a million more times in the next round.

Guys, a word about Von. I think he sucks. He screams. Singing does not equal screaming. I'm with Simon on him, 100%. Unfortunately, he's still around. Let's hope he tones it down next time.

Oh Lord, now it's Norman Gentle, aka Nick. I was ready to bitch about what a waste of time he is, but then he yells at Seacrest and I crack up. They miraculously put him through, and I hope my time isn't wasted with him tomorrow.

OH MY GOD. THEY'RE FORCING US TO SIT THROUGH FORD!!!!!! COMMERCIALS ALREADY??? 

OMG, Jackie Tohn is crazy. And I love her. Guys, she has a gold glittery fanny pack. She's sticking around along with a girl who mistakenly thought she was attending a toga party.

BFFs Jamar Rogers and Danny Gokey are here, and you can feel the man love. These were two of my favorites from the audition rounds, and I'm happy to see them make it to the next round.

Annnndddd...... Bikini Girl. Yay. Glad to see she wore at least a little more clothing this time around. Simon isn't taking anything serious anymore, and Kara's bitch claws are out, and I'm with Kara all the way. Unfortunately, we have to deal with her again, but I'm a little happy because you know she'll bring a crapload of drama with her to group night!

A few more people, including the Osmond, pink-haired Emily, Cookster-wannabe, and Brooke 2.0 make it through. An FBI agent whines about it being her husband's birthday, which, WHO CARES, and finally cries her way off the stage. Sadly, no "My spirit has been broken" level breakdowns, but Lindsay gets the absolute pleasure of blogging GROUP NIGHT tomorrow. I can hardly contain my excitement. Enjoy.