A Hard Day's Night

Hello, faithful readers! Brenna here, taking on the top 12 performance night on your behalf. Tonight, as we’re reminded frequently, we celebrate the Lennon/McCartney song catalog. Well, now we know where the money from “Idol Gives Back” went!

There’s a bright, shiny new set that looks like the Star Trek Enterprise. The band is about eight miles from the singers… perhaps they were as creeped out by David Cook as we were? They kill time by playing some music and talking with Seacrest, since we do have two hours to fill and only about 30 minutes of relevant content.

Syesha is up first, singing “Gotta Get You Into My Life.” I can’t concentrate on the first half of her song, because I’m too concerned with her hair. What is that? And who thought that looked good? I like the arrangement of the song, but her performance is just ok. I don’t think the song gives her much opportunity to show off her chops.

Chekezie is next, and I have to admit, I like this guy. I just want him to stop being bipolar and give us a good performance every week. He doesn’t disappoint this week, giving us an awesome new interpretation of “She’s a Woman.” He starts it out with a bluegrass feel before absolutely rocking it out halfway though. I really enjoy his performance, and Love (with a capital L) his family. What’s more, he reminds me of George Huff and brings back warm, fuzzy memories.

We need more of this in our lives.

Ramiele starts off at the bottom of the stage, looking like an outtake from an early Christina Aguilera video, and taking on a Disney-fied version of “In My Life.” Her voice sounds really pretty, but… yeah, I can’t do it. There’s nothing worth writing about in this performance. Just like with Syesha, there’s no opportunity in this song to really shine, and it ends up being dreadfully boring.

Is it me, or are there bugs flying around Jason’s hair during his interview? That’s just foul. He performs a decent version of “If I Fell,” which I agree with the judges, was not as good as his previous performances. The falsetto was a little rough. All in all though, I’d take him any day over most of the other contestants.

Carly tells us she’s going to take on “Come Together,” and I think, good luck. It’s such a big song. I disagree slightly with the judges – while she did a great job with it, I still don’t think she’s found the perfect song for her. Maybe I’m expecting too much from her. I do give her loads of credit for picking the most difficult song so far, and she’s not in danger of going anywhere.

Oh no, David C. I liked you last week, and this week you have to pick my all-time favorite Beatles song, “Eleanor Rigby.” He rocks it out again, and the judges think he’s hit another home run, but I beg to differ. It’s probably because I love this song so much, but I think it’s the worst thing he could’ve done to the song. I hate it. The beauty of the original is it simplicity, the strings, the melancholy story… excuse me while I play it to get his version out of my head!

Ok, I’m back. We did get the best Paula comment of the night though, in her telling David that he is a “thoroughbred.” I think they upped her meds this week.

I’m going to say right now that Brooke is my favorite of this top 12. I think she’s genuine, ridiculously talented, and likeable. She commands the stage once again with her moving cover of “Let It Be,” which is everything David C.’s earlier performance was not. Emotional? Check. Beautiful? Check. Subtle? Check. Heartfelt? Check. I love that her voice isn’t perfect. The rasps and the cracks make the song that much more beautiful, and I’m nearly in tears with her at the end. I want Brooke to stay in this competition as long as possible, because I really think we’re seeing an artist blossom in front of us. Also, she gets, hands down, the cutest sign we’ve ever seen on Idol: “We love Brooke but miss our nanny,” with photos of the babies she used to watch.

David H. has the misfortune of following Brooke, and he does a forgettable version of “I Saw Her Standing There.” I like David, and I wish this had been better, but there’s really nothing more left to write about it.

Amanda actually looks good tonight! Those crazy Tim Burton movie style pants aside, of course. She performs “You Can’t Do That,” and I rather like it. It’s a good style for her. I agree with Simon though – girl needs to enunciate! I was taught that in 9th grade choir.

Michael, who was one of my favorites early on, has failed to impress me as of late. He does a decent “Across the Universe,” one of his better song choices of the last few weeks, but still leaves me wanting more.

Let me take a minute to discuss the judges. Is it me, or are they even less constructive than in previous years? Neither Randy nor Paula offer the contestants anything to build on. In Michael’s case, Randy tells him that he should have changed the arrangement or melody. Didn’t he just tell Jason earlier not to mess with a great song? I’m confused. And how does Simon not know Carly’s name? Seriously, how much are they getting paid? AND WHAT EXACTLY IS IN THOSE COKE CUPS?

Paula in a non-crazy moment.

Oh, Kristy Lee. Why are you still here? If you guessed, “to absolutely butcher ‘Eight Days a Week’ beyond repair,” you’re right! Honey, adding fiddles does not equal “taking a risk.” Thank God the judges hated it, though now Kristy will probably get the sympathy vote and put us through misery yet again next week.

David A. gets the pimp spot this week, and fails miserably. You all know I’m not on the Archuleta Train, and this week proved precisely why. When I was in high school, my show choir did this atrocious medley of Beatles songs. Watching David A., I half expected a choir of fellow 17-year-olds to show up behind him, doing choreographed moves to back him up on “We Can Work It Out.” He’s just so little! It doesn’t work for me.

To wrap things up, I’d give the top prize of the night to Brooke, and I’d name the bottom three Ramiele, Kristy Lee, and David H. Since we’re not lucky enough to see Kristy Lee go home, I’m betting my money on David H. to “conveniently” be voted off. Sorry if I’m just a wee bit skeptical of the integrity of this show. This is, after all, the medium that tried to convince us someone was actually voting for Sanjaya.

Lindsay will be with you tomorrow, blogging the joys of the reappearance of Katharine McPhee. Really, who knew she was still around? Good luck with that, and good night!

I love the 80's--America Strikes Back

Lindsay here, and I'd like to apologize for the uber-lateness of this blog posting. I had a hell of a day on Thursday that ended with a 4.5 hour drive to Virginia, arriving at 11:00 pm. Had just enough time to watch the show before passing out. Rewatched the show this evening and after 36 MILLLLLLLLLLLLION votes came in, let's see how effed up America is this week.

BLAKE! I've never been so happy to see a former Idol return to the stage. This makes the second coming of Clay Aiken pale in comparison. I think we all need to be reminded of this:

Anyway, Blake is rocking out WHILE WEARING A LEATHER BLAZER (???) with "How Many Words", which I am not ashamed to admit is my favorite song on his album. Another thing I am not ashamed of is admitting that I own Blake Lewis's album. What? Side note, David Cook apparently decided that the night he was going to find out if he was in the top 12 was the perfect night to wear a Day Glo tie. Awesome.

Recap of guys' night: when Michael stands in between David A. and Danny, he totally looks like their dad. Dude looks older and older every week. Whoa, I didn't really pay much attention on Tuesday so I didn't notice David H.s' CA-RAZY facial contortions. His face looks like it's trying to escape from his head. OK, dim the lights, here we go. David C.--in. David A.--in. Um, did anyone notice how the girls were congratulating him? It's like they think he's a really dumb kid who just figured out how to add 2 and 2. He's 17, not a moron, ladies. Next we find out Jason is in, and I'd like to know where he picked up his skank entourage. One of these things is not like the other!

These three guys are safe for now, so it's time to recap the girls. I was going to fast forward this, but it was totally worth watching to hear Simon tell Kady Malloy about her massive lack of personality again. Greatest insult EVER, you guys. I may start using that in my every day life. Time to boot some girls! Brooke--in. Good. I enjoy her. Syesha--in.

Guys, here is where this episode becomes fantastic. Ryan asks Kady to stand up. Now you KNOW in her in dim-witted little brain, she's thinking "I'm totally safe! OMG! Jason got called third too and he made it! I'm so in! YAY! I hope this giant splotch on my dress isn't distracting. Do you think people are looking at my crotch?"

You can see on her face even as Ryan is saying "I'm sorry..." that she is totally thinking he's going to pull his "I'm sorry....to tell you that you'll have to put up with us for another week!" BUT NO. He totally cuts her in a cruel and fantastically awesome twist. We fast forward through her singout and laugh maniacally at the evilness of the Seacrest.

Oh God, so Ryan announces that this season they are going to add the special feature of allowing the viewers to call in during the show. I don't know about you guys, but I cannot wait to hear the commentary of callers like Seymour Buttz, Hugh Jass and Amanda Hugginkiss. You can't out a price on that shit.

Time to announce more guys. David H., you're in. I guess we should ask to take off your shirt too, since Luke's status is probably amateur and you've gone pro. Michael, you're also in. Have a seat, and you can pick up your Social Security check on your way out. Seacrest asks Luke to stand up and to no one's shock, he's eliminated. But he's so pretty! Sooooo pretty. I actually watch his goodbye video because, before the top 24, I had no idea he existed. Fast forward through his horrific singout. Bye Luke! I'm sorry we never saw you shirtless.

That leaves Chikezie and Danny in the final two guys, and by the way Danny already looks like he's cried his eyes out, I'd say he knows he's on his way out.

But first, more girls. Ramiele--in. Carly--in, and Ryan utters the most disgusting phrase ever on American Idol. "Take a stool"--chew on that for a while, guys. Oh man, Chikezie got totally denied by Carly as she made her way over. HA. Amanda, you and your bright ass red poncho are safe. That leaves Kristy Lee and Asia''''''''''''h in the bottom two. If everything in this world was perfect and good, Kristy Lee would be out, but the world can be a bitch, which means Kristy Lee is safe. Asia'h looks pissed. Fast forward through her montage and sing out, because I just cannot wait for the fabulous shit that's about to fly when Ryan announces these next two.

He asks Chikezie and Danny to come forward and Danny stands there picking his cuticles for about an hour, which makes me want to barf. Ryan announces that Chikezie is in, and you can actually see the shock register on his face right before we cut to a shot of Ramiele f'ing BREAKING DOWN all over the place. You guys, seriously, it's like someone died. Carly is holding her and they're both standing still like they're at a memorial service or something. Man. Intense. We see Danny's sassed out video package and I have to give him credit, he works the singout. Bren and Joe's DVR cuts out before it's over, and we lose the show on a fantastic shot of Ramiele ugly-crying all over a snotty Kleenex. Sweet.

So, we've got our top 12. Amanda, Brooke, Carly, stupid Kristy Lee, Ramiele and Syesha are the girls and three Davids, a Jason and a Michael and Chizekie round out our guys. Join us next week for their first appearance on the big stage! I'll be blogging the performance and Bren will take the results. Cheers!

Tired as hay-ell

Just had the longest f'ing day ever. Will blog in the AM. Word, yo.

I love the 80's, part two

Welcome back! It’s Brenna again, doing double duty this week to return Lindsay’s favor last week. I’d first like to give a shout out to PittGirl of The Burgh Blog, one of our favorite daily reads, which kindly gave us a shout out today, prompting a flurry of IM activity consisting of Lindsay & me freaking out that someone actually pays attention to us. If you’re from Pittsburgh, have ever been to Pittsburgh, or know anything about Pittsburgh, check her out and thank us later.

Tonight the girls took on the 80’s, and it didn’t take long for the first of my predicted Whitney Houston attempts (see last night’s recap) to take place. Asia’h (really, why the apostrophe?) sings “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” taking me back to me listening to this single on a record player sometime in my childhood. Two of the three judges love it, and Simon is lukewarm, which leaves me wondering if I’m tone deaf. I thought she was off key the entire song. Yet again, girls, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SING A WHITNEY SONG. It will never do you justice. Next.

Boring, forgettable Kady sings a boring, forgettable song. I completely agree with Simon – she is robotic, has zero personality, and should probably give up now and work as a Britney impersonator on a cruise ship somewhere.

Amanda rocks the Bret Michaels “Rock of Love” bandana ™ in her interview a second week in a row, and then busts out the Sunday Night Football song… oh wait, it’s really “I Hate Myself for Loving You.” The judges love it. I honestly don’t have an opinion, because I spent the entire song getting psyched for football season, then realizing it was still eight months away. Dammit. On a good note, NBC should totally hire her to sing the song this year. She’s much better than Faith Hill.

Bret or Amanda?

I’m sitting here about a half hour after watching the show and I can’t remember what song Carly sang. That’s not a good sign. I know she was good, but I just can’t get excited about her, and like Simon I’m waiting for that one song that she just nails. She better find it soon, or this one-time front runner is going to fade into the background.

We got 3/4 of the way through this week’s contestants without anyone ruining any of my favorite artists… and then Kristy Lee came along. I have absolutely nothing to say. Unless you’re the second coming of Steve Perry, do not even attempt to sing anything by Journey, unless you’re drunk, it’s 1:30 am, and you’re screaming “Don’t Stop Believin’” at the top of your lungs at the bar. I refuse to comment on her performance out of principle. (But I will use this opportunity as an excuse to link to the Tony Romo/Mr. Belding video.)

Side note: is it cold in the studio? It looks like all the boys are wearing tee-shirts and scarves.

Ramiele sings another cheesy Phil Collins song, this one being “Against All Odds.” To me, it felt like she was trying to get more out of it than was there, and it ended up sounding strained. I think Ramiele is very talented, but she needs to choose better songs that show off her range. I wasn’t too impressed by this one.

Brooke has become one of my favorites this year, and she impresses again with an acoustic take on “Love is a Battlefield.” I would probably buy her CD if she ever released one. She sings exactly the kind of music I enjoy, she sings it well, and her personality is pleasant and fun. I really hope she sticks around, but I would like to see her sing some more up-tempo songs to see what she’s capable of.

At this point in the evening, the judges have gone absolutely off their rockers. Paula is falling out of her chair, making even less sense than usual, Simon looks like he’s going to finally walk off that stage for good, and Brooke looks as scared as Jennifer Garner did upon being attacked by Gary Busey. What exactly is in those Coke cups???

Syesha, in the pimp spot, gives us more Whitney Houston. Ladies, have you learned nothing of the Idols that have stood before you? I don’t think Kelly, Carrie, Fantasia, or Jordin could even pull off Whitney. I don’t care how good you sound (and granted, Syesha did sound rather good) – I will always compare you with Whitney, and you will never, ever win that battle. Fortunately, Syesha has decided to attend the Haley Scarnato School of Short Shorts to get her votes tonight. Not just short shorts though – oh no, they’re more than that. These are short, high-waisted, satin shorts. The Fug Girls would be mortified.

So, thankfully, we have neared the end of the semifinals. After tomorrow we will no longer have the restrictions of having to vote for males or females, and I predict the females will have a rough time this year. My predictions for bottom three this week are Kady, Amanda, and Kristy Lee. I don’t think I’m lucky enough for Kristy Lee to go home yet, so most likely Kady and Amanda will say goodbye.

Lindsay will be back with you tomorrow, guiding you through the results show. Happy viewings!

My thoughts on David H.

Brenna here, with a few words concerning David Hernandez and this year’s requisite Idol Scandal. The man was a stripper. So what. So were Nikki McKibbin and Antonella Barba (though I doubt she ever got paid for her services). Diablo Cody just won an Oscar – strippers are hot! So why the uproar?

Ever since the Frenchie debacle of season 2 (back when Idol was oh so innocent…), the morals of these contestants has been questioned and analyzed. Andy Warhol may have been right, that we’d all get our 15 minutes of fame, but even he couldn’t have wagered that it would come at such a price. No one (not even David Archuleta) is perfect. Everyone has skeletons in the closet. Some are worse than others, but everyone makes mistakes. So when I see the headline “Why American Idol Let David Hernandez Stay” I get a little annoyed.

Why not let him stay? I still have never been able to figure out why Frenchie got the boot. Girl was Talented with a capital T. She eventually got the last laugh as she went on to perform on Broadway, but who’s to know what could have become of her on Idol? (Maybe we could have been spared “Sorry 2004.”)

So the guy took off his clothes and danced for some other guys. Are people that concerned because of this country’s continued homophobia? Do people really care if these contestants are role models? They’re on our TV screen for a few months in the spring, and most of them vanish into oblivion after that. Trust me when I say the David Hernandezes and Amanda Overmyers of the world are probably tame for your kids to watch compared with the debacles we see everyday in the tabloids – the Britneys, the Lindsays, the Parises.

So let’s keep in mind what this show is – the largest talent show the country has ever seen – and nothing more than that. Leave the snide criticism to Simon.

I love the 80's, part one

Tonight had me really nervous. Most of my favorite songs come from the 80s, and I had nightmares of Danny Noriega butchering “Don’t Stop Believin’” and making me want to reach through my TV screen to strangle him. Pros about tonight? No one attempted Journey or Bon Jovi. Cons? Apparently, of all the entirety of the 80s songbook, half the contestants decided to choose terrible songs.

Exhibit A: Luke Menard. Now I love me some Wham as much as the next person, but it is absolutely impossible to sing “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” without sounding and looking incredibly cheesy. That song exemplifies all that is good and wrong with the 80s all at the same time. As a living specimen of a fantastically fun decade? Perfect. As a vehicle for Luke to convince us he’s worth keeping around for another week? Not so much. He should have just stood there looking pretty.

Side note: Paula is especially wasted tonight. She’s going to entertain me immensely throughout the episode.

I’m so conflicted on David Archuleta. I want to like him, I really do. But tonight I couldn’t get past the fact that the boy was not alive in the 80s. And now he’s singing that Phil Collins song that I hate about thinking twice, and I keep thinking, “this boy is 17!!!! He has no idea what’s wrong with the world!” When I was 17, my biggest concern was my high school musical. Yes, he is talented, but I really think he’d be so much better if given a few years to mature. I’m certainly not on board the David Train.

America needs to vote Danny off this show this week, because I can’t handle another week of him. His almost-Marilyn-Manson version of “Tainted Love” wasn’t awful. However, it was extremely inappropriate. I felt really skeevy watching it, and if you’d asked me who the stripper was among this top 8, I’d have guessed Danny. Also, I really can’t handle someone who speaks in texting language.

Speaking of strippers, it’s David Hernandez! He’s actually got a bit of a country twang tonight, but I rather like his performance. It wasn’t spectacular, but I really like his voice. I just wish he’d answered the most embarrassing moment question by saying “when the entire country found out I was a male stripper.”

Michael Johns sings the song from “The Breakfast Club.” Seriously, in my notes, I have “Breakfast Club song” written down. Anyways, it was ok. I wasn’t terribly impressed. I really wanted Michael to come out rocking some INXS. Maybe he was trying to avoid the Aussie comparisons, but can’t you imagine him killing some “Need You Tonight”?

David Cook comes out after some technical difficulties on the guitar, apparently rocking a Lionel Richie song. I honestly couldn’t have told you what song it was. As a rock song, it was ok. As a Lionel Richie turned into a rock song, it was fantastic. I wasn’t a huge David C. fan before tonight, and I still don’t think I am, but this was a solid performance. Well done.

Jason Castro, alone on the stage, sings “Hallelujah.” This is one of those songs I feel like everyone loves, and he did a very good job with it. It will never live up to whatever version you prefer, but Jason has a very sweet, pure tone to his voice that I really enjoy. I think he’ll stick around for awhile.

Finally, Chekezie in the pimp spot singing… Whitney Houston? Really? You have an entire decade at your disposal and you chose Whitney freaking Houston? I was bored and underwhelmed. His voice sounded… nice… but I honestly can’t get past the fact that he’s singing a Whitney song. I really think they should be banned from American Idol. No one can do them, and it does more harm than good to even attempt.

So that was the last night for all male action on Idol this year. My picks for the bottom three are Luke, Chekezie, and Danny. I’m hoping Danny goes home, followed probably by Chekezie, cuz I really wouldn’t mind seeing Luke another week. No one blew me away this week, but as the top performer, I’d probably vote for David Cook.

I’m back tomorrow for the girls, where (I predict) at least one will attempt another Whitney song. Only in my dreams does someone bust out some Debbie Gibson. See you tomorrow!!!

Jesus H...

Dear future American Idol contestants,

In preparation for your audition for season eight of American Idol, please do not do the following:

1) go to jail
2) drink and drive
3) strip

That is all.

Love,
Lindsay & Brenna