First of all, congrats to my boys, the Pittsburgh Penguins, for clinching a playoff berth and distancing themselves further from the New Jersey Devils for the division lead!!! I could go on, but this isn't a hockey blog. I'll leave that to Seth at Empty Netters and the boys at The Pensblog.
Burning questions from tonight’s episode: Ramiele liked to bite people? Is David A. losing momentum? Was that Sara Ramirez from Grey’s Anatomy in the audience? Can David C. actually win this thing? And what the F was Paula wearing?!
Each of the contestants are singing a song from the year in which they were born, which makes me feel really old.
Ramiele is leading off, singing Heart’s “Alone.” Ladies of American Idol, I beg you to retire this song for these reasons: a) it’s an awesome song, and very few people can come close to the original, and b) that one contestant who could sang the crap out of it a few seasons back, and everyone watching this show is thinking of her while you’re singing. Ramiele apparently didn’t get the memo. Little tiny parts of the song aren’t terrible, but overall it’s a trainwreck. Apparently she’s sick. I don’t care.
Happy birthday, Jason! I feel like Jason peaked way too early, and nothing is going to live up to his semifinals performances. He sings “Fragile,” by Sting, which I’ve never heard before tonight. It was kind of boring but he’s obviously back in his element. I have a note that he should enunciate more, but then Randy says something about Spanish… was he speaking Spanish? I really couldn’t tell, because he was mumbling through the entire song. It’s ok, but I’m not overly impressed.
Dear Syesha, stop doing the baby cry. Thank you. She sings “If I Were Your Woman” and absolutely nails it. I think she’s certainly got talent and can potentially stick around for awhile. I’m not motivated to vote for her though, and that lack of connection will be her eventual downfall.
Chekezie sings “If Only For One Night,” another song I’m not familiar with. He sounds good, but it’s a really boring song. I’m worried about him, and I want him to stick around so we can see his mom a few more times!
My girl Brooke tells us she learned the piano by ear. Wow. Do you guys realize how hard that is?? I took like six years of lessons and still suck. She tackles “Every Breath You Take,” and the first part is gorgeous – just her and the piano. But then the band kicks in halfway through, and it just doesn’t click. I agree with Simon and Randy – had she continued alone, it would have been gorgeous. She’s not in any danger though. Woo!
I’m really not sure where to start with Michael. On one hand, his medley of songs featured in the Mighty Ducks movies (a.k.a. “We Will Rock You” and “We Are the Champions”) was kind of awesome. On the other hand, it was totally cheesy. But on the first hand, he looked like he was actually having fun again. But on the other hand, I felt like I was at the Super Bowl. I think I’ll concede that it was kind of a “so bad it’s good” instance, and I think Michael is safe for another week.
Carly sings one of my favorites, “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” This is the first time I’ve actually really enjoyed one of her performances. I completely disagree with the judges, and I think she is superb. I do agree that the last few notes were off, but overall it was a solid performance. Again, not motivated enough to vote for her though.
Oh, Little David. I cry a little when he says he was born in 1990, and I cry a little more when he sings one of the worst songs the Idol stage has ever seen. Guys, it was TERRIBLE. The song was awful, his awkward dancing was awful, and he was off-pitch more often than not. Obviously he’s not going anywhere, but I really think he’d be better off co-headlining a tour with Hannah Montana & Zac Efron.
Our arch-nemesis, Kristy Lee, is next singing “God Bless the USA.” It’s another cheesy song with cheesy American flag graphics, but surprisingly it’s not the worst performance of the night. I refuse to waste any more words on her though.
And it’s up to David C. to close out the show. Guys, I think I really like him. Like, really really like him. I still have to kind of close my eyes when he performs, because I feel almost as dirty watching him as I do watching “Rock of Love,” but his version of “Billie Jean” tonight is AWESOME. It’s the only performance of the night that I’ll remember in a few days. I may actually download it from iTunes. And he may actually have a chance of winning this thing. If in late May, we’re watching him sing whatever terrible song won the songwriting contest this year while confetti is raining down, remember that on March 25, at 9:25 pm, I received this text message from Lindsay: “He is going to win.”
So there you have it, folks. I think the bottom three will be Ramiele, Chekezie, and Jason. I hate to say it, but I think Kristy Lee will get enough patriotic/sympathy votes to stay above the bubble this week.
Lindsay is back tomorrow with another round of Idol Madness, as well as the results recap!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Idol Madness: Mikalah vs. Kristy Lee
Mikalah Gordan, "Love Will Lead You Back", Season Four
vs.
Kristy Lee Cook, "Eight Days a Week", Season Seven
Guys, let me ask you: has there ever been, or will there ever be, a contestant on this show more obnoxious than Mikalah Gordon? Fran Drescher's mini-me came into our lives like a hurricane and much like a hurricane, left nothing but destruction and sadness in her wake. Her performance of "Love Will Lead You Back" during the second week of the finals was atrocious enough to not allow her to crack the top 10, meaning no one who paid good money to see Constantine eye-hump everyone would have Mikalah getting in the way.
On the other hand, someone who DID crack the top 10 and we'll have to suffer through on the tour is Kristy Lee f'ing Cook. Her off-key, crack-induced countrified performance of "Eight Days a Week" during Beatles' week pretty much annihilated the sanctity of the Fab Four. In fact, she's pretty much ruined every song she's touched. Remember when she sang Journey? That still pisses us off, too. So congratulations, KLC! We'll see you in the semifinals.
vs.
Kristy Lee Cook, "Eight Days a Week", Season Seven
Guys, let me ask you: has there ever been, or will there ever be, a contestant on this show more obnoxious than Mikalah Gordon? Fran Drescher's mini-me came into our lives like a hurricane and much like a hurricane, left nothing but destruction and sadness in her wake. Her performance of "Love Will Lead You Back" during the second week of the finals was atrocious enough to not allow her to crack the top 10, meaning no one who paid good money to see Constantine eye-hump everyone would have Mikalah getting in the way.
On the other hand, someone who DID crack the top 10 and we'll have to suffer through on the tour is Kristy Lee f'ing Cook. Her off-key, crack-induced countrified performance of "Eight Days a Week" during Beatles' week pretty much annihilated the sanctity of the Fab Four. In fact, she's pretty much ruined every song she's touched. Remember when she sang Journey? That still pisses us off, too. So congratulations, KLC! We'll see you in the semifinals.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Idol Madness: Carmen vs. Antonella
(Scroll down to see the Idol Sweet Sixteen bracket.)
Oh, Antonella. Where do we even start? How about talking about how I think of you anytime I pass the WWII Memorial here in DC, because you disgustingly and disrespectfully posed naked in its fountains? How about how obnoxious you and your BFF from New Jersey were during Hollywood Week? No, let’s get right to the heart of it, because this is, as Simon reminds us so frequently, a singing competition. She was just awful. AWFUL. I submit her attempt at Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” as Exhibit A. She tried to sex up a sappy ballad and failed miserably, falling flat on nearly every note, and acting almost as robotic as Kristy Lee does every week.
You know that sounds you used to make as a kid, when you’d talk into a fan and it made your voice vibrate? Carmen sounded like that ALL THE TIME. I wish she’d been as trashy as Antonella, because then she’d at least have been entertaining. But no, she was all Mormon and sitting on Clay’s lap and making us mad every week she was still there.
As awful and offensive as Antonella was, there’s no competition here. Carmen has to be our #1 Seed of Awful Performances, and has a solid season of absurdity to back it up. And while it’s not her fault, she’s got to take the prize on this one for the cheesy Casio keyboard sounding backup track, the screensaver behind her, and the sub-Gator Groove-level of production quality of season two. Congratulations, Carmen! You’re in the Elite Eight!
“Can’t Fight the Moonlight,” by Carmen Rasmussen, Season 2
versus
“I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing,” by Antonella Barba, Season 6
versus
“I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing,” by Antonella Barba, Season 6
Oh, Antonella. Where do we even start? How about talking about how I think of you anytime I pass the WWII Memorial here in DC, because you disgustingly and disrespectfully posed naked in its fountains? How about how obnoxious you and your BFF from New Jersey were during Hollywood Week? No, let’s get right to the heart of it, because this is, as Simon reminds us so frequently, a singing competition. She was just awful. AWFUL. I submit her attempt at Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” as Exhibit A. She tried to sex up a sappy ballad and failed miserably, falling flat on nearly every note, and acting almost as robotic as Kristy Lee does every week.
You know that sounds you used to make as a kid, when you’d talk into a fan and it made your voice vibrate? Carmen sounded like that ALL THE TIME. I wish she’d been as trashy as Antonella, because then she’d at least have been entertaining. But no, she was all Mormon and sitting on Clay’s lap and making us mad every week she was still there.
As awful and offensive as Antonella was, there’s no competition here. Carmen has to be our #1 Seed of Awful Performances, and has a solid season of absurdity to back it up. And while it’s not her fault, she’s got to take the prize on this one for the cheesy Casio keyboard sounding backup track, the screensaver behind her, and the sub-Gator Groove-level of production quality of season two. Congratulations, Carmen! You’re in the Elite Eight!
American Idol Madness
You didn’t think basketball was going to have all the fun, did you?
Below you will find our own American Idol Sweet Sixteen. These are the 16 performances that most stand out in our minds as being the most offensive, atrocious, or just downright wrong performances that have graced the Idol stage. We tried to give equal love to each season, but let’s face it, some seasons were just much more terrible than others. (We’re looking at you, season 5. It’s a good thing you gave us Daughtry and Yamin.)
Below you will find our own American Idol Sweet Sixteen. These are the 16 performances that most stand out in our minds as being the most offensive, atrocious, or just downright wrong performances that have graced the Idol stage. We tried to give equal love to each season, but let’s face it, some seasons were just much more terrible than others. (We’re looking at you, season 5. It’s a good thing you gave us Daughtry and Yamin.)
We will analyze each head-to-head match-up until we declare a Worst Idol Performance Ever. And please trust me when I say, we will not enjoy this.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
You've got to be kidding me.
Well, folks, it’s time to waste another hour of your life on product placement, filler, and weird sexual tension. Yep, it’s the results show! Ryan starts us off by telling us some of this year’s mentors, which include Andrew Lloyd Weber (Broadway week??) and Neil Diamond, which is appropriate because I watched Saving Silverman this weekend. He also reminds us that this year’s Idol crowning song will again be chosen from a songwriting contest, since apparently they didn’t get the memo that “This Is My Now” sucked really bad.
Everyone looks thoroughly bored in the medley, and I am thoroughly bored by it. And are the harmonies pre-recorded? That sounded way too good to be live. Let me also take this opportunity to say how sick I am of commercials for “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?”
The recap this week is worth it simply for Simon’s comment comparing Kristy Lee to musical wallpaper. I realize I had been singing “Daytripper” all day long, but I still can’t bring myself to watch David C. He’s just way too skeezy…
We’re finally to some substance in the show. Brooke is safe. Carly is sa – wait, in the bottom three?! What?! Something is wrong there. David A. is safe, and my ears are ringing from the screaming. Michael is safe. And that’s it for substance. We then take a look at how the Ford music video was made, prompting Michael to reference Susan Lucci. Awesome. The video sucks, as per usual.
Back to the lineup. David C. is still gross and safe. Kristy Lee is in the bottom three. (Hallelujah!) Jason is safe.
Oh goody, viewer calls! One caller gushes about how she loves the show, which reminds me of those old commercials we’d see on KBL and Fox Sports for “Sportsbeat.” You know, “Stan, Guy, love the show!” It’s a Pittsburgh thing. Anyways, one viewer asks if Simon and Paula would kiss again. Awkward sexual tension ensues. Ok, now I’m even more grossed out than I was when David C. was on screen.
And then it’s time for Kellie Pickler, who I couldn't stand as a contestant on Idol but kind of like now. Reason #1? She's dating a hockey player. Ladies, you heard it here first. Hockey players are all the rage. Celebrities should be lining up to date hockey players. First in line? Ellen Page? You're 20, attractive, and from Halifax. Guess who else is 20, attractive, and from Halifax? You'll thank me later. And oh yeah, go Pens. Anyways, Kellie sings her song about red high heels and flirts with Simon. Randy looks like he’s expecting a lap dance.
We’re next reminded that there’s another Idol Gives Back this year. Apparently they did not use the money for the Beatles catalog, but instead sent Elliott and Fantasia to Africa. Anyone else agree that it’s a really strange pairing?? Fantasia knocks Kristy Lee out of the ballpark with her version of “Amazing Grace.” Elliott almost makes me cry when he’s told there’s a baby being named after him. Damn, I loved him. This year, Idol Gives Back will feature Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, and… Dane Cook? I’m sorry, people, I can’t think of Dane Cook now without thinking of SNL’s spot-on spoofs of his MLB ads from last fall.
Finally, we’re back to the substance. Syesha is safe, Chikezie is safe, and Amanda is in the bottom three. I have a bad feeling about this, as Carly is sent to safety, leaving us with Amanda and Kristy Lee. Amanda is sent home, and I think Kristy Lee was actually pleading with her to switch places. I’m really pissed about this. We can’t even blame Vote for the Worst, since they were voting for Amanda. Good job, guys. At least this sets us up for our inaugural Idol countdown. Stay tuned for our list of the worst Idol performances of the last eight seasons.
All in all, the Beatles weeks were halfway successful. We had some great performances but lost two undeserving contestants, and now we’ll have to suffer through Ramiele and Kristy Lee on tour. Hopefully next week the show (and America) will come to their senses… but what am I saying, this is American Idol. And this is why we love it.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Beatles 2.0
So I said last week in my blog on the results that it would remain to be seen whether a repeat theme would be a good decision or not. You heard it here first--it's not. I think so many of the contestants kicked butt last week, that expectations were ridiculously high and the majority of the kids didn't deliver. Let's hope this is the last we see of the repeat themes. With that, let's kick it off.
This week, the gang is talking about memorable moments, which is just as interesting as you'd expect, so I won't bother recapping. Amanda is first, and she's going to sing "Back in the USSR." You guys, as soon as I heard she was doing this, it immediately reminded me of that HILARIOUS SNL spoof of Sex & The City when Xtina hosted and Amy Poehler as Carrie Bradshaw made a lot of really bad Carrie-esque jokes about dumping "the Russian." If you haven't seen it yet, you have to watch. Xtina is brilliant.
Anyway, so Amanda sings, and while I'm not disliking her as much as I had been, she's still not my favorite. She's actually singing the song, not mumbling, and she's more animated than we've seen her in weeks, but I still don't love this. Randy busts out a "pitchy" right out of the gate, which is just as predictable as Simon telling Amanda she could become boring. I have a feeling I'll have forgotten about this entire exchange by about 9:00 pm.
Next up is my arch nemesis Kristy Lee Cook. KLC decided to raid Cher's closet for her performance tonight I see, or maybe David Hernandez's. Hi-yo! She's holding stupid photo albums and Ryan shows pictures of her stupid horse to everyone. ENOUGH WITH THE HORSE. Kristy's singing "You Got to Hide Your Love Away" and it sucks, as per usual. I hate Kristy Lee. If she's not out this week, she is officially this season's Sanjaya. Simon basically tells her she's bland and boring, and I really hope she's gone after tomorrow night.
David A. is up and is singing "The Long & Winding Road." Dear God, please let him remember the lyrics. We're treated to a miserable reminder of his abysmal performance last week. Man, that was bad. I think he totally redeems himself this week. Another ballad, though. Maybe he's afraid if he does an uptempo one it will be like that time Kevin Covais did "Part Time Lover." Shudder. I still love David even though you can barely hear him sing for all the Hannah Montana screaming going on. I actually think he sounds a little like Elliott Yamin on this. No one can touch Elliott Yamin in my book, but in about ten years, I think David could have that kind of voice. I wish Elliott had won season five so bad. You guys should totally download his cover of "A Song for You." Anyway, good job lil David.
Michael aka Rufus Humphrey from Gossip Girl is singing "A Day in the Life"--yeesh, trying to arrange this song to be crammed into less than two minutes? How is this going to go? Answer: not good. The arrangement is all over the place. I hate this. And also, something that can't bode well for Michael--I never remember him. He's totally forgettable. Also, I think he's had Botox. His forehead is not. Moving. At. All. I think Michael generally has a good voice, but this doesn't showcase him well at all. Then he tries for the pity vote by saying the song was dedicated to his friend who died. Oh no you diiiiii'int, Rufus.
You guys, Beatles night round two sucks so far. Blah.
Up next is Brooke, who stole my heart last week. Call me, Brooke! Me thinks she is going to have a hard time living up to "Let it Be" from last week. I have to say, I would totally buy her album, and when she puts one out as she inevitably will, I hope she covers that song. OK, she's singing "Here Comes the Sun", and while I love Brooke to death, this performance is so contrived and weird. A weird "Woo!" and some random dancing and like skipping. Yikes. I think she really needs to either have her guitar or be behind the piano to feel comfortable, which I totally get. This is so awkward and not great. I don't love this. Aww, Brooke. She's kind of annoying when the judges are talking to her, too. I'm not worried about her though. She'll still be around. Be better next week, Brooke!
David C. is going to be doing Whitesnake's (OMG!) version of "Day Tripper." I really really really like David a lot...if I don't look at him. I cannot help it, there is just something soooo skeevy about him. Also, he slipped into Constantine mode a couple of times there with the attempt at a smoldering eye. Yuck. His voice is really good though, and I can't deny he's very talented. He does something with some voice box thing that sounds like Peter Frampton in that Geico commercial...do you feeeeel like I feeeeeel? Anyway, there's only room for one Cook in this kitchen, and it's clearly NOT Kristy Lee. Go David!
Carly is probably going to make me cry, because she's doing "Blackbird" and that song reminds me of my dad and my childhood. Miss you, Dad! Like you're going to read this blog ever. Mom, print this out and make Dad read it. Anyway, Carly's wearing a blouse that Angela from season three of Project Runway apparently designed. It's so hard for me to be objective about this, because I love this song. I think she sounds great. I've always liked Carly, even if she's never been my favorite. I think she's consistently good and really has star quality. God, why is everyone talking so much? Carly, you're wrecking it because you're explaining too much. SHHHH.
Jason is so cute. I just love him. He just seems so bewildered all of the time. He tells us he's going to be singing "Michelle" and I am too distracted by the rogue dread trying to escape from his head to pay much attention to what he's saying. The song is only okay. He's another one, like Brooke, who I think is uncomfortable without an instrument. He hits some clunker notes, and I'm officially bored with this performance--and I LIKE Jason. Beatles two weeks in a row was a bad idea, officially. He nailed the French words though--I think.
Syesha tells us in her interview package that she chose to sing "Yesterday", because the song "touched" her and she "wants to touch everyone else as much as she's been touched." Dude, you're on the wrong show. If you want to touch people, try Rock of Love next time. Or the Real World. I don't like her with straight hair. I was nervous about her doing this song, but she's not bad. She's not amazing, but she's got a pretty voice and does a nice job with the song. I have a feeling she may be in the bottom three again, just because she's kind of meh. I don't see her as the winner, but Syesha is definitely not the worst voice in the competition. She's pleasant and lovely, albeit slightly boring.
Up next is Chikezie singing "I've Just Seen a Face" and he apparently randomly taught himself harmonica, which he's going to attempt to play tonight. Dude, no. Just no. I love you, but come on. The tempo feels a bit off at the beginning, but maybe that's how the song goes. I don't know this song, I have to admit. I think Chikezie has a really great voice and is awesome in general, but this performance is blah. NOT as good as last week, not by a mile. Damn, tonight sucks so bad.
In the pimp spot is sweet, boring Ramiele. She sings "I Should've Known Better" and it's okay. I was betting Simon would trot out one of his usual comments like "cruise ship" or "high school talent show" about it, but he doesn't. Ramiele is another one like Syesha--not the worst voice, but totally meh and forgettable. I feel like she lost a lot of her spirit when Danny got the boot.
So recap of the night--top spots for me go to the Davids and probably Carly. Kristy Lee totally deserves to be in the bottom and to go home, and I'm not sure who should join her. I have a feeling Syesha might be there because of the blah factor, but she was one of the better ones tonight. I think Grandpa Michael's in danger too. We'll see what America thinks. Bren will take you through the results tomorrow night and performances next week. Here's hoping she gets a decent theme to recap! Cheers!
This week, the gang is talking about memorable moments, which is just as interesting as you'd expect, so I won't bother recapping. Amanda is first, and she's going to sing "Back in the USSR." You guys, as soon as I heard she was doing this, it immediately reminded me of that HILARIOUS SNL spoof of Sex & The City when Xtina hosted and Amy Poehler as Carrie Bradshaw made a lot of really bad Carrie-esque jokes about dumping "the Russian." If you haven't seen it yet, you have to watch. Xtina is brilliant.
Anyway, so Amanda sings, and while I'm not disliking her as much as I had been, she's still not my favorite. She's actually singing the song, not mumbling, and she's more animated than we've seen her in weeks, but I still don't love this. Randy busts out a "pitchy" right out of the gate, which is just as predictable as Simon telling Amanda she could become boring. I have a feeling I'll have forgotten about this entire exchange by about 9:00 pm.
Next up is my arch nemesis Kristy Lee Cook. KLC decided to raid Cher's closet for her performance tonight I see, or maybe David Hernandez's. Hi-yo! She's holding stupid photo albums and Ryan shows pictures of her stupid horse to everyone. ENOUGH WITH THE HORSE. Kristy's singing "You Got to Hide Your Love Away" and it sucks, as per usual. I hate Kristy Lee. If she's not out this week, she is officially this season's Sanjaya. Simon basically tells her she's bland and boring, and I really hope she's gone after tomorrow night.
David A. is up and is singing "The Long & Winding Road." Dear God, please let him remember the lyrics. We're treated to a miserable reminder of his abysmal performance last week. Man, that was bad. I think he totally redeems himself this week. Another ballad, though. Maybe he's afraid if he does an uptempo one it will be like that time Kevin Covais did "Part Time Lover." Shudder. I still love David even though you can barely hear him sing for all the Hannah Montana screaming going on. I actually think he sounds a little like Elliott Yamin on this. No one can touch Elliott Yamin in my book, but in about ten years, I think David could have that kind of voice. I wish Elliott had won season five so bad. You guys should totally download his cover of "A Song for You." Anyway, good job lil David.
Michael aka Rufus Humphrey from Gossip Girl is singing "A Day in the Life"--yeesh, trying to arrange this song to be crammed into less than two minutes? How is this going to go? Answer: not good. The arrangement is all over the place. I hate this. And also, something that can't bode well for Michael--I never remember him. He's totally forgettable. Also, I think he's had Botox. His forehead is not. Moving. At. All. I think Michael generally has a good voice, but this doesn't showcase him well at all. Then he tries for the pity vote by saying the song was dedicated to his friend who died. Oh no you diiiiii'int, Rufus.
You guys, Beatles night round two sucks so far. Blah.
Up next is Brooke, who stole my heart last week. Call me, Brooke! Me thinks she is going to have a hard time living up to "Let it Be" from last week. I have to say, I would totally buy her album, and when she puts one out as she inevitably will, I hope she covers that song. OK, she's singing "Here Comes the Sun", and while I love Brooke to death, this performance is so contrived and weird. A weird "Woo!" and some random dancing and like skipping. Yikes. I think she really needs to either have her guitar or be behind the piano to feel comfortable, which I totally get. This is so awkward and not great. I don't love this. Aww, Brooke. She's kind of annoying when the judges are talking to her, too. I'm not worried about her though. She'll still be around. Be better next week, Brooke!
David C. is going to be doing Whitesnake's (OMG!) version of "Day Tripper." I really really really like David a lot...if I don't look at him. I cannot help it, there is just something soooo skeevy about him. Also, he slipped into Constantine mode a couple of times there with the attempt at a smoldering eye. Yuck. His voice is really good though, and I can't deny he's very talented. He does something with some voice box thing that sounds like Peter Frampton in that Geico commercial...do you feeeeel like I feeeeeel? Anyway, there's only room for one Cook in this kitchen, and it's clearly NOT Kristy Lee. Go David!
Carly is probably going to make me cry, because she's doing "Blackbird" and that song reminds me of my dad and my childhood. Miss you, Dad! Like you're going to read this blog ever. Mom, print this out and make Dad read it. Anyway, Carly's wearing a blouse that Angela from season three of Project Runway apparently designed. It's so hard for me to be objective about this, because I love this song. I think she sounds great. I've always liked Carly, even if she's never been my favorite. I think she's consistently good and really has star quality. God, why is everyone talking so much? Carly, you're wrecking it because you're explaining too much. SHHHH.
Jason is so cute. I just love him. He just seems so bewildered all of the time. He tells us he's going to be singing "Michelle" and I am too distracted by the rogue dread trying to escape from his head to pay much attention to what he's saying. The song is only okay. He's another one, like Brooke, who I think is uncomfortable without an instrument. He hits some clunker notes, and I'm officially bored with this performance--and I LIKE Jason. Beatles two weeks in a row was a bad idea, officially. He nailed the French words though--I think.
Syesha tells us in her interview package that she chose to sing "Yesterday", because the song "touched" her and she "wants to touch everyone else as much as she's been touched." Dude, you're on the wrong show. If you want to touch people, try Rock of Love next time. Or the Real World. I don't like her with straight hair. I was nervous about her doing this song, but she's not bad. She's not amazing, but she's got a pretty voice and does a nice job with the song. I have a feeling she may be in the bottom three again, just because she's kind of meh. I don't see her as the winner, but Syesha is definitely not the worst voice in the competition. She's pleasant and lovely, albeit slightly boring.
Up next is Chikezie singing "I've Just Seen a Face" and he apparently randomly taught himself harmonica, which he's going to attempt to play tonight. Dude, no. Just no. I love you, but come on. The tempo feels a bit off at the beginning, but maybe that's how the song goes. I don't know this song, I have to admit. I think Chikezie has a really great voice and is awesome in general, but this performance is blah. NOT as good as last week, not by a mile. Damn, tonight sucks so bad.
In the pimp spot is sweet, boring Ramiele. She sings "I Should've Known Better" and it's okay. I was betting Simon would trot out one of his usual comments like "cruise ship" or "high school talent show" about it, but he doesn't. Ramiele is another one like Syesha--not the worst voice, but totally meh and forgettable. I feel like she lost a lot of her spirit when Danny got the boot.
So recap of the night--top spots for me go to the Davids and probably Carly. Kristy Lee totally deserves to be in the bottom and to go home, and I'm not sure who should join her. I have a feeling Syesha might be there because of the blah factor, but she was one of the better ones tonight. I think Grandpa Michael's in danger too. We'll see what America thinks. Bren will take you through the results tomorrow night and performances next week. Here's hoping she gets a decent theme to recap! Cheers!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Way to be subtle, Fox.
Hey guys, Lindsay here. Results night! My favorite way to waste an hour on Wednesdays from March through May. Coming in second--America's Next Top Model. You guys, how awesome would it be to have Tyra Banks as a guest judge? I would pay money to hear her tell David Cook that he needs to accentuate his neck or tell Syesha she has dead eyes. Really, if you guys aren't watching that show you are totally missing out.
Oh great, just what the show needs--Jim Carrey in an elephant costume. The best thing about it is he's sitting across the aisle from Carly's husband, whose face is covered in tattoos. You know that dude is thinking, "FINALLY, someone else is in here for people to stare at."
Ryan tells us that because of the overwhelming response to the show last night, the theme next week will continue to be songs from the Lennon/McCartney songbook. I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing. It could possibly be a good thing if Kristy Lee gets eliminated and David A. actually learns the words to his song. Jury's still out on this. The gang comes out for a group sing. Observations during the group number:
1) Kristy Lee needs to just give up now.
2) David A.'s collar is popped. Gross.
3) Michael appears to either be sweating heavily or spitting a lot when he has a solo.
Group sing over, back from commercials and we're into last night's recap. Blah blah, Chikezie was awesome, blah blah Syesha and Ramiele were boring, blah blah Kristy Lee and David A. were hot messes, and time for the results. Ryan asks Carly, Michael, Jason and Syesha to stand up. If anyone out there didn't know how this was going to play out, you clearly are a rookie at watching this show. Of course Carly, Gramps and Jason are safe, and Syesha's in the bottom three. Ryan asks her to sing her song again, and WTF? So instead of watching one loser sing, we have to sit through three of them??? Whose brilliant idea was this? ARGH. And I'm watching live, so I can't fast forward. BOO.
We come back from the real commercials to our very first FORD commercial of the season. Fox apparently decided it would be a good idea to take an awesome Cake song and turn it into an election-themed music video/commercial. Yikes. After the spot, Ryan tells us we're going to see a tape of the kids talking about the ride of American Idol, but it's really just another excuse to pimp out "Horton Hears a Who" some more. Footage of the kids at the premiere of the movie, more Jim Carrey, interviews, and--STEVE CARELL!!! How kick ass would it be if Michael Scott were a guest judge? There's a hilarious clip of Amanda getting excited about having just met the lead singer of REO Speedwagon, and Ramiele's in the frame with this priceless face like, "REO who? Speedwagon? Is that a new model of FORD?"
Time for the next group of results. Ryan asks Chikezie, Amanda, Kristy Lee and David to stand up. Way to not even have a semblance of suspense there, Seacrest. Kristy Lee clearly knows she's in the bottom and I think she even tells David that. Good to know she's at least self-aware. She is indeed in bottom three and she twangs her way through the song again. Oh God, after the commercials we'll have our first round of viewer call-ins...
...which I'm not even going to talk about because this shit is so obviously scripted, and it's a lame way to fill time. Another thing I'm not going to talk about is the Kat McPhee/David Foster performance. If you want to see it, I'm sure it's on You Tube.
After Jim Carrey slobbers all over Seacrest, it's time for the final group. This one wasn't as easy for me to pick out. We have David A.--for the love of God, TURN DOWN YOUR COLLAR. Also, I hate his dad. Shut up, Jeff Archuleta. Anyway, David is clearly safe even though he bombed last night. Brooke is also clearly safe. Yay Brooke! It was a toss-up for me between David H. and Ramiele, because I thought both could do better, but "America" puts David H. in the bottom three. And by America, I clearly mean Fox. Dude, if David gets booted over Kristy effing Lee, I quit. David sings and is cheesy again, but I keep going back to his "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone" performance in my head, and I know he can be better.
Back from commercials, the judges and Ryan jibba jabba a bit about the bottom three and Ryan sends someone back to safety...and it's Syesha. She's the most deserving of the three, probably. Oh my god, seriously you guys??? Kristy Lee is SAFE???? To quote one Christian Siriano, Project Runway Season 4 winner: "I could just die of barf-ness." OMG, and the freakin' "Bad Day" of this season is a RUBEN STUDDARD song??? HAHAHAHA--it's so funny how they think Ruben is relevant. That seriously made me LOL even through my seething anger at these results. We watch David's video, and I would just love it if when it was over, he cued some music and started stripping to "Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend" ala Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley in that Chippendales SNL sketch.
Well, week one is done with most unsatisfying results. Next week, more Beatles songs and hopefully everyone's a bit more comfortable in their skin and we see something great. We'll be back! Cheers!
Oh great, just what the show needs--Jim Carrey in an elephant costume. The best thing about it is he's sitting across the aisle from Carly's husband, whose face is covered in tattoos. You know that dude is thinking, "FINALLY, someone else is in here for people to stare at."
Ryan tells us that because of the overwhelming response to the show last night, the theme next week will continue to be songs from the Lennon/McCartney songbook. I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing. It could possibly be a good thing if Kristy Lee gets eliminated and David A. actually learns the words to his song. Jury's still out on this. The gang comes out for a group sing. Observations during the group number:
1) Kristy Lee needs to just give up now.
2) David A.'s collar is popped. Gross.
3) Michael appears to either be sweating heavily or spitting a lot when he has a solo.
Group sing over, back from commercials and we're into last night's recap. Blah blah, Chikezie was awesome, blah blah Syesha and Ramiele were boring, blah blah Kristy Lee and David A. were hot messes, and time for the results. Ryan asks Carly, Michael, Jason and Syesha to stand up. If anyone out there didn't know how this was going to play out, you clearly are a rookie at watching this show. Of course Carly, Gramps and Jason are safe, and Syesha's in the bottom three. Ryan asks her to sing her song again, and WTF? So instead of watching one loser sing, we have to sit through three of them??? Whose brilliant idea was this? ARGH. And I'm watching live, so I can't fast forward. BOO.
We come back from the real commercials to our very first FORD commercial of the season. Fox apparently decided it would be a good idea to take an awesome Cake song and turn it into an election-themed music video/commercial. Yikes. After the spot, Ryan tells us we're going to see a tape of the kids talking about the ride of American Idol, but it's really just another excuse to pimp out "Horton Hears a Who" some more. Footage of the kids at the premiere of the movie, more Jim Carrey, interviews, and--STEVE CARELL!!! How kick ass would it be if Michael Scott were a guest judge? There's a hilarious clip of Amanda getting excited about having just met the lead singer of REO Speedwagon, and Ramiele's in the frame with this priceless face like, "REO who? Speedwagon? Is that a new model of FORD?"
Time for the next group of results. Ryan asks Chikezie, Amanda, Kristy Lee and David to stand up. Way to not even have a semblance of suspense there, Seacrest. Kristy Lee clearly knows she's in the bottom and I think she even tells David that. Good to know she's at least self-aware. She is indeed in bottom three and she twangs her way through the song again. Oh God, after the commercials we'll have our first round of viewer call-ins...
...which I'm not even going to talk about because this shit is so obviously scripted, and it's a lame way to fill time. Another thing I'm not going to talk about is the Kat McPhee/David Foster performance. If you want to see it, I'm sure it's on You Tube.
After Jim Carrey slobbers all over Seacrest, it's time for the final group. This one wasn't as easy for me to pick out. We have David A.--for the love of God, TURN DOWN YOUR COLLAR. Also, I hate his dad. Shut up, Jeff Archuleta. Anyway, David is clearly safe even though he bombed last night. Brooke is also clearly safe. Yay Brooke! It was a toss-up for me between David H. and Ramiele, because I thought both could do better, but "America" puts David H. in the bottom three. And by America, I clearly mean Fox. Dude, if David gets booted over Kristy effing Lee, I quit. David sings and is cheesy again, but I keep going back to his "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone" performance in my head, and I know he can be better.
Back from commercials, the judges and Ryan jibba jabba a bit about the bottom three and Ryan sends someone back to safety...and it's Syesha. She's the most deserving of the three, probably. Oh my god, seriously you guys??? Kristy Lee is SAFE???? To quote one Christian Siriano, Project Runway Season 4 winner: "I could just die of barf-ness." OMG, and the freakin' "Bad Day" of this season is a RUBEN STUDDARD song??? HAHAHAHA--it's so funny how they think Ruben is relevant. That seriously made me LOL even through my seething anger at these results. We watch David's video, and I would just love it if when it was over, he cued some music and started stripping to "Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend" ala Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley in that Chippendales SNL sketch.
Well, week one is done with most unsatisfying results. Next week, more Beatles songs and hopefully everyone's a bit more comfortable in their skin and we see something great. We'll be back! Cheers!
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