I don't believe I can fly.

Eleventy billion people probably voted last night. We've got Bon Jovi AND Phillip Phillips. And hopefully Nicki showed up on time. THIS is American Idol.

Okay, so after the top 10 is paraded out and we see a montage of last night (still think Nicki was on crackalack saying that Amber was the best of the night but whatevs),  Ryan goes straight to some form of results. But this year instead of just the bottom three, we're also going to see the top three, and some other sort of ranking system in between? Like what the X Factor did? Or what?

Anyway, so we hear about Devin, Janelle and Candice first. Devin got 25% of the vote in Puerto Rico. Janelle got some percentage in Tennessee, I missed it. And Candice got 40 some percent of the vote in South Carolina. She is also the first person into the top three. Yeah Candice! So wait does that mean she's in first place? I'm confused, RYAN.

Group sing. Lord. I think it's some song from Brave based on the stuff in the background but I can't be sure. Guess what?? Kree is also in the top three! So far so good here, I'm definitely on board with these votes.

Now we get some Bon Jovi. I've decided that Bon Jovi : Idol :: Justin Timberlake : SNL. He just basically shows up once or twice a season since the year Blake was on. As a mentor or performer, whatever. I still love him. Dude doesn't age.

Oh man, I forgot about this thing. So the sixth place guy and girl from last week are coming back to sing for our votes to be on the tour. And the guy....is Charlie. Oh man. He's less crazy than normal. The girl is Aubrey. So now people vote and one of them gets to go on tour. I could not be less interested in this.

So now we are treated (I guess?) by a performance of Phillip Phillips and his new song "Gone Gone Gone." Dude is already sweaty and he just started. Ease up, bro. Okay, I am actually really enjoying this song. I think I maybe liked him deep down the parts of the show I watched last year but I couldn't get past his Dave Matthews mannerisms or something.

Angie got 17% of the vote in Florida, but apparently Lazaro beat her? But we don't hear his percentage. Oh wow, Angie's also in the top three! Totes agree with this entire top three. Good job America!

After the break we get the rest of the rankings. Fourth place is Lazaro. He's so cute, you guys. I don't care if people don't like him. Amber is in fifth place. Janelle is in sixth place. Sorry for the format of this paragraph but this is basically all that is happening right now. Seventh place is Burnell. OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING TO CUTE PAUL. WHY IS HE IN THE BOTTOOMMMMM??

So the bottom three is Paul, Curtis and Devin. Eighth place is CUTE PAUL! Whew! That was a close one. I really don't care either way which guy gets eliminated here, sorry. Neither one were very good last night.

We're back after the final break. Ryan reminds us of the save which these judges so are not using tonight. The person with the lowest number of votes is Curtis. I'm not at all surprised by this. Curtis was not good last night. He's singing, imagine that, "I Believe I Can Fly"--noooooo. We already had to sit through this once. Blargh. Also his shirt is like a bad Magic Eye poster.

We go to Randy for the final verdict. The judges decision is--no save. Well, duh. Nicki is so mad. She starts bitching about how there wasn't enough time to make the call. NICKI--he was TERRIBLE last night. This is not an undeserved boot.

So that's our first big cut. Nine more weeks of this to go hahaha! See you on Wednesday!

Some people wait a lifetime.

We here at MSHBB headquarters are actually really excited for tonight. First of all, we generally approve of this year's top 10. Second, the theme is not the dreaded "year you were born" theme - wherein someone would inevitably sing Waterfalls because they were born in 1995 and make us really, really depressed. No, this year we're kicking things off with songs previous Idols have either covered or released. I hope someone sings Sorry 2004. THIS... is American Idol, season 12. Finally.

Um, so only three of the judges come out to start. WHERE IS NICKI?! She is apparently stuck in traffic, which is absurd, because I know traffic is bad in LA, but you kind of have to be live on television at a certain time. Ryan jokes with the judges about draining the gas from her car, and Mariah has a look that suggest she actually might have. 

Curtis is up first, and he wants to be like Luther Vandross. He's singing I Believe, Fantasia's coronation song. He's also wearing a blazer that looks like it was made from the von Trapp family's leftover curtains. It's not that great. The judges agree. Randy, after misguidedly liking his jacket, suggests that he doesn't get into the habit of doing the same thing every week. I agree, but I don't think he's going anywhere anytime soon.

Janelle is next and sits down with Ryan to tell a very long story about meeting some guy from Rascal Flatts at their hotel. She wants to do real country, not "watered-down" pop country, which means I won't like her at all. She's going to sing a song called Gone, which Scotty #oldladyvote McCreary sang during season 10. I'm surprised she didn't pick a Carrie song, but since I sort of like her, I guess that's watered-down country. Anyway, she sounds pretty good through most of the song, and she definitely has great stage presence. Nicki has finally arrived, and she is wearing a black hood with sunglasses that have cat ears on them, because she clearly didn't have time for makeup and wardrobe. The judges didn't love her song choice but all praise her stage presence and personality.

BTW, the new stage this year is FANCY. Remember back in Kelly's day when they basically sang in front of a giant TV screen that basically showed screen savers?

Devin, aka Hispanic Clay Aiken, wants to be like Josh Groban and Michael Buble, aka he wants to be this year's #oldladyvote. He's singing a Carrie song I'm not familiar with, but predictably it's a ballad. He's also wearing a printed blazer. Were they on sale at Nordstrom or something? It's quite underwhelming, to be honest. He sounds fine, but it's just... blah. Keith says it sounded like he had no confidence, which I also agree with. Oh good, Nicki got makeup during the commercial! She loved it. Randy calls it safe. Mariah agrees.

Ryan teases us before the commercial that Angie is singing the song Kelly sang during her top 4 week, and I'm disappointed in my lack of memory of this, because I take pride in remembering those sort of things. Jimmy tells her that he sometimes feels like he's watching a beauty pageant with her. Yikes. Oh! She's singing I Surrender. I looooooved this when Kelly did it. I hope Angie kills this one. Oh, also, Angie is wearing a leather dress. She sounds fantastic, but now that Jimmy has mentioned it, she is making pageant faces at the camera. The judges all adore her. Nicki calls her flawless. They must reeeaaallllyyy  want a female winner this year.

Cute Paul time! Jimmy tells him this isn't Les Mis, aka he's over-singing. Unfortunately, Paul chooses another song covered by #oldladyvote. It's that Amazed song that was everywhere in the early 2000s. Gawd, I hated this song. And it's soooo overdone. But Paul is still really cute, so he's getting a free pass around here no matter what. Really though, he sounds pretty good, even if the song sucks. The judges are all very complimentary, and they note that he took constructive criticism, and then miraculously, Mariah offers more constructive criticism. He's definitely safe this week, the teenage girls will eat this up. (As will Lindsay and me.)

Candice is up next. She's doing I Have Nothing, which was the one Jordin Sparks KILLED in season 6. I actually just watched it last week, it's one of my favorite performances by anyone on this show, and it's still amazing. (That was the same week the girl cried over Sanjaya, remember? And Blake was super sexy.) Anyway, this has a lot of potential, and it completely exceeds it. The song was already dead, and now it's even more dead. Seriously, I can't even write anything, it was so good. The judges all give her a well-deserved standing ovation.

Aw, Lazaro. He's singing Breakaway, by the original Idol Kelly. I'm glad someone finally picked a song that wasn't a cover, even if it's not even in my top 10 of Kelly's songs. It was just ok, and probably not the best song choice for him, which the judges all agree with.

Time for Kree! She's singing Crying, which Carrie covered. She sounds beautiful, as per usual. Keith falls all over her and calls her baby. Nicki, I think, compares her to waffles and syrup. Randy and Mariah also love her. I'd be ok with a Candice/Kree finale.

Two people left, which means two chances for someone to do Cookster's version of Always Be My Baby. Burnell is next, and he's doing Flying Without Wings, Ruben's coronation song. Really? Of all of the songs people on this show have sung? I would've preferred him to sing Sorry 2004, but I guess we can't all win. Gawd, this song is sooooo boring. And it's not even good. And he doesn't sound that great either. Blah. The judges all bite their tongues and dance around any sort of real criticism. Also, there was so much fog it's still lingering around the judges. Cue a Pope joke.

Amber is in the pimp spot, which is a little surprising. She must have a good song... and it's A Moment Like This. Don't get me wrong, I have been known to belt this song now and again in my car, but of all of Kelly's songs, is that really the one you want to choose? Anyway. She's literally on a platform with a wind machine and spotlights. And I covet her outfit. She sings it beautifully, but I'm not jumping out of my chair. The judges give her the second standing O of the night. Nicki erroneously calls it the best performance of the night - did you forget Candice already?!?! Or Kree?

So that's our top 10! There was no one that was outright terrible. My top 3 would be Candice, Kree, and Angie. I think Devin or Curtis could be in danger. Lindsay will guide you through the results tomorrow night! Till then!

From 20 to 10

It's taken almost two months, but we're finally ready to whittle these kids down to the top 10. Has it always taken this long to get to this point, or am I just older and tired?

Ryan explains the convoluted process that we'll be going through this evening to get to that top 10. Some sort of walk down an aisle into a room with video screens, out into a Hunger Games/Capitol like ampitheater where they'll sing a victory song if they've made it? Okay then. And this apparently will take 90 minutes, meaning I'll have to start Project Runway late.

Blahblah, judges intro, family intro, get on with it Ryan. I'm actually really eager to hear this group. I feel like the guys could go either way. I have my theories on the girls. There is a lot of talent in this top 20, actually, aside from like, Donut and Charlie, so maybe the judges sort of know what they're doing?

Oh my God, montage of auditions. WHY. We just saw all this! And of course we go to a commercial 6 minutes in without revealing anything. We're doing the guys first. Yet another montage, this time from last night. LONGEST RECAP EVER MY GOD. Almost 15 minutes in and we're finally getting to some results. The first guy in is CUTE PAUL JOLLEY! This is kind of anticlimatic, with Ryan and these ten guys in this little room that you know stinks like sweat and desperation.

Anyway, so now cute Paul is getting to sing. His victory song is "Alone" by Heart, aka one of the songs that's been done to death on this show, but it's Cute Paul.  He sounds pretty great, but it's a weird pick considering how he was all, I want to be country/pop last night. Whatevs, he's in. Sorry, I ain't got time for this judge feedback tonight, fast forward.

Okay, so the second guy is getting the news and it's....Burnell! Awesome, he was great last night. He's singing "Ready for Love" by India Arie and I love love love LOVE this song. We had this acoustic singer come to our college once and he did one of the most beautiful covers of this song I've ever heard. I wish I could remember his name. Anyway, Burnell sounds great. So far I approve of America's choices.

Commercials. Only three male spots left. And one of them goes to Curtis Finch Jr. I mean, I think Curtis is pretty awesome vocally but that song last night was SO LAME. I'm getting kind of nervous because I really like Lazaro and Nick and Elijah and clearly all three of them aren't going to make it, so. Eff. Curtis sings his victory song which is "Cloud 9" by John Legend. I don't actually know this song so I resorted to my old standby of Googling random lyrics.

God, more commercials. Who is going to take male spot #4? Devin Velez--wow, I actually didn't see that coming, even though I thought his performance was really nice last night. He seemed kind of under the radar to me. He's singing a song called "The Power of One" and continues to remind me of Clay. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but it's there. Maybe it's the dorky dancing? LOL. His crazy mom screams some more. That's going to get really old during the rest of the live shows.

After the break, we're finding out who is taking that final spot in the top 10 for the guys. It's Lazaro! OMG I am so excited. Aww he's like spazzing out to one of the band members about his song, he is just so cute. I am sad about Nick and Elijah though. This is a very talented group of men, I think. Lazaro is singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" which will never ever not make Brenna and I think of Clay. He sounds great though. This arrangement is like really slow or something, wonder what's up with that? I'm really happy for him.

So we're saying goodbye to Charlie (whew), Nick, Elijah, Vincent (boo to all three) and Cortez. Sad. 
And now it's time for the girls. This will be interesting because of how it's been shoved down our throats that THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE GIRL.  After a commercial, of course.

Recap of Tuesday night, blah blah. Lots of girls. If Tenna makes the top 10 I am convinced we'll see her vagina. Here comes Ryan to start delivering the big news. The first one in is Janelle Arthur, country girl extraordinaire. I'm surprised but not. She wasn't that great on Tuesday but Americans love their country, so. Her victory song is "Home" by Dierks Bentley. I am not familiar with this song at all. She sounds a lot better tonight than she did on Tuesday, so that's a plus.

ANOTHER COMMERCIAL. Ryan calls this a "supersized top ten reveal episode" hahaha. The second girl is Candice Glover. Yeah Candice! I feel like I'm not going to be able to say a lot about her performance because she always just blows it away. She is working the HELL out of "I'm Going Down" by Mary J. She is so much better than this show, seriously. That was pretty much flawless. LOL and Curtis like tackles her, nice.

Okay, more results without a commercial, thank God! Girl number three iiiiiiiiiissssssssssss....Angie Miller, YAY! Three for three with girls results here, I just hope Janelle didn't take Kree's spot, because I'd rather Kree but we're doing fine here. Angie is going to sing "I Was Here" by Beyonce for her victory song. Man, Angie is really good too. And probably super marketable. I feel like she would make a Kelly Clarkson-ish record. And we love us some Kelly over here.

So only two spots left. The fourth place in the top ten goes to Amber Holcomb. Amber is so cute. I love her outfit right now. I didn't really like her Whitney song the other night (was that her?) but I hope she's better tonight because she's inoffensive enough, haha. Her victory jam is "I'm Every Woman", so, Whitney again. Guess we know who her influences are. She sounds way better tonight than she did the other night. Though everyone seems to, maybe it's because people aren't voting for this.

We're finally to the end of this, and I have a feeling my DVR is going to cut off. Seriously, Ryan, KEEP THIS SHIT ON TIME. The last girl who makes it into the top 10 is Kree Harrison! Yeah Kree! OMG I'm sorry but I'm so happy that Donut didn't make it. Kree comes out to sing her victory song, and the girls all freak the fuck out when they see her. Her song is I don't know because my stupid recording cut off. DAMMIT.

Well, so that means Donut, Adriana, Breanna, Tenna and Aubrey are going home. See ya ladies.

This is actually a very good top ten. We should see some interesting performances in the coming weeks. We'll see you guys on Wednesday for more Idol fun!

Male call

So last night we were wowed (and also not) by the female contestants; tonight, it's the guys' turn. I'd be interested to see which of them are probably hung over after hanging out at a Vegas strip club all night. THIS is American Idol.

Blah blah, discussion about last night, the judges' expectations, whatever. I feel like I honestly can't remember a single guy in this top 10. Is the Turbanator gone? What about weird Charlie? Oh there's Charlie, wearing a tank top and FEATHER EARRING--is he channeling Ke$ha?? Oh and Lazaro is still here!

Elijah Liu is first. I don't know anything about him. He's cute. And looks young. Like an Asian Justin Bieber maybe.  Can I just say I hate those giant white tennis shoes with the big tongues that guys are wearing now? Bad trend. He's doing "Stay" by Rihanna. Interesting choice. He sounds great, actually, though, so maybe I like Elijah? The judges all love him, including his marketability, which face it, is like 80% of this show now. Except Randy who is mostly an idiot.

Commercials. We're back to see how Cortez Shaw does. I think Cortez is really attractive and has a great voice. But I did not love his performance last week. Oooh, he's doing "Knocked Out of Heaven", one of my current favorite jams. I feel like this is really heavy on the backing vocals, he's not really shining too much here. They cut to the judges and Mariah totally has a stank "WTF" face on. This is good, not great. The judges give feedback that I actually agree with, and it's constructive and makes sense. Which makes me think they all like Cortez as a contestant and want him to improve and succeed, versus "oh you look soooo pretty, but the song was just okay."

Up now is Charlie Askew. Who is growing a mustache. Why, God, why. And he's showing off his lucky turtle necklace? I'm a little scared of Charlie. What the hell is this?  Apparently it's "Mama" by Genesis. This is not good. I can appreciate that Charlie is a weirdo and socially awkward but that's not why I watch this show. NEXT. Keith, here is what people at home are saying right now: what. the actual. fuck. He's such a diplomatic judge. And now he's crying. This show is not for you, Charlie. May the odds be NEVER in your favor.

Nick Boddington is after the commercial. I think I like Nick. He's discussing song selection with Ryan. He seems like a really nice, cool dude. He's playing the piano and singing "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls, which I was OBSESSED with for a while. This sounds really great to start. I really respond to Nick's type of voice. I really like this, but Brenna and I are having a discussion currently about WHY DO THESE PEOPLE SING BALLADS ALL THE TIME??? If I didn't like Nick, I'd be all, zzzzz over here. Anyway, I'm on board with him.

There is literally a commercial before every contestant. This show is so long. Now we have Burnell Taylor. I remember liking Burnell a lot in the previous rounds. Oh apparently he lost a bunch of weight between his first audition and now. Speaking as someone who lost 40 lbs in the past year, my hat is off to you, sir. Burnell is wearing a BAD outfit and singing some song about tall trees?? What is this song? OH, it's a JHUD song, called "I'm Here" haha. Burnell turns it OUT. He is amazing. Even though I didn't know the song, I was into the performance. I would venture to say that Burnell is probably safe.

Five down, five to go. Whew. Also Ryan tweeted that he was getting a haircut yesterday but it looks the same to me. Cute Paul Jolley is up next. And yes, that is his official name here on the blog. He tells a cute story about meeting Carrie. Cute cute cute. Cute. He's singing "Just a Fool", the Blake Shelton/Xtina duet. Brenna asked if this is reality singing show warfare--singing a song by The Voice judges on Idol. HA. He sounds really great on this song. It's really well suited to his voice. Nailed it. Probably the teenage girls who like country are lining up to vote. Ew, did he just say he wants to be the male Taylor Swift?? Paul, call us. We can help.  Cute.

After the break, we have Lazaro Arbos. I know that Lazaro is somewhat of a polarizing contestant this year, but I have to say, I love him. He is one of the first "sob stories" the show has given us that I've responded to. This isn't like a blind Scott thing where he just had an okay voice but everyone was nice because he's blind. Yes, it's awkward to hear him speak, but his singing voice is really just beautiful. And that is supposed to be the point of this show. He's singing "Feeling Good" and sounds great, if a little loungey. I don't think there's a bad note in there. And he seems to be working the stage pretty well for someone who has battled confidence issues. 

Curtis Finch, Jr. is up after the eleventy billionth commercial. I remember Curtis being really good too. Oh man, he's singing "I Believe I Can Fly"--seriously? Out of all the songs you can pick? Laaaaaaaame. Like I remember being in high school and we would mock seriously sing this at drama practice or some shit when someone had a good scene. I gotta say that Curtis has an awesome voice, I just wish he would have picked something a little less dorky to sing. He kills it, but the song has already been killed, so I don't know how much deader it can get. It's getting super preachy in Vegas right now and I'm a little uncomfy haha.

Break time AGAIN and then we're back with Devin Velez. His mom is crazy, kind of, and screams a lot. Devin is wearing a bright red sweater and a bow tie and singing "It's Just Impossible." He is the new Clay Aiken except Hispanic. I mean, really. The tone of their voices is the same and he's kind of geeky and he dresses like a geek. Clay 2.0. He switches into Spanish again partway through the song. He sounds lovely, actually.

Vincent Powell is going to close out the show with some Boyz II Men. I hope it's "I'll Make Love to You" for some super awkward times. Vincent seems fun and likable. He's doing "End of the Road", which I'm sure someone will make an ironic comment about. This song was my jam back in the day. Vincent is really good. I feel like this is the first time I'm seeing him, which can't be true. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention in the Sudden Death! rounds. Keith just got something bleeped, and I don't know what it was. Wow, the judges weren't feeling it. I really liked this, I don't know.

Anyway, so that's the guys! My faves tonight were Elijah, Nick, Lazaro, Cute Paul and Vincent. I'm not sure where America will go with this. I really hope they put poor Charlie out of his misery and send him home. I'll recap tomorrow night's 90 minute (UGH!) results show and after that we'll FINALLY have our top ten!

Top 10 Girls, or, I know 30% of the songs.

FINALLY. We have alllllll the control. Or more likely, the teenage girls who actually care enough to vote these days have all the control. I don't think I've voted since Lee's year. THIS.... is American Idol.

Tonight we listen to the top 10 girls. I can't believe Donut is still around. She is kicking things off, and I can't wait to see this. Oh honey, formal shorts and tights are not a good look for most women. She's singing What's Love Got To Do With It and I can't understand half of the lyrics, and it's all over the place, but she hits some crazy notes at the end. Keith likes her exhibitionism. Nicki is way harsh, Tai. All of the judges keep praising her spirit, as if we were at cheerleading camp and giving out an award for the best jazz hands. They all agree that the singing was kind of a mess.

Breanna is up next. I have no idea what this song is, and it's kind of boring. She has a nice voice and could probably do something more exciting. She's also pantomiming the lyrics, which I haaaaate. Keith likes it, Nick cracks the whip and says it wasn't up to her standard, and again I somehow think Nicki is the best judge this year. Mariah starts off giving some interesting critique and then derails into "but there are so many great girls!" territory. Meh, I probably won't remember her at 10:00.

Oh gawd, Aubrey was 8 years old when she watched Kelly Clarkson. I was starting my senior year of college. We are SO OLD. She's singing Big Girls Don't Cry. She sounds fine, I guess, but the song isn't all that challenging. The judges really liked it. Randy says she gives off a Rihanna vibe when she's in her tender moments, and Mariah says she has multi-platinum potential. I don't know, she was kind of boring. Maybe it's just the show I'm bored with.

Janelle is from a small town, have you heard? She's singing a country song that - surprise! - I don't know. I long for the days when I knew every song that was performed on this show. This is also boring... can someone do something exciting tonight, please? It's not even 9:00 and I'm ready for bed. Nicki says she is a little marshmallow that she wants to eat and calls her the best vocal of the night so far. I guess it was, but I wasn't blown away. Randy likes her old school country vibe.

Some crab legs mysteriously appear out of nowhere at the judges' table. Seriously, real crab legs. I have no idea what's going on.

Tenna is up next, and she's wearing a very short, tight dress. And it's another song I don't know. I'm sorry, readers, I don't care enough to google them or anything. At first I thought it was that song that Jordin killed in season 6, but apparently it's a Faith Hill song according to Keith. There is then some talk about boobs - for real - and then all chaos ensues, and I honestly have no clue what anyone thought about the actual performance.

Angie is up next, and she's still trying to top her Hollywood Week original song performance. She's at the piano, and again, I'm sorry, I don't know the song. What's up with kids these days? Anyway, she sounds really good, and the judges all love her. I just wish someone would sing a song I recognized. I think Angie interests me the most of any of the girls this year, so I hope she sticks around.

Ryan tells us before the break that the next girl will be singing Whitney, and I get this from Lindsay:

The Whitney girl is Amber, and she's singing I Believe In You & Me. The judges give her a standing ovation, which I don't really think is deserved, because it's a Whitney song, and for the love of God, girls, STOP SINGING WHITNEY SONGS ON THIS SHOW. The judges don't agree with me, they're all raving about it, but I don't really hear any of it, because the Penguins posted a picture of Kris Letang in a tux on Facebook and I can't breathe anymore.

I've recovered for Kree's performance. I think I've heard this song, but I don't know it well, and so once again I'm bored. She's probably my favorite of the night so far though, and I like that she's normal and wearing jeans. Apparently she and Nicki are married, and they have an exchange that is really amusing and endearing, and the rest of the judges love her too. I think I can cheer for Kree. Even if her name is weird.

Yikes, Adriana looks like she's singing at a pageant. I don't know this song either, dammit. Lindsay says she liked her last week, but I'm not too impressed so far. This song sucks. Are these girls allergic to singing something up-tempo?!!? The judges basically all tell her she's not getting through. Randy agrees that it was boring and everyone needs to pick better songs.

Candice is in the pimp spot, and I can finally see the light at the end of this very long tunnel. Please sing something good, girl. Ugh, nope. It's slow and I don't know it either. She sounds fabulous though, and if America has any sense, she's sailing through to the next round. She actually leaves Nicki speechless, which THANK YOU CANDICE. Randy says she sang notes that people don't understand.


So those are our top 10 girls! I think Kree, Angie, and Candice need to stick around, and I want Donut for the entertainment factor. But aside from that, they're all interchangeable. Lindsay will guide you through the top 10 guys tomorrow. Till then!

Taking the week off

Due to traveling for a bunch of interviews in multiple cities (YAY BRENNA!!) and dealing with a cranky two year old who is teething and just generally grumpy this week (BOO LINDSAY), we are taking a breather from the blog this week. We will be back next week to go through the semi finals (I think that's where we are?) when the public actually get to start having a say.

MSHBB, out.

Rumour has it he's the one I'm leaving you for.

It's the second night of the sudden death round! Which isn't very sudden at all and instead drags out for two hours. But I suppose that's sudden as far as Idol things go. I'm psyched to finally have an audience. Let's do this, boys.

Mariah looks gorgeous tonight. How do I get my hair to do that? Nicki's hair is kind of subdued, but still pink.

The guys raise from the floor like David Archuleta did the time Lindsay and I went to the Idol tour. Oh hey, we have a few attractive guys this year. They're probably all 17 years old.

Paul Jolley is from small town Tennessee. He's one of the cute ones. He sings something I don't know but sounds like country. Oh, apparently that was a Keith Urban song. Way to suck up, Paul! It was a little shaky at times, but pretty good overall.

Johnny Keyser is up next. He's one of the ones that Nicki was trying to nail during his audition. He looks like an Abercrombie ad. He should sing LFO, but instead he's singing I Won't Give Up, by Jason Mraz, which is honestly one of my favorite songs from the past year. (#sorrynotsorry) Anyway, he struggles on the first part but improves on the higher notes in the middle, but his stage presence is just..... blah. Non-existent. Nicki is still trying to bang him. She also flat out tells him that he doesn't have the best voice, but he's pretty. Mariah tells him he's bringing the masculinity. I'm willing to bet he makes it through.

Oh yes, it's JDA. And he is singing Rumour Has It. In some KILLER HEELS. He is blurring the gender lines of these groupings, and it's fantastic. Remember back when I hated Adam Lambert and said he was too over the top? Either this show has gotten really boring, or I don't mind anymore, because this makes Lambert look conservative and yet I love it. And you know what? He sounds good too. Please keep him around, judges. I will tune in to watch that every week. Some of the judges tell him that he could have concentrated more on the vocals and less on choreographed performance, which I kind of agree with, but still, he sounded better than I bet half the guys will tonight.

Interviews with the girls, blah blah blah. Back to the boys.

Kevin is next, aka Butter. He's doing it for the kids, which is always a lame reason to me, because you should have a real job for your kids. But whatever, he's singing some Bryan Adams. I can't think of anyone else right away who has sung this song, but I feel like there's been a lot and it should be banned. He's not that great. Nicki loves him, for some reason. Did I miss something? I actually agree with Randy tonight, yikes.

Time for Chris Watson, waiter by day, singer by night, wearer of insanely large scarves around his head, and possessor of incredible cheek bones. OMG, he is wearing a bedazzled vest with no shirt underneath, bedazzled pants, and bedazzled scarf. (FYI, the first time I wrote that sentence I spelled "bedazzled" three different ways. It was like Nick Miller with rhythm.) Anyway, he's singing Sitting on the Dock of the Bay. His voice sounds radio-ready, even though I don't love the arrangement. Nicki says, and I quote, "I want to marry your vibrato." I will give her this much: I may not always agree with her, but she gives interesting feedback, she hasn't once said pitchy, and she has a taste for non-WGWGs, and Idol needs that.

This is going to be tough for the judges. We're halfway through, and while no one has completely blown me away, no one has totally sucked either.

Devin is next, and he is still in high school. Oh god, he's singing Listen, from Dreamgirls. I'm just jealous because I sing this song in my bedroom a lot. Oh wait, now he's singing in Spanish. Huh?! Wait, now it's English again. MAKE UP YOUR MIND. The judges all think he was amazing, but I didn't. They love that he sang in Spanish. I can sing in Spanish. It's not like he wrote the lyrics himself. Whatever, I think he's staying.

I didn't catch the next kid's name because I was distracted, and I don't know the song he's singing, but it sounds like it could be Bruno Mars. Maybe? I'm great at blogging tonight. Oh, his name is Elijah. Keith takes a page from the Simon playbook and calls him current and relevant. Nicki tries to nail this kid too, and it's gross because he's only 18. Thank you, Randy, for saying that it wasn't a great vocal. Why am I agreeing with Randy so much tonight? Mariah likes that he is Mexican and Chinese, because this show doesn't even try to pretend that it's just about the voice.

I'm really glad Charlie is still around. Sometimes I think he's really interesting and different, and sometimes I think he looks like a high school kid at a talent show. He sings Rocket Man, and while it isn't the best performance I've ever seen, I at least stop what I'm doing to watch, which is more than I've done for most of the guys tonight. He's definitely one of a kind. I want Keith to keep saying "Charlie" over and over again. Oh no, now Charlie is talking back to the judges. We do NOT like that around here at MSHBB.

And we still have 42 minutes to go. Hurry it up, Seacrest.

Jimmy is also from Tennessee. Unsurprisingly, he wants to do country. I don't know this song, but it's very dull. Apparently it's another Keith Urban song. Nick is amazingly unimpressed. Like seriously McKayla Maroney level unimpressed-ness. Moving on.

Curtis is next, and I recall liking him during his audition. He's singing that song that Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuben sang like a million times. "Baby baby baby baby ooooooh baby." You know, that one. He sounds great, but let's be honest, R&B type singers get nowhere on this show anymore. The judges all love him but advise him to not get too old, which is good advice, because he's only 25 but sings like he's 55.

Finally, it's time for the DRAMATIC STOOLS OF SAFETY. The judges also raise up from beneath the stage, and they let us know they had one split decision, so Jimmy gets to decide that one. THE DRAMA.

Curtis is up first, and he's through. Jimmy is going home. So is Kevin. Elijah is safe, after a serious fake out by Keith. It's JDA's turn, and please let him be staying. He is not, BOOOOOOO. I'm already far less interested in this show. Cute Paul is a split decision. Jimmy gives his two cents, and he wants to keep Paul around, and Jimmy should be a judge because he put together a well-thought, knowledgeable argument.

Next is bedazzled Chris. He's going home. Time for Charlie... oh man, I'm worried for Nicki if he isn't making it. No need to put her on suicide watch, because Charlie and his weirdness aren't going anywhere.

So now it's down to Johnny and Devin. I wouldn't be too upset about losing either. Johnny Abercrombie is going home, and Devin "I can sing in Spanish" is safe.

Phew! That was exhausting, and we have to do it all over again next week. We'll be here, guiding you every step of the way.