Monday, August 18, 2008

Spotted: MSHBB in a puddle of drool at the Verizon Center.

Hello, friends. After a two and a half month hiatus, MSHBB is back for one night only. At least until February 2009. Or something like that. When we last left you, the right person had just been crowned American Idol. Bren was blogging hours of craptastic footage, and I was eating pizza and gelato in the place where everyone should eat pizza and gelato at least once before they die. Good times. And now fast forward to August, and Bren and I were fortunate to be able to see this year's top 10 Idols live and in person in DC, before Bren makes the BIG MOVE to Patriots country.

For starters, we had AWESOME seats. We were in one of the side sections closest to the stage, in row G, which is eight rows back from the floor seats. We had a perfect view of everything...including the GIANT Pop Tart that was scurrying about as part of its contractual obligation, as the tour was freakin' sponsored by Pop Tarts. Which is like, the weirdest thing ever. Why the hell wouldn't Coke sponsor it? Or iTunes? Or any of the other products shoved in our face during this season?

So we are forced to sit through some awful crowd warmup by a third-rate Seacrest. I seriously couldn't even tell you what he said because I think we snarked through the whole thing. I think the people in front of us hated us so bad before the first Idol even came out. Bren and I can tell we're doomed when the screaming during the mere flashing of Archuleta's picture is more deafening than we can bear.

Chikezie is up first, and for serious you guys, he got eliminated way. Too. Soon. He came out totally energized and had a blast, and sounded great. He did three songs, one of them being Usher's "Caught Up" and he was awesome. He was also wearing a velvet blazer, which was so not appropriate for DC in August, but he rocked it. More Chikezie! No! Don't bring out Ramiele....

And here she is. In a getup that is wildly awesome and striptastic. You just need to see it for yourself:Right? Awesome, yet hideous. Anyway, Ramiele was one of the ones that I was over the second she made it into the top 12, but she was really good during the show. In fact, that was pretty much the theme of the night--everyone sang about 10 times better than they ever did on the show. It must be a hell of a lot easier once the pressure's off, you know? She does a couple of numbers, which I can't really remember...I think one of them was that Rihanna/Maroon 5 number that's popular right now. But we didn't hate her.

At this point, I am 1/4 of the way through my pillow-sized $4 bag of popcorn. I wanted chips with my hot dog, but the chips only came with the kid's meal and you had to get a drink with the kid's meal too and I already paid $7 for a beer, so I said F it and got the popcorn. When the guy brought it to me, I laughed at him, then paid for it. I'm dumb.

Bren and I are on our feet next, because it's Michael F'ing Johns, aka Aughtry, aka Chuck Bass. We nearly explode with delight at the sight that he is INDEED wearing a Chuck Bass scarf. Right now, we're pretty sure everyone around us hates us, because I think we're the only ones standing up. He sings all our favorite numbers from the show--the Queen medley, the Dolly Parton song that was sex on a stick, and "Dream On"--talk about getting the crowd going...

Only to be brought back down by the appearance of Kristy Lee. God. We debated if we wanted to take our bathroom/beer break at this point, or just suck it up and wait until intermission. We sucked it up. And how. I am not pleased to report that she again pulled out all the stops and did a big ol' USA-themed number to "God Bless the USA", complete with a neon flag. God.

And I have to sidebar for a minute. So we're on the Metro ride home, and we somehow managed to get on at the same time as this toolbox kid and I guess his mom? Aunt? I don't know. And they were the kind of people who are really loud, know it all talkers. I mean, I'm loud too, but not on public transportation. So at one point on the ride, the lady, loudly, asks the tool what his favorite number was, and she says her favorite was "God Bless the USA"--to which the tool loudly announces practically to the whole Metro that he loved that number too, and it gave him the chills. Bren and I barely made it off at our stop before we just busted out laughing. I'm sorry, but Jesus. I'm just as patriotic as the next person--my husband is a U.S. soldier, for Pete's sake--but the toolishness of this guy was just too much, to be combined with the fact that his FAVORITE number, out of the 30+ songs we heard was THAT number....we just lost it.

Ahem. OK, sorry for the derailment there. So up next was Carly, who looked AMAZING and sounded fantastic. The crowd really went nuts for her, which made me happy, because she just seemed so desperately to want to do this, and I'm glad she got the ovation she deserved. She reprised "Crazy On You" by Heart from the season, and also opened her set with a bang with "Bring Me to Life", which ROCKED. Good on you, Carly.

It was at this point that I got the giggles. It was the thought combination of what would happen when Archuleta came out combined with the idea of Jason Castro (crowned Weedy McPotbrownie) having to address the crowd in any way. Bren, I'm sorry if you thought at any point that I was having a mental episode.

So here comes Brooke! Rising out of the floor! Sitting at the piano! Woo! She starts off with "Let it Be", which is just as good if not better than she did on the show. She abandons the piano for her second number, to our terror--we all remember what Brooke's like without an instrument, right?--but she grabs a guitar and launches into an adorable rendition of "1234" by Feist. How cute would she have been had she done this on the show? We love you, Brooke! Thanks for not cracking on stage tonight!

So we're sure at this point it's about to be Weedy McPotbrownie. So Bren decides to make a bathroom run, thinking that by the time she got back, we'd all have been asleep from Jason's set. Do you guys want to guess what she missed? If you said "another advertisement for Idol Gives F'ing Back, complete with a U2 song sung by the six Idols who just performed", you'd be absolutely right. The only good thing that distracted me from the pictures of sad kids on the giant screen (seriously, I appreciate what they're doing, but man, I didn't come to the show to get all sad and depressed about the problems in our world) was the fact that Michael AND Carly sang together in the number, and Michael had shed his jacket to give us a better look at his Chuck Bass scarf. Aaaaaand, it's intermission.

Damn, I can't believe how long this blog is already and I haven't even gotten to the Cookster yet.

So after intermission, here comes Jason. And man, guys, his welcome in DC was INSANE. IN. SANE. The cougar next to us and her teenager daughter went apeshit when he came out. Bren and I were seriously bewildered. I just didn't think he had that kind of following I guess. We deemed his popularity in DC the biggest surprise of the night. LOL. He busted out the ukelele for "Over the Rainbow" and did a sleepy remix of "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. I forget what his third song was, but we had kind of wished it was "Hallelujah"--no dice though.

After an awkward intro by Weedy, out busts Syesha. And damn, all we can say is FIERCE. She is rocking an amazing hairdo and a dress that I could only wish I could pull off. She comes out singing "Umbrella", transitions into Alicia Keys "If I Ain't Got You" and finishes with a showstopping number from Dreamgirls. Go Syesha! We would totally buy her album, we decided.

Sigh. Here we go. Bren and I literally brace ourselves against each other for the onslaught we KNOW is coming with the appearance of Archuleta. And appear he does. To many, MANY screams. Rising from the floor, seated at the piano, like Brooke. What was NOT like Brooke was the cloud of FOG that engulfed him.

I mean, seriously?? FOG? LMAO. No one else got the fog treatment. Cookster better be swinging from ropes from the ceiling or something. He has a nice new haircut, looks more grownup. However, that is canceled out by the shiny red Chuck Taylors he's wearing and also by the sequins and glitter lining the lapels and hem of his jacket. He starts out with "Angels" at the piano, and I don't remember the other numbers he does except he does that awful "Stand By Me/Beautiful Girls" remix he did on the show, which, barf. GET TO COOKSTER ALREADY.

Finally. The main event. You know, I'm happy as hell we didn't have to sit through any horrifically cheesy group numbers, save for the Idol Gives F'ing Back one. I really, really enjoyed this. It was lots of songs that I liked and had heard of, being sung by people who are really talented and love music. Good show.

So Archuleta awkwardly introduces the Cookster, as is his way. Gosh. At which point Bren and I look at each other and without saying a word, are on our feet. HELL YES. Cookster comes out, resplendent in guyliner, and launches into "Hello", which we totally forgot he had done on the show. Awesome, of course. He is totally gracious and awesome with the crowd, too.

I keep yelling "SING BILLIE JEAN", which gets the cougar next to me all riled up, so she starts yelling it too. Yikes. I just kept doing it at that point to get her going. The rest of his set includes "Time of My Life" also known as his coronation song from the finale, "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing", "My Hero" and "Billie Jean". Sadly, no "Always Be My Baby", which was pretty much the only slightly disappointing thing about his set. This guy could headline his own tour right now and be totally comfortable. Spotted: Lindsay Beck, first in line to buy David Cook's album.

After Cookster wraps up, we get the obligatory top 10 group number, which HILARIOUSLY is "Don't Stop the Music" by Rihanna. The second that song starts up, I immediately crack up again, because picture it:: Jason Castro mumbling his way through lyrics like "Do you know what you started, I just came here to party, but now we're rocking on the dance floor actin' naughty." Yeah. That's right. So they all come out, line by line, singing the song. Michael Johns and Cookster are basically acting like fools, because really, do you think they can take this number seriously? All in all, it's not bad, and it's the only large group number we have to deal with, so YAY to that.

And there you have it! Totally, 100% worth it. Bren and I had a great time, we sat by mostly fun people, the little girl high-pitched squealing and screaming was pretty much limited to Castro and Archuleta and everyone was 10 times better than they were on the show. Hope you enjoyed our recap--we'll be back in January or February, depending on when we feel like it, haha. Cheers!

5 comments:

Brenna said...

"Resplendent in guyliner" is the greatest phrase ever written on this blog.

Leanne said...

Yay for an encore! That is one mighty fine pic of the Cookster, Ladies.

Bana said...

BWAWAWAAAAAAAAAAAAA

::breathe::

HAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Unknown said...

Boooo...I want to go. I'm gonna pretend I'm the girl from Pittsburgh who asked David Cook to hang out when he is here...LMAO.

Tess said...

This made my day! January is a long time away...