Wicked sad that Siobhan is gone.

Yeah, to be honest, I don't care all that much right now. The Capitals just lost ANOTHER game 7 at home. The Pens are now the top seed in the East. It's country night. All these things make me completely uninspired, but this... is American Idol. :)

Tonight we have your results, as well as performances by Rascal Flatts, Lady Antebellum, and... Shakira. One of these things is not like the other. Rascal Flatts is first, and I fast forward the shit out of that. I'm sorry, people, my interest in country music is way below sea level, and Rascal Flatts is up there with Nickelback on my list of worst bands in existence. You can Youtube it if you're interested (and I will judge the crap out of you).

Oh Lord, I think the FORD! commercial is something Twilight related. I am tempted to fast forward again, but Lee looks kinda hot and I think Siobhan is enjoying this a little too much. I do like this song too. But in reality, this has no influence whatsoever on whether I will buy a Ford at any point in my lifetime, and all it succeeds in me wanting is to watch the second season of True Blood.

Shrek 8,980 promo. What? It's only Shrek 4? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm also bored by this. So is Lee. Cameron Diaz and Antonio Banderas??? What? This is random. Cameron makes Ryan look like a dwarf. Next.

Results. Siobhan is up first. She was not good last night, y'all. She says wicked cool though, and the adopted Masshole in me loves her. She goes to one side of the stage. Aaron is next. I'm bored by his existence. He goes to the middle of the stage. Big Mike: over him. He's on the right side of the stage.

Sexvoice. Hey Linds... arms! ;) He was awesome last night, as per usual, and I'm with Linds wearing the Lee blinders. He's on the far side of the stage with Siobhan.  Casey and his bad perm join Big Mike. Crystal and her giant hat join Aaron in the center.

I love when they try to manufacture drama, and I realized 10 minutes ago this is going to be a "one of each of these two is in the bottom three and OMG who will it be?????" Anyone with half a brain knows that Crystal and Lee are fine. Seacrest actually does a cruel sort of musical chairs business and moves Siobhan over to Mike & Casey to make up the bottom 3, and I wonder HOW THE EFF IS AARON STILL ON THIS SHOW??? I hate preteens. They eff up this show every year.

Hey, Carrie Underwood! Are you enjoying your extra time with your fiance? She introduces some people called Sons of Sylvia, who I've never heard of, and they're so not what I was expecting them to be. I don't hate this song. It's sort of quasi-emo mixed with Airborne Toxic Event, if that makes any sense. Maybe I even kinda like this song. Even if the lead singer thinks he's Edward Cullen.

Time for Lady Antebellum and that song about drunk dialing and booty calls! Only in country music could this sound heartfelt, y'all. I actually don't hate this song, but this girl doesn't sound that great live... the guy though... dude, I love his voice. He's the sole reason I don't change the channel immediately when this comes on the radio.

The next performance confuses me so much that I'm not really sure where to begin. Shakira has a song that she is apparently singing with Rascal Flatts, and she is a gypsy, now she's singing with the obnoxious lead singer and maybe she's belly dancing, and now she's playing the harmonica, and at this point I wonder if I've had too many bubbletinis tonight and I'm just hallucinating all of this? I... don't... understand... oh, thank God, it's over. Why does Shakira look like Jessica Alba tonight?

Ok, back to the results. Big Mike is talking, blah blah blah, and then he is safe, and I think, dammit, I can't handle his schtick again next week. And then Lee gives him such man love that it makes me not mind all that much.

So we're down to Siobhan and Casey... and Siobhan is leaving us tonight. I can't say I'm surprised, though I will say I'm upset. When she was on, Siobhan easily had one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard, but I do think she peaked too early (Paint It Black in week 1 was PHENOMENAL and will still be in my constant iTunes rotation) and sort of lost her way the rest of the season. She exits with a reprise of Think, and I have a feeling this isn't the last time we'll be hearing from the glassblower with the funky style. :)

Next week is Sinatra week with Harry Connick, Jr. as mentor. Which means, most likely, three of the five remaining contestants will ruin some of my favorite songs in history, and I will hope for the next six days that Lee sings One For My Baby and Mike does not sing Mack the Knife. Till then... good night!

That don't impress-a me much!

Man! I feel like a Seacrest. Welcome back to Idol, folks. Top six tonight, finally. And Idol Give F'ing Back is behind us. Woo! All downhill from here.

Tonight we're doing the music of...Shania Twain? Random. Last week when they said she was the mentor, I thought maybe it was just general country week but apparently we're being forced to sit through six straight Shania performances. I guess I didn't realize what an influential artist she was. I mean, who else delivered such lyrics like "I can't believe you kiss your car good night!"

Oy. Obligatory Shania montage. Looking good, lady. Ooh, not that sequined cardigan though. Very Chico's. Her hair's nice and big though. I can totes get on board with big hair.

Lee! Lee Dewyzeeeeeeeee! He's up first with "You're Still the One." I actually like this song. Lee could do a good job with this. He sounds more and more like Dave Matthews every week. CALL US LEE! I like this so far. He's changing it up enough so it sounds like Lee, but holding on to the original melody enough so that it's not weird. I'm probably biased though because I heart Lee real bad. Good feedback from the judges overall. Yay Lee!

Dear judges: quit bickering and bantering with each other and wasting time, because that's why Glee got cut off last week. KTHXBAI LOVE YOU MEAN IT.

Big Mike's up next. I hope he sings "Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?" Is that a Shania song or did I make that up? ANYWAY, I don't think I know this song. "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing" I think it's called. Meh. Mike is soooo predictable. He does have a very nice voice, but it's the same shit every week. Romantic love song, blah blah blah. He's got a crazy cool medallion on though. Objectively, this was very nice, but it just didn't do it for me, dawg. He gets some Luther Vandross comparisons, which is probably a pretty big deal for him.

Confession: I think Shania seems kind of cool and goofy and down to earth, and she would probably be fun to go get a drink with and gossip about people. I realize this probably makes me a giant dork, but I'm okay with that.

ANOTHER commercial? Jesus. We are totally running over again tonight. I hope people set their DVRs to run late for Glee. Casey's after the break. Was Shania there when Kara molested him in the auditions? I can't remember. He's singing "Don't" tonight. I don't know any of these songs. Apparently I am not well versed in the Shania catalog. His hair looks like....okay, you know how if you're trying to pick a new hairdo, there are those programs online where you upload your pic and you can put your face in different hairstyles? Casey's hair tonight looks like the standard "shoulder length blond curly" hairdo that you could pick.

Wow, I need a life. Anyway, Casey sounds decent enough. It sounds like he's singing right at the top of his range or something. Something's weird about it for me, I don't really love it, but the judges apparently all love it, so I'm clearly a moron. Wow, Simon and Randy call it the best performance he's ever done.

Next up we've got Crystal. What in the hayell is she going to sing? I hate Crystal's outfit. Blech. She's singing ANOTHER song I don't know "No One Needs to Know." I suck at Shania. Why is no one singing shit I know??? Dammit, guys. Wow, she's got a full band on stage with her tonight. Didgeridoo anyone? LOL. This is okay for Crystal, it's kind of different from her stuff she's been doing. I'm not a huge fan of it, maybe because I don't really know the song at all, but Crystal's always delivering solid stuff, and she's always gonna sound awesome.

Now it's Aaron's turn, which means Siobhan's got the PS. Interesting, she's kind of blown it the past few weeks, so wonder what she's got up her sleeve. Anyway, back to Aaron. I bet he sings "From This Moment." Also it's 8:44 and we've still got two contestants. SERIOUSLY Idol.

Blah, okay, Aaron. Damn, I missed on guessing his song. "You've Got a Way." I actually know this one! Aaron looks more and more boy band every week. Again like with Mike--totally predictable. He sounds kind of weak tonight. Maybe he's getting tired? It's like he can't make it to the end of the notes or something. I hope this is the last week for Aaron. Why are they all telling him it was good? That was crap, guys. I am way off tonight, apparently. Or else I'm so deeply entrenched in my Lee love that it's clouding the rest of this show.

Siobhan is closing out the show tonight with Shania's first number one song, which was "Any Man of Mine." Finally, something with some life. IF I CHANGE MY MIIIIIND, A MILLION TIMES. I hope she turns it around this week and doesn't suck and stops backtalking the judges. OMG what is her outfit?? I don't even know why I get shocked by Siobhan's outfits every week, but dayum. I think Kelly Kapowski wore this in an ep of Saved by the Bell.

This performance sucks. They only put her in the PS because it was the only up tempo song of the night. She was all over the place vocally, and she did that whole screaming thing at the end. Siobhan, I loved you once, but I think that time is over. It's the point where there's only room in my heart for one contestant, and his name is Lee Dewyze. Why are the judges telling her it was fantastic?? This was. Not. Good. Am I going deaf and don't realize it?

SIGH. Another mediocre night. At this point, I don't even know who the B3 will be. By my call, it should be Aaron, Siobhan and Mike, but we'll see tomorrow night. Brenna will take you through our results!

We'll give back, but spirits must be broken anyways.

me:starting.... now

MSHBB disclaimer: we're all for giving back, we just think IGFB is a load of crap

Lindsay: i bet seacrest is dressed all somber

because this is SERIOUS

me: maybe he'll stay sober tonight

obama is like, really? don't i have real stuff to do?

Lindsay: you know president obama is only doing this b/c his daughters made him

they're like, daddy WE LOVE AARON

me: eh, i bet they're tim urban girls

8:01 PM Lindsay: i want michelle's dress

OMG he did not just quote randy jackson

me: omg, obama just said dawgs

Lindsay: tender moments from my dawg barack!

it was so nice when we didn't have this last year

8:02 PM me: soooo nice

i read that they didn't do it last year b/c of the recession

aren't we still in a recession?

Lindsay: that's what i was saying earlier

ask any nonprofit how their donations are going, lol

wow, simon busted out a blazer

that's usually only on finale night

8:03 PM me: aw, he's dressed up

PIMP THE SPONSORS PIMP THE SPONSORS

Lindsay: exxon is a random sponsor

QUEEEEEEEN

i love her

so are the B list acts performing at that place?

8:04 PM me: hmm, doesn't appear so

they got BEP and carrie

hey carrie, we're kicking your fiance's ass!

Lindsay: BWAAA

but ps he's hot

me: oh absolutely

Lindsay: so we'll get results at like 9:59

me: i feel like IGFB is like the state of the union

we could do this in 15 minutes

but there has to be clapping every 5 seconds

8:05 PM Lindsay: omg, that is an excellent analogy

let me clap for 5 minutes

to interrupt it

me: tim, lee, & crystal

one of these things is not like the other

Lindsay: oh i forgot about them dressing them all in white

to be all angelic and shit

me: lol

most men should not wear white

Lindsay: i didnt hear ryan say top 10 and was like, why is didi here

lol sorry didi

me: i saw lacey too

booooo

Lindsay: what is this song?

8:06 PM me: i don't know, but it sucks

Lindsay: also i can see siobhan's world

me: i think danny gokey wrote it

Lindsay: yank it down, sweetie

my mom just called, and goes, this blows

me: mrs. smith is absolutely correct

me: ooh jennifer garner, i love her

Lindsay: i appreciate that she's going to someplace in the US

8:08 PM me: she's a WV girl you know

Lindsay: hey, WV

yeah, her bio is in the WV section of our library

LOL

i shelved it many a time

me: hahaha

Lindsay: i love that she's normal

8:09 PM me: i love that she's normal too & i think ben is too & i want to be friends w/ them both

and their kids are precious & not in the suri cruise creepy kind of way either

Lindsay: omg this little girl is so sweet

she breaks my heart

i totally agree on the garner/affleck kids

8:10 PM me: this girl is adorable

damn you, IGFB, for tugging at my heart strings

Lindsay: are you gonna donate now?

make a personalized page

and email it out

LOL

me: sorry, i can barely pay my own bills

lol

Lindsay: disclaimer: we do donate to charitable causes

we aren't heartless

hahaha

me: fact

8:11 PM Lindsay: POSH

me: posh!!!

Lindsay: omg can you imagine her in kentucky??

me: omg posh went to kentucky?

why don't we have video of that?

Lindsay: get out of my brain, seriously

me: lol

Lindsay: she's not wearing heels

im stunned

<-------stunned

me: haha look at her in the pictures, she's like "i'm wearing a hat! i'm like you!"

lol

8:12 PM Lindsay: stars! they're just like us!

me: they pump gas!

Lindsay: i can't take this kid seriously

with this mohawk

sorry, buddy

8:13 PM me: that was all kinds of awkward

look at posh trying to look posh in the background

Lindsay: this is what happens when you go sans teleprompter

COKE!

drink coke! watch idol!

8:14 PM i think adam's hiding upstairs watching hockey lol

me: this movie looks dumb

basketball players = wimps

Lindsay: isn't paula patton married to robin thicke?

or did i just make that up?

me: i have no idea, but i love robin thicke

Lindsay: aaaaand, wiki

8:15 PM yeah, she is

i think they just had a baby, i read it in People

when i set aside the seven minutes it takes to read a People ;)

8:17 PM me: what does capt. sully have to do with this?

Lindsay: adam literally just said, why is HE on here?

sully is a HERO, you guys

me: oh sorry, i forgot

8:18 PM Lindsay: i'm terrified of this bit i think

me: just accept that this is going to be awful

hey russell brand, remember how you're marrying katy perry & ke$ha wants to be a bridesmaid?

Lindsay: the twilights? LMAO

me: LMAO the thin pale boy

Lindsay: i think russell brand is wearing katy perry's shirt

8:19 PM me: this is so not funny

also sorry, jonah hill, but you look fatter than usual

Lindsay: he needs to be JHud's counterpart for weight watchers

girl looks AMAZING

me: of course mike feels good

Lindsay: mike's like, let us pray

lol whoops, that was awful

8:20 PM me: awwwwww hi sexvoice

call us!

Lindsay: seriously, siobhan

pull down your skirt

me: (for the non-initiated, sexvoice is now my nickname for lee)

Lindsay: sexxxxvoiceeeeeee

me: oh wtf is behind queen?

Lindsay: the BEP

of course

me: oh of course it's the BEP

8:21 PM Lindsay: so...many....things....happening

me: are they all fist pumping?

where's the situation?

Lindsay: he made out with snooki i read

me: is that a person? i think iv'e heard that somewhere

Lindsay: i dont know what that means

but perez reported it

me: i ask the same question i always ask when i see fergie

how did she land josh duhamel?

Lindsay: right??

8:22 PM me: at least they're not singing that awful imma be song

Lindsay: i feel like every live number the BEP do is exactly the same

me: it is, i'm pretty sure they did this for the finale

and the grammys

and the espys, who knows

Lindsay: were they at the NHL awards with chaka khan?

me: lol yes

until they got scared by ovechkin's teeth

Lindsay: will.i.am sounds like shit

me: everyone in this group sounds like shit

8:23 PM Lindsay: for real, whoever decided that fergie was a singer?

is there shit messed up with the sound?

or what is going on?

me: this is sooooo terrible

Lindsay: why isn't it over yet

8:24 PM me: every time i think it's gonna end, it keeps... going....

yet if this was ke$ha, it would be awesome

Lindsay: it would be a totally different level if it were ke$ha

because she would legitimately be wasted

and not know where she was

me: oh, obvi

Lindsay: you know queen thought that sucked

me: i love the random B list celebs in the audience that i should know but don't

8:25 PM LOL this interaction between fergie & queen is HIALRIOUS

Lindsay: they are clapping because its OVER, Queen

not because they love them

oh here we go, footage of mosquito nets, right?

8:26 PM me: ding ding! you are correct

Lindsay: ok, how can malaria be classified as "severe"

isnt that implied???

seacrest, she has MALARIA

8:27 PM me: i know this is tragic, but does it have to be SOOOOOOO dramatic?

Lindsay: i feel like maybe this girl's family wouldnt' have actually wanted this on tape

but they didnt want to say no

me: yeah, this is disturbing

8:28 PM Lindsay: only a half hour down.....lord

me: also, how do you go from BEP to that

Lindsay: seriously, terrible segue

Lindsay: OMG

justin guarini is coming here

8:32 PM for the italian festa in clarksburg

LMAO

adam just goes, who the hell is that guy??

me: omg hahahaha

Lindsay: that is so random

time for more awkward banter!

Lindsay: is tim's shirt see through?

me:man i hope so

8:33 PM Lindsay: is this as close as we're getting to him shirtless?

me: can we bid for tim to take off his shirt?

ugh, i think george lopez is so annoying

Lindsay: oh my god, me too

how did he get a talk show?

and i don't have one

8:34 PM me: LMAO OMG GEORGE LOPEZ JUST MADE A GOKEY JOKE

ok now i like him a little more

Lindsay: ok, that was kind of awesome

8:35 PM ok, this segment just got dumb

me: this segment can end soon

unless he tells kara she sucks

8:36 PM ok he just told randy to formulate his own thoughts, so thank you george lopez

Lindsay: adam's like hooting over here

OMG

me: this is actually kinda brilliant

Lindsay: i may have changed my mind on this

didn't george lopez have liver cancer or something

8:37 PM oh my goooooddd!!!

me: wow

did you see her nekkid pic?

Lindsay: did you see that pic of her

LOL yes

me: LOL cut to casey

Lindsay: ew casey's hair tonight

this will be dumb if he cuts simon

because come on

simon's the best one

i didn't get that kardashian joke

me: me neither

8:38 PM Lindsay: i think simon hates george lopez

and probably wants to have him murdered

8:39 PM me: parts of that were awesome

FORD!

Lindsay: hey everyone, drive a FORD!

and drink some COKE

8:40 PM and listen to ITUNES in your FORD

me: and drink a COKE

Lindsay: and....use EXXON gas?

lol

me: that commercial was dumber than usual i think

Lindsay: i didnt even know that song, did you?

me: nope

Lindsay: hey, there's 7, this is usually the two groups thing

8:41 PM me: crystal looks very uneasy walking in those heels

Lindsay: but it doesnt look like he's doing that

i think crystal hates her dress

me: maybe the 2 groups thing is too mean for IGFB?

Lindsay: casey needs some infusium on that perm

me: he's got some major frizz

Lindsay: oooh, casey's B3

me: i'm ok with that

Lindsay: didn't Koz call that?

8:42 PM or he just asked if he'd ever been?

my mom's totes sad right now

me: i don't know, i never read the comments today

Lindsay: clearly, aaron needs to be B3 here

me: dude if aaron is safe over lee i'm throwing something

Lindsay: LA DA DAAAAA

CALL US LEE

me: sexvoice

Lindsay: please be aaron, please be aaron

8:43 PM YES

me: WOOOOOOO

Lindsay: THAT'S RIGHT, AMERICA

siobhan or big mike in the B3 i bet

me: you're right, aaron does look soooo tiny

Lindsay: i dont know, maybe Tim

doesn't he?? he looked so anorexic last night

8:44 PM me: i heart joss stone

Lindsay: omg me too, i just said that out loud here

haha

8:45 PM me: when i worked at AE one year we had her version of "fell in love with a boy" on our soundtrack & i swear, i thought it was a big black woman singing it for the longest time

Lindsay: HAHAHA

i can totally see that

i can't say anything bad about this

i love her

me: then i found out it was this little british girl & i was like, whoa

me too, this is bad ass

8:46 PM Lindsay: her dress is weird, that's all

haha

me: ha, i kinda like it

Lindsay: is she really tall?

she looks like a behemoth

damn, get it, joss

8:47 PM me: i think she is

that was fantastic

oooooh david duchovny

BEIBER

Lindsay: BIEBER

me: BEIBER

BEIBER

Lindsay: here's that song i like

8:48 PM me: i freaking love this song

Lindsay: i hate that i first heard it in that stupid rpatz movie preview

me: was that our only beiber spotting?

wtf, idol?

Lindsay: so far, that better not have been it

8:49 PM me: that commercial just made me laugh

Lindsay: i think a demi lovato was in there too

me: haha is that like a selena gomez?

Lindsay: i flipped over to hockey on the commercial haha

yes, they are the same

8:50 PM

Lindsay: hey, morgan freeman!

me: hey, morgan freeman!

Lindsay: wow, live and in person

8:53 PM me: jinx

Lindsay: the coke is in the mail

me: sweet

he has the most authoritative voice

he speaks and i listen

Lindsay: i will probably donate after listening to this

damn you, freeman

me: lol

8:54 PM Lindsay: ok, but not after listening to jackson

go away, randy

me: i feel dumber now after listening to randy

8:55 PM ok, good, morgan is back

Lindsay: oh my god

what is wrong with people???

me: they're disgusting

Lindsay: that made me sick

8:56 PM me: there's a great quote in my new journal, it says "never overestimate the decency of the human race"

it's so true

Lindsay: omg morgan freeman hula hooping

amazing

me: LOL morgan freeman hula hooping = greates thing ever

8:57 PM Lindsay: ok, save the children is great, yay!

we need to mock more shit

where are the group numbers

me: seriously

whoa, let's mock the shirt randy is wearing tonight

8:58 PM Lindsay: there is too much going on

and he's got a crazy cool medallion too

me: talking bout crazy cool medallions

Lindsay: what up alicia

me: woooooo

Lindsay: whoa, alicia

8:59 PM what is this ensemble

me: is she wearing a jumpsuit?

a SATIN jumpsuit?

Lindsay: with cutout shoulders

me: ouch, she does not sound great either

Lindsay: yikes, what's happening

alicia, pull it together

put one hand in the air for the big city, girl!

9:00 PM me: she is not a big girl by any means & she looks like in that ensemble

this is so gonna be on the fug tomorrow

Lindsay: 100%

her ass looks huge

satin is not forgiving

me: oh god no

9:01 PM Lindsay: look at big mike in the background

me: darn i missed him, what was he doing?

NEW YOOOOOOOOOORK

Lindsay: swaying

ew, this sounds like ass

GOD, alicia

me: wtf is going on, i saw her do this song on SNL & it was fantastic

9:02 PM Lindsay: idol's really stepped up the background graphics in the last few years

remember in the beginning like three different people would have flames

and then two people would have like blue wavy lines

me: haha it was like the old screensaver with the flying toaster

Lindsay: lmao exactly

9:03 PM one of the lines in the morgantown version of this song is "the hills are growing houses!"

no lie

me: what does that even mean???

Lindsay: that people are building houses on hillsides?

LOL

9:04 PM oh my god, adam is making up a bridgeport version o this

and i am dying

me: i wish i could hear that

Lindsay: WHO IS JOSH GROBAN??? KILL YOURSELF!!!

me: bwaaaaaaaa

what is that from?

Lindsay: thats still on of my favorite glee lines of all time

me: oh that's right

Lindsay: the acafellas ep of glee

LOL

me: i loved the acafellas

9:05 PM Lindsay: less than an hour of this left

me: sorry, it's nowhere close to "did you know dolphins are gay sharks?"

Lindsay: we made it past the halfway point!

me: woooooo!!!

Lindsay: lol

9:09 PM omg this bit again

WHY

me: go away jonah hill

Lindsay: russell brand is on coke i think

he has crazy eyes like orpik

lmao justin beiber's cousin

me: lol

Lindsay: LMAO remember when slash was a mentor

9:10 PM me: haha that was the best

was that the cookster's year?

Lindsay: OMG

ok, that was awesome

me: OMG TATIANA!??!!?!?!

Lindsay: why the hell is octomom here??????

GOOD GOD, IDOL

aww jim, im sad you and jenny broke up

9:11 PM this bit can end now

me: jim carey, are you going to make a movie ever again?

Lindsay: kthxbai

me: that was terrible

Lindsay: i think Common dates a Williams sister

9:12 PM but i can't remember if it's Venus or Serena

YAY CARRIE

me: hey carrie!!!!

is mike really sad that he's down 3-1?

Lindsay: tell him we don't care, but he's hot!

me: tell him to call me, i'll comfort him

Lindsay: bwaaa

me: carrie looks fantastic as per usual

Lindsay: i love her dress

me: me too

Lindsay: but not her wrist corsage

me: yeah that's a little too prom for me

9:13 PM Lindsay: SHOW US THE ROCK

HOLD UP YOUR LEFT HAND

me: i wish she was singing cowboy casanova instead of this boring song

Lindsay: is this song inspirational?

oh yeah, is it

lol

me: cowboy casanova inspires me not to hook up with cowboy casanovas

so, bam.

Lindsay: hahahaha

me: carrie hold the mike with your LEFT HAND

i want to see your ing

* ring

Lindsay: seriously, what is she doin to us

9:14 PM we dont care about that gold thing on your right hand

at least she doesnt sound like ass

like everyone else tonight, god

me: DAMN THAT ROCK IS HUGE

good job, mike fisher

9:15 PM Lindsay: woooooo

i wonder whose is bigger, hers or hilary duffs?

9:16 PM david arquette??

what does he do? besides be courtney cox's husband?

me: most random pairing ever

Lindsay: i think feeding america is hawt curtis's chartiy

me: apparently he is feeding america

Lindsay: charity

9:17 PM on celeb apprentice

me: omg, casey looks like david arquette

i always knew he looked like someone but couldn't place it

hahahahahaha

Lindsay: OMG he totally does

NICE

9:18 PM this is the least crazy i think ive ever seen david arquette

me: haha maybe he's calming in his old age

Lindsay: ELLIOTT

WHAT UP!!!

me: YAAAAAAY

i miss elliott so bad

Lindsay: i was really sad when his mom died

9:19 PM me: omg me too, remember how cute she was in his parade??

Lindsay: she was so awesome

HOW LATE IS IT GOING TO GO, RYAN

me: what is the mary j all star band?

Lindsay: JESUS

lol i have no idea

9:20 PM remember when elliott had to sing with mary j

and she took over the whole song

he got the shaft so bad

9:21 PM me: haaa yes

that was the same night kat mcphee sang with meatloaf

9:22 PM Lindsay: two most awkward finale performances of all time

dear everyone

me: shit, it's somehow 4-2 caps now

Lindsay: please do not go see the back up plan

thanks, brenna and lindsay

9:25 PM here's my problem with this entire program

where exactly does this money go

me: omg, make it stop

9:26 PM Lindsay: like when i donate to the leukemia and lymphoma society

i know where that money's going

me: right, "global health care" is so vague

Lindsay: like, if i donate $10

does it go to a mosquito net

or to the food bank?

9:27 PM i'd rather donate $10 directly to the food bank

9:28 PM me: i have no idea

9:29 PM Lindsay: lol wanda sykes? random

me: everything about IGFB is random

Lindsay: i think they just call up a bunch of people and whoever sticks, they put on

me: lol lots of boob jokes at simon's expense tonight

9:30 PM Lindsay: seriously, i dont need crappy stand up about the show

lol

me: i am so bored right now

Lindsay: if they cut wanda sykes, it wouldnt run over

me: fact

9:31 PM Lindsay: randy's like the only one laughing

me: tim is laughing b/c he's like "i'm sitting next to mike, he may eat me if i don't laugh"

Lindsay: whew, thank god that's over

9:32 PM casey looks like a bee gee

with that hair and in that white suit

me: omg he absolutely does

Lindsay: I'M BARRY EFFING GIBB

me: please be mike in the B3

Lindsay: im worried for Siobhan

me: ok this is random, but i love the versatility of siobhan's hair

it's so short but it never looks the same

9:33 PM Lindsay: i know what you mean, i love that too

oooh i'm surprised she's safe!!

me: YESSSS

i'm ok with either of these people going home

awww moment of silence for matty g

9:34 PM Lindsay: i didn't see casey coming, but i think i called aaron and tim

i hope it's aaron

me: omg mike, GET OFF THE STAGE

Lindsay: HELL YES

COOK

me: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AND NO BANGS

Lindsay: what is his hair doing? its doing that thing again.

where it's all fuzzy looking

me: it's much better than the last time he was on when he had a combover

Lindsay: lol true story there

9:35 PM me: cookster, call me

Lindsay: is he just gonna talk about africa and not sing? cause that's bunk

me: did he borrow that scarf from michael johns?

Lindsay: i bet he did, weren't they BFF

me: i always wonder what these people in africa think

9:36 PM

are they like, who is this guy and why is he filming us?

Lindsay: yeah, i wonder that too

those kids look over cookster

come on guys! he's awesome!

9:37 PM me: omg cookster is so cute with the kids

Lindsay: don't teach them the sway! noooo!

me: hahahaha

9:38 PM Lindsay: i love how he talks about these kids like he knows them all personally

he's so great

me: i just feel like we got to know him, you know?

i never really felt that with adam, that was one of my issues with him

Lindsay: yea, that wasn't depressing or annoying

9:39 PM oh you mean in general over the season

i thought you meant just right now

lol

me: haha, no, over the season

Lindsay: i wonder if adam was really careful about his interviews b/c of the gay thing

and how he didn twant to come out till after idol

so he just didnt really open up

me: is this another shrek movie? whyyyy?

Lindsay: that is not necessary

9:41 PM i am so tired

9:42 PM hurry up, show

me: omg me too, this needs to end soon

i'm disturbed by this video

9:43 PM Lindsay: me too, my god

this poor child

HI ANNIE

9:45 PM yeah right, annie's totally in LA

but she's all, i'm not going to this thing, someone lie and say i'm overseas

me: haha

9:46 PM couldn't they have gotten a satellite hookup for her?

or are the satellites knocked out by the volcano too?

Lindsay: i have no clue, this volcano apparently is like the first sign of the apocalypse or something

LOL

me: ok i really feel like that's true

b/c we've had like 8000 major earthquakes this year

and the mayans said the world would end in 2012

9:47 PM Lindsay: AND there was a movie about it

me: lol exactly, so it must be true

john cusack said so

Lindsay: WWJCD

so wait, is this annie live?

9:48 PM me: i have no idea, i'm confused

is she on a screen?

Lindsay: but somewhere else?

yeah

but theres an orchestra

seacrest, we need you to explain

9:49 PM they cut michael johns on IGB two years ago

so hopefully aaron gets cut

me: oh i hope so

ok i love annie lennox & all but i'm falling asleep

Lindsay: i know, her segment was really long

9:50 PM its been nothing but annie for the past six minutes

i have an attention span of about 45 seconds, we need to move on

9:51 PM me: ugh seriously, shut up annie

where's the beiber?

lol

commercial for russell crowe's robin hood movie

i think he already made this movie, it was called gladiator

9:52 PM Lindsay: bwaaaa

ok, it's 9:52

let's take bets on when this thing is actually over

i say 10:04

me: i say 10:09

Lindsay: for both our sakes, i hope i'm right

LOL

me: haha me too

Lindsay: is this mary j finally?

me: travis barker?!?!?!

Lindsay: i dindt catch half those people

i heard orianthi

me: i heard randy jackson

god help all the dawgs

Lindsay: mary j, whats up with the shades

9:57 PM me: and her shoulder pads

Lindsay: and her general look

me: travis can't rock out to this, let's speed it up

me: way to wear a classy cut off tee, travis barker

Lindsay: and then THAT happened

LOL yeah seriously

speaking of trailer park

haha

randy doesnt even look like he's playing

orianthi can stay as long as she doesnt sing

me: he's just there so he can name drop next week

9:59 PM oh yeah, girl rocks at the guitar

Lindsay: this actually isn't the worst thing about tonight

me: i'm a little confused by all this

Lindsay: shit, i think we're gonna be closer to your cut off time

haha

me: dude i love travis barker SO MUCH

10:00 PM Lindsay: i read that the plane that crashed that he was on had faulty wheels or some shit

he should sue

me: oh really?

i think big mike was dancing in the background again

my DVR just stopped

Lindsay: wow, mary j is really sweaty

she should have left her glasses on

ewww

10:01 PM ANOTHER report??

me: omg another report?

Lindsay: COME ON

me: STOP THE MADNESS

we could've cut wanda sykes & the russell brand nonsense & ended this on time

Lindsay: whoever thought those were good bits should be fired immediately

10:02 PM this post is gonna be soooo long

LOL

me: well if this show wasn't so effing long...

10:04 PM 10:04, you lose

Lindsay: i lost, it's 10:04

HAAAAA

me: hahaha

Lindsay: this is bananas

HI BEN

me: show of handsome?

10:05 PM Lindsay: handsome!

me: this is the longest idol show EVER

Lindsay: WHY COMMERCIAL

WHY

casey and aaron have been on the stools for over an hour and a half

10:06 PM me: omg those poor guys

lol

i just realized we could potentially play the bruins next round

if we win, the flyers win, & the bruins pull off this upset

10:07 PM Lindsay: did the bruins win

me: no

just thinking way ahead, lol

Lindsay: damn, still OT

i just went and looked

me: it's almost to the end of the first OT

10:08 PM Lindsay: IT IS 10:08

IDOL, I AM SLEEPY

me: dang, i thought 10:09 was a long shot

Lindsay: i did too, hahaha

10:09 PM oh my god

still no results??

me: omg another performance

Lindsay: you have got to be shitting me

i mean, cool that elton johns there, but shit

me: this is so unnecessary

10:10 PM Lindsay: bbbbbbenny and the jets

elton's like, why are you asking me this shit? the show is running 10 minutes over already.

i cannot believe elton john still has to sing

me: omg queen is freaking out

Lindsay: i love this song though

its one of my top songs of all time

me: THIS FEELING INSIIIIIIIIIDE

10:12 PM i love when ewan mcgregor sings it in moulin rouge

Lindsay: elton john should have gone on around 9:15

its kind of a rip that he's going after the show is techically OVER

me: i know right?

anyone who DVRs this shit isn't seeing this

10:13 PM Lindsay: list of shit that could have been cut: wanda sykes, jonah hill and russell brand, the BEP

me: though i'm not sure why you'd put yourself through this pain unless you wrote a blog about it

amen, sister

Lindsay: also maybe alicia keys cause she sounded bad and her outfit was horrible

me: and half of george lopez's routine

10:14 PM Lindsay: oh yeah i forgot about that already

10:15 PM did you cut and paste any of this into the blog yet

me: not yet, i was gonna do it all at once

Lindsay: ok, this has to be it, right?

please don't go to commercial

just make the cut, seacrest

10:17 PM me: commercial

seacrest, i will hunt you down for this

Lindsay: DAMMIT

10:18 PM i really dont understand how a show can run 20+ minutes over

i know its live tv, but that is piss poor production, or something

10:20 PM me: i'm pretty sure my cat's reading my diary

10:21 PM Lindsay: god bless brittany

me: FINALLY

let's do this

Lindsay: if they end up not cutting anyone

i will be murderous

me: oh nooooo shania next week?

omg me too

Lindsay: man! i feel like a woman!

me: eff, aaron is safe

Lindsay: AARON IS SAFE??

aaargh

my mom will be sadcakes mcgee if casey goes

me: our moms will flip

Lindsay: hahaha

10:22 PM annnnd......

awww, timmy

me: boooooooooo

tim, take off your shirt before you go!

Lindsay: he grew on me

seriously

SHOW US YOUR PECS AND ABS

me: i know, i liked him near the end

Lindsay: NOW

i feel like we just ran a marathon

lol big mike, that was kinda funny

10:23 PM me: i honestly think this is the first exit video i've watched all season

Lindsay: me too, haha

he was never gonna win, but i still liked him

10:24 PM me: and, that's a wrap
Lindsay: until next year, IGFB, kiss our collective booties