Sanjaya Malakar, “You Really Got Me”
VS.
Justin Guarini, “Route 66”
Let’s call this one the Battle of the Hair.
I was never a fan of Justin Guarini, and I don’t remember this performance at all from season 1. It’s amazing, looking back, that this is the night Kelly wowed us all with “Stuff Like That There,” and eventual runner-up Justin serenaded us all with this cheese-tastic version of “Route 66.” He’s snapping his head so much it’s giving me whiplash. Oh look, now he’s trying to scat. I feel like I’m in a hotel lounge in Atlantic City. I feel like I should be rushing off to the craps tables.
As bad as Justin’s performance was, though, there is nothing – NOTHING – in my mind that could top the debacle that was “You Really Got Me” as interpreted by Sanjaya. I’m surprised I actually kept watching the show after this one. I’m guessing because that week Jordin also blew us away with “I Who Have Nothing” and Blake sang that ultra cool version of “Time of the Season” (still my second favorite Blake performance).
Back to Sanjaya.
This really was the worst performance in the history of the world. I’m sure there are worse singers than Sanjaya out there. There have probably been songs that have had worse performances on Idol – or on other stages – over the years. But the combination of all the elements of this one, all coming together on the same night, is untouchable. The strange sweater/glove combo Sanjaya was wearing with the graffitied up blazer? Check. The inappropriate grinding near Paula? Check. And then there was the crying girl. The girl who epitomized everything wrong with the Sanjaya Phenomenon of 2007. The girl who was EVERYWHERE for the next week.
Guarini doesn’t stand a chance. This is like the Yankees versus the Pirates. It’s Sanjaya in a blow-out.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Idol Madness: Chicken Little vs. The Other Brenna
Kevin Covais, "Part Time Lover"
VS.
Brenna Gethers, "Last Dance"
Lindsay mentioned yesterday feeling bad for Big Red John Stevens during his Idol tenure. I never really felt bad for him, but I did have some sympathy for poor little Chicken Little, Kevin Covais. Crammed into the awesome (Daughtry, Yamin) atrocity (Soul Patrol, Ace Young) that was Season 5, I imagine Covais was a little bit like Archuleta this year – not really fitting in with any of the big boys. At least John Stevens was on the show when it was still a little bit of a trainwreck and the only big boy he had to compete with was George Huff.
That said, there is zero excuse for the mess that was “Part Time Lover.” The concept of this little kid singing a song about “passion on the run” was wrong on every level. It’s the equivalent of Archuleta singing “I Wanna Sex You Up.” Everything about it – the lighting, the dancing, the singing – was awkward. I think even Stevie Wonder was thinking, “WTF?”
As for Brenna… oh, how upset I was when this girl ended up being the first Brenna on American Idol. Yes, Brenna was sassy and sometimes amusing. But she was kind of like Danny Noriega – all flair, not much substance. This one does contain one of my favorite Idol screensavers though – the fast moving city street – which, you know, screams Donna Summer and disco. Her take on “Last Dance” was certainly awful, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Chicken Little. Congrats, Kevin! You move on!
VS.
Brenna Gethers, "Last Dance"
Lindsay mentioned yesterday feeling bad for Big Red John Stevens during his Idol tenure. I never really felt bad for him, but I did have some sympathy for poor little Chicken Little, Kevin Covais. Crammed into the awesome (Daughtry, Yamin) atrocity (Soul Patrol, Ace Young) that was Season 5, I imagine Covais was a little bit like Archuleta this year – not really fitting in with any of the big boys. At least John Stevens was on the show when it was still a little bit of a trainwreck and the only big boy he had to compete with was George Huff.
That said, there is zero excuse for the mess that was “Part Time Lover.” The concept of this little kid singing a song about “passion on the run” was wrong on every level. It’s the equivalent of Archuleta singing “I Wanna Sex You Up.” Everything about it – the lighting, the dancing, the singing – was awkward. I think even Stevie Wonder was thinking, “WTF?”
As for Brenna… oh, how upset I was when this girl ended up being the first Brenna on American Idol. Yes, Brenna was sassy and sometimes amusing. But she was kind of like Danny Noriega – all flair, not much substance. This one does contain one of my favorite Idol screensavers though – the fast moving city street – which, you know, screams Donna Summer and disco. Her take on “Last Dance” was certainly awful, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Chicken Little. Congrats, Kevin! You move on!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
It ain't easy bein' Chikezie
Hey guys, it's Lindsay blogging tonight. For real, when did they decide that the results shows had to be an hour long? Weren't they always thirty minutes??? Help me out here, everyone. Jeebus. This show could be five minutes long. They should just post the losers on the internet and run back to back episodes of 'Til Death or something. Anyway, blah blah, 30 bajillion votes, jibba jabba about the songwriting contest, which I'm thinking about entering. If you just string together words like "moment", "now", "dream", "pride", and "believe", you have all makings of a hit song for the Idol winner!
Group sing. How bad do you think it pains Gramps and David C. to have to do these? You know those divas don't talk to any of the other contestants unless the cameras are on.
After the commercials, we have a giant long-ass product placement for iTunes. Does Steve Jobs have naked pictures of Nygel Lythgoe with a goat or something? There has been so much iTunes/iPhone promotion on this show this season. They should just make the top 12 take their pics with an iPhone in one hand and a Coke cup in the other while sitting on the hood of a Ford F150.
Recap of last night: Michael was seemingly awesome on the surface with all the lights and Queen bravado but I could not stop laughing; Ramiele so should not have gone there; Carly, who I did not think was nearly as bad as the judges made her out to be; Syeshazzzzzzzzz; Jason singing something that sounded exactly like what he sang two weeks ago; Chikezie, who really needs to step it up; David A. auditioning for Up with People; Brooke adorably messing up; Kristy Lee being disgusting and exploiting patriotism for her own personal gain; and David Cook saving this whole f'ing show.
Time for the results. Note: we're starting results at 9:14. THIS COULD SO BE OVER BY 9:30. Chikezie is up first and in an unprecedented move, Seacrest tells him he's in the bottom three. He almost never does that with the first one. I'm not surprised that he's in the bottom, but I really hope he's safe tonight. Brooke is clearly safe. Carly's next and she's safe too. Yay! I actually really enjoyed her last night, I didn't get why the judges were all on her shit. Commercials.
We're back with the FORD! commercial. "I Want You To Want Me"--this is the creepiest commercial yet. Singing tee shirts? Am I the only one who kind of thinks Brooke could rock this song? More results. Lil David, we know your asshole stage dad picked your song. It's okay, you're still safe. Just go to prom with that nice girl and forget you were ever on this show. David Cook--his positioning makes me nervous. We haven't had a bottom three'er in a while. PLEASE, I'm so sure Chris Cornell calls Ryan Seacrest. LMAO. David's safe, whew.
OK, Syesha is totally in the bottom. Wait for it....wait for it....and there we go. I would not be sad if she were gone. Hey, it's Gramps! Hi Grandpa! That phone's in the movie, Grandpa, that's not your phone! Just kidding Michael, you're kind of awesome. You're safe, way to go. DOLLY PARTON IS NEXT WEEK. YES. You guys, that shit is going to be so awesome, you don't even know. Please let David A. sing "9 to 5." Oh, hey, KLo's here? YAY! She was like the only decent woman who came out of season two. Carmen and Camille....shudder.
Why are they still making us suffer through these "calls"? American Idol is now apparently turning into Loveline, since this chick is calling to find out if Chikezie is single. Don't do it Chikezie! OK, dear America...you can't put David A. on the spot. If he doesn't have the answers programmed in by his dad beforehand, he'll implode! LMAO that girl's question to Simon was kind of hilarious. I could so do Ryan Seacrest's job. Right? Fast forward through the rest of the calls, make sure you tell me if I missed something good.
Yay Kimberley Locke! I really loved her. Blah blah, video package. Get on with the song! She is so fierce. I want that dress she's wearing in her after picture. She's so classy and wonderful. Thanks for not turning into a diva skank, KLo! Keep it real, girl. She sings and is perfectly lovely and I miss season two a little bit.
Commercials and we're back. Oh my God. OH MY GOD. SNOOP is going to be on Idol Gives Back. I am totally on board now. You guys, Snoop is the shit. I'm not even messing around. It's 9:44 and we don't even have a bottom three yet. GOD. Fast forwarding through Idol Gives Back recap #80000 of this season. OMG, Ramiele must not be in the bottom! Maybe it's Kristy Lee! God, Ramiele's baby voice is annoying. Over it. She's safe, blah.
It's down to Jason and our arch enemy Kristy Lee. I wouldn't be surprised if Jason was in the bottom, honestly. RYAN. LEE GREENWOOD DID NOT CALL YOU. Dammit, Kristy Lee is safe. That smell last night during her performance? Desperation. And America smelled it too and went with it. BOOOOO. I will be sad if Chikezie or Jason go. I could take or leave Syezzzzzzsha. Jason's safe, wow, that was a quick turn of events. Please be Syesha. Please be Syesha. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand...commercials, of course.
The guy from REO Speedwagon is going to be on Don't Forget the Lyrics? Seriously? I may have to watch that.
9:55 and we're FINALLY about to get the result. After some debating between the judges and Ryan....aww, man!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I am really sad about poor Chikezie. I'm actually really going to miss him, and his awesome family. We love you C-dawg!
So that's it for this week. I am so super psyched to be recapping Dolly Parton night next week!!! WOOO! Keep checking for the latest updates to our Idol Madness brackets. I'll be blogging next week's performance and Bren will take the results. Cheers!
Group sing. How bad do you think it pains Gramps and David C. to have to do these? You know those divas don't talk to any of the other contestants unless the cameras are on.
After the commercials, we have a giant long-ass product placement for iTunes. Does Steve Jobs have naked pictures of Nygel Lythgoe with a goat or something? There has been so much iTunes/iPhone promotion on this show this season. They should just make the top 12 take their pics with an iPhone in one hand and a Coke cup in the other while sitting on the hood of a Ford F150.
Recap of last night: Michael was seemingly awesome on the surface with all the lights and Queen bravado but I could not stop laughing; Ramiele so should not have gone there; Carly, who I did not think was nearly as bad as the judges made her out to be; Syeshazzzzzzzzz; Jason singing something that sounded exactly like what he sang two weeks ago; Chikezie, who really needs to step it up; David A. auditioning for Up with People; Brooke adorably messing up; Kristy Lee being disgusting and exploiting patriotism for her own personal gain; and David Cook saving this whole f'ing show.
Time for the results. Note: we're starting results at 9:14. THIS COULD SO BE OVER BY 9:30. Chikezie is up first and in an unprecedented move, Seacrest tells him he's in the bottom three. He almost never does that with the first one. I'm not surprised that he's in the bottom, but I really hope he's safe tonight. Brooke is clearly safe. Carly's next and she's safe too. Yay! I actually really enjoyed her last night, I didn't get why the judges were all on her shit. Commercials.
We're back with the FORD! commercial. "I Want You To Want Me"--this is the creepiest commercial yet. Singing tee shirts? Am I the only one who kind of thinks Brooke could rock this song? More results. Lil David, we know your asshole stage dad picked your song. It's okay, you're still safe. Just go to prom with that nice girl and forget you were ever on this show. David Cook--his positioning makes me nervous. We haven't had a bottom three'er in a while. PLEASE, I'm so sure Chris Cornell calls Ryan Seacrest. LMAO. David's safe, whew.
OK, Syesha is totally in the bottom. Wait for it....wait for it....and there we go. I would not be sad if she were gone. Hey, it's Gramps! Hi Grandpa! That phone's in the movie, Grandpa, that's not your phone! Just kidding Michael, you're kind of awesome. You're safe, way to go. DOLLY PARTON IS NEXT WEEK. YES. You guys, that shit is going to be so awesome, you don't even know. Please let David A. sing "9 to 5." Oh, hey, KLo's here? YAY! She was like the only decent woman who came out of season two. Carmen and Camille....shudder.
Why are they still making us suffer through these "calls"? American Idol is now apparently turning into Loveline, since this chick is calling to find out if Chikezie is single. Don't do it Chikezie! OK, dear America...you can't put David A. on the spot. If he doesn't have the answers programmed in by his dad beforehand, he'll implode! LMAO that girl's question to Simon was kind of hilarious. I could so do Ryan Seacrest's job. Right? Fast forward through the rest of the calls, make sure you tell me if I missed something good.
Yay Kimberley Locke! I really loved her. Blah blah, video package. Get on with the song! She is so fierce. I want that dress she's wearing in her after picture. She's so classy and wonderful. Thanks for not turning into a diva skank, KLo! Keep it real, girl. She sings and is perfectly lovely and I miss season two a little bit.
Commercials and we're back. Oh my God. OH MY GOD. SNOOP is going to be on Idol Gives Back. I am totally on board now. You guys, Snoop is the shit. I'm not even messing around. It's 9:44 and we don't even have a bottom three yet. GOD. Fast forwarding through Idol Gives Back recap #80000 of this season. OMG, Ramiele must not be in the bottom! Maybe it's Kristy Lee! God, Ramiele's baby voice is annoying. Over it. She's safe, blah.
It's down to Jason and our arch enemy Kristy Lee. I wouldn't be surprised if Jason was in the bottom, honestly. RYAN. LEE GREENWOOD DID NOT CALL YOU. Dammit, Kristy Lee is safe. That smell last night during her performance? Desperation. And America smelled it too and went with it. BOOOOO. I will be sad if Chikezie or Jason go. I could take or leave Syezzzzzzsha. Jason's safe, wow, that was a quick turn of events. Please be Syesha. Please be Syesha. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand...commercials, of course.
The guy from REO Speedwagon is going to be on Don't Forget the Lyrics? Seriously? I may have to watch that.
9:55 and we're FINALLY about to get the result. After some debating between the judges and Ryan....aww, man!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
So that's it for this week. I am so super psyched to be recapping Dolly Parton night next week!!! WOOO! Keep checking for the latest updates to our Idol Madness brackets. I'll be blogging next week's performance and Bren will take the results. Cheers!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Idol Madness: John vs. THE PICK
John Stevens, "Music of My Heart", season three
vs.
Kellie Pickler, "Bohemian Rhapsody", season five
Lindsay here, and sorry, we probably should have told you that Brenna wrote the first Idol Madness blog (AND created the bracket, for which she rocks my world), and I wrote the second and now the third. You know, I have to say, for the most part, I don't feel too badly for contestants on American Idol, or any other reality competition show for that matter. I mean, come on. You audition for a show that millions of people watch and the premise is to be JUDGED--you set yourself up for it, holmes. Don't try out if you don't want to be ripped apart.
That being sad--John Stevens was one of the only contestants EVER on any reality show (and I watch a shitload, believe me) that I actually felt sorry for. The kid was getting death threats at one point in the competition--I think it may have been after Jennifer Hudson was voted off, which was a total crock, but anyway. The point is, John Stevens totally knew he was wearing out his welcome on the show, but what was the kid supposed to do? Quit? Really though, how he got away with this song on "Latin" night still blows my mind. Just because Glo-E sang it, doesn't make it Latin.
And then there's the Pick. In hindsight, I think we should have all given the Pick more of a chance. That chick is awesome and is probably one of the most hilarious contestants ever to grace the Idol stage. I would love to pound a couple of beers with her and say words with more than four syllables so I could watch her drunkenly try to process them. And as Simon told her two years ago, she's ballsy. Did her twangy take on one of the greatest songs of all time make us cringe? Hell yes. Did we secretly covet how great she looked in those leggings and hooker boots? Well, maybe that was just me. And even though the judges all praised her up and down for this, at the time, we kind of hated her. But we love her now! So for that--we're giving the win this round to John Stevens. Go red! See you in the Elite Eight!
vs.
Kellie Pickler, "Bohemian Rhapsody", season five
Lindsay here, and sorry, we probably should have told you that Brenna wrote the first Idol Madness blog (AND created the bracket, for which she rocks my world), and I wrote the second and now the third. You know, I have to say, for the most part, I don't feel too badly for contestants on American Idol, or any other reality competition show for that matter. I mean, come on. You audition for a show that millions of people watch and the premise is to be JUDGED--you set yourself up for it, holmes. Don't try out if you don't want to be ripped apart.
That being sad--John Stevens was one of the only contestants EVER on any reality show (and I watch a shitload, believe me) that I actually felt sorry for. The kid was getting death threats at one point in the competition--I think it may have been after Jennifer Hudson was voted off, which was a total crock, but anyway. The point is, John Stevens totally knew he was wearing out his welcome on the show, but what was the kid supposed to do? Quit? Really though, how he got away with this song on "Latin" night still blows my mind. Just because Glo-E sang it, doesn't make it Latin.
And then there's the Pick. In hindsight, I think we should have all given the Pick more of a chance. That chick is awesome and is probably one of the most hilarious contestants ever to grace the Idol stage. I would love to pound a couple of beers with her and say words with more than four syllables so I could watch her drunkenly try to process them. And as Simon told her two years ago, she's ballsy. Did her twangy take on one of the greatest songs of all time make us cringe? Hell yes. Did we secretly covet how great she looked in those leggings and hooker boots? Well, maybe that was just me. And even though the judges all praised her up and down for this, at the time, we kind of hated her. But we love her now! So for that--we're giving the win this round to John Stevens. Go red! See you in the Elite Eight!
You say it's your birthday...
First of all, congrats to my boys, the Pittsburgh Penguins, for clinching a playoff berth and distancing themselves further from the New Jersey Devils for the division lead!!! I could go on, but this isn't a hockey blog. I'll leave that to Seth at Empty Netters and the boys at The Pensblog.
Burning questions from tonight’s episode: Ramiele liked to bite people? Is David A. losing momentum? Was that Sara Ramirez from Grey’s Anatomy in the audience? Can David C. actually win this thing? And what the F was Paula wearing?!
Each of the contestants are singing a song from the year in which they were born, which makes me feel really old.
Ramiele is leading off, singing Heart’s “Alone.” Ladies of American Idol, I beg you to retire this song for these reasons: a) it’s an awesome song, and very few people can come close to the original, and b) that one contestant who could sang the crap out of it a few seasons back, and everyone watching this show is thinking of her while you’re singing. Ramiele apparently didn’t get the memo. Little tiny parts of the song aren’t terrible, but overall it’s a trainwreck. Apparently she’s sick. I don’t care.
Happy birthday, Jason! I feel like Jason peaked way too early, and nothing is going to live up to his semifinals performances. He sings “Fragile,” by Sting, which I’ve never heard before tonight. It was kind of boring but he’s obviously back in his element. I have a note that he should enunciate more, but then Randy says something about Spanish… was he speaking Spanish? I really couldn’t tell, because he was mumbling through the entire song. It’s ok, but I’m not overly impressed.
Dear Syesha, stop doing the baby cry. Thank you. She sings “If I Were Your Woman” and absolutely nails it. I think she’s certainly got talent and can potentially stick around for awhile. I’m not motivated to vote for her though, and that lack of connection will be her eventual downfall.
Chekezie sings “If Only For One Night,” another song I’m not familiar with. He sounds good, but it’s a really boring song. I’m worried about him, and I want him to stick around so we can see his mom a few more times!
My girl Brooke tells us she learned the piano by ear. Wow. Do you guys realize how hard that is?? I took like six years of lessons and still suck. She tackles “Every Breath You Take,” and the first part is gorgeous – just her and the piano. But then the band kicks in halfway through, and it just doesn’t click. I agree with Simon and Randy – had she continued alone, it would have been gorgeous. She’s not in any danger though. Woo!
I’m really not sure where to start with Michael. On one hand, his medley of songs featured in the Mighty Ducks movies (a.k.a. “We Will Rock You” and “We Are the Champions”) was kind of awesome. On the other hand, it was totally cheesy. But on the first hand, he looked like he was actually having fun again. But on the other hand, I felt like I was at the Super Bowl. I think I’ll concede that it was kind of a “so bad it’s good” instance, and I think Michael is safe for another week.
Carly sings one of my favorites, “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” This is the first time I’ve actually really enjoyed one of her performances. I completely disagree with the judges, and I think she is superb. I do agree that the last few notes were off, but overall it was a solid performance. Again, not motivated enough to vote for her though.
Oh, Little David. I cry a little when he says he was born in 1990, and I cry a little more when he sings one of the worst songs the Idol stage has ever seen. Guys, it was TERRIBLE. The song was awful, his awkward dancing was awful, and he was off-pitch more often than not. Obviously he’s not going anywhere, but I really think he’d be better off co-headlining a tour with Hannah Montana & Zac Efron.
Our arch-nemesis, Kristy Lee, is next singing “God Bless the USA.” It’s another cheesy song with cheesy American flag graphics, but surprisingly it’s not the worst performance of the night. I refuse to waste any more words on her though.
And it’s up to David C. to close out the show. Guys, I think I really like him. Like, really really like him. I still have to kind of close my eyes when he performs, because I feel almost as dirty watching him as I do watching “Rock of Love,” but his version of “Billie Jean” tonight is AWESOME. It’s the only performance of the night that I’ll remember in a few days. I may actually download it from iTunes. And he may actually have a chance of winning this thing. If in late May, we’re watching him sing whatever terrible song won the songwriting contest this year while confetti is raining down, remember that on March 25, at 9:25 pm, I received this text message from Lindsay: “He is going to win.”
So there you have it, folks. I think the bottom three will be Ramiele, Chekezie, and Jason. I hate to say it, but I think Kristy Lee will get enough patriotic/sympathy votes to stay above the bubble this week.
Lindsay is back tomorrow with another round of Idol Madness, as well as the results recap!
Burning questions from tonight’s episode: Ramiele liked to bite people? Is David A. losing momentum? Was that Sara Ramirez from Grey’s Anatomy in the audience? Can David C. actually win this thing? And what the F was Paula wearing?!
Each of the contestants are singing a song from the year in which they were born, which makes me feel really old.
Ramiele is leading off, singing Heart’s “Alone.” Ladies of American Idol, I beg you to retire this song for these reasons: a) it’s an awesome song, and very few people can come close to the original, and b) that one contestant who could sang the crap out of it a few seasons back, and everyone watching this show is thinking of her while you’re singing. Ramiele apparently didn’t get the memo. Little tiny parts of the song aren’t terrible, but overall it’s a trainwreck. Apparently she’s sick. I don’t care.
Happy birthday, Jason! I feel like Jason peaked way too early, and nothing is going to live up to his semifinals performances. He sings “Fragile,” by Sting, which I’ve never heard before tonight. It was kind of boring but he’s obviously back in his element. I have a note that he should enunciate more, but then Randy says something about Spanish… was he speaking Spanish? I really couldn’t tell, because he was mumbling through the entire song. It’s ok, but I’m not overly impressed.
Dear Syesha, stop doing the baby cry. Thank you. She sings “If I Were Your Woman” and absolutely nails it. I think she’s certainly got talent and can potentially stick around for awhile. I’m not motivated to vote for her though, and that lack of connection will be her eventual downfall.
Chekezie sings “If Only For One Night,” another song I’m not familiar with. He sounds good, but it’s a really boring song. I’m worried about him, and I want him to stick around so we can see his mom a few more times!
My girl Brooke tells us she learned the piano by ear. Wow. Do you guys realize how hard that is?? I took like six years of lessons and still suck. She tackles “Every Breath You Take,” and the first part is gorgeous – just her and the piano. But then the band kicks in halfway through, and it just doesn’t click. I agree with Simon and Randy – had she continued alone, it would have been gorgeous. She’s not in any danger though. Woo!
I’m really not sure where to start with Michael. On one hand, his medley of songs featured in the Mighty Ducks movies (a.k.a. “We Will Rock You” and “We Are the Champions”) was kind of awesome. On the other hand, it was totally cheesy. But on the first hand, he looked like he was actually having fun again. But on the other hand, I felt like I was at the Super Bowl. I think I’ll concede that it was kind of a “so bad it’s good” instance, and I think Michael is safe for another week.
Carly sings one of my favorites, “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” This is the first time I’ve actually really enjoyed one of her performances. I completely disagree with the judges, and I think she is superb. I do agree that the last few notes were off, but overall it was a solid performance. Again, not motivated enough to vote for her though.
Oh, Little David. I cry a little when he says he was born in 1990, and I cry a little more when he sings one of the worst songs the Idol stage has ever seen. Guys, it was TERRIBLE. The song was awful, his awkward dancing was awful, and he was off-pitch more often than not. Obviously he’s not going anywhere, but I really think he’d be better off co-headlining a tour with Hannah Montana & Zac Efron.
Our arch-nemesis, Kristy Lee, is next singing “God Bless the USA.” It’s another cheesy song with cheesy American flag graphics, but surprisingly it’s not the worst performance of the night. I refuse to waste any more words on her though.
And it’s up to David C. to close out the show. Guys, I think I really like him. Like, really really like him. I still have to kind of close my eyes when he performs, because I feel almost as dirty watching him as I do watching “Rock of Love,” but his version of “Billie Jean” tonight is AWESOME. It’s the only performance of the night that I’ll remember in a few days. I may actually download it from iTunes. And he may actually have a chance of winning this thing. If in late May, we’re watching him sing whatever terrible song won the songwriting contest this year while confetti is raining down, remember that on March 25, at 9:25 pm, I received this text message from Lindsay: “He is going to win.”
So there you have it, folks. I think the bottom three will be Ramiele, Chekezie, and Jason. I hate to say it, but I think Kristy Lee will get enough patriotic/sympathy votes to stay above the bubble this week.
Lindsay is back tomorrow with another round of Idol Madness, as well as the results recap!
Idol Madness: Mikalah vs. Kristy Lee
Mikalah Gordan, "Love Will Lead You Back", Season Four
vs.
Kristy Lee Cook, "Eight Days a Week", Season Seven
Guys, let me ask you: has there ever been, or will there ever be, a contestant on this show more obnoxious than Mikalah Gordon? Fran Drescher's mini-me came into our lives like a hurricane and much like a hurricane, left nothing but destruction and sadness in her wake. Her performance of "Love Will Lead You Back" during the second week of the finals was atrocious enough to not allow her to crack the top 10, meaning no one who paid good money to see Constantine eye-hump everyone would have Mikalah getting in the way.
On the other hand, someone who DID crack the top 10 and we'll have to suffer through on the tour is Kristy Lee f'ing Cook. Her off-key, crack-induced countrified performance of "Eight Days a Week" during Beatles' week pretty much annihilated the sanctity of the Fab Four. In fact, she's pretty much ruined every song she's touched. Remember when she sang Journey? That still pisses us off, too. So congratulations, KLC! We'll see you in the semifinals.
vs.
Kristy Lee Cook, "Eight Days a Week", Season Seven
Guys, let me ask you: has there ever been, or will there ever be, a contestant on this show more obnoxious than Mikalah Gordon? Fran Drescher's mini-me came into our lives like a hurricane and much like a hurricane, left nothing but destruction and sadness in her wake. Her performance of "Love Will Lead You Back" during the second week of the finals was atrocious enough to not allow her to crack the top 10, meaning no one who paid good money to see Constantine eye-hump everyone would have Mikalah getting in the way.
On the other hand, someone who DID crack the top 10 and we'll have to suffer through on the tour is Kristy Lee f'ing Cook. Her off-key, crack-induced countrified performance of "Eight Days a Week" during Beatles' week pretty much annihilated the sanctity of the Fab Four. In fact, she's pretty much ruined every song she's touched. Remember when she sang Journey? That still pisses us off, too. So congratulations, KLC! We'll see you in the semifinals.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Idol Madness: Carmen vs. Antonella
(Scroll down to see the Idol Sweet Sixteen bracket.)
Oh, Antonella. Where do we even start? How about talking about how I think of you anytime I pass the WWII Memorial here in DC, because you disgustingly and disrespectfully posed naked in its fountains? How about how obnoxious you and your BFF from New Jersey were during Hollywood Week? No, let’s get right to the heart of it, because this is, as Simon reminds us so frequently, a singing competition. She was just awful. AWFUL. I submit her attempt at Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” as Exhibit A. She tried to sex up a sappy ballad and failed miserably, falling flat on nearly every note, and acting almost as robotic as Kristy Lee does every week.
You know that sounds you used to make as a kid, when you’d talk into a fan and it made your voice vibrate? Carmen sounded like that ALL THE TIME. I wish she’d been as trashy as Antonella, because then she’d at least have been entertaining. But no, she was all Mormon and sitting on Clay’s lap and making us mad every week she was still there.
As awful and offensive as Antonella was, there’s no competition here. Carmen has to be our #1 Seed of Awful Performances, and has a solid season of absurdity to back it up. And while it’s not her fault, she’s got to take the prize on this one for the cheesy Casio keyboard sounding backup track, the screensaver behind her, and the sub-Gator Groove-level of production quality of season two. Congratulations, Carmen! You’re in the Elite Eight!
“Can’t Fight the Moonlight,” by Carmen Rasmussen, Season 2
versus
“I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing,” by Antonella Barba, Season 6
versus
“I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing,” by Antonella Barba, Season 6
Oh, Antonella. Where do we even start? How about talking about how I think of you anytime I pass the WWII Memorial here in DC, because you disgustingly and disrespectfully posed naked in its fountains? How about how obnoxious you and your BFF from New Jersey were during Hollywood Week? No, let’s get right to the heart of it, because this is, as Simon reminds us so frequently, a singing competition. She was just awful. AWFUL. I submit her attempt at Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” as Exhibit A. She tried to sex up a sappy ballad and failed miserably, falling flat on nearly every note, and acting almost as robotic as Kristy Lee does every week.
You know that sounds you used to make as a kid, when you’d talk into a fan and it made your voice vibrate? Carmen sounded like that ALL THE TIME. I wish she’d been as trashy as Antonella, because then she’d at least have been entertaining. But no, she was all Mormon and sitting on Clay’s lap and making us mad every week she was still there.
As awful and offensive as Antonella was, there’s no competition here. Carmen has to be our #1 Seed of Awful Performances, and has a solid season of absurdity to back it up. And while it’s not her fault, she’s got to take the prize on this one for the cheesy Casio keyboard sounding backup track, the screensaver behind her, and the sub-Gator Groove-level of production quality of season two. Congratulations, Carmen! You’re in the Elite Eight!
American Idol Madness
You didn’t think basketball was going to have all the fun, did you?
Below you will find our own American Idol Sweet Sixteen. These are the 16 performances that most stand out in our minds as being the most offensive, atrocious, or just downright wrong performances that have graced the Idol stage. We tried to give equal love to each season, but let’s face it, some seasons were just much more terrible than others. (We’re looking at you, season 5. It’s a good thing you gave us Daughtry and Yamin.)
Below you will find our own American Idol Sweet Sixteen. These are the 16 performances that most stand out in our minds as being the most offensive, atrocious, or just downright wrong performances that have graced the Idol stage. We tried to give equal love to each season, but let’s face it, some seasons were just much more terrible than others. (We’re looking at you, season 5. It’s a good thing you gave us Daughtry and Yamin.)
We will analyze each head-to-head match-up until we declare a Worst Idol Performance Ever. And please trust me when I say, we will not enjoy this.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
You've got to be kidding me.
Well, folks, it’s time to waste another hour of your life on product placement, filler, and weird sexual tension. Yep, it’s the results show! Ryan starts us off by telling us some of this year’s mentors, which include Andrew Lloyd Weber (Broadway week??) and Neil Diamond, which is appropriate because I watched Saving Silverman this weekend. He also reminds us that this year’s Idol crowning song will again be chosen from a songwriting contest, since apparently they didn’t get the memo that “This Is My Now” sucked really bad.
Everyone looks thoroughly bored in the medley, and I am thoroughly bored by it. And are the harmonies pre-recorded? That sounded way too good to be live. Let me also take this opportunity to say how sick I am of commercials for “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?”
The recap this week is worth it simply for Simon’s comment comparing Kristy Lee to musical wallpaper. I realize I had been singing “Daytripper” all day long, but I still can’t bring myself to watch David C. He’s just way too skeezy…
We’re finally to some substance in the show. Brooke is safe. Carly is sa – wait, in the bottom three?! What?! Something is wrong there. David A. is safe, and my ears are ringing from the screaming. Michael is safe. And that’s it for substance. We then take a look at how the Ford music video was made, prompting Michael to reference Susan Lucci. Awesome. The video sucks, as per usual.
Back to the lineup. David C. is still gross and safe. Kristy Lee is in the bottom three. (Hallelujah!) Jason is safe.
Oh goody, viewer calls! One caller gushes about how she loves the show, which reminds me of those old commercials we’d see on KBL and Fox Sports for “Sportsbeat.” You know, “Stan, Guy, love the show!” It’s a Pittsburgh thing. Anyways, one viewer asks if Simon and Paula would kiss again. Awkward sexual tension ensues. Ok, now I’m even more grossed out than I was when David C. was on screen.
And then it’s time for Kellie Pickler, who I couldn't stand as a contestant on Idol but kind of like now. Reason #1? She's dating a hockey player. Ladies, you heard it here first. Hockey players are all the rage. Celebrities should be lining up to date hockey players. First in line? Ellen Page? You're 20, attractive, and from Halifax. Guess who else is 20, attractive, and from Halifax? You'll thank me later. And oh yeah, go Pens. Anyways, Kellie sings her song about red high heels and flirts with Simon. Randy looks like he’s expecting a lap dance.
We’re next reminded that there’s another Idol Gives Back this year. Apparently they did not use the money for the Beatles catalog, but instead sent Elliott and Fantasia to Africa. Anyone else agree that it’s a really strange pairing?? Fantasia knocks Kristy Lee out of the ballpark with her version of “Amazing Grace.” Elliott almost makes me cry when he’s told there’s a baby being named after him. Damn, I loved him. This year, Idol Gives Back will feature Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, and… Dane Cook? I’m sorry, people, I can’t think of Dane Cook now without thinking of SNL’s spot-on spoofs of his MLB ads from last fall.
Finally, we’re back to the substance. Syesha is safe, Chikezie is safe, and Amanda is in the bottom three. I have a bad feeling about this, as Carly is sent to safety, leaving us with Amanda and Kristy Lee. Amanda is sent home, and I think Kristy Lee was actually pleading with her to switch places. I’m really pissed about this. We can’t even blame Vote for the Worst, since they were voting for Amanda. Good job, guys. At least this sets us up for our inaugural Idol countdown. Stay tuned for our list of the worst Idol performances of the last eight seasons.
All in all, the Beatles weeks were halfway successful. We had some great performances but lost two undeserving contestants, and now we’ll have to suffer through Ramiele and Kristy Lee on tour. Hopefully next week the show (and America) will come to their senses… but what am I saying, this is American Idol. And this is why we love it.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Beatles 2.0
So I said last week in my blog on the results that it would remain to be seen whether a repeat theme would be a good decision or not. You heard it here first--it's not. I think so many of the contestants kicked butt last week, that expectations were ridiculously high and the majority of the kids didn't deliver. Let's hope this is the last we see of the repeat themes. With that, let's kick it off.
This week, the gang is talking about memorable moments, which is just as interesting as you'd expect, so I won't bother recapping. Amanda is first, and she's going to sing "Back in the USSR." You guys, as soon as I heard she was doing this, it immediately reminded me of that HILARIOUS SNL spoof of Sex & The City when Xtina hosted and Amy Poehler as Carrie Bradshaw made a lot of really bad Carrie-esque jokes about dumping "the Russian." If you haven't seen it yet, you have to watch. Xtina is brilliant.
Anyway, so Amanda sings, and while I'm not disliking her as much as I had been, she's still not my favorite. She's actually singing the song, not mumbling, and she's more animated than we've seen her in weeks, but I still don't love this. Randy busts out a "pitchy" right out of the gate, which is just as predictable as Simon telling Amanda she could become boring. I have a feeling I'll have forgotten about this entire exchange by about 9:00 pm.
Next up is my arch nemesis Kristy Lee Cook. KLC decided to raid Cher's closet for her performance tonight I see, or maybe David Hernandez's. Hi-yo! She's holding stupid photo albums and Ryan shows pictures of her stupid horse to everyone. ENOUGH WITH THE HORSE. Kristy's singing "You Got to Hide Your Love Away" and it sucks, as per usual. I hate Kristy Lee. If she's not out this week, she is officially this season's Sanjaya. Simon basically tells her she's bland and boring, and I really hope she's gone after tomorrow night.
David A. is up and is singing "The Long & Winding Road." Dear God, please let him remember the lyrics. We're treated to a miserable reminder of his abysmal performance last week. Man, that was bad. I think he totally redeems himself this week. Another ballad, though. Maybe he's afraid if he does an uptempo one it will be like that time Kevin Covais did "Part Time Lover." Shudder. I still love David even though you can barely hear him sing for all the Hannah Montana screaming going on. I actually think he sounds a little like Elliott Yamin on this. No one can touch Elliott Yamin in my book, but in about ten years, I think David could have that kind of voice. I wish Elliott had won season five so bad. You guys should totally download his cover of "A Song for You." Anyway, good job lil David.
Michael aka Rufus Humphrey from Gossip Girl is singing "A Day in the Life"--yeesh, trying to arrange this song to be crammed into less than two minutes? How is this going to go? Answer: not good. The arrangement is all over the place. I hate this. And also, something that can't bode well for Michael--I never remember him. He's totally forgettable. Also, I think he's had Botox. His forehead is not. Moving. At. All. I think Michael generally has a good voice, but this doesn't showcase him well at all. Then he tries for the pity vote by saying the song was dedicated to his friend who died. Oh no you diiiiii'int, Rufus.
You guys, Beatles night round two sucks so far. Blah.
Up next is Brooke, who stole my heart last week. Call me, Brooke! Me thinks she is going to have a hard time living up to "Let it Be" from last week. I have to say, I would totally buy her album, and when she puts one out as she inevitably will, I hope she covers that song. OK, she's singing "Here Comes the Sun", and while I love Brooke to death, this performance is so contrived and weird. A weird "Woo!" and some random dancing and like skipping. Yikes. I think she really needs to either have her guitar or be behind the piano to feel comfortable, which I totally get. This is so awkward and not great. I don't love this. Aww, Brooke. She's kind of annoying when the judges are talking to her, too. I'm not worried about her though. She'll still be around. Be better next week, Brooke!
David C. is going to be doing Whitesnake's (OMG!) version of "Day Tripper." I really really really like David a lot...if I don't look at him. I cannot help it, there is just something soooo skeevy about him. Also, he slipped into Constantine mode a couple of times there with the attempt at a smoldering eye. Yuck. His voice is really good though, and I can't deny he's very talented. He does something with some voice box thing that sounds like Peter Frampton in that Geico commercial...do you feeeeel like I feeeeeel? Anyway, there's only room for one Cook in this kitchen, and it's clearly NOT Kristy Lee. Go David!
Carly is probably going to make me cry, because she's doing "Blackbird" and that song reminds me of my dad and my childhood. Miss you, Dad! Like you're going to read this blog ever. Mom, print this out and make Dad read it. Anyway, Carly's wearing a blouse that Angela from season three of Project Runway apparently designed. It's so hard for me to be objective about this, because I love this song. I think she sounds great. I've always liked Carly, even if she's never been my favorite. I think she's consistently good and really has star quality. God, why is everyone talking so much? Carly, you're wrecking it because you're explaining too much. SHHHH.
Jason is so cute. I just love him. He just seems so bewildered all of the time. He tells us he's going to be singing "Michelle" and I am too distracted by the rogue dread trying to escape from his head to pay much attention to what he's saying. The song is only okay. He's another one, like Brooke, who I think is uncomfortable without an instrument. He hits some clunker notes, and I'm officially bored with this performance--and I LIKE Jason. Beatles two weeks in a row was a bad idea, officially. He nailed the French words though--I think.
Syesha tells us in her interview package that she chose to sing "Yesterday", because the song "touched" her and she "wants to touch everyone else as much as she's been touched." Dude, you're on the wrong show. If you want to touch people, try Rock of Love next time. Or the Real World. I don't like her with straight hair. I was nervous about her doing this song, but she's not bad. She's not amazing, but she's got a pretty voice and does a nice job with the song. I have a feeling she may be in the bottom three again, just because she's kind of meh. I don't see her as the winner, but Syesha is definitely not the worst voice in the competition. She's pleasant and lovely, albeit slightly boring.
Up next is Chikezie singing "I've Just Seen a Face" and he apparently randomly taught himself harmonica, which he's going to attempt to play tonight. Dude, no. Just no. I love you, but come on. The tempo feels a bit off at the beginning, but maybe that's how the song goes. I don't know this song, I have to admit. I think Chikezie has a really great voice and is awesome in general, but this performance is blah. NOT as good as last week, not by a mile. Damn, tonight sucks so bad.
In the pimp spot is sweet, boring Ramiele. She sings "I Should've Known Better" and it's okay. I was betting Simon would trot out one of his usual comments like "cruise ship" or "high school talent show" about it, but he doesn't. Ramiele is another one like Syesha--not the worst voice, but totally meh and forgettable. I feel like she lost a lot of her spirit when Danny got the boot.
So recap of the night--top spots for me go to the Davids and probably Carly. Kristy Lee totally deserves to be in the bottom and to go home, and I'm not sure who should join her. I have a feeling Syesha might be there because of the blah factor, but she was one of the better ones tonight. I think Grandpa Michael's in danger too. We'll see what America thinks. Bren will take you through the results tomorrow night and performances next week. Here's hoping she gets a decent theme to recap! Cheers!
This week, the gang is talking about memorable moments, which is just as interesting as you'd expect, so I won't bother recapping. Amanda is first, and she's going to sing "Back in the USSR." You guys, as soon as I heard she was doing this, it immediately reminded me of that HILARIOUS SNL spoof of Sex & The City when Xtina hosted and Amy Poehler as Carrie Bradshaw made a lot of really bad Carrie-esque jokes about dumping "the Russian." If you haven't seen it yet, you have to watch. Xtina is brilliant.
Anyway, so Amanda sings, and while I'm not disliking her as much as I had been, she's still not my favorite. She's actually singing the song, not mumbling, and she's more animated than we've seen her in weeks, but I still don't love this. Randy busts out a "pitchy" right out of the gate, which is just as predictable as Simon telling Amanda she could become boring. I have a feeling I'll have forgotten about this entire exchange by about 9:00 pm.
Next up is my arch nemesis Kristy Lee Cook. KLC decided to raid Cher's closet for her performance tonight I see, or maybe David Hernandez's. Hi-yo! She's holding stupid photo albums and Ryan shows pictures of her stupid horse to everyone. ENOUGH WITH THE HORSE. Kristy's singing "You Got to Hide Your Love Away" and it sucks, as per usual. I hate Kristy Lee. If she's not out this week, she is officially this season's Sanjaya. Simon basically tells her she's bland and boring, and I really hope she's gone after tomorrow night.
David A. is up and is singing "The Long & Winding Road." Dear God, please let him remember the lyrics. We're treated to a miserable reminder of his abysmal performance last week. Man, that was bad. I think he totally redeems himself this week. Another ballad, though. Maybe he's afraid if he does an uptempo one it will be like that time Kevin Covais did "Part Time Lover." Shudder. I still love David even though you can barely hear him sing for all the Hannah Montana screaming going on. I actually think he sounds a little like Elliott Yamin on this. No one can touch Elliott Yamin in my book, but in about ten years, I think David could have that kind of voice. I wish Elliott had won season five so bad. You guys should totally download his cover of "A Song for You." Anyway, good job lil David.
Michael aka Rufus Humphrey from Gossip Girl is singing "A Day in the Life"--yeesh, trying to arrange this song to be crammed into less than two minutes? How is this going to go? Answer: not good. The arrangement is all over the place. I hate this. And also, something that can't bode well for Michael--I never remember him. He's totally forgettable. Also, I think he's had Botox. His forehead is not. Moving. At. All. I think Michael generally has a good voice, but this doesn't showcase him well at all. Then he tries for the pity vote by saying the song was dedicated to his friend who died. Oh no you diiiiii'int, Rufus.
You guys, Beatles night round two sucks so far. Blah.
Up next is Brooke, who stole my heart last week. Call me, Brooke! Me thinks she is going to have a hard time living up to "Let it Be" from last week. I have to say, I would totally buy her album, and when she puts one out as she inevitably will, I hope she covers that song. OK, she's singing "Here Comes the Sun", and while I love Brooke to death, this performance is so contrived and weird. A weird "Woo!" and some random dancing and like skipping. Yikes. I think she really needs to either have her guitar or be behind the piano to feel comfortable, which I totally get. This is so awkward and not great. I don't love this. Aww, Brooke. She's kind of annoying when the judges are talking to her, too. I'm not worried about her though. She'll still be around. Be better next week, Brooke!
David C. is going to be doing Whitesnake's (OMG!) version of "Day Tripper." I really really really like David a lot...if I don't look at him. I cannot help it, there is just something soooo skeevy about him. Also, he slipped into Constantine mode a couple of times there with the attempt at a smoldering eye. Yuck. His voice is really good though, and I can't deny he's very talented. He does something with some voice box thing that sounds like Peter Frampton in that Geico commercial...do you feeeeel like I feeeeeel? Anyway, there's only room for one Cook in this kitchen, and it's clearly NOT Kristy Lee. Go David!
Carly is probably going to make me cry, because she's doing "Blackbird" and that song reminds me of my dad and my childhood. Miss you, Dad! Like you're going to read this blog ever. Mom, print this out and make Dad read it. Anyway, Carly's wearing a blouse that Angela from season three of Project Runway apparently designed. It's so hard for me to be objective about this, because I love this song. I think she sounds great. I've always liked Carly, even if she's never been my favorite. I think she's consistently good and really has star quality. God, why is everyone talking so much? Carly, you're wrecking it because you're explaining too much. SHHHH.
Jason is so cute. I just love him. He just seems so bewildered all of the time. He tells us he's going to be singing "Michelle" and I am too distracted by the rogue dread trying to escape from his head to pay much attention to what he's saying. The song is only okay. He's another one, like Brooke, who I think is uncomfortable without an instrument. He hits some clunker notes, and I'm officially bored with this performance--and I LIKE Jason. Beatles two weeks in a row was a bad idea, officially. He nailed the French words though--I think.
Syesha tells us in her interview package that she chose to sing "Yesterday", because the song "touched" her and she "wants to touch everyone else as much as she's been touched." Dude, you're on the wrong show. If you want to touch people, try Rock of Love next time. Or the Real World. I don't like her with straight hair. I was nervous about her doing this song, but she's not bad. She's not amazing, but she's got a pretty voice and does a nice job with the song. I have a feeling she may be in the bottom three again, just because she's kind of meh. I don't see her as the winner, but Syesha is definitely not the worst voice in the competition. She's pleasant and lovely, albeit slightly boring.
Up next is Chikezie singing "I've Just Seen a Face" and he apparently randomly taught himself harmonica, which he's going to attempt to play tonight. Dude, no. Just no. I love you, but come on. The tempo feels a bit off at the beginning, but maybe that's how the song goes. I don't know this song, I have to admit. I think Chikezie has a really great voice and is awesome in general, but this performance is blah. NOT as good as last week, not by a mile. Damn, tonight sucks so bad.
In the pimp spot is sweet, boring Ramiele. She sings "I Should've Known Better" and it's okay. I was betting Simon would trot out one of his usual comments like "cruise ship" or "high school talent show" about it, but he doesn't. Ramiele is another one like Syesha--not the worst voice, but totally meh and forgettable. I feel like she lost a lot of her spirit when Danny got the boot.
So recap of the night--top spots for me go to the Davids and probably Carly. Kristy Lee totally deserves to be in the bottom and to go home, and I'm not sure who should join her. I have a feeling Syesha might be there because of the blah factor, but she was one of the better ones tonight. I think Grandpa Michael's in danger too. We'll see what America thinks. Bren will take you through the results tomorrow night and performances next week. Here's hoping she gets a decent theme to recap! Cheers!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Way to be subtle, Fox.
Hey guys, Lindsay here. Results night! My favorite way to waste an hour on Wednesdays from March through May. Coming in second--America's Next Top Model. You guys, how awesome would it be to have Tyra Banks as a guest judge? I would pay money to hear her tell David Cook that he needs to accentuate his neck or tell Syesha she has dead eyes. Really, if you guys aren't watching that show you are totally missing out.
Oh great, just what the show needs--Jim Carrey in an elephant costume. The best thing about it is he's sitting across the aisle from Carly's husband, whose face is covered in tattoos. You know that dude is thinking, "FINALLY, someone else is in here for people to stare at."
Ryan tells us that because of the overwhelming response to the show last night, the theme next week will continue to be songs from the Lennon/McCartney songbook. I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing. It could possibly be a good thing if Kristy Lee gets eliminated and David A. actually learns the words to his song. Jury's still out on this. The gang comes out for a group sing. Observations during the group number:
1) Kristy Lee needs to just give up now.
2) David A.'s collar is popped. Gross.
3) Michael appears to either be sweating heavily or spitting a lot when he has a solo.
Group sing over, back from commercials and we're into last night's recap. Blah blah, Chikezie was awesome, blah blah Syesha and Ramiele were boring, blah blah Kristy Lee and David A. were hot messes, and time for the results. Ryan asks Carly, Michael, Jason and Syesha to stand up. If anyone out there didn't know how this was going to play out, you clearly are a rookie at watching this show. Of course Carly, Gramps and Jason are safe, and Syesha's in the bottom three. Ryan asks her to sing her song again, and WTF? So instead of watching one loser sing, we have to sit through three of them??? Whose brilliant idea was this? ARGH. And I'm watching live, so I can't fast forward. BOO.
We come back from the real commercials to our very first FORD commercial of the season. Fox apparently decided it would be a good idea to take an awesome Cake song and turn it into an election-themed music video/commercial. Yikes. After the spot, Ryan tells us we're going to see a tape of the kids talking about the ride of American Idol, but it's really just another excuse to pimp out "Horton Hears a Who" some more. Footage of the kids at the premiere of the movie, more Jim Carrey, interviews, and--STEVE CARELL!!! How kick ass would it be if Michael Scott were a guest judge? There's a hilarious clip of Amanda getting excited about having just met the lead singer of REO Speedwagon, and Ramiele's in the frame with this priceless face like, "REO who? Speedwagon? Is that a new model of FORD?"
Time for the next group of results. Ryan asks Chikezie, Amanda, Kristy Lee and David to stand up. Way to not even have a semblance of suspense there, Seacrest. Kristy Lee clearly knows she's in the bottom and I think she even tells David that. Good to know she's at least self-aware. She is indeed in bottom three and she twangs her way through the song again. Oh God, after the commercials we'll have our first round of viewer call-ins...
...which I'm not even going to talk about because this shit is so obviously scripted, and it's a lame way to fill time. Another thing I'm not going to talk about is the Kat McPhee/David Foster performance. If you want to see it, I'm sure it's on You Tube.
After Jim Carrey slobbers all over Seacrest, it's time for the final group. This one wasn't as easy for me to pick out. We have David A.--for the love of God, TURN DOWN YOUR COLLAR. Also, I hate his dad. Shut up, Jeff Archuleta. Anyway, David is clearly safe even though he bombed last night. Brooke is also clearly safe. Yay Brooke! It was a toss-up for me between David H. and Ramiele, because I thought both could do better, but "America" puts David H. in the bottom three. And by America, I clearly mean Fox. Dude, if David gets booted over Kristy effing Lee, I quit. David sings and is cheesy again, but I keep going back to his "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone" performance in my head, and I know he can be better.
Back from commercials, the judges and Ryan jibba jabba a bit about the bottom three and Ryan sends someone back to safety...and it's Syesha. She's the most deserving of the three, probably. Oh my god, seriously you guys??? Kristy Lee is SAFE???? To quote one Christian Siriano, Project Runway Season 4 winner: "I could just die of barf-ness." OMG, and the freakin' "Bad Day" of this season is a RUBEN STUDDARD song??? HAHAHAHA--it's so funny how they think Ruben is relevant. That seriously made me LOL even through my seething anger at these results. We watch David's video, and I would just love it if when it was over, he cued some music and started stripping to "Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend" ala Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley in that Chippendales SNL sketch.
Well, week one is done with most unsatisfying results. Next week, more Beatles songs and hopefully everyone's a bit more comfortable in their skin and we see something great. We'll be back! Cheers!
Oh great, just what the show needs--Jim Carrey in an elephant costume. The best thing about it is he's sitting across the aisle from Carly's husband, whose face is covered in tattoos. You know that dude is thinking, "FINALLY, someone else is in here for people to stare at."
Ryan tells us that because of the overwhelming response to the show last night, the theme next week will continue to be songs from the Lennon/McCartney songbook. I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing. It could possibly be a good thing if Kristy Lee gets eliminated and David A. actually learns the words to his song. Jury's still out on this. The gang comes out for a group sing. Observations during the group number:
1) Kristy Lee needs to just give up now.
2) David A.'s collar is popped. Gross.
3) Michael appears to either be sweating heavily or spitting a lot when he has a solo.
Group sing over, back from commercials and we're into last night's recap. Blah blah, Chikezie was awesome, blah blah Syesha and Ramiele were boring, blah blah Kristy Lee and David A. were hot messes, and time for the results. Ryan asks Carly, Michael, Jason and Syesha to stand up. If anyone out there didn't know how this was going to play out, you clearly are a rookie at watching this show. Of course Carly, Gramps and Jason are safe, and Syesha's in the bottom three. Ryan asks her to sing her song again, and WTF? So instead of watching one loser sing, we have to sit through three of them??? Whose brilliant idea was this? ARGH. And I'm watching live, so I can't fast forward. BOO.
We come back from the real commercials to our very first FORD commercial of the season. Fox apparently decided it would be a good idea to take an awesome Cake song and turn it into an election-themed music video/commercial. Yikes. After the spot, Ryan tells us we're going to see a tape of the kids talking about the ride of American Idol, but it's really just another excuse to pimp out "Horton Hears a Who" some more. Footage of the kids at the premiere of the movie, more Jim Carrey, interviews, and--STEVE CARELL!!! How kick ass would it be if Michael Scott were a guest judge? There's a hilarious clip of Amanda getting excited about having just met the lead singer of REO Speedwagon, and Ramiele's in the frame with this priceless face like, "REO who? Speedwagon? Is that a new model of FORD?"
Time for the next group of results. Ryan asks Chikezie, Amanda, Kristy Lee and David to stand up. Way to not even have a semblance of suspense there, Seacrest. Kristy Lee clearly knows she's in the bottom and I think she even tells David that. Good to know she's at least self-aware. She is indeed in bottom three and she twangs her way through the song again. Oh God, after the commercials we'll have our first round of viewer call-ins...
...which I'm not even going to talk about because this shit is so obviously scripted, and it's a lame way to fill time. Another thing I'm not going to talk about is the Kat McPhee/David Foster performance. If you want to see it, I'm sure it's on You Tube.
After Jim Carrey slobbers all over Seacrest, it's time for the final group. This one wasn't as easy for me to pick out. We have David A.--for the love of God, TURN DOWN YOUR COLLAR. Also, I hate his dad. Shut up, Jeff Archuleta. Anyway, David is clearly safe even though he bombed last night. Brooke is also clearly safe. Yay Brooke! It was a toss-up for me between David H. and Ramiele, because I thought both could do better, but "America" puts David H. in the bottom three. And by America, I clearly mean Fox. Dude, if David gets booted over Kristy effing Lee, I quit. David sings and is cheesy again, but I keep going back to his "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone" performance in my head, and I know he can be better.
Back from commercials, the judges and Ryan jibba jabba a bit about the bottom three and Ryan sends someone back to safety...and it's Syesha. She's the most deserving of the three, probably. Oh my god, seriously you guys??? Kristy Lee is SAFE???? To quote one Christian Siriano, Project Runway Season 4 winner: "I could just die of barf-ness." OMG, and the freakin' "Bad Day" of this season is a RUBEN STUDDARD song??? HAHAHAHA--it's so funny how they think Ruben is relevant. That seriously made me LOL even through my seething anger at these results. We watch David's video, and I would just love it if when it was over, he cued some music and started stripping to "Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend" ala Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley in that Chippendales SNL sketch.
Well, week one is done with most unsatisfying results. Next week, more Beatles songs and hopefully everyone's a bit more comfortable in their skin and we see something great. We'll be back! Cheers!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
A Hard Day's Night
Hello, faithful readers! Brenna here, taking on the top 12 performance night on your behalf. Tonight, as we’re reminded frequently, we celebrate the Lennon/McCartney song catalog. Well, now we know where the money from “Idol Gives Back” went!
There’s a bright, shiny new set that looks like the Star Trek Enterprise. The band is about eight miles from the singers… perhaps they were as creeped out by David Cook as we were? They kill time by playing some music and talking with Seacrest, since we do have two hours to fill and only about 30 minutes of relevant content.
Syesha is up first, singing “Gotta Get You Into My Life.” I can’t concentrate on the first half of her song, because I’m too concerned with her hair. What is that? And who thought that looked good? I like the arrangement of the song, but her performance is just ok. I don’t think the song gives her much opportunity to show off her chops.
Chekezie is next, and I have to admit, I like this guy. I just want him to stop being bipolar and give us a good performance every week. He doesn’t disappoint this week, giving us an awesome new interpretation of “She’s a Woman.” He starts it out with a bluegrass feel before absolutely rocking it out halfway though. I really enjoy his performance, and Love (with a capital L) his family. What’s more, he reminds me of George Huff and brings back warm, fuzzy memories.
There’s a bright, shiny new set that looks like the Star Trek Enterprise. The band is about eight miles from the singers… perhaps they were as creeped out by David Cook as we were? They kill time by playing some music and talking with Seacrest, since we do have two hours to fill and only about 30 minutes of relevant content.
Syesha is up first, singing “Gotta Get You Into My Life.” I can’t concentrate on the first half of her song, because I’m too concerned with her hair. What is that? And who thought that looked good? I like the arrangement of the song, but her performance is just ok. I don’t think the song gives her much opportunity to show off her chops.
Chekezie is next, and I have to admit, I like this guy. I just want him to stop being bipolar and give us a good performance every week. He doesn’t disappoint this week, giving us an awesome new interpretation of “She’s a Woman.” He starts it out with a bluegrass feel before absolutely rocking it out halfway though. I really enjoy his performance, and Love (with a capital L) his family. What’s more, he reminds me of George Huff and brings back warm, fuzzy memories.
We need more of this in our lives.
Ramiele starts off at the bottom of the stage, looking like an outtake from an early Christina Aguilera video, and taking on a Disney-fied version of “In My Life.” Her voice sounds really pretty, but… yeah, I can’t do it. There’s nothing worth writing about in this performance. Just like with Syesha, there’s no opportunity in this song to really shine, and it ends up being dreadfully boring.
Is it me, or are there bugs flying around Jason’s hair during his interview? That’s just foul. He performs a decent version of “If I Fell,” which I agree with the judges, was not as good as his previous performances. The falsetto was a little rough. All in all though, I’d take him any day over most of the other contestants.
Carly tells us she’s going to take on “Come Together,” and I think, good luck. It’s such a big song. I disagree slightly with the judges – while she did a great job with it, I still don’t think she’s found the perfect song for her. Maybe I’m expecting too much from her. I do give her loads of credit for picking the most difficult song so far, and she’s not in danger of going anywhere.
Oh no, David C. I liked you last week, and this week you have to pick my all-time favorite Beatles song, “Eleanor Rigby.” He rocks it out again, and the judges think he’s hit another home run, but I beg to differ. It’s probably because I love this song so much, but I think it’s the worst thing he could’ve done to the song. I hate it. The beauty of the original is it simplicity, the strings, the melancholy story… excuse me while I play it to get his version out of my head!
Ok, I’m back. We did get the best Paula comment of the night though, in her telling David that he is a “thoroughbred.” I think they upped her meds this week.
I’m going to say right now that Brooke is my favorite of this top 12. I think she’s genuine, ridiculously talented, and likeable. She commands the stage once again with her moving cover of “Let It Be,” which is everything David C.’s earlier performance was not. Emotional? Check. Beautiful? Check. Subtle? Check. Heartfelt? Check. I love that her voice isn’t perfect. The rasps and the cracks make the song that much more beautiful, and I’m nearly in tears with her at the end. I want Brooke to stay in this competition as long as possible, because I really think we’re seeing an artist blossom in front of us. Also, she gets, hands down, the cutest sign we’ve ever seen on Idol: “We love Brooke but miss our nanny,” with photos of the babies she used to watch.
David H. has the misfortune of following Brooke, and he does a forgettable version of “I Saw Her Standing There.” I like David, and I wish this had been better, but there’s really nothing more left to write about it.
Amanda actually looks good tonight! Those crazy Tim Burton movie style pants aside, of course. She performs “You Can’t Do That,” and I rather like it. It’s a good style for her. I agree with Simon though – girl needs to enunciate! I was taught that in 9th grade choir.
Michael, who was one of my favorites early on, has failed to impress me as of late. He does a decent “Across the Universe,” one of his better song choices of the last few weeks, but still leaves me wanting more.
Let me take a minute to discuss the judges. Is it me, or are they even less constructive than in previous years? Neither Randy nor Paula offer the contestants anything to build on. In Michael’s case, Randy tells him that he should have changed the arrangement or melody. Didn’t he just tell Jason earlier not to mess with a great song? I’m confused. And how does Simon not know Carly’s name? Seriously, how much are they getting paid? AND WHAT EXACTLY IS IN THOSE COKE CUPS?
Paula in a non-crazy moment.
Oh, Kristy Lee. Why are you still here? If you guessed, “to absolutely butcher ‘Eight Days a Week’ beyond repair,” you’re right! Honey, adding fiddles does not equal “taking a risk.” Thank God the judges hated it, though now Kristy will probably get the sympathy vote and put us through misery yet again next week.
David A. gets the pimp spot this week, and fails miserably. You all know I’m not on the Archuleta Train, and this week proved precisely why. When I was in high school, my show choir did this atrocious medley of Beatles songs. Watching David A., I half expected a choir of fellow 17-year-olds to show up behind him, doing choreographed moves to back him up on “We Can Work It Out.” He’s just so little! It doesn’t work for me.
To wrap things up, I’d give the top prize of the night to Brooke, and I’d name the bottom three Ramiele, Kristy Lee, and David H. Since we’re not lucky enough to see Kristy Lee go home, I’m betting my money on David H. to “conveniently” be voted off. Sorry if I’m just a wee bit skeptical of the integrity of this show. This is, after all, the medium that tried to convince us someone was actually voting for Sanjaya.
Lindsay will be with you tomorrow, blogging the joys of the reappearance of Katharine McPhee. Really, who knew she was still around? Good luck with that, and good night!
David A. gets the pimp spot this week, and fails miserably. You all know I’m not on the Archuleta Train, and this week proved precisely why. When I was in high school, my show choir did this atrocious medley of Beatles songs. Watching David A., I half expected a choir of fellow 17-year-olds to show up behind him, doing choreographed moves to back him up on “We Can Work It Out.” He’s just so little! It doesn’t work for me.
To wrap things up, I’d give the top prize of the night to Brooke, and I’d name the bottom three Ramiele, Kristy Lee, and David H. Since we’re not lucky enough to see Kristy Lee go home, I’m betting my money on David H. to “conveniently” be voted off. Sorry if I’m just a wee bit skeptical of the integrity of this show. This is, after all, the medium that tried to convince us someone was actually voting for Sanjaya.
Lindsay will be with you tomorrow, blogging the joys of the reappearance of Katharine McPhee. Really, who knew she was still around? Good luck with that, and good night!
Friday, March 7, 2008
I love the 80's--America Strikes Back
Lindsay here, and I'd like to apologize for the uber-lateness of this blog posting. I had a hell of a day on Thursday that ended with a 4.5 hour drive to Virginia, arriving at 11:00 pm. Had just enough time to watch the show before passing out. Rewatched the show this evening and after 36 MILLLLLLLLLLLLION votes came in, let's see how effed up America is this week.
You can see on her face even as Ryan is saying "I'm sorry..." that she is totally thinking he's going to pull his "I'm sorry....to tell you that you'll have to put up with us for another week!" BUT NO. He totally cuts her in a cruel and fantastically awesome twist. We fast forward through her singout and laugh maniacally at the evilness of the Seacrest.
Oh God, so Ryan announces that this season they are going to add the special feature of allowing the viewers to call in during the show. I don't know about you guys, but I cannot wait to hear the commentary of callers like Seymour Buttz, Hugh Jass and Amanda Hugginkiss. You can't out a price on that shit.
Time to announce more guys. David H., you're in. I guess we should ask to take off your shirt too, since Luke's status is probably amateur and you've gone pro. Michael, you're also in. Have a seat, and you can pick up your Social Security check on your way out. Seacrest asks Luke to stand up and to no one's shock, he's eliminated. But he's so pretty! Sooooo pretty. I actually watch his goodbye video because, before the top 24, I had no idea he existed. Fast forward through his horrific singout. Bye Luke! I'm sorry we never saw you shirtless.
That leaves Chikezie and Danny in the final two guys, and by the way Danny already looks like he's cried his eyes out, I'd say he knows he's on his way out.
But first, more girls. Ramiele--in. Carly--in, and Ryan utters the most disgusting phrase ever on American Idol. "Take a stool"--chew on that for a while, guys. Oh man, Chikezie got totally denied by Carly as she made her way over. HA. Amanda, you and your bright ass red poncho are safe. That leaves Kristy Lee and Asia''''''''''''h in the bottom two. If everything in this world was perfect and good, Kristy Lee would be out, but the world can be a bitch, which means Kristy Lee is safe. Asia'h looks pissed. Fast forward through her montage and sing out, because I just cannot wait for the fabulous shit that's about to fly when Ryan announces these next two.
He asks Chikezie and Danny to come forward and Danny stands there picking his cuticles for about an hour, which makes me want to barf. Ryan announces that Chikezie is in, and you can actually see the shock register on his face right before we cut to a shot of Ramiele f'ing BREAKING DOWN all over the place. You guys, seriously, it's like someone died. Carly is holding her and they're both standing still like they're at a memorial service or something. Man. Intense. We see Danny's sassed out video package and I have to give him credit, he works the singout. Bren and Joe's DVR cuts out before it's over, and we lose the show on a fantastic shot of Ramiele ugly-crying all over a snotty Kleenex. Sweet.
So, we've got our top 12. Amanda, Brooke, Carly, stupid Kristy Lee, Ramiele and Syesha are the girls and three Davids, a Jason and a Michael and Chizekie round out our guys. Join us next week for their first appearance on the big stage! I'll be blogging the performance and Bren will take the results. Cheers!
BLAKE! I've never been so happy to see a former Idol return to the stage. This makes the second coming of Clay Aiken pale in comparison. I think we all need to be reminded of this:
Anyway, Blake is rocking out WHILE WEARING A LEATHER BLAZER (???) with "How Many Words", which I am not ashamed to admit is my favorite song on his album. Another thing I am not ashamed of is admitting that I own Blake Lewis's album. What? Side note, David Cook apparently decided that the night he was going to find out if he was in the top 12 was the perfect night to wear a Day Glo tie. Awesome.
Recap of guys' night: when Michael stands in between David A. and Danny, he totally looks like their dad. Dude looks older and older every week. Whoa, I didn't really pay much attention on Tuesday so I didn't notice David H.s' CA-RAZY facial contortions. His face looks like it's trying to escape from his head. OK, dim the lights, here we go. David C.--in. David A.--in. Um, did anyone notice how the girls were congratulating him? It's like they think he's a really dumb kid who just figured out how to add 2 and 2. He's 17, not a moron, ladies. Next we find out Jason is in, and I'd like to know where he picked up his skank entourage. One of these things is not like the other!
These three guys are safe for now, so it's time to recap the girls. I was going to fast forward this, but it was totally worth watching to hear Simon tell Kady Malloy about her massive lack of personality again. Greatest insult EVER, you guys. I may start using that in my every day life. Time to boot some girls! Brooke--in. Good. I enjoy her. Syesha--in.
Guys, here is where this episode becomes fantastic. Ryan asks Kady to stand up. Now you KNOW in her in dim-witted little brain, she's thinking "I'm totally safe! OMG! Jason got called third too and he made it! I'm so in! YAY! I hope this giant splotch on my dress isn't distracting. Do you think people are looking at my crotch?"
You can see on her face even as Ryan is saying "I'm sorry..." that she is totally thinking he's going to pull his "I'm sorry....to tell you that you'll have to put up with us for another week!" BUT NO. He totally cuts her in a cruel and fantastically awesome twist. We fast forward through her singout and laugh maniacally at the evilness of the Seacrest.Oh God, so Ryan announces that this season they are going to add the special feature of allowing the viewers to call in during the show. I don't know about you guys, but I cannot wait to hear the commentary of callers like Seymour Buttz, Hugh Jass and Amanda Hugginkiss. You can't out a price on that shit.
Time to announce more guys. David H., you're in. I guess we should ask to take off your shirt too, since Luke's status is probably amateur and you've gone pro. Michael, you're also in. Have a seat, and you can pick up your Social Security check on your way out. Seacrest asks Luke to stand up and to no one's shock, he's eliminated. But he's so pretty! Sooooo pretty. I actually watch his goodbye video because, before the top 24, I had no idea he existed. Fast forward through his horrific singout. Bye Luke! I'm sorry we never saw you shirtless.
That leaves Chikezie and Danny in the final two guys, and by the way Danny already looks like he's cried his eyes out, I'd say he knows he's on his way out.
But first, more girls. Ramiele--in. Carly--in, and Ryan utters the most disgusting phrase ever on American Idol. "Take a stool"--chew on that for a while, guys. Oh man, Chikezie got totally denied by Carly as she made her way over. HA. Amanda, you and your bright ass red poncho are safe. That leaves Kristy Lee and Asia''''''''''''h in the bottom two. If everything in this world was perfect and good, Kristy Lee would be out, but the world can be a bitch, which means Kristy Lee is safe. Asia'h looks pissed. Fast forward through her montage and sing out, because I just cannot wait for the fabulous shit that's about to fly when Ryan announces these next two.
He asks Chikezie and Danny to come forward and Danny stands there picking his cuticles for about an hour, which makes me want to barf. Ryan announces that Chikezie is in, and you can actually see the shock register on his face right before we cut to a shot of Ramiele f'ing BREAKING DOWN all over the place. You guys, seriously, it's like someone died. Carly is holding her and they're both standing still like they're at a memorial service or something. Man. Intense. We see Danny's sassed out video package and I have to give him credit, he works the singout. Bren and Joe's DVR cuts out before it's over, and we lose the show on a fantastic shot of Ramiele ugly-crying all over a snotty Kleenex. Sweet.
So, we've got our top 12. Amanda, Brooke, Carly, stupid Kristy Lee, Ramiele and Syesha are the girls and three Davids, a Jason and a Michael and Chizekie round out our guys. Join us next week for their first appearance on the big stage! I'll be blogging the performance and Bren will take the results. Cheers!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I love the 80's, part two
Welcome back! It’s Brenna again, doing double duty this week to return Lindsay’s favor last week. I’d first like to give a shout out to PittGirl of The Burgh Blog, one of our favorite daily reads, which kindly gave us a shout out today, prompting a flurry of IM activity consisting of Lindsay & me freaking out that someone actually pays attention to us. If you’re from Pittsburgh, have ever been to Pittsburgh, or know anything about Pittsburgh, check her out and thank us later.
Tonight the girls took on the 80’s, and it didn’t take long for the first of my predicted Whitney Houston attempts (see last night’s recap) to take place. Asia’h (really, why the apostrophe?) sings “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” taking me back to me listening to this single on a record player sometime in my childhood. Two of the three judges love it, and Simon is lukewarm, which leaves me wondering if I’m tone deaf. I thought she was off key the entire song. Yet again, girls, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SING A WHITNEY SONG. It will never do you justice. Next.
Boring, forgettable Kady sings a boring, forgettable song. I completely agree with Simon – she is robotic, has zero personality, and should probably give up now and work as a Britney impersonator on a cruise ship somewhere.
Amanda rocks the Bret Michaels “Rock of Love” bandana ™ in her interview a second week in a row, and then busts out the Sunday Night Football song… oh wait, it’s really “I Hate Myself for Loving You.” The judges love it. I honestly don’t have an opinion, because I spent the entire song getting psyched for football season, then realizing it was still eight months away. Dammit. On a good note, NBC should totally hire her to sing the song this year. She’s much better than Faith Hill.
I’m sitting here about a half hour after watching the show and I can’t remember what song Carly sang. That’s not a good sign. I know she was good, but I just can’t get excited about her, and like Simon I’m waiting for that one song that she just nails. She better find it soon, or this one-time front runner is going to fade into the background.
We got 3/4 of the way through this week’s contestants without anyone ruining any of my favorite artists… and then Kristy Lee came along. I have absolutely nothing to say. Unless you’re the second coming of Steve Perry, do not even attempt to sing anything by Journey, unless you’re drunk, it’s 1:30 am, and you’re screaming “Don’t Stop Believin’” at the top of your lungs at the bar. I refuse to comment on her performance out of principle. (But I will use this opportunity as an excuse to link to the Tony Romo/Mr. Belding video.)
Side note: is it cold in the studio? It looks like all the boys are wearing tee-shirts and scarves.
Ramiele sings another cheesy Phil Collins song, this one being “Against All Odds.” To me, it felt like she was trying to get more out of it than was there, and it ended up sounding strained. I think Ramiele is very talented, but she needs to choose better songs that show off her range. I wasn’t too impressed by this one.
Brooke has become one of my favorites this year, and she impresses again with an acoustic take on “Love is a Battlefield.” I would probably buy her CD if she ever released one. She sings exactly the kind of music I enjoy, she sings it well, and her personality is pleasant and fun. I really hope she sticks around, but I would like to see her sing some more up-tempo songs to see what she’s capable of.
At this point in the evening, the judges have gone absolutely off their rockers. Paula is falling out of her chair, making even less sense than usual, Simon looks like he’s going to finally walk off that stage for good, and Brooke looks as scared as Jennifer Garner did upon being attacked by Gary Busey. What exactly is in those Coke cups???
Syesha, in the pimp spot, gives us more Whitney Houston. Ladies, have you learned nothing of the Idols that have stood before you? I don’t think Kelly, Carrie, Fantasia, or Jordin could even pull off Whitney. I don’t care how good you sound (and granted, Syesha did sound rather good) – I will always compare you with Whitney, and you will never, ever win that battle. Fortunately, Syesha has decided to attend the Haley Scarnato School of Short Shorts to get her votes tonight. Not just short shorts though – oh no, they’re more than that. These are short, high-waisted, satin shorts. The Fug Girls would be mortified.
So, thankfully, we have neared the end of the semifinals. After tomorrow we will no longer have the restrictions of having to vote for males or females, and I predict the females will have a rough time this year. My predictions for bottom three this week are Kady, Amanda, and Kristy Lee. I don’t think I’m lucky enough for Kristy Lee to go home yet, so most likely Kady and Amanda will say goodbye.
Lindsay will be back with you tomorrow, guiding you through the results show. Happy viewings!
Tonight the girls took on the 80’s, and it didn’t take long for the first of my predicted Whitney Houston attempts (see last night’s recap) to take place. Asia’h (really, why the apostrophe?) sings “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” taking me back to me listening to this single on a record player sometime in my childhood. Two of the three judges love it, and Simon is lukewarm, which leaves me wondering if I’m tone deaf. I thought she was off key the entire song. Yet again, girls, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SING A WHITNEY SONG. It will never do you justice. Next.
Boring, forgettable Kady sings a boring, forgettable song. I completely agree with Simon – she is robotic, has zero personality, and should probably give up now and work as a Britney impersonator on a cruise ship somewhere.
Amanda rocks the Bret Michaels “Rock of Love” bandana ™ in her interview a second week in a row, and then busts out the Sunday Night Football song… oh wait, it’s really “I Hate Myself for Loving You.” The judges love it. I honestly don’t have an opinion, because I spent the entire song getting psyched for football season, then realizing it was still eight months away. Dammit. On a good note, NBC should totally hire her to sing the song this year. She’s much better than Faith Hill.
Bret or Amanda?
I’m sitting here about a half hour after watching the show and I can’t remember what song Carly sang. That’s not a good sign. I know she was good, but I just can’t get excited about her, and like Simon I’m waiting for that one song that she just nails. She better find it soon, or this one-time front runner is going to fade into the background.
We got 3/4 of the way through this week’s contestants without anyone ruining any of my favorite artists… and then Kristy Lee came along. I have absolutely nothing to say. Unless you’re the second coming of Steve Perry, do not even attempt to sing anything by Journey, unless you’re drunk, it’s 1:30 am, and you’re screaming “Don’t Stop Believin’” at the top of your lungs at the bar. I refuse to comment on her performance out of principle. (But I will use this opportunity as an excuse to link to the Tony Romo/Mr. Belding video.)
Side note: is it cold in the studio? It looks like all the boys are wearing tee-shirts and scarves.
Ramiele sings another cheesy Phil Collins song, this one being “Against All Odds.” To me, it felt like she was trying to get more out of it than was there, and it ended up sounding strained. I think Ramiele is very talented, but she needs to choose better songs that show off her range. I wasn’t too impressed by this one.
Brooke has become one of my favorites this year, and she impresses again with an acoustic take on “Love is a Battlefield.” I would probably buy her CD if she ever released one. She sings exactly the kind of music I enjoy, she sings it well, and her personality is pleasant and fun. I really hope she sticks around, but I would like to see her sing some more up-tempo songs to see what she’s capable of.
At this point in the evening, the judges have gone absolutely off their rockers. Paula is falling out of her chair, making even less sense than usual, Simon looks like he’s going to finally walk off that stage for good, and Brooke looks as scared as Jennifer Garner did upon being attacked by Gary Busey. What exactly is in those Coke cups???
Syesha, in the pimp spot, gives us more Whitney Houston. Ladies, have you learned nothing of the Idols that have stood before you? I don’t think Kelly, Carrie, Fantasia, or Jordin could even pull off Whitney. I don’t care how good you sound (and granted, Syesha did sound rather good) – I will always compare you with Whitney, and you will never, ever win that battle. Fortunately, Syesha has decided to attend the Haley Scarnato School of Short Shorts to get her votes tonight. Not just short shorts though – oh no, they’re more than that. These are short, high-waisted, satin shorts. The Fug Girls would be mortified.
So, thankfully, we have neared the end of the semifinals. After tomorrow we will no longer have the restrictions of having to vote for males or females, and I predict the females will have a rough time this year. My predictions for bottom three this week are Kady, Amanda, and Kristy Lee. I don’t think I’m lucky enough for Kristy Lee to go home yet, so most likely Kady and Amanda will say goodbye.
Lindsay will be back with you tomorrow, guiding you through the results show. Happy viewings!
My thoughts on David H.
Brenna here, with a few words concerning David Hernandez and this year’s requisite Idol Scandal. The man was a stripper. So what. So were Nikki McKibbin and Antonella Barba (though I doubt she ever got paid for her services). Diablo Cody just won an Oscar – strippers are hot! So why the uproar?
Ever since the Frenchie debacle of season 2 (back when Idol was oh so innocent…), the morals of these contestants has been questioned and analyzed. Andy Warhol may have been right, that we’d all get our 15 minutes of fame, but even he couldn’t have wagered that it would come at such a price. No one (not even David Archuleta) is perfect. Everyone has skeletons in the closet. Some are worse than others, but everyone makes mistakes. So when I see the headline “Why American Idol Let David Hernandez Stay” I get a little annoyed.
Why not let him stay? I still have never been able to figure out why Frenchie got the boot. Girl was Talented with a capital T. She eventually got the last laugh as she went on to perform on Broadway, but who’s to know what could have become of her on Idol? (Maybe we could have been spared “Sorry 2004.”)
So the guy took off his clothes and danced for some other guys. Are people that concerned because of this country’s continued homophobia? Do people really care if these contestants are role models? They’re on our TV screen for a few months in the spring, and most of them vanish into oblivion after that. Trust me when I say the David Hernandezes and Amanda Overmyers of the world are probably tame for your kids to watch compared with the debacles we see everyday in the tabloids – the Britneys, the Lindsays, the Parises.
So let’s keep in mind what this show is – the largest talent show the country has ever seen – and nothing more than that. Leave the snide criticism to Simon.
Ever since the Frenchie debacle of season 2 (back when Idol was oh so innocent…), the morals of these contestants has been questioned and analyzed. Andy Warhol may have been right, that we’d all get our 15 minutes of fame, but even he couldn’t have wagered that it would come at such a price. No one (not even David Archuleta) is perfect. Everyone has skeletons in the closet. Some are worse than others, but everyone makes mistakes. So when I see the headline “Why American Idol Let David Hernandez Stay” I get a little annoyed.
Why not let him stay? I still have never been able to figure out why Frenchie got the boot. Girl was Talented with a capital T. She eventually got the last laugh as she went on to perform on Broadway, but who’s to know what could have become of her on Idol? (Maybe we could have been spared “Sorry 2004.”)
So the guy took off his clothes and danced for some other guys. Are people that concerned because of this country’s continued homophobia? Do people really care if these contestants are role models? They’re on our TV screen for a few months in the spring, and most of them vanish into oblivion after that. Trust me when I say the David Hernandezes and Amanda Overmyers of the world are probably tame for your kids to watch compared with the debacles we see everyday in the tabloids – the Britneys, the Lindsays, the Parises.
So let’s keep in mind what this show is – the largest talent show the country has ever seen – and nothing more than that. Leave the snide criticism to Simon.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I love the 80's, part one
Tonight had me really nervous. Most of my favorite songs come from the 80s, and I had nightmares of Danny Noriega butchering “Don’t Stop Believin’” and making me want to reach through my TV screen to strangle him. Pros about tonight? No one attempted Journey or Bon Jovi. Cons? Apparently, of all the entirety of the 80s songbook, half the contestants decided to choose terrible songs.
Exhibit A: Luke Menard. Now I love me some Wham as much as the next person, but it is absolutely impossible to sing “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” without sounding and looking incredibly cheesy. That song exemplifies all that is good and wrong with the 80s all at the same time. As a living specimen of a fantastically fun decade? Perfect. As a vehicle for Luke to convince us he’s worth keeping around for another week? Not so much. He should have just stood there looking pretty.
Side note: Paula is especially wasted tonight. She’s going to entertain me immensely throughout the episode.
I’m so conflicted on David Archuleta. I want to like him, I really do. But tonight I couldn’t get past the fact that the boy was not alive in the 80s. And now he’s singing that Phil Collins song that I hate about thinking twice, and I keep thinking, “this boy is 17!!!! He has no idea what’s wrong with the world!” When I was 17, my biggest concern was my high school musical. Yes, he is talented, but I really think he’d be so much better if given a few years to mature. I’m certainly not on board the David Train.
America needs to vote Danny off this show this week, because I can’t handle another week of him. His almost-Marilyn-Manson version of “Tainted Love” wasn’t awful. However, it was extremely inappropriate. I felt really skeevy watching it, and if you’d asked me who the stripper was among this top 8, I’d have guessed Danny. Also, I really can’t handle someone who speaks in texting language.
Speaking of strippers, it’s David Hernandez! He’s actually got a bit of a country twang tonight, but I rather like his performance. It wasn’t spectacular, but I really like his voice. I just wish he’d answered the most embarrassing moment question by saying “when the entire country found out I was a male stripper.”
Michael Johns sings the song from “The Breakfast Club.” Seriously, in my notes, I have “Breakfast Club song” written down. Anyways, it was ok. I wasn’t terribly impressed. I really wanted Michael to come out rocking some INXS. Maybe he was trying to avoid the Aussie comparisons, but can’t you imagine him killing some “Need You Tonight”?
David Cook comes out after some technical difficulties on the guitar, apparently rocking a Lionel Richie song. I honestly couldn’t have told you what song it was. As a rock song, it was ok. As a Lionel Richie turned into a rock song, it was fantastic. I wasn’t a huge David C. fan before tonight, and I still don’t think I am, but this was a solid performance. Well done.
Jason Castro, alone on the stage, sings “Hallelujah.” This is one of those songs I feel like everyone loves, and he did a very good job with it. It will never live up to whatever version you prefer, but Jason has a very sweet, pure tone to his voice that I really enjoy. I think he’ll stick around for awhile.
Finally, Chekezie in the pimp spot singing… Whitney Houston? Really? You have an entire decade at your disposal and you chose Whitney freaking Houston? I was bored and underwhelmed. His voice sounded… nice… but I honestly can’t get past the fact that he’s singing a Whitney song. I really think they should be banned from American Idol. No one can do them, and it does more harm than good to even attempt.
So that was the last night for all male action on Idol this year. My picks for the bottom three are Luke, Chekezie, and Danny. I’m hoping Danny goes home, followed probably by Chekezie, cuz I really wouldn’t mind seeing Luke another week. No one blew me away this week, but as the top performer, I’d probably vote for David Cook.
I’m back tomorrow for the girls, where (I predict) at least one will attempt another Whitney song. Only in my dreams does someone bust out some Debbie Gibson. See you tomorrow!!!
Exhibit A: Luke Menard. Now I love me some Wham as much as the next person, but it is absolutely impossible to sing “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” without sounding and looking incredibly cheesy. That song exemplifies all that is good and wrong with the 80s all at the same time. As a living specimen of a fantastically fun decade? Perfect. As a vehicle for Luke to convince us he’s worth keeping around for another week? Not so much. He should have just stood there looking pretty.
Side note: Paula is especially wasted tonight. She’s going to entertain me immensely throughout the episode.
I’m so conflicted on David Archuleta. I want to like him, I really do. But tonight I couldn’t get past the fact that the boy was not alive in the 80s. And now he’s singing that Phil Collins song that I hate about thinking twice, and I keep thinking, “this boy is 17!!!! He has no idea what’s wrong with the world!” When I was 17, my biggest concern was my high school musical. Yes, he is talented, but I really think he’d be so much better if given a few years to mature. I’m certainly not on board the David Train.
America needs to vote Danny off this show this week, because I can’t handle another week of him. His almost-Marilyn-Manson version of “Tainted Love” wasn’t awful. However, it was extremely inappropriate. I felt really skeevy watching it, and if you’d asked me who the stripper was among this top 8, I’d have guessed Danny. Also, I really can’t handle someone who speaks in texting language.
Speaking of strippers, it’s David Hernandez! He’s actually got a bit of a country twang tonight, but I rather like his performance. It wasn’t spectacular, but I really like his voice. I just wish he’d answered the most embarrassing moment question by saying “when the entire country found out I was a male stripper.”
Michael Johns sings the song from “The Breakfast Club.” Seriously, in my notes, I have “Breakfast Club song” written down. Anyways, it was ok. I wasn’t terribly impressed. I really wanted Michael to come out rocking some INXS. Maybe he was trying to avoid the Aussie comparisons, but can’t you imagine him killing some “Need You Tonight”?
David Cook comes out after some technical difficulties on the guitar, apparently rocking a Lionel Richie song. I honestly couldn’t have told you what song it was. As a rock song, it was ok. As a Lionel Richie turned into a rock song, it was fantastic. I wasn’t a huge David C. fan before tonight, and I still don’t think I am, but this was a solid performance. Well done.
Jason Castro, alone on the stage, sings “Hallelujah.” This is one of those songs I feel like everyone loves, and he did a very good job with it. It will never live up to whatever version you prefer, but Jason has a very sweet, pure tone to his voice that I really enjoy. I think he’ll stick around for awhile.
Finally, Chekezie in the pimp spot singing… Whitney Houston? Really? You have an entire decade at your disposal and you chose Whitney freaking Houston? I was bored and underwhelmed. His voice sounded… nice… but I honestly can’t get past the fact that he’s singing a Whitney song. I really think they should be banned from American Idol. No one can do them, and it does more harm than good to even attempt.
So that was the last night for all male action on Idol this year. My picks for the bottom three are Luke, Chekezie, and Danny. I’m hoping Danny goes home, followed probably by Chekezie, cuz I really wouldn’t mind seeing Luke another week. No one blew me away this week, but as the top performer, I’d probably vote for David Cook.
I’m back tomorrow for the girls, where (I predict) at least one will attempt another Whitney song. Only in my dreams does someone bust out some Debbie Gibson. See you tomorrow!!!
Jesus H...
Dear future American Idol contestants,
In preparation for your audition for season eight of American Idol, please do not do the following:
1) go to jail
2) drink and drive
3) strip
That is all.
Love,
Lindsay & Brenna
In preparation for your audition for season eight of American Idol, please do not do the following:
1) go to jail
2) drink and drive
3) strip
That is all.
Love,
Lindsay & Brenna
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