If you would have told me in January, after round one of the city auditions, that the final two would be Adam Lambert and Kris Allen, I would have said "Who?" Because at that point, I was totally poised for a Danny Gokey/Jamar Rogers (was that his last name?) final two. Yet here we are, about to crown our winner after one of the most underwhelming final performance eps in the show's history.
Also, I'm live blogging, so if this entry is more random than usual, well, there you go.
100 million votes last night, Jesus. Randy has a terrible giant red velvet bowtie on that is reminiscent of Miss J on ANTM and is also wearing red Danny Gokey glasses. Oh okay, we're showing clips of weird things all the judges did during the season. Hey, Carrie Underwood! She's so pretty. Six minutes in, we finally introduce the actual finalists.
Awww man, Mikalah Gordon's doing the live remote again?? God, she sucks. I feel sorry for Conway, Arkansas. Oh Carly's in San Diego with Adam's peeps, that's new. Hi Carly!
Okay, the Top 13 comes out doing "So What"...Allison better have a solo. LMAO this is so funny. They totally had the camera on Matt G....OMG BLIND SCOTT. Wow, I forgot about him but quick. Jesus looks mortified. This just in... Jasmine still sucks. This group number makes me glad I didn't get tickets for the tour this summer.
Back from the break...and it's Cookster! Oooh, doing "Permanent", this is a bitchin' song off his album. CALL ME, DAVID. It looks like he's got shades of the creepy perv bangs coming back, he needs to take care of that mess. Aww, that was so sad about his brother. Hey, there's Michael Johns, behind Guarini, Jesus. What is Guarini even doing?
Oh for crap sake, the Golden Idols. I cannot watch this. Sorry guys, but I refuse to recap this part. I'm going to finish some packing...be back.
Ok COME ON. NO MORE NORMAN. At least this is his last 15 minutes, right? I mean, this is absolutely it. If he shows up on SYTYCD, I give up.
WOW, Lil gets to perform with Queen Latifah. I effing LOVE Queen Latifah. This is probably the highlight of Lil's career right here. I like her new weave. OMG Queen totally is working a spandex jumpsuit. I love her plus sized ass. This is pretty dope. Good for Lil.
Back from the break and right into Anoop singing Jason Mraz. Oh hey, there's Alexis. Is this another group number? Oh, never mind, Jason Mraz is actually here LOL. Cool! So the whole group does "I'm Yours" with the Mrazamataz. Work it, kids. Fun stuff. Now it's time for Kris' video "journey." He's so cute.
Ooh and he gets to duet with Keith Urban. This will probably be cool. They sound good together. Keith Urban looks like someone else famous and I can't figure out who it is. Think Nicole Kidman is here? LOL. Remember last year when Cookster sang with ZZ Top? That was so weird.
The girls are all singing "Glamorous"...current! Sarcasm abounds. Oh God, Megan Joy....SO AWFUL. Allison better get to duet with someone awesome. Hey, here's Fergie! Wow, she looks rough. She needs to run a brush through that hair, man.
Oooh, the rest of the Peas are here. BOOMBOOMPOW!!! I love this song. Funny story about my dad--he was mad that will.i.am thought to call himself that before he did. I don't even know which Pea will.i.am is. Or what any of their names are except Fergie. LOL the girl contestants are totally breaking it down behind the judges. Awesome.
More Golden Idols...I wish I could FFWD this so bad. This just in...Bikini Girl got implants since the auditions were taped. That is all I'll say about this segment. Also, I can't believe we still have over an hour to go. At least we haven't seen anything about IGFB yet.
OOH Allison and Cyndi Lauper are doing "Time After Time"...this is gonna be FLYYYYY. Cyndi Lauper still looks pretty decent for her age. Rock on, ladies. You rule. This was great, one of the best duets of the night.
OMG Kris's mom. BAD dress. I'm sure you're very lovely, and your son is great, but...hire a stylist. Kris's dad is too cute. And now over to Adam's parents. His mom's dress is better, but she has these weird half gloves/armwarmer things on that are just weird. His dad seems nice too.
Aww eff, Gokey's back. Lionel Richie has to be here, right? Why else would he be singing "Hello"? Yep, here he comes. This is actually an appropriate pairing. Well done, show. But I'm so sleepy of Gokey. And this medley goes on forever. Hey, Ruben Studdard! Are you still sorry for 2004? LMAO.
Now we get Adam's video journey. LMAO the Randy Travis week was hilarious. OK who does he get to duet with? And what the bloody hell is he wearing???? I cannot even describe this, you guys. It's like this insane black leather ensemble with this...I don't even know. I need to find an image tomorrow and link it here. OMG and he has like, fake gems stuck on under his eyes.
He gets to perform with KISS??? He's totally winning this show, based on this pairing. They wouldn't pull out the stops like this unless he was the winner. This is the craziest thing I have ever seen on Idol, and that includes when Sanjaya was a contestant.
Guys, I wish you could see my husband right now. He is jiggity JAMMIN to this performance. And is now doing his own version of the Adam screech. Dear God.
OK, so now we have Santana. Cool. Who's gonna sing with him....hey, Matt! This is pretty great. Oh wait, it's actually everyone. Boo. I thought it was just gonna be Matty G. They've had a shit load of costume changes tonight. AHHH Scott again! At least they are trying to keep his dancing to a minimum. OMG Janice Dickinson is so high, guys.
FORD! video. Kris and Adam sound pretty good together. Now the fake "surprise" where they get their FORD! cars. Hey, at least David Cook's back for that.
Megan Joy, Michael Sarver and...Steve Martin? OMG and he's playing a banjo? Is this for real?? LMAOOOOO. I love Megan's dress. Michael's still cute. Steve Martin looks utterly bizarre and out of place here. Hilarious.
Back from yet another break with another group number. All the guys in suits singing that song about being sexy by Rod Stewart. This is too much. AHH, Rod Stewart is here hahahah! Wow, he looks rough. Isn't he like 80 by now? No? Anyway, Maggie May has never sounded this weak. Oy. Adam's mom is jammin' in the audience. Hey, Bo Bice! Wow, they have a lot of alumni at this finale.
20 minutes to go! Oh crap, more Golden Idols? Seriously, if they cut this shit and added like one more group number, the show would end ON TIME. How do they not get that? It's simple math, people. Oh my God, Tatiana is here tonight, isn't she? ISN'T SHE? NO MORE.
You guys, and here's the scariest thing: I honestly have no idea if that was scripted or not. There's a real good chance that it wasn't, but seriously, who the F can tell when it's her?
A Kris and Adam duet! To "We are the Champions!" And Queen is with them! This is rad. What up sports movie anthem? Kris probably would rather duet with Adam than that mess he did with Gokey. OK it's 9:55, come on already!! Oh for shit's sake, another commercial???? SIIIIGH.
Finally, at exactly 10 pm, we get results. Simon says some nice things, which you know the guys don't even hear right now, because they're about to barf.
And the new American Idol is....KRIS ALLEN. OMFG OMFG OMFG. NO WAY. Wow, talk about someone who totally clawed his way from the bottom up....we had never even seen him until the top 36 and HE WON. The judges have got to be shitting themselves, because neither of the two that they pimped until the end won the big prize. WAY TO GO KRIS!!! I will totes buy your album!
Now he has to sing the shitty Kara song, boo. I gotta say, I never thought this would happen. I was totally ready all day for Adam to take it. And I was totally off about the KISS performance being an indicator of Adam winning, whoops. LOL.
Well, even though I loved Allison the most of all, I'm proud of Kris for taking the prize. He worked his cute little behind off and totally deserves the win.
So that's Season 8, peeps. Will we be back for SYTYCD? You'll have to wait and see!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
GLEEEEEE
Pre-show montage. Footage of Kris and Adam in auditions. We saw Adam for about 3 minutes at this stage, Kris not at all. In fact, I went through old blog posts and found out that the first time we saw Kris was when he was accepted into the "top" 36. Dark horse, indeed.
So tonight they are singing a song of their own choice, a song selection by Simon Fuller and (barf) the coronation song, co-written by Kara. Oh man, that shit is gonna be a meeeess. And, commercials already. Jesus.
We've had requests (or one request, lol) to blog SYTYCD. This could happen. I'm not making any promises. I would do it just to comment on Cat Deeley's outfits every week.
Adam's up first, because Kris chose the pimp spot based on a coin toss. Adam's starting out with a reprise of "Mad World" from Year You Were Born Week. This was brilliant, in my opinion, so I think he'll nail it. OMG check out the ridiculous coat he has on. I love this again.
This was my favorite performance of his throughout the entire competition, and this was a smart, strategic move to do it again tonight. Well done, Mr. Lambert. Since Gokey's gone, the judges predictably slobber all over him. I hope they give Kris at least a modicum of the attention and praise.
Kris is up next, talking about his family and how he gave out music coupons so he would sing for them. That's kind of charming. He chose "Ain't No Sunshine" again, which was BITCHIN'. Nice first choices for both of them. He's so good, guys.
How out of left field and insane would it be if he won this whole thing? I think Simon would shit. Kara and Paula would probably fall out of their chairs with shock. I call the first round a draw, but I'm sure they'll give it to Adam because that's how they roll.
Wow, they loved it. Go Kris! And Simon gave round one to Kris. Didn't see that one coming.
OK, round two is Simon Fuller round. "Change is Gonna Come" is the song he picked for Adam. This could be pretty dope. We've not really heard too many soulful type songs from him. I'm not overwhelmed by this. It's very reserved for an Adam performance.
Oh wait, there we go. LOL. Now we know what Adam Lambert doing Sam Cooke sounds like. It sounds like...that. I still don't like this. Meh. Kara calls it his best performance ever, which I highly disagree with. Maybe I'm missing something, but this did nothing for me, and I don't even hate Adam. I've enjoyed the majority of his stuff with a few exceptions, but this...maybe my speakers are broken.
Hey, Katie and Suri Cruise are there! Oh, we have to go to commercial before we find out what Simon picked for Kris. Blah. It's "What's Goin' On" by Marvin Gaye. Seriously, Simon Fuller? You couldn't pick anything current for these guys? I mean, I get that you want to see what they do with classics, but...eh. Kris does his thing with it, with the percussion and the guitar and all his lovely Kris tricks.
Randy gives him some bullshit feedback, which I'm sure Kara and Paula will echo. Simon gives him the most insulting critique of all time, comparing it to three friends strumming instruments in a bedroom. That is just effed up. Way to make the guy feel about thisbig on this huge platform. Simon gives round two to Adam.
Oh God, round three is the coronation song. What fresh hell will this unleash on us? Hey there's all the eliminated peeps! We miss you Allison! Go away, Danny!
Dear God, the song is called"No Boundaries." Barf. Adam's up first and he sounds like shit on it. Wow, this song is totally not suited to his voice at all. This is the worst I have ever heard him, and that's including "Ring of Fire." This song sucks, too. If I felt like putting the effort in, I'd do a count of words like "moment", "believe", "dreams", etc., but I'm tired.
So who thinks the judges will blame the crappy song for how bad Adam was, right in front of Kara? That would be awesome. Kara has to remind everyone that she wrote the song, which, LOL. Doesn't Paula look tired tonight? Simon totally rips on the song, HAHAHA. I always like Adam in interviews and his video packages, though.
So how will Kris do with "No Boundaries"? Seems like he could make it work a bit more, but we'll see after more freakin' commercials. Oooh, this starts out a little rough. Come on, Kris! I know the song makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit, but push through the suck! He starts looking kind of desperate towards the middle. Man, this isn't good for either of them. They both pretty much blew on this. Eff the coronation song.
Randy tells him he should be "very proud" which is pretty much the kiss of death and translated means "I don't think you have a shot in hell of winning this thing." Kara and Paula jibba jab some mess at him and Simon congratulates him, blahblahblah.
So that's it, peeps. Final two performances are in the books, and now it's up to America. During tomorrow's bloated two hour finale we'll crown our eighth American Idol, and fourth male Idol. Tune in for what appears to be a night chock full of random guest stars and cheesy group numbers! Ciao!
So tonight they are singing a song of their own choice, a song selection by Simon Fuller and (barf) the coronation song, co-written by Kara. Oh man, that shit is gonna be a meeeess. And, commercials already. Jesus.
We've had requests (or one request, lol) to blog SYTYCD. This could happen. I'm not making any promises. I would do it just to comment on Cat Deeley's outfits every week.
Adam's up first, because Kris chose the pimp spot based on a coin toss. Adam's starting out with a reprise of "Mad World" from Year You Were Born Week. This was brilliant, in my opinion, so I think he'll nail it. OMG check out the ridiculous coat he has on. I love this again.
This was my favorite performance of his throughout the entire competition, and this was a smart, strategic move to do it again tonight. Well done, Mr. Lambert. Since Gokey's gone, the judges predictably slobber all over him. I hope they give Kris at least a modicum of the attention and praise.
Kris is up next, talking about his family and how he gave out music coupons so he would sing for them. That's kind of charming. He chose "Ain't No Sunshine" again, which was BITCHIN'. Nice first choices for both of them. He's so good, guys.
How out of left field and insane would it be if he won this whole thing? I think Simon would shit. Kara and Paula would probably fall out of their chairs with shock. I call the first round a draw, but I'm sure they'll give it to Adam because that's how they roll.
Wow, they loved it. Go Kris! And Simon gave round one to Kris. Didn't see that one coming.
OK, round two is Simon Fuller round. "Change is Gonna Come" is the song he picked for Adam. This could be pretty dope. We've not really heard too many soulful type songs from him. I'm not overwhelmed by this. It's very reserved for an Adam performance.
Oh wait, there we go. LOL. Now we know what Adam Lambert doing Sam Cooke sounds like. It sounds like...that. I still don't like this. Meh. Kara calls it his best performance ever, which I highly disagree with. Maybe I'm missing something, but this did nothing for me, and I don't even hate Adam. I've enjoyed the majority of his stuff with a few exceptions, but this...maybe my speakers are broken.
Hey, Katie and Suri Cruise are there! Oh, we have to go to commercial before we find out what Simon picked for Kris. Blah. It's "What's Goin' On" by Marvin Gaye. Seriously, Simon Fuller? You couldn't pick anything current for these guys? I mean, I get that you want to see what they do with classics, but...eh. Kris does his thing with it, with the percussion and the guitar and all his lovely Kris tricks.
Randy gives him some bullshit feedback, which I'm sure Kara and Paula will echo. Simon gives him the most insulting critique of all time, comparing it to three friends strumming instruments in a bedroom. That is just effed up. Way to make the guy feel about thisbig on this huge platform. Simon gives round two to Adam.
Oh God, round three is the coronation song. What fresh hell will this unleash on us? Hey there's all the eliminated peeps! We miss you Allison! Go away, Danny!
Dear God, the song is called"No Boundaries." Barf. Adam's up first and he sounds like shit on it. Wow, this song is totally not suited to his voice at all. This is the worst I have ever heard him, and that's including "Ring of Fire." This song sucks, too. If I felt like putting the effort in, I'd do a count of words like "moment", "believe", "dreams", etc., but I'm tired.
So who thinks the judges will blame the crappy song for how bad Adam was, right in front of Kara? That would be awesome. Kara has to remind everyone that she wrote the song, which, LOL. Doesn't Paula look tired tonight? Simon totally rips on the song, HAHAHA. I always like Adam in interviews and his video packages, though.
So how will Kris do with "No Boundaries"? Seems like he could make it work a bit more, but we'll see after more freakin' commercials. Oooh, this starts out a little rough. Come on, Kris! I know the song makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit, but push through the suck! He starts looking kind of desperate towards the middle. Man, this isn't good for either of them. They both pretty much blew on this. Eff the coronation song.
Randy tells him he should be "very proud" which is pretty much the kiss of death and translated means "I don't think you have a shot in hell of winning this thing." Kara and Paula jibba jab some mess at him and Simon congratulates him, blahblahblah.
So that's it, peeps. Final two performances are in the books, and now it's up to America. During tomorrow's bloated two hour finale we'll crown our eighth American Idol, and fourth male Idol. Tune in for what appears to be a night chock full of random guest stars and cheesy group numbers! Ciao!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I miss Allison
I'm obsessed with Beyonce's "Halo" right now and think that Allison could have killed that on judges' song choice week. Also, courtesy of one Joe Vickless, husband of my fellow blogger in crime, please feast your eyes upon THIS. Whaaaaaaat??? That is SO bizarre.
OK, enough mourning over Allison. Who's going to be our final two? We open the show with a mildly entertaining bit from the guys in the Night at the Museum movie. Apparently, the Idol desk is going to be in the Museum of American History? Weird. But appropriate I guess.
Why the hell isn't Paula at the judges' table? Jesus, Abdul, you have ONE job. Show up and try to be coherent. Wow, 88 million votes came in last night. Also, sorry about it, but I fast forwarded a lot of this, because I just watched the Pens kick the Caps' asses, and then I watched this, and then of course I had to watch the ANTM finale before I could blog. Mama needs her sleep.
And our entertainment this evening is showing up in the form of Jordin Sparks and the insufferable Katy Perry. Barf. We cut right away to the FORD! video, a weird real people transform into cartoons with super powers set to "Break My Stride." Blah.
Okay, God, more IGFB madness. We covered this last night with the Underwood video, show! NO MORE. Alicia Keys comes out and I fast forward through her whole segment. I stop to find out who this cute little boy is that's singing, and apparently his name is Noah and he's from Rwanda and learned all the words in English to "I'm The World's Greatest" in a week. Good for him, but...FFWD.
Now we have to see the guys' hometown videos, which they should have just shown last night. Danny went back to Milwaukee and...next. OK, I hate that stupid heart thing he does with his hands and now people are putting it on posters for him, apparently. Go away, Danny Gokey.
Kris is going to Arkansas and...well, okay, I stopped and watched his for a minute. AWWW, his dad is so cute. Is it me, or does his wife look bitchy most of the time? Your husband is kicking ass on one of the most popular shows on TV...SMILE once in a while!
We have Jordin's performance after Kris's video, and man, is she stunning? She is really a beautiful, beautiful girl. I don't watch the song, but I'm sure it was just lovely. Yay Jordin! Thanks for not being an annoying winner!
Adam went back to San Diego and....FFWD. He goes to the performing arts school or something where he first started, and I stop the show for a minute to hear a kid ask "Who does your hair?" Good God.
We have Danny being a dbag some more, about how he wishes they could just get on with it and announce the results. But no, we have to suffer through Katy Perry first. Guys, I'm sorry. I hate Katy Perry. I think she's a terrible singer, and she's just so annoying. And she comes out in a ridiculous outfit, as per usual, but with a cape on that has "Adam Lambert" embroidered on it. Shut up, Katy Perry.
God FINALLY, we get to some results. Ryan announces the first person through to the finale is....KRIS!!! OMG, can this really be? Are we truly about to get rid of Danny Gokey?? And I'm sorry, what the hell, judges, with the shocked faces about Kris being safe? It was so blatantly obvious last night that they did not want him in the finale, but guess what? There's a reason he is still around...people like him, and he's not a smug asshat like Gokey. So shove it, judges. I'm so over you.
So we're down to the two guys that the judges had been touting as the final two since Day One. The Gokester and the Glambert. And...Adam's safe. YES. I mean, I'm totally voting for Kris next week, but I'm so freaking glad it's not Danny, because if he had won, I would have quit this show.
So there you have it. Second year in a row that we have a guy/guy finale, and the third time in the show's history. Wow, I really need to get a life, because I was able to type that stat without even having to look anything up on Wiki. I'll take you through performances and final results next week, while Bren enjoys the land down under. G'day mates!
OK, enough mourning over Allison. Who's going to be our final two? We open the show with a mildly entertaining bit from the guys in the Night at the Museum movie. Apparently, the Idol desk is going to be in the Museum of American History? Weird. But appropriate I guess.
Why the hell isn't Paula at the judges' table? Jesus, Abdul, you have ONE job. Show up and try to be coherent. Wow, 88 million votes came in last night. Also, sorry about it, but I fast forwarded a lot of this, because I just watched the Pens kick the Caps' asses, and then I watched this, and then of course I had to watch the ANTM finale before I could blog. Mama needs her sleep.
And our entertainment this evening is showing up in the form of Jordin Sparks and the insufferable Katy Perry. Barf. We cut right away to the FORD! video, a weird real people transform into cartoons with super powers set to "Break My Stride." Blah.
Okay, God, more IGFB madness. We covered this last night with the Underwood video, show! NO MORE. Alicia Keys comes out and I fast forward through her whole segment. I stop to find out who this cute little boy is that's singing, and apparently his name is Noah and he's from Rwanda and learned all the words in English to "I'm The World's Greatest" in a week. Good for him, but...FFWD.
Now we have to see the guys' hometown videos, which they should have just shown last night. Danny went back to Milwaukee and...next. OK, I hate that stupid heart thing he does with his hands and now people are putting it on posters for him, apparently. Go away, Danny Gokey.
Kris is going to Arkansas and...well, okay, I stopped and watched his for a minute. AWWW, his dad is so cute. Is it me, or does his wife look bitchy most of the time? Your husband is kicking ass on one of the most popular shows on TV...SMILE once in a while!
We have Jordin's performance after Kris's video, and man, is she stunning? She is really a beautiful, beautiful girl. I don't watch the song, but I'm sure it was just lovely. Yay Jordin! Thanks for not being an annoying winner!
Adam went back to San Diego and....FFWD. He goes to the performing arts school or something where he first started, and I stop the show for a minute to hear a kid ask "Who does your hair?" Good God.
We have Danny being a dbag some more, about how he wishes they could just get on with it and announce the results. But no, we have to suffer through Katy Perry first. Guys, I'm sorry. I hate Katy Perry. I think she's a terrible singer, and she's just so annoying. And she comes out in a ridiculous outfit, as per usual, but with a cape on that has "Adam Lambert" embroidered on it. Shut up, Katy Perry.
God FINALLY, we get to some results. Ryan announces the first person through to the finale is....KRIS!!! OMG, can this really be? Are we truly about to get rid of Danny Gokey?? And I'm sorry, what the hell, judges, with the shocked faces about Kris being safe? It was so blatantly obvious last night that they did not want him in the finale, but guess what? There's a reason he is still around...people like him, and he's not a smug asshat like Gokey. So shove it, judges. I'm so over you.
So we're down to the two guys that the judges had been touting as the final two since Day One. The Gokester and the Glambert. And...Adam's safe. YES. I mean, I'm totally voting for Kris next week, but I'm so freaking glad it's not Danny, because if he had won, I would have quit this show.
So there you have it. Second year in a row that we have a guy/guy finale, and the third time in the show's history. Wow, I really need to get a life, because I was able to type that stat without even having to look anything up on Wiki. I'll take you through performances and final results next week, while Bren enjoys the land down under. G'day mates!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I'm going to a land down under.
Wow, uber dramatic opening. Beginning with a super closeup of Gokey's face is one sure fire way to make me angry already, so thanks producers! I'll be heading to the land of Aughtry tomorrow morning, so this is my last Idol viewing of the season. Can't say I'm all that upset about it, to be honest.
Each guy gets two songs this week - one from the judges and one of their own choosing. What, did Clive Davis not emerge from his cryogenically frozen state in time? For the first song "Paula" texts Gokey with her song choice for him, which is "Dance Little Sister," which Joe claims I know but I'm not sure. Guys? When he starts singing all I can think of is Michael McDonald, which makes me think of this:
To be honest, I don't listen much to the judges because I'm sick of them all getting up on Gokey week after week. It's the same Gokeyness we've had all season.
"Randy and Kara" text Kris to tell him he's singing "Apologize," and I promise you I heard this song in the car the other day & wondered why no one had sung this yet. (Yet another clue that I may waste way too much of my life on this show.) The first falsetto note is rough and he wisely doesn't try it again... until the next chorus. Ouch. I like the arrangement - it's not quite the original version, not quite the Timbaland version, but somewhere in between. Definitely not the best chance for Kris to show off, but we all know the judges want a Danny/Adam finale, so why even give him a shot? Kara calls it "competent" and wants him to "make it his own" and I sit here wondering how much the producers script this crap. Simon then calls Kara out for picking a crappy song and then complaining about his performance, which is kind of awesome, and we know that every year Simon is the only one who chooses even a halfway decent song for a contestant. And let me just take a minute to vent. The judges this year have been so blatant about their favorites, more than they ever had before, and it's become insulting. Kris and Allison gave incredible performances many times and never got any credit for it - it was always about them not having confidence, or wearing bad clothes, or something else, whereas Gokey is terrible week after week and gets an A for effort. It's obnoxious to sit and listen to, and I'm glad I won't have to hear Kara's voice again till January.
So naturally Simon gets to pick for his favorite contestant, as per usual. He picks "One" for Adam, and namedrops that he actually talked to Bono to get the rights to the song. (P.S. Cookster sang a U2 song last year in the finale, so I call BS.) And I get the same feeling from this as I do from most Adam songs, that it should be a huge moment in a musical based on U2 songs. Don't get me wrong, I love my theater, but he's just soooooo dramatic and overdone. And, he kinda ruins the song by making it sound very lite FM. Randy actually calls him one of the hottest 3 in the competition. Wow, these judges are awful tonight. Simon congratulates his own song choice, like he does every effing year, and I sort of feel like I'm getting over this show once and for all.
IGFB and ExxonMobil sent Carrie Underwood to Africa. Fast forward.
Gokey is doing "You Are So Beautiful" for his second song of the night. Zzzzzzz. More lite FM. The judges are all over it. I hate Gokey and I'm glad I'm missing the finale next week, because he's so obviously going to be there.
Annnnnd the surprise of the night is Kris doing "Heartless" by Kanye West. Huh?? Clearly he realizes he doesn't have much of a chance, so why not. I have an acoustic version of "Gold Digger" downloaded and it's sort of like this. It's awesome for its novelty but you can't really take it seriously, can you? Apparently you can, because the judges pick this moment in time to ACTUALLY COMPLEMENT A KRIS PERFORMANCE. It only took them 11 weeks. Maybe our prayers will be answered and Kris will sneak in over Gokey?
Finally, in the pimp spot for the 85th time this season, Adam is singing "Cryin." Did Ryan just call this a classic? I remember watching the Alicia Silverstone video on MTV when I was a kid. God, I'm old. I don't know what to say, it's the same as it always is, and I'm utterly bored by him.
And with that, dear readers, I'm out of here! Enjoy the finale. Lindsay will be here to hold your hand through it all! As always, it's been a blast sharing this strange season with you. I'll see you next year!
Each guy gets two songs this week - one from the judges and one of their own choosing. What, did Clive Davis not emerge from his cryogenically frozen state in time? For the first song "Paula" texts Gokey with her song choice for him, which is "Dance Little Sister," which Joe claims I know but I'm not sure. Guys? When he starts singing all I can think of is Michael McDonald, which makes me think of this:
David: Hey, Paula.First person to name that movie gets a beer from me.
Paula: Yeah?
David: I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD that you've been playing for two years straight off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain.
Paula: David, what do you suggest we play?
David: I don't care. Anything. I would rather... I would rather watch "Beautician and the Beast". I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm going to "Yah Mo" burn this place to the ground.
To be honest, I don't listen much to the judges because I'm sick of them all getting up on Gokey week after week. It's the same Gokeyness we've had all season.
"Randy and Kara" text Kris to tell him he's singing "Apologize," and I promise you I heard this song in the car the other day & wondered why no one had sung this yet. (Yet another clue that I may waste way too much of my life on this show.) The first falsetto note is rough and he wisely doesn't try it again... until the next chorus. Ouch. I like the arrangement - it's not quite the original version, not quite the Timbaland version, but somewhere in between. Definitely not the best chance for Kris to show off, but we all know the judges want a Danny/Adam finale, so why even give him a shot? Kara calls it "competent" and wants him to "make it his own" and I sit here wondering how much the producers script this crap. Simon then calls Kara out for picking a crappy song and then complaining about his performance, which is kind of awesome, and we know that every year Simon is the only one who chooses even a halfway decent song for a contestant. And let me just take a minute to vent. The judges this year have been so blatant about their favorites, more than they ever had before, and it's become insulting. Kris and Allison gave incredible performances many times and never got any credit for it - it was always about them not having confidence, or wearing bad clothes, or something else, whereas Gokey is terrible week after week and gets an A for effort. It's obnoxious to sit and listen to, and I'm glad I won't have to hear Kara's voice again till January.
So naturally Simon gets to pick for his favorite contestant, as per usual. He picks "One" for Adam, and namedrops that he actually talked to Bono to get the rights to the song. (P.S. Cookster sang a U2 song last year in the finale, so I call BS.) And I get the same feeling from this as I do from most Adam songs, that it should be a huge moment in a musical based on U2 songs. Don't get me wrong, I love my theater, but he's just soooooo dramatic and overdone. And, he kinda ruins the song by making it sound very lite FM. Randy actually calls him one of the hottest 3 in the competition. Wow, these judges are awful tonight. Simon congratulates his own song choice, like he does every effing year, and I sort of feel like I'm getting over this show once and for all.
IGFB and ExxonMobil sent Carrie Underwood to Africa. Fast forward.
Gokey is doing "You Are So Beautiful" for his second song of the night. Zzzzzzz. More lite FM. The judges are all over it. I hate Gokey and I'm glad I'm missing the finale next week, because he's so obviously going to be there.
Annnnnd the surprise of the night is Kris doing "Heartless" by Kanye West. Huh?? Clearly he realizes he doesn't have much of a chance, so why not. I have an acoustic version of "Gold Digger" downloaded and it's sort of like this. It's awesome for its novelty but you can't really take it seriously, can you? Apparently you can, because the judges pick this moment in time to ACTUALLY COMPLEMENT A KRIS PERFORMANCE. It only took them 11 weeks. Maybe our prayers will be answered and Kris will sneak in over Gokey?
Finally, in the pimp spot for the 85th time this season, Adam is singing "Cryin." Did Ryan just call this a classic? I remember watching the Alicia Silverstone video on MTV when I was a kid. God, I'm old. I don't know what to say, it's the same as it always is, and I'm utterly bored by him.
And with that, dear readers, I'm out of here! Enjoy the finale. Lindsay will be here to hold your hand through it all! As always, it's been a blast sharing this strange season with you. I'll see you next year!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
This show is bananas.
Forgive me if this entry is slightly disjointed. I watched this hour of crap in between periods of the most insane hockey game ever. Thank God for Kris Letang, is all I have to say. I swear Simeon Varlamov is cheating somehow.
On with the shitfest. Montage of last night. Slash was the mentor. I read a hilarious recap today debating on what Slash actually looks like and if he has a face, or if he's just a top hat and sunglasses perched on a mass of curly hair. 64 million losers voted. Can you tell that the outcome of the show is affecting the blog post?
Tonight's musical acts include Daughtry (woop!), No Doubt (cool) and...Paula Abdul. Seacrest mentioned this on his show the other day but I was afraid to believe it was actually true. This will be like Adam Lambert combined with Sanjaya mixed with Kristy Lee Cook, I feel like.
FORD! video to All American Rejects "Movin' On"...fast forward. Sorry, the game's going into OT at this point and I've got 20 minutes before it starts to watch the first half of this show. Slash comes out and does the group number with the gang to "School's Out" by Alice Cooper. It's okay...god, poor Kris. He's really a fish out of water, isn't he? Probably his idea of rock and roll is smoking a blunt at a DMB concert.
After a lengthy chat with Slash and the top four, it's time for Paula's "performance." Of course, she's lip syncing, and I swear one of her backup dancers is Adam Lambert. The song is kind of catchy, I'll probably download it because that's how I roll. I make fun of something enough, I start to like it. Like the Pussycat Dolls and America's Next Top Model.
OK, No Doubt is up next performing "Just a Girl." Did I miss something, or are we still in 1996? Seriously, WTF? I have to tell you guys, my first ever concert was when Bush toured with No Doubt and the Goo Goo Dolls, and it was hilarious. I remember Megan and I went out and bought special outfits for it, and we were all excited to crowd surf, which I did for about 7 seconds before I freaked and demanded to be let down. Yeah, I'm a real bad ass.
Before we can get to any results, we have to see a montage of what happens when you make the top three and get your hometown visit. Hey, Blake! His album was really good, I was sorry he didn't catch on more. YAY Cookster! Archuleta, God.
Finally, some results. Seacrest lines them all up and runs down all the critiques from last night, and the first one to safety is...Kris. Wow, I'm surprised. Not upset, because I've started liking Kris, but he drew a rough hand this week with the Danny duet and the theme. Good for him.
After the break, we get Daughtry! Yay. God, he's so hot. They sing their first single coming off their second album, and it's good enough, but I fast forward because I'm tired. I'll get this shit off iTunes at some point. Kris comes out awkwardly to present them with some kind of platinum album thing, blah blah blah GET ON WITH IT.
More results. Adam--safe. It's down to Allison and goddamn Gokey. Shit shit shit. And Allison's eliminated. BOOOOOOOOOO. I am now hit with the same level of apathy I was hit with in season three, when the top three were Fantasia, who still sucks, Diana DeGarmo and freakin' Jasmine Trias. I don't care who wins this shit any more. At this point, anyone but Gokey. I'd probably buy Kris's album though.
So Al gets her loser's montage, DAMMIT, and she's so freaking weird and cute and I love her. And she sings out and is crying and my heart just breaks. And of course, because it's the goddamn Gokey show, we have to cut to a reaction shot of him while Allison is singing. So over it.
Next week we have the top three, and I think this is the week where the judges pick a song, the contestants pick one and cryogenically frozen Clive Davis chooses one, most likely from his vault of songs from 1974. Tune in for the edge of your seat excitement!
On with the shitfest. Montage of last night. Slash was the mentor. I read a hilarious recap today debating on what Slash actually looks like and if he has a face, or if he's just a top hat and sunglasses perched on a mass of curly hair. 64 million losers voted. Can you tell that the outcome of the show is affecting the blog post?
Tonight's musical acts include Daughtry (woop!), No Doubt (cool) and...Paula Abdul. Seacrest mentioned this on his show the other day but I was afraid to believe it was actually true. This will be like Adam Lambert combined with Sanjaya mixed with Kristy Lee Cook, I feel like.
FORD! video to All American Rejects "Movin' On"...fast forward. Sorry, the game's going into OT at this point and I've got 20 minutes before it starts to watch the first half of this show. Slash comes out and does the group number with the gang to "School's Out" by Alice Cooper. It's okay...god, poor Kris. He's really a fish out of water, isn't he? Probably his idea of rock and roll is smoking a blunt at a DMB concert.
After a lengthy chat with Slash and the top four, it's time for Paula's "performance." Of course, she's lip syncing, and I swear one of her backup dancers is Adam Lambert. The song is kind of catchy, I'll probably download it because that's how I roll. I make fun of something enough, I start to like it. Like the Pussycat Dolls and America's Next Top Model.
OK, No Doubt is up next performing "Just a Girl." Did I miss something, or are we still in 1996? Seriously, WTF? I have to tell you guys, my first ever concert was when Bush toured with No Doubt and the Goo Goo Dolls, and it was hilarious. I remember Megan and I went out and bought special outfits for it, and we were all excited to crowd surf, which I did for about 7 seconds before I freaked and demanded to be let down. Yeah, I'm a real bad ass.
Before we can get to any results, we have to see a montage of what happens when you make the top three and get your hometown visit. Hey, Blake! His album was really good, I was sorry he didn't catch on more. YAY Cookster! Archuleta, God.
Finally, some results. Seacrest lines them all up and runs down all the critiques from last night, and the first one to safety is...Kris. Wow, I'm surprised. Not upset, because I've started liking Kris, but he drew a rough hand this week with the Danny duet and the theme. Good for him.
After the break, we get Daughtry! Yay. God, he's so hot. They sing their first single coming off their second album, and it's good enough, but I fast forward because I'm tired. I'll get this shit off iTunes at some point. Kris comes out awkwardly to present them with some kind of platinum album thing, blah blah blah GET ON WITH IT.
More results. Adam--safe. It's down to Allison and goddamn Gokey. Shit shit shit. And Allison's eliminated. BOOOOOOOOOO. I am now hit with the same level of apathy I was hit with in season three, when the top three were Fantasia, who still sucks, Diana DeGarmo and freakin' Jasmine Trias. I don't care who wins this shit any more. At this point, anyone but Gokey. I'd probably buy Kris's album though.
So Al gets her loser's montage, DAMMIT, and she's so freaking weird and cute and I love her. And she sings out and is crying and my heart just breaks. And of course, because it's the goddamn Gokey show, we have to cut to a reaction shot of him while Allison is singing. So over it.
Next week we have the top three, and I think this is the week where the judges pick a song, the contestants pick one and cryogenically frozen Clive Davis chooses one, most likely from his vault of songs from 1974. Tune in for the edge of your seat excitement!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Rock Band: American Idol
So apparently the contestants haven't had a run-through before the show, because the stage collapsed or something, and I don't really care because I've just had the longest day of my life. The good news? They're doing duets! Which is something Lindsay & I have wanted for years.
I already know, based on his outfit, that I'm not going to be able to handle Adam tonight, so sorry Lambert lovers. Annnnd.... SLASH, ladies & gents. Joe is dying a little bit inside. How many song choices will Joe be offended by tonight? I predict two.
Lambert is first with "Whole Lotta Love," and Joe is offended already. Wow, maybe I predicted low. I just don't buy it, much like all the rest of his performances. He's just sooooo fake. And dare I say, boring. It's the same, week after week after week.
Allison is next singing "Cry Baby." She sounds fabulous, as usual on the verses, but I think the chorus was just a little too big for her. Kara talks some BS about her personality, and why is she the only contestant left who gets this stupid criticism? Allison sort of back talks to Simon and usually I hate that, but this time it's awesome because she totally calls out Simon on not knowing who sings "Somebody to Love." (BTW, Al, I agree with your choice. "Somebody to Love" would've been safe.)
Offense #2. Kris & Danny are doing "Renegade." Steelers fans out there, this makes me long for a James Harrison sack. I really couldn't tell you how they did, because I was too busy searching for this. I will just quote an email I got from Randi earlier: "Kara said danny & kris were united and strong? WTF are they fighting the war on terror?"
Kris on his own is doing "Come Together," which means IGFB is still paying for the Beatles songbook. I'm not blown away, but I think it was solid. I actually enjoyed it more than Carly's rendition last year. Kara actually tells him he's trying too hard. TRYING TOO HARD?! See Lambert, Adam. Paula also tells him it's risky to do a Beatles song, apparently forgetting that they made us suffer through TWO EFFING WEEKS of Beatles songs last year with KRISTY LEE EFFING COOK.
Gokey is completely unoriginal and sings "Dream On." (Offense #3) I zone out for awhile and search for clips from "Miracle." He's wearing a vest?! Sorry, Gokey, but a pinstripe vest does not scream rock. OMG, this is awful. He's flat alllll over the place. Joe & I are absolutely cringing waiting for the end part, because we all know what's coming... and... it's soooo bad. To paraphrase the immortal Herb Brooks, he's performing worse and worse every day, and tonight he performed like the middle of next week. Kara's all like, I want to sleep with you, so it was great. Dang, I hate these judges this year.
Adam & Allison close out the show with "Slow Ride," and I think Joe is offended again. I actually really enjoy it, mostly because Allison is so awesome and Adam isn't completely over the top.
So, how was rock night? Mostly underwhelming, actually. Gokey should definitely go home, but I'm worried that it will be Allison or Kris (completely underservingly so) instead. My DVR cut off, so I have no idea what guests we get tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure it's Daughtry so yesssssssss. See you then.
I already know, based on his outfit, that I'm not going to be able to handle Adam tonight, so sorry Lambert lovers. Annnnd.... SLASH, ladies & gents. Joe is dying a little bit inside. How many song choices will Joe be offended by tonight? I predict two.
Lambert is first with "Whole Lotta Love," and Joe is offended already. Wow, maybe I predicted low. I just don't buy it, much like all the rest of his performances. He's just sooooo fake. And dare I say, boring. It's the same, week after week after week.
Allison is next singing "Cry Baby." She sounds fabulous, as usual on the verses, but I think the chorus was just a little too big for her. Kara talks some BS about her personality, and why is she the only contestant left who gets this stupid criticism? Allison sort of back talks to Simon and usually I hate that, but this time it's awesome because she totally calls out Simon on not knowing who sings "Somebody to Love." (BTW, Al, I agree with your choice. "Somebody to Love" would've been safe.)
Offense #2. Kris & Danny are doing "Renegade." Steelers fans out there, this makes me long for a James Harrison sack. I really couldn't tell you how they did, because I was too busy searching for this. I will just quote an email I got from Randi earlier: "Kara said danny & kris were united and strong? WTF are they fighting the war on terror?"
Kris on his own is doing "Come Together," which means IGFB is still paying for the Beatles songbook. I'm not blown away, but I think it was solid. I actually enjoyed it more than Carly's rendition last year. Kara actually tells him he's trying too hard. TRYING TOO HARD?! See Lambert, Adam. Paula also tells him it's risky to do a Beatles song, apparently forgetting that they made us suffer through TWO EFFING WEEKS of Beatles songs last year with KRISTY LEE EFFING COOK.
Gokey is completely unoriginal and sings "Dream On." (Offense #3) I zone out for awhile and search for clips from "Miracle." He's wearing a vest?! Sorry, Gokey, but a pinstripe vest does not scream rock. OMG, this is awful. He's flat alllll over the place. Joe & I are absolutely cringing waiting for the end part, because we all know what's coming... and... it's soooo bad. To paraphrase the immortal Herb Brooks, he's performing worse and worse every day, and tonight he performed like the middle of next week. Kara's all like, I want to sleep with you, so it was great. Dang, I hate these judges this year.
Adam & Allison close out the show with "Slow Ride," and I think Joe is offended again. I actually really enjoy it, mostly because Allison is so awesome and Adam isn't completely over the top.
So, how was rock night? Mostly underwhelming, actually. Gokey should definitely go home, but I'm worried that it will be Allison or Kris (completely underservingly so) instead. My DVR cut off, so I have no idea what guests we get tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure it's Daughtry so yesssssssss. See you then.
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