I'm going to a land down under.

Wow, uber dramatic opening. Beginning with a super closeup of Gokey's face is one sure fire way to make me angry already, so thanks producers! I'll be heading to the land of Aughtry tomorrow morning, so this is my last Idol viewing of the season. Can't say I'm all that upset about it, to be honest.

Each guy gets two songs this week - one from the judges and one of their own choosing. What, did Clive Davis not emerge from his cryogenically frozen state in time? For the first song "Paula" texts Gokey with her song choice for him, which is "Dance Little Sister," which Joe claims I know but I'm not sure. Guys? When he starts singing all I can think of is Michael McDonald, which makes me think of this:

David: Hey, Paula.
Paula: Yeah?
David: I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD that you've been playing for two years straight off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain.
Paula: David, what do you suggest we play?
David: I don't care. Anything. I would rather... I would rather watch "Beautician and the Beast". I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm going to "Yah Mo" burn this place to the ground.

First person to name that movie gets a beer from me.

To be honest, I don't listen much to the judges because I'm sick of them all getting up on Gokey week after week. It's the same Gokeyness we've had all season.

"Randy and Kara" text Kris to tell him he's singing "Apologize," and I promise you I heard this song in the car the other day & wondered why no one had sung this yet. (Yet another clue that I may waste way too much of my life on this show.) The first falsetto note is rough and he wisely doesn't try it again... until the next chorus. Ouch. I like the arrangement - it's not quite the original version, not quite the Timbaland version, but somewhere in between. Definitely not the best chance for Kris to show off, but we all know the judges want a Danny/Adam finale, so why even give him a shot? Kara calls it "competent" and wants him to "make it his own" and I sit here wondering how much the producers script this crap. Simon then calls Kara out for picking a crappy song and then complaining about his performance, which is kind of awesome, and we know that every year Simon is the only one who chooses even a halfway decent song for a contestant. And let me just take a minute to vent. The judges this year have been so blatant about their favorites, more than they ever had before, and it's become insulting. Kris and Allison gave incredible performances many times and never got any credit for it - it was always about them not having confidence, or wearing bad clothes, or something else, whereas Gokey is terrible week after week and gets an A for effort. It's obnoxious to sit and listen to, and I'm glad I won't have to hear Kara's voice again till January.

So naturally Simon gets to pick for his favorite contestant, as per usual. He picks "One" for Adam, and namedrops that he actually talked to Bono to get the rights to the song. (P.S. Cookster sang a U2 song last year in the finale, so I call BS.) And I get the same feeling from this as I do from most Adam songs, that it should be a huge moment in a musical based on U2 songs. Don't get me wrong, I love my theater, but he's just soooooo dramatic and overdone. And, he kinda ruins the song by making it sound very lite FM. Randy actually calls him one of the hottest 3 in the competition. Wow, these judges are awful tonight. Simon congratulates his own song choice, like he does every effing year, and I sort of feel like I'm getting over this show once and for all.

IGFB and ExxonMobil sent Carrie Underwood to Africa. Fast forward.

Gokey is doing "You Are So Beautiful" for his second song of the night. Zzzzzzz. More lite FM. The judges are all over it. I hate Gokey and I'm glad I'm missing the finale next week, because he's so obviously going to be there.

Annnnnd the surprise of the night is Kris doing "Heartless" by Kanye West. Huh?? Clearly he realizes he doesn't have much of a chance, so why not. I have an acoustic version of "Gold Digger" downloaded and it's sort of like this. It's awesome for its novelty but you can't really take it seriously, can you? Apparently you can, because the judges pick this moment in time to ACTUALLY COMPLEMENT A KRIS PERFORMANCE. It only took them 11 weeks. Maybe our prayers will be answered and Kris will sneak in over Gokey?

Finally, in the pimp spot for the 85th time this season, Adam is singing "Cryin." Did Ryan just call this a classic? I remember watching the Alicia Silverstone video on MTV when I was a kid. God, I'm old. I don't know what to say, it's the same as it always is, and I'm utterly bored by him.

And with that, dear readers, I'm out of here! Enjoy the finale. Lindsay will be here to hold your hand through it all! As always, it's been a blast sharing this strange season with you. I'll see you next year!