Rock Band: American Idol

So apparently the contestants haven't had a run-through before the show, because the stage collapsed or something, and I don't really care because I've just had the longest day of my life. The good news? They're doing duets! Which is something Lindsay & I have wanted for years.

I already know, based on his outfit, that I'm not going to be able to handle Adam tonight, so sorry Lambert lovers. Annnnd.... SLASH, ladies & gents. Joe is dying a little bit inside. How many song choices will Joe be offended by tonight? I predict two.

Lambert is first with "Whole Lotta Love," and Joe is offended already. Wow, maybe I predicted low. I just don't buy it, much like all the rest of his performances. He's just sooooo fake. And dare I say, boring. It's the same, week after week after week.

Allison is next singing "Cry Baby." She sounds fabulous, as usual on the verses, but I think the chorus was just a little too big for her. Kara talks some BS about her personality, and why is she the only contestant left who gets this stupid criticism? Allison sort of back talks to Simon and usually I hate that, but this time it's awesome because she totally calls out Simon on not knowing who sings "Somebody to Love." (BTW, Al, I agree with your choice. "Somebody to Love" would've been safe.)

Offense #2. Kris & Danny are doing "Renegade." Steelers fans out there, this makes me long for a James Harrison sack. I really couldn't tell you how they did, because I was too busy searching for this. I will just quote an email I got from Randi earlier: "Kara said danny & kris were united and strong? WTF are they fighting the war on terror?"

Kris on his own is doing "Come Together," which means IGFB is still paying for the Beatles songbook. I'm not blown away, but I think it was solid. I actually enjoyed it more than Carly's rendition last year. Kara actually tells him he's trying too hard. TRYING TOO HARD?! See Lambert, Adam. Paula also tells him it's risky to do a Beatles song, apparently forgetting that they made us suffer through TWO EFFING WEEKS of Beatles songs last year with KRISTY LEE EFFING COOK.

Gokey is completely unoriginal and sings "Dream On." (Offense #3) I zone out for awhile and search for clips from "Miracle." He's wearing a vest?! Sorry, Gokey, but a pinstripe vest does not scream rock. OMG, this is awful. He's flat alllll over the place. Joe & I are absolutely cringing waiting for the end part, because we all know what's coming... and... it's soooo bad. To paraphrase the immortal Herb Brooks, he's performing worse and worse every day, and tonight he performed like the middle of next week. Kara's all like, I want to sleep with you, so it was great. Dang, I hate these judges this year.

Adam & Allison close out the show with "Slow Ride," and I think Joe is offended again. I actually really enjoy it, mostly because Allison is so awesome and Adam isn't completely over the top.

So, how was rock night? Mostly underwhelming, actually. Gokey should definitely go home, but I'm worried that it will be Allison or Kris (completely underservingly so) instead. My DVR cut off, so I have no idea what guests we get tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure it's Daughtry so yesssssssss. See you then.