The sound of silence... would be better than Scotty.

Sorry for the late post this week, folks. Been a hectic week, so I'm using this rainy Saturday afternoon to catch up on some TV viewing, and it's Idol's turn!

Yeah, Idol, we know. Pia was voted off. And you know what else? There's a lot of people who don't care. Also something we don't care about? That JLo is on the cover of People's Most Beautiful issue. Bring on the singers. OMG WHAT IS PAUL WEARING??? The nice thing about blogging late is that I can find a photo of it:

He sings Old Time Rock & Roll. It's really not good. I have no idea what's gong on half the time, and eventually he's got a tambourine and he's grinding all up on the saxophone player. You know, there's not enough songs with saxophones anymore. For some reason the judges all love it. I miss Simon, he would've called that a train wreck.

Ugh, Lauren is singing that Hannah Montana song. Did the stylists take the night off or something? She's wearing a silver metallic zebra corset thing under a black tutu with cowboy boots. What. the. hell? She sounds really good, but I just can't get that excited about someone sounding good on a song originally sung by Miley Cyrus.

Stefano is singing End of the Road by Boyz II freaking Men. I knew he was, but I forgot, so this just made me infinitely happy. I get an instant middle school dance vibe from any other their songs. Man, this song was good, wasn't it? And he actually sounds really good singing it! I still think he's totally cheesy, but wow, go Stefano!

UGGGGGGH, #Oldladyvote time. He is doing the same shit he does every stupid week. It sucks. Next.

Casey and his bass and his stupid facial expressions are on stage. He's singing Nature Boy, and it's pretty good. I just can't look at him, haha. It's like Cookster, pre-haircut. The judges give him a standing ovation, because apparently no one has ever sung and instrument and sang at the same time on this show.

Haley is singing Call Me. She's another one I prefer not to watch, haha. She's just so awkward at moving. But she sounds fantastic, I love this song for her. Well done.

Jacob is up next, singing Bridge Over Troubled Water. Lindsay had warned me in advance, because this song is pretty much at the top of both our Top Idol Performances Ever List. I still get chills watching Clay's version, and I've watched it at least a hundred times. Why must these Idols have such little respect for Idol history??? Ugh. Anyway, it's all good, but that song belongs to Clay Aiken. Sorry, Jacob.

Our man James is in the pimp spot tonight with Heavy Metal. He kills it, as per usual. James, we love you.

Now on to the results! I like these duets they've started this year. Lauren & Scotty kick it off with what is apparently a Lady Antebellum song called American Honey. I'm glad the stylists are making up for Wednesday's catastrophe, because I want Lauren's entire outfit tonight. She looks fantastic.

FORD! music video. They're all dressed as zombies and singing Animal. Of course they are. And then the zombies just want to hang out in the Ford Mustang and play music. Of course they do.

Haley and Casey sing Moanin'. I'm not familiar with this song, but their duet is FANTASTIC. I seriously love Haley's voice and this is right in Casey's jazzy wheelhouse. Wow. Did they just replace Lee & Crystal as my favorite Idol duet ever? Results: after that incredible performance, Haley is in the bottom 3, and #oldladyvote is safe once again.

Kelly Clarkson, our original American Idol, is here singing with some guy whose face I can't see under his cowboy hat. I heart her so much, but not a fan of this song. Aw, remember how cute Kelly was when she won? SOME PEOPLE WAIT A LIFETIIIIIMMMEEEE.......

Stefano, James, Jacob, & Paul are singing a medley from The Graduate. Meh. Give us results already. Stefano and Paul are in the bottom two. Can't say I'm shocked, but Stefano had his best performance of the season this week.

Ugh, Rihanna too? It's so cute when she thinks she can actually sing ballads. And is she wearing a velvet gown? In California, in April? I'm confused. I actually like this song, just not sung by Rihanna, though she sounds much better than usual. I'd rather hear someone like Carrie Underwood sing it.

Finally, results. I feel like I've been watching this for hours. Haley is sent back to safety, down to Stefano and Paul. As we know by now, Paul and his blindingly white teeth are going home and are now free to go date that chick from Twilight. He's fun and all, but someone that quirky was never going to win.

Next week is songs from the 21st century, so... songs from the past 11 years? Should be interesting. Someone please sing Britney, k?

Our spirits are broken.

So we don't have recaps tonight. Really, we're just bizzay with hockey playoffs and babies and what not. So you'll get a full recap of both nights this weekend sometime.

Basically: Paul went home. #Oldladyvote remains. Lindsay sums it up: "Forget top 5, that f*cker will end up top 2 or 3. And make us wish we had never come back."

#Fact.

Um, America? WTF?

Hello dear readers! Rock and roll hall of fame week. Some of them killed it, and then there's Scotty. OMG, I think JLo is dressed as I Dream of Jeanie tonight. Tonight's performance lineup is Constantine Maroulis and... Iggy Pop? Huh? This show is so confusing.

Oh goody, it's a rock medley. If this is rock, then my high school show choir should be performing at Madison Square Garden. I don't even know how to describe what Haley is wearing. It's like a crocheted one piece bathing suit tucked into stone washed jeans. Oh, and there are feathers. Still, it's better than whatever Gwen Stefani made those girls wear last night. Wow, hello Pia's breasts.

FORD! music video in which the Idols appear to be trying to pay homage to Ocean's Eleven. And then a very unfunny segment where Russell Brand comes on to "train" the Idols in "stage presence," aka pimp his new movie. Anyone else think it would be incredibly fun to hang out with him and Katy Perry? No? Just me? Ok then.

Results time! Casey, Stefano, and Lauren are up first. Oh they're totally doing the thing where one person from each threesome is in the bottom three. Did Casey just insult Kelly Clarkson? Apparently she tweeted that she has a crush on him but the feeling does not appear to be mutual. Eff you, Casey. Stefano's jacket appears to be made of plastic. OMG, why is this show an hour? After A LOT of banter, Stefano is in the bottom three.

And now it's time for Constantine, singing Simon Cowell's favorite song, Unchained Melody. So, season 4 was the only season of this show I didn't watch, because I was abroad. Basically the only people that season I ever took time to learn about were Mrs. Mike Fisher, that Bo character with the bad hair, and this guy, and that's basically because I heard that he eye f**ked the camera during every performance. And yep, he's doing eye f**king us all. Why exactly is he here tonight? Oh, he's pimping Rock of Ages. And dear Lord, he has a child. That's frightening.

Now we get to see how Gwen "styled" the girls last night. And by "styled" we mean "made to look like shit."

Back to results - Paul, Scotty and Pia. We're not lucky enough to get rid of #oldladyvote yet. He will be torturing us for weeks to come. He and Paul are safe, and Pia and her giant breasts are in the bottom three. Boooooooo.

The Idols go to the TMZ offices. SERIOUSLY?!??!?! This show could be 10 minutes long. Ugh.

Finally - Haley, James, and Jacob. James is safe (woo!), Haley is safe, so Jacob is in the bottom three, and there is still 17 minutes left in the show.

Iggy Pop. Sorry, not interested. Fast forward.

Finally, moment of truth. Jacob is sent back to safety, so it comes down to Pia and Stefano. Seacrest tells Pia she's going home, and basically the audience and the judges and I are all like, what the shit? Even JLo is thinking, I know I want to screw Stefano, but even I know he should go home before Pia. The judges might even be a little upset they used the save on Casey. Seriously, America, what the hell? I don't think Pia sang a wrong note the entire competition, and yet SCOTTY EFFING MCCREERY is still there. They ask Pia to sing one more time, and she picks I'll Stand By You, and it's gorgeous, and to be honest, if she'd sung with that emotion last night... maybe she wouldn't be going home.

Ugh. This show is a bitch sometimes. And yet we'll be back next week.

Top 9 Do Rock n Roll OR: FILTHY HOT MESS

So apparently we're doing Rock and Roll HOF songs again? I mean, with all the different types of music in the world and so many different categories, I really don't understand the repeating of the themes year in and year out. Sigh.

The opening is weird. It's like my cable cut to it in the middle or something. Ryan's like running out on stage with the nine behind him. It's all manic. Down to nine, AND the show tonight is only 90 minutes. WOOT. This week Gwen Stefani styled the contestants. That could either be awesome or a filthy hot mess.

Blah blah, Steven got his act together enough to give us a promo for the RnR HOF and showed us some costumes or something. I would seriously love to be Ryan Seacrest sometimes. He has one of the most fun jobs in TV. Oooh looks like James is in the pimp spot. Why the HELL is will.i.am here again??? God, doesn't he have anything else to do? It's like when Alec Baldwin or Justin Timberlake randomly show up at SNL every other week.

Jacob's up first. Singing "Man in the Mirror" which is apparently the new MJ song for Idol contestants. Thanks, Kris Allen! Jacob's dressed all in white and he kills this joint. I think Jacob is really starting to grow on me. I liked this a lot. Great way to open the show. Wow, people in the audience are going APESHIT for him.

After the break, we've got Haley, who I started enjoying last week. This week she's doing "Piece of My Heart" which has also been done to pieces on this show, but I think this is a perfect choice for her and she'll totally nail this. This is dope. I'm surprised they didn't put this later in the show. Not the pimp spot since she had it last week, but maybe second to last. I would so fall on my ass if I tried to even stand in those shoes, let alone jam on stage. Go girl.

Now we've got Casey, who I thought rocked last week. So apparently he was going to sing "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" but then he changed it to "Have You Ever Seen The Rain?" by CCR. Which kind of makes sense if you're Casey, I think. I wish he had done the other song I think. This sounds really good, but I'm kind of bored. He's playing a giant upright bass and some guy who looks like Duff Goldman is playing the ukelele. Casey really needs a Crest Whitestrip. Dudes, Randy's jacket...the hell?? So.....shiny.

Up next is Lauren, who was also good last week. She looks like she has no idea WTF will.i.am is telling her. Poor Lauren. I know, hon. Giant flower in her hair=Jasmine Trias. Oooh, formal shorts. Yikes. She's doing "Natural Woman." Let's hear it, girlfriend. Oh wait wait wait, that is a ROMPER she is wearing, not formal shorts. Jesus H. I wonder if she's sick or something, she looks totally freaked and has zero stage presence. Sounds good though. Wow, Christian Slater, easy on the forehead Botox, my friend.

After the break, we've got James. Ooops, so I lied about him in the pimp spot. So that means Pia, Stefano, Scotty or Paul get it...hmm. I bet it's Pia. Or Paul. Anyway, HI JAMES! This week he's doing "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by George Harrison. This is really good. Great control by James, shows that he can do more than just the yelly kind of rock songs, which I've read is a criticism of him. I love James, you guys.

Up next is #oldladyvote singing an Elvis song. Of course. "That's All Right." I'm so bored of Scotty, guys. Thank God they didn't give him the pimp spot with this. Guys, so many things. Scotty is wearing a freaking CANADIAN TUXEDO, first of all. Second of all, Randy's saying he's not a one trick pony??? IS HE SERIOUS? OF COURSE HE IS. That's why he is STILL HERE. LDJSALFADJLFADS;LFA;LFALASDJFOI3UROIJFLKAJF;

OK, I need to move on. Hi Pia! You look amazing tonight....from the neck up that is, sheesh. What ballad are you going to treat us to this evening? Oooh, not a ballad? Tina Turner's "River Deep, Mountain High." God, will.i.am is seriously like a cartoon. WTF does he even mean half the time?? This is awesome, Pia sounds amazing. Her outfit though, my God. Gwen, come on. Why are you making everyone look like an asshole? Thanks for not singing a ballad, Pia.

Stefano is next, so that means Paul's got the PS. I hope he does something crazy. OK, seriously Stefano? "When a Man Loves a Woman??" BLECH. OK, I just figured out who he looks like. Joey Tribbiani. Or, Matt LeBlanc I guess, LOL. And since Stefano's performance is lame and boring, let's fill this graph with excellent Joey lines. "It hurts my Joey's apple!" "Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo." "Hi, I'm Chandler...could I BE wearing any more clothes??" "In my spare time, I'm a mento for kids." Anyway, JLO loves the performance because she wants to bang Stefano, and I'm not real sure what the other ones said 'cause I was looking up quotes.

So last but not least we've got good old Paul in the pimp spot. Singing "Folsum Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash. SO not what I would have picked for Paul, seriously. But I bet it's good. I just noticed will.i.am's shoes are covered in glitter. Wow. Paul's rocking a ruffly shirt and is REALLY into the song. This is great, I love Paul. What an unexpectedly fun number. And his teeth are blinding, seriously. Like Paul's teeth...then Casey's teeth. LOL.

So tonight was kind of a hot mess and kind of awesome at the same time. B3 might be Jacob, since he went early and I forgot about him already LOL, maybe Stefano and actually Casey could end up there again because he was kind of boring. I didn't think Lauren was the greatest either but she might squeak through. Brenna will recap your results and the return of effing CONSTANTINE MAROULIS to the Idol stage....whaaaat?!