Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach.

Idol is getting extra dramatic with its intros tonight, and Lazaro is wearing his worst outfit yet. We have two themes - songs from the Burt Bacharach catalogue, aka a theme this show has done 80 times already, and songs they wish they'd written, which should hopefully get us some songs written post-1990.

Angie's fun fact is that she makes embarrassing YouTube videos. She is the geekiest musical geek ever, basically, aka me in high school. She is singing Anyone Who Had a Heart for her Bacharach song, and luckily we jump right into the music. Two songs = very little filler tonight, woohoo! It's a solid song, though quite boring, as I imagine most of the Bacharach songs will be because for the love of Simon Cowell, we are in the year 2013. The judges tell her that she has a great voice but no passion. Nicki tells her it felt old-fashioned. NO SHIT NICKI. It was written in 1963! FIFTY YEARS AGO. It is old-fashioned.

Amber eats frozen cooked shrimp out of the bag. Ew. She is singing I Say a Little Prayer. Borrrinnnngggg. I'm sorry, but no one is buying this on iTunes. She sounds great, of course, but I still just don't get Amber. There's something about her that leaves me cold and uninspired. The judges all completely lose it over her.

Lazaro's fun fact is something about being a redneck. Ok, then. He's singing (They Long to Be) Close to You. It is awful. He completely misses the key change, and even before that, it's just not good. The judges rightfully rip him apart. Please, America, put us out of this misery and send him home.

Kree likes to go to the rodeo. She is singing What the World Needs Now is Love. I can't hear this song without thinking of Austin Powers. She sings the first few bars a capella, and it is gorgeous. GORGEOUS. I actually wish she had sung the whole thing a capella, but she doesn't, and even though it's beautiful the entire way through, it would have been off the charts without the band. Anyway, Kree is awesome. The judges think so too.

I miss Janelle's fun fact, because I accidentally fast-forwarded and I'm not going back. She is singing I'll Never Fall in Love Again, which also reminds me of Austin Powers. (Legit question: have these kids ever seen Austin Powers? The first movie came out in 1997 - 16 years ago. What?!) Anyway, Janelle sounds fine, but again, the song is kind of boring. There is a nice moment where she sings to Keith, which is great. I really like her in general though and hope her second performance is more exciting. The judges are all "meh" with her.

Candice speaks some kind of weird South Carolina dialect that sounds Caribbean. She is singing Don't Make Me Over. It's just amazing. She is completely effortless, and this phenomenal thing just comes out of her mouth, and it is perfect. She's like Adele, I don't even understand. Nicki says it doesn't sound old-fashioned, and I completely agree. I've heard that song a million times, but it felt so fresh when she sang it. Just perfection.

Now we're on to the "songs I wish I'd written" portion of the evening. Angie is singing Love Came Down, and she is back at the piano where she belongs. Everything from earlier about not having emotion is null and void in this song. She's fantastic, and the song is pretty perfect for her. The judges are equally in love with it.

Amber is singing Love on Top, so finally, we get a well-known pop song from the past decade, though far from Beyonce's best. It's fine, she sounds great, but again, I'm very uninspired. Am I missing something here? Am I just so jaded from 800 seasons of this show? The judges all love her, as per usual.

Lazaro is singing Angels, by Robbie Williams, which I agree is a brilliant song. Though I feel like a lot of people have sung it on this show before. I think Lazaro is phoning it in now. It's... not great. It's much, much better than his first, but at this point the judges can't even find anything to rave about. They basically tell him he can't compare to any of the girls. I'm worried his Archuleta-ness is going to keep him around - aka the tweens will vote for him because they feel bad he's been ripped apart.

Kree is next with Help Me Make it Through the Night. I don't know this song, but it sounds so flawless and natural. I don't listen to country, but she has one of those classically country songs that I imagine from the good ol' days before people like Taylor Swift came along. Seriously, she and Candice are just on a different level. Mariah actually gives her an incredible compliment when she says she had to sing that song once, but Kree sang it the way the song is meant to be sung. Coming from Mariah, I think that's the highest praise you can get.

So my DVR inexplicably skips over Janelle's entire performance and goes right to the judges, so I have to find it online. She is doing The Dance, by Garth Brooks, which is one of the few Garth Brooks songs I know (I don't do country), but also one of the most beautiful, I think. It's not her best performance. Keith suggests an arrangement with just her and her guitar, which I agree could have been something special.

Finally, in the pimp spot we have Candice, who is singing Love Song, by the Cure. It's an incredible song just by itself, but what Candice does with it is so amazing that I seriously don't have words to describe it. Just go watch it for yourself. (P.S. the Randy reaction shots are phenomenal.)

Phew! So that's that. Who should go home: Lazaro, without a doubt. Who will go home: I'm afraid it will be Janelle or Amber, since both were overshadowed by their fellow female competitors. Lindsay will take you through the results, which really should just say they're canceling the rest of the competition and giving this thing to Candice.

Wherein we kill the hour before New Girl.

Welcome, viewers! Tonight we continue the seemingly endless march toward crowning Candice as our 12th American Idol. Last night we did rock. Tonight, someone (Lazaro or Burnell) goes home. Casey James and Carrie Underwood are also here tonight! Is Carrie contractually obligated to perform at least once a season?

The top 7 kick it off with an arrangement of Somebody to Love which sounds suspiciously like the version Glee did back when Glee was still awesome. I know, because I still have that version in heavy rotation on my iPod. Candice gets the Mercedes diva note at the end, and it is predictably awesome and OMFG WHAT ARE LAZARO'S PANTS?!

So apparently we have Ford Fiesta missions this year, and the Idols are creating looks based on their musical influences. I think Lazaro says his is Josh Groban, which... ok. In the photos, all of them look exactly like they always look, and yet this show is an hour long.

Oh goodie, it's Jimmy and his recap. This whole segment baffles me - if the producers wanted his opinion, maybe he should be an actual judge? In summary: Burnell committed a crime against Idol humanity by attempting to do a song that was one of the best Idol performances ever and sucking at it. She also rips apart Lazaro and Angie's duet. He approves of Kree. Burnell should do his homework. Janelle was competent. Lazaro was reasonable. Randy didn't know what he was talking about. Candice's performance wasn't one of her best. Amber sang What About Love (which is a ballad, right?) and she is improving every week. Angie "walked up to the podium and stood up there." Literally, he says that.

CASEY JAMES! Kara and Posh Spice cougared all over him, and it was awesome. I think my mom liked him, and maybe Lindsay's too, making him an #oldladyvote who has lady hair like Keith. Apparently he's a country artist now, proving to me that country music fans will buy anything. He's here to perform a new song. I'd like to know what produce he uses to get those curls. Also, if Kara was still a judge she'd be losing her shit over his tight shirt.

Seacrest now reveals each of the judges' top three, and I remind you again, THIS SHOW IS AN HOUR LONG. Lindsay and I agree that we'd rather watch 45 minutes of Carrie than this pointless filler. Mariah wishes she could have picked everyone for her top three, completely negating the purpose of a top three. YOU ARE A JUDGE, YOUR JOB IS TO JUDGE THEM. Ugh.

Finally, we get to some results. Kree is in the voters' top three, yay! So are Angie and... LAZARO?! What the actual fuck, America? I have a bad feeling Janelle or Candice is getting voted off tonight - I know the judges would use the save for Candice, but would they for Janelle?

Before we find out, it's time for Carrie Underwood. I love her so much. In her intro video, they neglect to mention her hot hockey player husband among all of her accolades, but that's why I'm here, to remind you. Not a big fan of the song she's singing, but she looks stunning as per usual, and she doesn't care if I like her song or not, because she'd be all, "I'm still going home to this." Touche, Underwood. Touche.

Back to results! Candice is safe, thank god. I'm so worried for Janelle. Oh, I forgot about Amber. Not nearly as worried about her, but she's safe, which leaves us Janelle and Burnell. But before we get the final result, we have another commercial break. Let's just get this over with so we can all watch New Girl, k? FINALLY, we learn that Burnell is going home, and everyone is crying, and maybe I've just been watching this show for too long and I'm jaded, but seriously guys, this is the whole point of the show. There can't be 10 winners. And besides, his performance isn't save-worthy at all. The judges agree, so buhbye Burnell.

Lazaro is the last hope for the men, and personally, I'd be thrilled with an all-female top five. We'll see what happens next week! Time for Nick Miller now... peace out!

No Ballad, No Cry

How many contestants are left? Seven? Oh right, just two guys left, so Lazaro is probably gone tomorrow and then Burnell next week HAHA. Tonight the theme is apparently "Classic Rock, No Ballads" to which we said, THANK THE FREAKING LORD. THIS....is American Idol.

After the judge, Ryan and contestant introduction, we jump into performances. We must have a lot to get to tonight. Oh, this is the week where all the contestants talk about each other. Goody. Burnell is up first singing "You Give Love a Bad Name." I'm sorry, but no one can top what Blake Lewis did with this song in his season. Bon Jovi thought he was insane and it turned out awesome. There was a freaking beatbox interlude! Burnell looks like he's wearing a "rock n roll" Halloween costume and belts the song looking and sounding super awkward. Keith basically just laughs at him when it's over. Me too, Keith.

 After the break we're treated to our first duet of the evening, Angie and Lazaro singing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." It's about what you'd expect. Lazaro kind of mumble sings and Angie's decent but not as good as she could be. The song is kind of a hard one to sing, I think. Not really a lot of opportunity for big notes where these two usually can shine. I think our friend Lazaro might be done this week, if his solo is anything like this was.

Oh and we're doing the "backstage interviews with the contestants after the performances" too, where's that been? Okay, so Kree is the second solo of the evening, and we're a half hour into the show. We could be down to 90 minute eps by now. Kree apparently is BFF with everyone that works on the show. I love that. She's doing "Piece of My Heart" which I think is perfect for her. PERFECT. Can you tell I love Kree? She's like Candice in that it looks and sounds effortless. She kills it. Kree is the shit.

Burnell and Candice are going to sing "The Letter." I might actually like this. I used to enjoy Burnell but he got wonky, and I think maybe Candice might be able to help him out a little. Update on Burnell's clothes: they are better than his first performance but not by much. Candice is so amazing. She doesn't really overshadow Burnell here even though she totally could. It's a nice number by the two of them, a very jazzy, fun arrangement of the song.

Janelle is hilarious because she gives a shout out to some local dive bar called Lincoln's Grille in her hometown where people have apparently gathered to watch her. I love that shit. Her clip package with everyone talking about her is SO FUNNY. I am seriously LOL listening to this. She's singing "You May Be Right" which actually will sound really good as a country song I think. She's good, it's not my favorite performance she's ever done but she's so fun. Her stage presence is really killer.

Lazaro is next and all the contestants are talking about how he dresses in bright colors. Okay then. He's singing "We are the Champions" which Brenna and I will forever hold in our hearts as the most awesome performance by one Michael Johns. Can you tell we've watched a million seasons of this show?? Lazaro is dressed in subdued colors tonight and...oh wait, his maroon shirt is totally sequined, so strike that, haha. He sounds okay, not great, but not awful. He definitely does better when he has big notes to hit. He does better on the chorus than the verses.

The last group number tonight is Kree, Amber and Janelle. They are singing "Still Rock and Roll to Me." It's pretty good, a little shouty in parts which makes me wonder if they're trying to outsing each other haha. I don't really have a lot to say about this, it wasn't anything hugely special even though Randy is trying to make it out to be. It's like he's trying to fill time, which, WHY? KEEP IT MOVING.

Candice is up after the break, and the clip package is about how her and Burnell bicker all the time. She is performing "Satisfaction (I Can't Get No)", which, AWESOME pick, Candice! I love that she picked something somewhat surprising. She does an awesome job with it and looks freaking gorgeous to boot. This is such a short paragraph because we've said all there is to say about her. Just make her and Kree the final two and be done with it. She apparently broke her toe trying to prank Lazaro or something?

PS I forgot to mention that Orianthi is accompanying on the guitar tonight. ACCORDING TO YOU! So we've got Angie and Amber left, who is getting the pimp spot? Amber is next, so Angie's last tonight. Burnell apparently has a crush on Amber. Oh boy. AWKWARD. Amber is singing Heart's "What About Love?" Hmm. This could get interesting. No one really should attempt Heart after Carrie but Amber maybe can do it. I think this might be the first time I've really liked Amber on this season. She sounds awesome, and made a great song choice here. And is also working leather shorts. Damn, girl.

So little Angie's in the pimp spot tonight. I hope this means she's good. She needs something good after that duet. Burnell has been really funny in these contestant packages actually. It kind of made me love him again. Angie is singing "Bring Me to Life" and oooh, this could be reallllly good. She starts out playing the piano and then gets up for the intense part. So far, so good, this is pretty awesome. Her voice sounds great but her facial expressions are kind of distracting. But if you close your eyes or type an email or something that doesn't matter haha.

Pretty good night tonight, I have to say. I'm sure Burnell and Lazaro will end up in the B3 tomorrow but I'm not really sure who will join them. Maybe Angie because she was probably the weakest of all the girls, I think. But we'll more than likely be saying goodbye to one of our two remaining guys. Brenna will take you through results and, according to my DVR, a performance by Carrie Underwood!

Devin, we hardly knew 'im

Hey guys. So Ohio State is playing in the Sweet 16 tonight which means my husband is monopolizing the TV. I'm going to do a super truncated recap of what I've seen off and on until basically 8:45.

Some large amount of people voted, I'm sure. Colton Dixon is here to perform tonight and also Keith is going to sing. Keith has lady hair! Please look up and familiarize yourself with the Handsome Men's Club if you don't get that and haven't ever seen it. You are missing out.

Here we are at 8:45 and just getting to results? Perfect timing! First person who is safe tonight is--Kree! Yes. I totally think the final two is going to be her and Candice. Who is safe next. What what. Janelle is also safe. I mean really, are any of these shocking results? Nope. Kree just fell over with excitement for Janelle, I freaking love them.

Next safe is Angie. Oh and Amber is safe too, so yeah, all three guys are in the B3 this week. Not surprising at all. Time for a commercial.

Back to results. Apparently Jimmy said Lazaro was going home. Okay, Burnell is safe. Yuck, seriously his performance last night sucked. I feel bad for Lazaro but he's been having a hard time. I think this might be it for him. Oh man, he's safe. Devin is going to sing for the save. I still don't think anyone is going to use it. But we'll see.

He sings Impossible again, switching into Spanish part way through. I mean, he's great and all but I am just bored by him. Will they use the save? Well, he doesn't have lady parts, so I say no. And they say no too. I honestly thought they were going to be peer pressured into using the safe, the crowd was going INSANE.

So it's "adios" to our Hispanic Clay Aiken. Three guys down, two to go. Lazaro and Burnell aren't going down without a fight, but face it guys....it's inevitable. See you Wednesday!

No choice, your voice can take me there.

Tonight American Idol is taking on the music of Detroit, which means Motown songs for probably the 12th time in 12 seasons. But then they play the White Stripes over the intro, so maybe it won't be so boring tonight after all? Here at MSHBB HQ, we're taking a break from our excitement over Jon Peter "Pen Salesman" Lewis on The Voice to bring all of the American Idol Top 8 action to you.

I need Mariah's dress tonight, it's gorgeous. Nicki actually looks quite pretty.

So any artist from Detroit is fair game. Please let someone do Lose Yourself. Smokey Robinson is a mentor this week, but so is Jimmy, so I'm getting sick of. And I shouldn't fail to mention that Mariah has a light-up wand that she is waving at Seacrest as he describes the theme.

Candice is up first, and Smokey tells her that he made her cry singing I Who Have Nothing. Smokey knows what's up, I'm still amazed by that performance. Tonight she's singing I Heard It Through The Grapevine. Smokey loooooves Candice, it's adorable. He gives her some advice about making the song funkier, but otherwise, how do you improve upon what Candice already does?! What more can we possibly say about this girl... Her voice is huge, her pitch is perfect, she's oozing in swag, and she never ever looks like she's even trying. Just drop the mic and get your recording contract already, girl.

Apparently we're also doing duets tonight, and Kree and Janelle are up first. And they're doing my all-time favorite song, Like a Prayer. It's awesome, but at times the choir drowns them out a little bit, which is basically what this song is all about anyway. But their voices sound really great together, and if neither wins, they could totally start a country duo.

Devin, aka Hispanic Clay Aiken, is singing Tracks of My Tears. I love this song. Smokey tells an awesome story about the origin of the lyrics. How cool would it be to sing a song after someone has explained how they came up with the lyrics? Smokey is such a great mentor. Anyway, Devin sounds good, and the judges all like him, but in general, he bores me.

Next up, we have a trio. So apparently it's not just duets. Amber, Candice, and Angie (and her leather shorts) are doing The Supremes. They sound beautiful, as to be expected. Can we put together some girl groups from this year's contestants? We need a new Destiny's Child, yo. 

MAKE SURE PAT SOLITANO ISN'T AROUND CAUSE SOMEONE'S SINGING MY CHERIE AMOUR! Seriously, this song will forever be intertwined with Silver Linings Playbook in my mind. I will never not think of Bradley Cooper when I hear it. (Not necessarily a bad thing. Also if you haven't seen that movie yet, go see it. Now. I'll be here when you get back.) Anyway, Burnell is singing it, and it's not great. And he's wearing a white suit and what appears to be a choker with a giant bronze lion. Keith references Ron Burgandy and then tells him he's so unique he can't critique it. Which is bullshit, because Keith, it's your damn job to critique him. Ugh. Next.

Angie is singing Shop Around. Ugh. I'm not a fan of this choice. The Madonna songbook is available, Angie could've done a gorgeous version of The Power of Goodbye or Take a Bow or Crazy For You. Or Joss Stone's version of The White Strokes' Fell In Love With a Girl. But I guess I should be happy she's singing an uptempo song after the weeks of endless ballads we've had. It's just... not great. The arrangement is cool, but I've decided that Angie is basically Lea Michele. She's incredibly talented, but she's just trying so damn hard. Mariah also suggests her own version of I'll Be There, which I totally agree with. Dammit, Angie would've sounded so good on that.

Amber is next, and she's doing Lately by Stevie Wonder. Meh. I get that Amber is a great singer, but she just doesn't excite me at all. Mariah says it was a "TOUR DE FORCE DAHHHHLINGS!" and then gets bleeped for saying it was "effing incredible." I'm loving Mariah tonight, I want some of whatever she's on. The judges all love Amber, so obviously I'm missing something. I just thought it was boring.

The boys are singing Sugar Pie Honey Bunch, and Lindsay reminds me that Clay sang this on his Motown night, meaning Devin REALLY IS Hispanic Clay. Here, see for yourself:


Seacrest's hair in that video. Seriously, that happened.

Anyway, the boys sound cute. I don't think it's bad by any means, but then Nicki completely goes off. Like, shouts at the boys to get off the stage. It's so batshit crazy and awkward. Nicki needs to refill her happy pills prescription, or something.

Kree is in the pimp spot doing some Aretha Franklin. She's singing Don't Play That Song. I'm not sure I'm familiar with this one. Smokey is uber complimentary after her recording session and even says he's going to call Aretha to tell her to watch. No pressure, Kree. Lindsay says Kree reminds her a little of Carrie tonight. She sounds awesome, as per usual, but I'm not the biggest fan of the song choice. Maybe because I didn't know the song. But I love Kree's voice, and if Smokey says she rivals Aretha, then I will take his word.

So that was "music of Detroit" night, aka Motown with one random Madonna song thrown in. My top three were Janelle, Candice, and Kree. My bottom three were Burnell, Devin, and Angie. I think Devin is going home, even though Burnell's song was worse. Lindsay will take you through the results and whatever musical acts/alumni they've scrounged up this week. Till then!

Got to get you out of my life, someone.

We start with Jimmy in the recording studio giving some technician guy a lecture. Why are we seeing so much Jimmy this year? Like Lindsay said, bring back mentors. HCJ, are you out there?

The judges, Seacrest, and our top 9 emerge from the giant screens of doom. Apparently Jimmy is doing recaps now. He starts out by awkwardly calling out the judges for, well, judging, and then proceeds to offer his own opinions about all of the contestants. This is weird. If the show cared about his opinion so much, why isn't he a judge? But thankfully he also tells the contestants how insulting it is that none of them knew Beatles songs. He also then starts replying to judges' critiques, which is also a little awkward, because it makes me wonder what's going on backstage.

Finally, we get to the beginning of the results, but not without an amusing video package of Amber's battle with the smoke machines in rehearsal. But, wait, it's all just a tease, because Seacrest isn't actually giving us any results.

Instead we get my first group number of the season courtesy of the boys, singing Got To Get You Into My Life, and it's so corny and bad. At the end of the song, Seacrest tells Cute Paul that his hometown made a proclamation to give him Paul Jolley Day, then immediately follows it up by telling him that he's in the bottom three. Womp womp.

Casey Abrams is back now, with his giant bass. And he has his hair pulled back in a bun and giant mutton chops. He sings I Saw Her Standing There, with just the bass and a little organ and a guitar and bongo drums, and it's pretty awesome. I remember liking him at the beginning before he went crazy one week - was it when he sang Nirvana? < googles > Oh yeah, it was when he sang Smells Like Teen Spirit on Year You Were Born Week. Holy shit, I'm old.

After the break, it's the girls' time for the group performance. Luckily they don't have to dance, they just get stools and mood lighting and Here, There, and Everywhere. God, this song is gorgeous, and the arrangement is beautiful. Well done, ladies.

Devin is getting his results next, and he is also in the bottom three. Lazaro is up next, which means he's totally safe, because we still have a half hour left in the show. Ugh, Seacrest, stop making Lazaro talk, it's so uncomfortable. Of course he's safe, because this show is an hour long.

Something called a Jessica Sanchez is up next. Oh, apparently she was the runner up last year. I didn't watch a single episode last year, but I think I could like this girl. She's here singing her new single with Ne-yo. The girls in the audience are much more excited to see Ne-yo. And now there are dancers. This song isn't very good. There are a lot of bright lights and colors and smoke and wind machines. Eh. Fast forward.

Back to results. We're not getting an order or detailed results like last week, for some reason, but in particular order Kree, Candice, Angie, Janelle, and Burnell are safe. Wow, Amber is in the bottom three. Did not see that one coming.

I actually say "awwwwww" when the results are read, because it's Cute Paul Jolley going home tonight, and there's no way the judges are using their save on him. He's singing for his life with Alone. He should be on Glee. Girls would eat him up on Glee. He could be Finn's long lost little brother or something. Make that happen, Fox, even though I don't know anyone who watches it anymore.

So there you have it - this show will officially be won this year by someone other than a cute white guy. Congratulations, America! Next week the theme is Motor City. I'll be there to take you through it!

Look at all the lonely people

Nine contestants remain. We are, for the fifth or so year in a row, doing the music of the Lennon/McCartney songbook. Which means we are going to be subjected to more IGFB in April because they probably still haven't paid for the rights. THIS....is American Idol.

Honestly, I have no predictions to what this group will sing. But someone will probably do "Imagine." Candice maybe. I'm not even paying attention to this Carly Rae Jepsen plug. Oh and then there's this thing, we have to find out who is going on tour, Aubrey or Charlie. And...it's Aubrey. No surprise there, sorry Charlie.

First commercial and we haven't even gotten to one song yet. Sounds about right. After the break, we've got Kree up first. I love her. She lost both of her parents before she even turned 20 years old. That is really sad. She picked "With a Little Help (From My Friends)" which I think she will totally nail. I think she sounds great, but the backing vocals and music are REALLY loud and overpowering. Another great, solid performance from Kree. Go girl!

Up next we have Burnell, who is from New Orleans.  His sister is awesome and hilarious. He is singing "Let It Be" and apparently never heard this song before?? What the actual fuck, Burnell? That is all sorts of ridiculous and a musical sin, practically. He is wearing a stupid looking jacket--in case you can't tell from the past blog entries, I have a problem with Burnell's personal style. This performance is leaving me a little bit cold and I usually like Burnell. Maybe it's because I'm still mad that he didn't know the song.

Third up tonight is Amber. She is from a tiny town in Texas, and we get a tour of her family farm with her sweet dad. She is going to sing "She's Leaving Home" which I don't think I know. She looks great, which I realize is a total Paula way to start this critique, but she does. I mean, she sounds fine enough, but the song is super boring. She even looks bored singing it. She hits all the big notes, not that there are that many, but this doesn't have me jumping out of my seat. Randy's talking about power notes, and I'm like, what?

After commercial, we have Lazaro. Oh Lazaro will totally sing Imagine, right? He's from Naples, Florida and his parents are totally cute and show off super embarrassing pictures of him, including one where he looks like he should be in Menudo. Oh wait, never mind, he's doing "In My Life", which is one of my favorite Beatles songs. I hope he does okay and that the judges don't make him speak, because I'm caught up and can't fast forward. WHOA, Laz, bright yellow blazer making me blind, dude. Something was weird about this arrangement, I didn't really like it, but Lazaro sounded okay. Not great, wasn't my favorite of his.

Candice talks about growing up on an island in South Carolina. Her family is really cute and supportive. She is going to sing "Come Together" tonight, and finally, something a little more up tempo. I love Candice. Like sometimes I can't even believe she's on this show. She looks like she should already be doing this professionally. There really isn't a lot left that we can say about Candice. She's awesome.

Up next is Cute Paul Jolley.He's from a tiny town in Tennessee and grew up in a trailer on a farm. His dad is so cute talking about how Paul would help build stuff. He's singing "Eleanor Rigby" and I know Brenna is freaking out because of how David Cook janked it up that one time. He starts out with some Adam Levine-ish falsetto and it's kind of great. This is honestly the best I think Paul has sounded. And so much for that pop/country thing he was going for, this isn't country at all. Completely disagree with Nicki here, she is on crack again. I might vote for Paul tonight just because all the judges are stupid.

LOVING Angie's hair tonight, she looks awesome. She is from Beverly, Massachusetts which is 30 minutes outside Boston. She's going to be singing "Yesterday"--remember when Boyz II Men sang this? Did I just show my age? Oh man, I don't like how this is starting. Her key is way too high. And Brenna brought up a good point--why isn't she playing the piano herself? This is not great, she's having some problems here. She'll probably still end up in the top 3 though, haha.

Devin is next, which means Janelle gets the pimp spot this week. Devin seriously looks more and more like Clay every week. Or maybe that's my own weirdness. He's from Chicago where he lives with his family, including his somewhat crazy mom who screams all the time. She seems nice here though. "The Long and Winding Road" is what Devin has chosen to sing tonight. This will probably really suit his voice well. Also are we not getting guest mentors? Just Jimmy every week? WE WANT HCJ. Devin sounds nice, pretty much like he does every week.

Janelle is in the pimp spot and she is going to be singing "I Will". I think Janelle is growing on me. I was kind of indifferent about her in the past few weeks but she seems like a cool girl and she does have a super voice. She sounds great on this song but it's another slow ballad (that I don't know unfortunately) and I don't know that it was pimp spot worthy.

Tomorrow we lose another guy--I mean, contestant. Oh who are we kidding, it's going to be a guy. Brenna will take you through all the results and guest performer madness!

I don't believe I can fly.

Eleventy billion people probably voted last night. We've got Bon Jovi AND Phillip Phillips. And hopefully Nicki showed up on time. THIS is American Idol.

Okay, so after the top 10 is paraded out and we see a montage of last night (still think Nicki was on crackalack saying that Amber was the best of the night but whatevs),  Ryan goes straight to some form of results. But this year instead of just the bottom three, we're also going to see the top three, and some other sort of ranking system in between? Like what the X Factor did? Or what?

Anyway, so we hear about Devin, Janelle and Candice first. Devin got 25% of the vote in Puerto Rico. Janelle got some percentage in Tennessee, I missed it. And Candice got 40 some percent of the vote in South Carolina. She is also the first person into the top three. Yeah Candice! So wait does that mean she's in first place? I'm confused, RYAN.

Group sing. Lord. I think it's some song from Brave based on the stuff in the background but I can't be sure. Guess what?? Kree is also in the top three! So far so good here, I'm definitely on board with these votes.

Now we get some Bon Jovi. I've decided that Bon Jovi : Idol :: Justin Timberlake : SNL. He just basically shows up once or twice a season since the year Blake was on. As a mentor or performer, whatever. I still love him. Dude doesn't age.

Oh man, I forgot about this thing. So the sixth place guy and girl from last week are coming back to sing for our votes to be on the tour. And the guy....is Charlie. Oh man. He's less crazy than normal. The girl is Aubrey. So now people vote and one of them gets to go on tour. I could not be less interested in this.

So now we are treated (I guess?) by a performance of Phillip Phillips and his new song "Gone Gone Gone." Dude is already sweaty and he just started. Ease up, bro. Okay, I am actually really enjoying this song. I think I maybe liked him deep down the parts of the show I watched last year but I couldn't get past his Dave Matthews mannerisms or something.

Angie got 17% of the vote in Florida, but apparently Lazaro beat her? But we don't hear his percentage. Oh wow, Angie's also in the top three! Totes agree with this entire top three. Good job America!

After the break we get the rest of the rankings. Fourth place is Lazaro. He's so cute, you guys. I don't care if people don't like him. Amber is in fifth place. Janelle is in sixth place. Sorry for the format of this paragraph but this is basically all that is happening right now. Seventh place is Burnell. OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING TO CUTE PAUL. WHY IS HE IN THE BOTTOOMMMMM??

So the bottom three is Paul, Curtis and Devin. Eighth place is CUTE PAUL! Whew! That was a close one. I really don't care either way which guy gets eliminated here, sorry. Neither one were very good last night.

We're back after the final break. Ryan reminds us of the save which these judges so are not using tonight. The person with the lowest number of votes is Curtis. I'm not at all surprised by this. Curtis was not good last night. He's singing, imagine that, "I Believe I Can Fly"--noooooo. We already had to sit through this once. Blargh. Also his shirt is like a bad Magic Eye poster.

We go to Randy for the final verdict. The judges decision is--no save. Well, duh. Nicki is so mad. She starts bitching about how there wasn't enough time to make the call. NICKI--he was TERRIBLE last night. This is not an undeserved boot.

So that's our first big cut. Nine more weeks of this to go hahaha! See you on Wednesday!

Some people wait a lifetime.

We here at MSHBB headquarters are actually really excited for tonight. First of all, we generally approve of this year's top 10. Second, the theme is not the dreaded "year you were born" theme - wherein someone would inevitably sing Waterfalls because they were born in 1995 and make us really, really depressed. No, this year we're kicking things off with songs previous Idols have either covered or released. I hope someone sings Sorry 2004. THIS... is American Idol, season 12. Finally.

Um, so only three of the judges come out to start. WHERE IS NICKI?! She is apparently stuck in traffic, which is absurd, because I know traffic is bad in LA, but you kind of have to be live on television at a certain time. Ryan jokes with the judges about draining the gas from her car, and Mariah has a look that suggest she actually might have. 

Curtis is up first, and he wants to be like Luther Vandross. He's singing I Believe, Fantasia's coronation song. He's also wearing a blazer that looks like it was made from the von Trapp family's leftover curtains. It's not that great. The judges agree. Randy, after misguidedly liking his jacket, suggests that he doesn't get into the habit of doing the same thing every week. I agree, but I don't think he's going anywhere anytime soon.

Janelle is next and sits down with Ryan to tell a very long story about meeting some guy from Rascal Flatts at their hotel. She wants to do real country, not "watered-down" pop country, which means I won't like her at all. She's going to sing a song called Gone, which Scotty #oldladyvote McCreary sang during season 10. I'm surprised she didn't pick a Carrie song, but since I sort of like her, I guess that's watered-down country. Anyway, she sounds pretty good through most of the song, and she definitely has great stage presence. Nicki has finally arrived, and she is wearing a black hood with sunglasses that have cat ears on them, because she clearly didn't have time for makeup and wardrobe. The judges didn't love her song choice but all praise her stage presence and personality.

BTW, the new stage this year is FANCY. Remember back in Kelly's day when they basically sang in front of a giant TV screen that basically showed screen savers?

Devin, aka Hispanic Clay Aiken, wants to be like Josh Groban and Michael Buble, aka he wants to be this year's #oldladyvote. He's singing a Carrie song I'm not familiar with, but predictably it's a ballad. He's also wearing a printed blazer. Were they on sale at Nordstrom or something? It's quite underwhelming, to be honest. He sounds fine, but it's just... blah. Keith says it sounded like he had no confidence, which I also agree with. Oh good, Nicki got makeup during the commercial! She loved it. Randy calls it safe. Mariah agrees.

Ryan teases us before the commercial that Angie is singing the song Kelly sang during her top 4 week, and I'm disappointed in my lack of memory of this, because I take pride in remembering those sort of things. Jimmy tells her that he sometimes feels like he's watching a beauty pageant with her. Yikes. Oh! She's singing I Surrender. I looooooved this when Kelly did it. I hope Angie kills this one. Oh, also, Angie is wearing a leather dress. She sounds fantastic, but now that Jimmy has mentioned it, she is making pageant faces at the camera. The judges all adore her. Nicki calls her flawless. They must reeeaaallllyyy  want a female winner this year.

Cute Paul time! Jimmy tells him this isn't Les Mis, aka he's over-singing. Unfortunately, Paul chooses another song covered by #oldladyvote. It's that Amazed song that was everywhere in the early 2000s. Gawd, I hated this song. And it's soooo overdone. But Paul is still really cute, so he's getting a free pass around here no matter what. Really though, he sounds pretty good, even if the song sucks. The judges are all very complimentary, and they note that he took constructive criticism, and then miraculously, Mariah offers more constructive criticism. He's definitely safe this week, the teenage girls will eat this up. (As will Lindsay and me.)

Candice is up next. She's doing I Have Nothing, which was the one Jordin Sparks KILLED in season 6. I actually just watched it last week, it's one of my favorite performances by anyone on this show, and it's still amazing. (That was the same week the girl cried over Sanjaya, remember? And Blake was super sexy.) Anyway, this has a lot of potential, and it completely exceeds it. The song was already dead, and now it's even more dead. Seriously, I can't even write anything, it was so good. The judges all give her a well-deserved standing ovation.

Aw, Lazaro. He's singing Breakaway, by the original Idol Kelly. I'm glad someone finally picked a song that wasn't a cover, even if it's not even in my top 10 of Kelly's songs. It was just ok, and probably not the best song choice for him, which the judges all agree with.

Time for Kree! She's singing Crying, which Carrie covered. She sounds beautiful, as per usual. Keith falls all over her and calls her baby. Nicki, I think, compares her to waffles and syrup. Randy and Mariah also love her. I'd be ok with a Candice/Kree finale.

Two people left, which means two chances for someone to do Cookster's version of Always Be My Baby. Burnell is next, and he's doing Flying Without Wings, Ruben's coronation song. Really? Of all of the songs people on this show have sung? I would've preferred him to sing Sorry 2004, but I guess we can't all win. Gawd, this song is sooooo boring. And it's not even good. And he doesn't sound that great either. Blah. The judges all bite their tongues and dance around any sort of real criticism. Also, there was so much fog it's still lingering around the judges. Cue a Pope joke.

Amber is in the pimp spot, which is a little surprising. She must have a good song... and it's A Moment Like This. Don't get me wrong, I have been known to belt this song now and again in my car, but of all of Kelly's songs, is that really the one you want to choose? Anyway. She's literally on a platform with a wind machine and spotlights. And I covet her outfit. She sings it beautifully, but I'm not jumping out of my chair. The judges give her the second standing O of the night. Nicki erroneously calls it the best performance of the night - did you forget Candice already?!?! Or Kree?

So that's our top 10! There was no one that was outright terrible. My top 3 would be Candice, Kree, and Angie. I think Devin or Curtis could be in danger. Lindsay will guide you through the results tomorrow night! Till then!

From 20 to 10

It's taken almost two months, but we're finally ready to whittle these kids down to the top 10. Has it always taken this long to get to this point, or am I just older and tired?

Ryan explains the convoluted process that we'll be going through this evening to get to that top 10. Some sort of walk down an aisle into a room with video screens, out into a Hunger Games/Capitol like ampitheater where they'll sing a victory song if they've made it? Okay then. And this apparently will take 90 minutes, meaning I'll have to start Project Runway late.

Blahblah, judges intro, family intro, get on with it Ryan. I'm actually really eager to hear this group. I feel like the guys could go either way. I have my theories on the girls. There is a lot of talent in this top 20, actually, aside from like, Donut and Charlie, so maybe the judges sort of know what they're doing?

Oh my God, montage of auditions. WHY. We just saw all this! And of course we go to a commercial 6 minutes in without revealing anything. We're doing the guys first. Yet another montage, this time from last night. LONGEST RECAP EVER MY GOD. Almost 15 minutes in and we're finally getting to some results. The first guy in is CUTE PAUL JOLLEY! This is kind of anticlimatic, with Ryan and these ten guys in this little room that you know stinks like sweat and desperation.

Anyway, so now cute Paul is getting to sing. His victory song is "Alone" by Heart, aka one of the songs that's been done to death on this show, but it's Cute Paul.  He sounds pretty great, but it's a weird pick considering how he was all, I want to be country/pop last night. Whatevs, he's in. Sorry, I ain't got time for this judge feedback tonight, fast forward.

Okay, so the second guy is getting the news and it's....Burnell! Awesome, he was great last night. He's singing "Ready for Love" by India Arie and I love love love LOVE this song. We had this acoustic singer come to our college once and he did one of the most beautiful covers of this song I've ever heard. I wish I could remember his name. Anyway, Burnell sounds great. So far I approve of America's choices.

Commercials. Only three male spots left. And one of them goes to Curtis Finch Jr. I mean, I think Curtis is pretty awesome vocally but that song last night was SO LAME. I'm getting kind of nervous because I really like Lazaro and Nick and Elijah and clearly all three of them aren't going to make it, so. Eff. Curtis sings his victory song which is "Cloud 9" by John Legend. I don't actually know this song so I resorted to my old standby of Googling random lyrics.

God, more commercials. Who is going to take male spot #4? Devin Velez--wow, I actually didn't see that coming, even though I thought his performance was really nice last night. He seemed kind of under the radar to me. He's singing a song called "The Power of One" and continues to remind me of Clay. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but it's there. Maybe it's the dorky dancing? LOL. His crazy mom screams some more. That's going to get really old during the rest of the live shows.

After the break, we're finding out who is taking that final spot in the top 10 for the guys. It's Lazaro! OMG I am so excited. Aww he's like spazzing out to one of the band members about his song, he is just so cute. I am sad about Nick and Elijah though. This is a very talented group of men, I think. Lazaro is singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" which will never ever not make Brenna and I think of Clay. He sounds great though. This arrangement is like really slow or something, wonder what's up with that? I'm really happy for him.

So we're saying goodbye to Charlie (whew), Nick, Elijah, Vincent (boo to all three) and Cortez. Sad. 
And now it's time for the girls. This will be interesting because of how it's been shoved down our throats that THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE GIRL.  After a commercial, of course.

Recap of Tuesday night, blah blah. Lots of girls. If Tenna makes the top 10 I am convinced we'll see her vagina. Here comes Ryan to start delivering the big news. The first one in is Janelle Arthur, country girl extraordinaire. I'm surprised but not. She wasn't that great on Tuesday but Americans love their country, so. Her victory song is "Home" by Dierks Bentley. I am not familiar with this song at all. She sounds a lot better tonight than she did on Tuesday, so that's a plus.

ANOTHER COMMERCIAL. Ryan calls this a "supersized top ten reveal episode" hahaha. The second girl is Candice Glover. Yeah Candice! I feel like I'm not going to be able to say a lot about her performance because she always just blows it away. She is working the HELL out of "I'm Going Down" by Mary J. She is so much better than this show, seriously. That was pretty much flawless. LOL and Curtis like tackles her, nice.

Okay, more results without a commercial, thank God! Girl number three iiiiiiiiiissssssssssss....Angie Miller, YAY! Three for three with girls results here, I just hope Janelle didn't take Kree's spot, because I'd rather Kree but we're doing fine here. Angie is going to sing "I Was Here" by Beyonce for her victory song. Man, Angie is really good too. And probably super marketable. I feel like she would make a Kelly Clarkson-ish record. And we love us some Kelly over here.

So only two spots left. The fourth place in the top ten goes to Amber Holcomb. Amber is so cute. I love her outfit right now. I didn't really like her Whitney song the other night (was that her?) but I hope she's better tonight because she's inoffensive enough, haha. Her victory jam is "I'm Every Woman", so, Whitney again. Guess we know who her influences are. She sounds way better tonight than she did the other night. Though everyone seems to, maybe it's because people aren't voting for this.

We're finally to the end of this, and I have a feeling my DVR is going to cut off. Seriously, Ryan, KEEP THIS SHIT ON TIME. The last girl who makes it into the top 10 is Kree Harrison! Yeah Kree! OMG I'm sorry but I'm so happy that Donut didn't make it. Kree comes out to sing her victory song, and the girls all freak the fuck out when they see her. Her song is I don't know because my stupid recording cut off. DAMMIT.

Well, so that means Donut, Adriana, Breanna, Tenna and Aubrey are going home. See ya ladies.

This is actually a very good top ten. We should see some interesting performances in the coming weeks. We'll see you guys on Wednesday for more Idol fun!

Male call

So last night we were wowed (and also not) by the female contestants; tonight, it's the guys' turn. I'd be interested to see which of them are probably hung over after hanging out at a Vegas strip club all night. THIS is American Idol.

Blah blah, discussion about last night, the judges' expectations, whatever. I feel like I honestly can't remember a single guy in this top 10. Is the Turbanator gone? What about weird Charlie? Oh there's Charlie, wearing a tank top and FEATHER EARRING--is he channeling Ke$ha?? Oh and Lazaro is still here!

Elijah Liu is first. I don't know anything about him. He's cute. And looks young. Like an Asian Justin Bieber maybe.  Can I just say I hate those giant white tennis shoes with the big tongues that guys are wearing now? Bad trend. He's doing "Stay" by Rihanna. Interesting choice. He sounds great, actually, though, so maybe I like Elijah? The judges all love him, including his marketability, which face it, is like 80% of this show now. Except Randy who is mostly an idiot.

Commercials. We're back to see how Cortez Shaw does. I think Cortez is really attractive and has a great voice. But I did not love his performance last week. Oooh, he's doing "Knocked Out of Heaven", one of my current favorite jams. I feel like this is really heavy on the backing vocals, he's not really shining too much here. They cut to the judges and Mariah totally has a stank "WTF" face on. This is good, not great. The judges give feedback that I actually agree with, and it's constructive and makes sense. Which makes me think they all like Cortez as a contestant and want him to improve and succeed, versus "oh you look soooo pretty, but the song was just okay."

Up now is Charlie Askew. Who is growing a mustache. Why, God, why. And he's showing off his lucky turtle necklace? I'm a little scared of Charlie. What the hell is this?  Apparently it's "Mama" by Genesis. This is not good. I can appreciate that Charlie is a weirdo and socially awkward but that's not why I watch this show. NEXT. Keith, here is what people at home are saying right now: what. the actual. fuck. He's such a diplomatic judge. And now he's crying. This show is not for you, Charlie. May the odds be NEVER in your favor.

Nick Boddington is after the commercial. I think I like Nick. He's discussing song selection with Ryan. He seems like a really nice, cool dude. He's playing the piano and singing "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls, which I was OBSESSED with for a while. This sounds really great to start. I really respond to Nick's type of voice. I really like this, but Brenna and I are having a discussion currently about WHY DO THESE PEOPLE SING BALLADS ALL THE TIME??? If I didn't like Nick, I'd be all, zzzzz over here. Anyway, I'm on board with him.

There is literally a commercial before every contestant. This show is so long. Now we have Burnell Taylor. I remember liking Burnell a lot in the previous rounds. Oh apparently he lost a bunch of weight between his first audition and now. Speaking as someone who lost 40 lbs in the past year, my hat is off to you, sir. Burnell is wearing a BAD outfit and singing some song about tall trees?? What is this song? OH, it's a JHUD song, called "I'm Here" haha. Burnell turns it OUT. He is amazing. Even though I didn't know the song, I was into the performance. I would venture to say that Burnell is probably safe.

Five down, five to go. Whew. Also Ryan tweeted that he was getting a haircut yesterday but it looks the same to me. Cute Paul Jolley is up next. And yes, that is his official name here on the blog. He tells a cute story about meeting Carrie. Cute cute cute. Cute. He's singing "Just a Fool", the Blake Shelton/Xtina duet. Brenna asked if this is reality singing show warfare--singing a song by The Voice judges on Idol. HA. He sounds really great on this song. It's really well suited to his voice. Nailed it. Probably the teenage girls who like country are lining up to vote. Ew, did he just say he wants to be the male Taylor Swift?? Paul, call us. We can help.  Cute.

After the break, we have Lazaro Arbos. I know that Lazaro is somewhat of a polarizing contestant this year, but I have to say, I love him. He is one of the first "sob stories" the show has given us that I've responded to. This isn't like a blind Scott thing where he just had an okay voice but everyone was nice because he's blind. Yes, it's awkward to hear him speak, but his singing voice is really just beautiful. And that is supposed to be the point of this show. He's singing "Feeling Good" and sounds great, if a little loungey. I don't think there's a bad note in there. And he seems to be working the stage pretty well for someone who has battled confidence issues. 

Curtis Finch, Jr. is up after the eleventy billionth commercial. I remember Curtis being really good too. Oh man, he's singing "I Believe I Can Fly"--seriously? Out of all the songs you can pick? Laaaaaaaame. Like I remember being in high school and we would mock seriously sing this at drama practice or some shit when someone had a good scene. I gotta say that Curtis has an awesome voice, I just wish he would have picked something a little less dorky to sing. He kills it, but the song has already been killed, so I don't know how much deader it can get. It's getting super preachy in Vegas right now and I'm a little uncomfy haha.

Break time AGAIN and then we're back with Devin Velez. His mom is crazy, kind of, and screams a lot. Devin is wearing a bright red sweater and a bow tie and singing "It's Just Impossible." He is the new Clay Aiken except Hispanic. I mean, really. The tone of their voices is the same and he's kind of geeky and he dresses like a geek. Clay 2.0. He switches into Spanish again partway through the song. He sounds lovely, actually.

Vincent Powell is going to close out the show with some Boyz II Men. I hope it's "I'll Make Love to You" for some super awkward times. Vincent seems fun and likable. He's doing "End of the Road", which I'm sure someone will make an ironic comment about. This song was my jam back in the day. Vincent is really good. I feel like this is the first time I'm seeing him, which can't be true. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention in the Sudden Death! rounds. Keith just got something bleeped, and I don't know what it was. Wow, the judges weren't feeling it. I really liked this, I don't know.

Anyway, so that's the guys! My faves tonight were Elijah, Nick, Lazaro, Cute Paul and Vincent. I'm not sure where America will go with this. I really hope they put poor Charlie out of his misery and send him home. I'll recap tomorrow night's 90 minute (UGH!) results show and after that we'll FINALLY have our top ten!

Top 10 Girls, or, I know 30% of the songs.

FINALLY. We have alllllll the control. Or more likely, the teenage girls who actually care enough to vote these days have all the control. I don't think I've voted since Lee's year. THIS.... is American Idol.

Tonight we listen to the top 10 girls. I can't believe Donut is still around. She is kicking things off, and I can't wait to see this. Oh honey, formal shorts and tights are not a good look for most women. She's singing What's Love Got To Do With It and I can't understand half of the lyrics, and it's all over the place, but she hits some crazy notes at the end. Keith likes her exhibitionism. Nicki is way harsh, Tai. All of the judges keep praising her spirit, as if we were at cheerleading camp and giving out an award for the best jazz hands. They all agree that the singing was kind of a mess.

Breanna is up next. I have no idea what this song is, and it's kind of boring. She has a nice voice and could probably do something more exciting. She's also pantomiming the lyrics, which I haaaaate. Keith likes it, Nick cracks the whip and says it wasn't up to her standard, and again I somehow think Nicki is the best judge this year. Mariah starts off giving some interesting critique and then derails into "but there are so many great girls!" territory. Meh, I probably won't remember her at 10:00.

Oh gawd, Aubrey was 8 years old when she watched Kelly Clarkson. I was starting my senior year of college. We are SO OLD. She's singing Big Girls Don't Cry. She sounds fine, I guess, but the song isn't all that challenging. The judges really liked it. Randy says she gives off a Rihanna vibe when she's in her tender moments, and Mariah says she has multi-platinum potential. I don't know, she was kind of boring. Maybe it's just the show I'm bored with.

Janelle is from a small town, have you heard? She's singing a country song that - surprise! - I don't know. I long for the days when I knew every song that was performed on this show. This is also boring... can someone do something exciting tonight, please? It's not even 9:00 and I'm ready for bed. Nicki says she is a little marshmallow that she wants to eat and calls her the best vocal of the night so far. I guess it was, but I wasn't blown away. Randy likes her old school country vibe.

Some crab legs mysteriously appear out of nowhere at the judges' table. Seriously, real crab legs. I have no idea what's going on.

Tenna is up next, and she's wearing a very short, tight dress. And it's another song I don't know. I'm sorry, readers, I don't care enough to google them or anything. At first I thought it was that song that Jordin killed in season 6, but apparently it's a Faith Hill song according to Keith. There is then some talk about boobs - for real - and then all chaos ensues, and I honestly have no clue what anyone thought about the actual performance.

Angie is up next, and she's still trying to top her Hollywood Week original song performance. She's at the piano, and again, I'm sorry, I don't know the song. What's up with kids these days? Anyway, she sounds really good, and the judges all love her. I just wish someone would sing a song I recognized. I think Angie interests me the most of any of the girls this year, so I hope she sticks around.

Ryan tells us before the break that the next girl will be singing Whitney, and I get this from Lindsay:

The Whitney girl is Amber, and she's singing I Believe In You & Me. The judges give her a standing ovation, which I don't really think is deserved, because it's a Whitney song, and for the love of God, girls, STOP SINGING WHITNEY SONGS ON THIS SHOW. The judges don't agree with me, they're all raving about it, but I don't really hear any of it, because the Penguins posted a picture of Kris Letang in a tux on Facebook and I can't breathe anymore.

I've recovered for Kree's performance. I think I've heard this song, but I don't know it well, and so once again I'm bored. She's probably my favorite of the night so far though, and I like that she's normal and wearing jeans. Apparently she and Nicki are married, and they have an exchange that is really amusing and endearing, and the rest of the judges love her too. I think I can cheer for Kree. Even if her name is weird.

Yikes, Adriana looks like she's singing at a pageant. I don't know this song either, dammit. Lindsay says she liked her last week, but I'm not too impressed so far. This song sucks. Are these girls allergic to singing something up-tempo?!!? The judges basically all tell her she's not getting through. Randy agrees that it was boring and everyone needs to pick better songs.

Candice is in the pimp spot, and I can finally see the light at the end of this very long tunnel. Please sing something good, girl. Ugh, nope. It's slow and I don't know it either. She sounds fabulous though, and if America has any sense, she's sailing through to the next round. She actually leaves Nicki speechless, which THANK YOU CANDICE. Randy says she sang notes that people don't understand.


So those are our top 10 girls! I think Kree, Angie, and Candice need to stick around, and I want Donut for the entertainment factor. But aside from that, they're all interchangeable. Lindsay will guide you through the top 10 guys tomorrow. Till then!

Taking the week off

Due to traveling for a bunch of interviews in multiple cities (YAY BRENNA!!) and dealing with a cranky two year old who is teething and just generally grumpy this week (BOO LINDSAY), we are taking a breather from the blog this week. We will be back next week to go through the semi finals (I think that's where we are?) when the public actually get to start having a say.

MSHBB, out.

Rumour has it he's the one I'm leaving you for.

It's the second night of the sudden death round! Which isn't very sudden at all and instead drags out for two hours. But I suppose that's sudden as far as Idol things go. I'm psyched to finally have an audience. Let's do this, boys.

Mariah looks gorgeous tonight. How do I get my hair to do that? Nicki's hair is kind of subdued, but still pink.

The guys raise from the floor like David Archuleta did the time Lindsay and I went to the Idol tour. Oh hey, we have a few attractive guys this year. They're probably all 17 years old.

Paul Jolley is from small town Tennessee. He's one of the cute ones. He sings something I don't know but sounds like country. Oh, apparently that was a Keith Urban song. Way to suck up, Paul! It was a little shaky at times, but pretty good overall.

Johnny Keyser is up next. He's one of the ones that Nicki was trying to nail during his audition. He looks like an Abercrombie ad. He should sing LFO, but instead he's singing I Won't Give Up, by Jason Mraz, which is honestly one of my favorite songs from the past year. (#sorrynotsorry) Anyway, he struggles on the first part but improves on the higher notes in the middle, but his stage presence is just..... blah. Non-existent. Nicki is still trying to bang him. She also flat out tells him that he doesn't have the best voice, but he's pretty. Mariah tells him he's bringing the masculinity. I'm willing to bet he makes it through.

Oh yes, it's JDA. And he is singing Rumour Has It. In some KILLER HEELS. He is blurring the gender lines of these groupings, and it's fantastic. Remember back when I hated Adam Lambert and said he was too over the top? Either this show has gotten really boring, or I don't mind anymore, because this makes Lambert look conservative and yet I love it. And you know what? He sounds good too. Please keep him around, judges. I will tune in to watch that every week. Some of the judges tell him that he could have concentrated more on the vocals and less on choreographed performance, which I kind of agree with, but still, he sounded better than I bet half the guys will tonight.

Interviews with the girls, blah blah blah. Back to the boys.

Kevin is next, aka Butter. He's doing it for the kids, which is always a lame reason to me, because you should have a real job for your kids. But whatever, he's singing some Bryan Adams. I can't think of anyone else right away who has sung this song, but I feel like there's been a lot and it should be banned. He's not that great. Nicki loves him, for some reason. Did I miss something? I actually agree with Randy tonight, yikes.

Time for Chris Watson, waiter by day, singer by night, wearer of insanely large scarves around his head, and possessor of incredible cheek bones. OMG, he is wearing a bedazzled vest with no shirt underneath, bedazzled pants, and bedazzled scarf. (FYI, the first time I wrote that sentence I spelled "bedazzled" three different ways. It was like Nick Miller with rhythm.) Anyway, he's singing Sitting on the Dock of the Bay. His voice sounds radio-ready, even though I don't love the arrangement. Nicki says, and I quote, "I want to marry your vibrato." I will give her this much: I may not always agree with her, but she gives interesting feedback, she hasn't once said pitchy, and she has a taste for non-WGWGs, and Idol needs that.

This is going to be tough for the judges. We're halfway through, and while no one has completely blown me away, no one has totally sucked either.

Devin is next, and he is still in high school. Oh god, he's singing Listen, from Dreamgirls. I'm just jealous because I sing this song in my bedroom a lot. Oh wait, now he's singing in Spanish. Huh?! Wait, now it's English again. MAKE UP YOUR MIND. The judges all think he was amazing, but I didn't. They love that he sang in Spanish. I can sing in Spanish. It's not like he wrote the lyrics himself. Whatever, I think he's staying.

I didn't catch the next kid's name because I was distracted, and I don't know the song he's singing, but it sounds like it could be Bruno Mars. Maybe? I'm great at blogging tonight. Oh, his name is Elijah. Keith takes a page from the Simon playbook and calls him current and relevant. Nicki tries to nail this kid too, and it's gross because he's only 18. Thank you, Randy, for saying that it wasn't a great vocal. Why am I agreeing with Randy so much tonight? Mariah likes that he is Mexican and Chinese, because this show doesn't even try to pretend that it's just about the voice.

I'm really glad Charlie is still around. Sometimes I think he's really interesting and different, and sometimes I think he looks like a high school kid at a talent show. He sings Rocket Man, and while it isn't the best performance I've ever seen, I at least stop what I'm doing to watch, which is more than I've done for most of the guys tonight. He's definitely one of a kind. I want Keith to keep saying "Charlie" over and over again. Oh no, now Charlie is talking back to the judges. We do NOT like that around here at MSHBB.

And we still have 42 minutes to go. Hurry it up, Seacrest.

Jimmy is also from Tennessee. Unsurprisingly, he wants to do country. I don't know this song, but it's very dull. Apparently it's another Keith Urban song. Nick is amazingly unimpressed. Like seriously McKayla Maroney level unimpressed-ness. Moving on.

Curtis is next, and I recall liking him during his audition. He's singing that song that Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuben sang like a million times. "Baby baby baby baby ooooooh baby." You know, that one. He sounds great, but let's be honest, R&B type singers get nowhere on this show anymore. The judges all love him but advise him to not get too old, which is good advice, because he's only 25 but sings like he's 55.

Finally, it's time for the DRAMATIC STOOLS OF SAFETY. The judges also raise up from beneath the stage, and they let us know they had one split decision, so Jimmy gets to decide that one. THE DRAMA.

Curtis is up first, and he's through. Jimmy is going home. So is Kevin. Elijah is safe, after a serious fake out by Keith. It's JDA's turn, and please let him be staying. He is not, BOOOOOOO. I'm already far less interested in this show. Cute Paul is a split decision. Jimmy gives his two cents, and he wants to keep Paul around, and Jimmy should be a judge because he put together a well-thought, knowledgeable argument.

Next is bedazzled Chris. He's going home. Time for Charlie... oh man, I'm worried for Nicki if he isn't making it. No need to put her on suicide watch, because Charlie and his weirdness aren't going anywhere.

So now it's down to Johnny and Devin. I wouldn't be too upset about losing either. Johnny Abercrombie is going home, and Devin "I can sing in Spanish" is safe.

Phew! That was exhausting, and we have to do it all over again next week. We'll be here, guiding you every step of the way.

Stools of Safety, or: grossest post title ever

So we're down to 20 girls and 20 guys and tonight we're seeing 10 of the girls in what Ryan is calling a "Sudden Death" round? Okay then. Has this show followed the same format at all since Simon left? THIS is American Idol.

This is live, I guess? From Vegas? I get so confused. Keith is so hawt and Nicki's hair looks terrible. Also Jimmy Iovine is going to be the tie breaker this evening in the event of a split vote. 10 girls will sing, five go through. Ryan introduces the 10 girls who are singing for survival tonight and so many of them have long convoluted first AND last names, I can't catch them all in time.

Jenny Beth Willis is up first. She is 17 and we have never seen her before. She has a southern accent so probably she'll be country? Look at me stereotyping. Oh, and shocker, she is performing a country song LOL. She is wearing a terrible, TERRIBLE tacky black and pink dress that looks like an 80s prom dress. Sounds like mediocre karaoke. I don't even know the song. The performance is not worthy of the top 40, so I have a feeling that she's gone.

After the break we have Tenna Torres. I spelled her name correctly but it's pronounced like Tina. I think this is the girl who went to Camp Mariah. Oh yeah, it is. She's way oversinging right out of the gate. I can't recognize this song either. Also I think she's wearing a bad wig. I am not a fan of Tenna. She's wearing a too tight dress and it looks like someone threw up sequins all down the one arm of it. I think Tenna has potential but she is trying SO hard here. Settle down, girl. HA, and Nicki tells her to lose the hair. Word, Nicki. The judges liked it way better than I did.

Up next is Adriana Lotonio and she's from Alaska. That's pretty interesting. I want to visit there so bad. She's 17 and super pretty. We haven't seen her yet either. I like her voice a lot, it has a raspy quality that I'm drawn to usually. Again, I don't know the song. Sorry you guys. It's some power ballad type thing. She needs some help from the stylist, she's wearing something that looks like either a bad bridesmaids dress or prom dress. The red is good though. I like Adriana. The judges do too.

Commercials. After the break, we have Brandy Hotard. Hey, BRANDAAAAAY, you're a FIIIINE GIRL. She's 26 and is a psych nurse, which, good lord. Imagine what Hollywood Week was like for her. Brandy is cute and southern. Again, with the country song that I don't know. This is nice enough, kind of boring, but she sounds good. Nothing to write home about though. Nicki calls it "pageant delivery" which is exactly right. That's a perfect way to describe it. Sometimes when Nicki's not insane she makes a lot of sense.

Shubha Vedula is 17--I think everyone is 17 this season? She's cute as a button, I don't think I saw her audition. She's playing piano and doing a slowed down, jazzed up version of "Born This Way", finally a song I know. Oh wait, now she's done with the piano and she jumps up to sing the rest in a pair of skintight silver pants. Mariah has the most awkward absolutely frozen smile on her face watching this. It's not great. She should have stayed at the piano maybe. Keith was confused by the performance and gets a round of hearty boos for his trouble.

So we're halfway through and probably Adriana is safe so far, and Tenna even though I didn't love it, because the judges did.

After the break, we have Kamaria something--I can't catch it from Ryan or from Kamaria herself. She apparently has done backing vocals for "Diddy Dirty Money", which I couldn't help from laughing out loud at as I typed it. She's singing "Mr Know It All" and it does not start out good. Wow, and doesn't continue good either. Her boobs are just all over out of this fuschia sequined bustier that's she's wearing under a white blazer and black and white houndstooth pants. LESS IS MORE, KAMARIA. This performance is the worst so far. NEXT.

Next is Kree Harrison, contestant possessing the "what the hell kind of name is blank" name this season. Kree looks like that actress from Sweet Home Alabama that has the baby in the bar when Reese Witherspoon is like, You have a baby! In a bar! Kree is wearing an outfit that looks like what I wear when I run errands. A giant top over jeggings. Her voice is nice, but I seriously can't get past her outfit. She's doing "Up To The Mountain" and it's lovely. The judges all love it and her.

Now we have Angela Miller, who is one of my early favorites. Angela is 18 and from Massachusetts. She talks about watching the season 2 finale, and I don't want to talk about our respective ages when we watched that finale. Angela is singing "Nobody's Perfect" which is a Jessie J song that I don't know. She totally kills it. Her stage presence is awesome. Nicki goes on and on about her original performance, which was the shit, but she can't repeat that all the time. This performance was awesome.

Isabelle is up after the commercials. I liked her a lot in her first audition but I'm kind of giving her the side eye now that she's only using one name. You aren't Cher, or Madonna. Come on. I can identify with her struggles with being overweight though, and I bet other people will too. Her dress is TOO short and TOO tight, though. I gotta say though, man, her voice knocks my socks off. I would love to be able to open my mouth and sing like that. Randy calls it old fashioned, which I tend to agree with, I think her voice can handle more modern/contemporary things.

Amber Holcumb is in the pimp spot. She got cut last year but now is back. I feel like that's the theme of this season. They've run out of people who haven't auditioned once by now and so we're getting all the rejects. Is she really singing "My Funny Valentine"? Talk about old fashioned. I mean, even she sounds bored singing it. Her voice is really good but this song is stupid. Like two girls picked something contemporary that I've actually heard of. Anyway, they all love her.

So judgment time. My picks for who gets through are: Angela, Kree, Isabelle, Adriana and Tenna. Let's see if I could be a judge on this show! The judges are unanimous, so sorry Jimmy I, you don't get a vote tonight. After a quick recap of everyone, we're ready for results. Jenny Beth: out. Not surprised. Next is Brandy: out. So far I'm 2 for 2. These results are super awkward. Tenna is next. And she's in. Called it. I thought her performance was just okay though. Here's Kree. She's growing on me even though her name is, whoa. And she's in. Go Kree!

Why are they doing this out of order from the performances? Isabelle is next. Whoa, she gets cut. I didn't see that one coming. Okay, I missed one. So probably Amber is in her place. Angela is next. Come on, she's a shoo in. Clearly, she's in. Two more spots to fill. After commercials.

So after the break we have Adriana, Shubha, Kamaria and Amber. I say probably Adriana and Amber but let's see. Kamaria is up next, there is no way they put her through. That performance was terrible. She'll get cut, the next girl will get through, and then it'll come down to the last two for the last spot. Kamaria is cut. So up next is Amber, and she's getting in, so it'll come down to Adriana and Shubha. And yep, Amber's through.

Now we come down to Adriana and Shubha, two super sweet, adorable teenagers. I think Adriana should make it but here we go. If I had to get bad news, I'd want Keith Urban to be the one to give it to me, I think. He has such a melodic, soothing voice. I'm crazy mostly, guys. And Shubha is gone, with Adriana taking the last spot. Man I was so close. I really thought they'd let Isabelle through. And they finished a minute early! Go Seacrest!

Tomorrow night we do this all over again with the first group of guys. Brenna will take you through all the highs and lows!

These girls are on fiiiiiiiiiiire

Idol begins tonight's episode by reminding us that it's been six years since a girl won this show. Will this be a year one takes back the crown once worn by Kelly and Carrie? My gut says no, because only teenage girls vote for this show anymore, and teenage girls like White Guys With Guitars. Prove us wrong, ladies.

Angela Miller is up first, and she's singing an original song. She's from Beverly, MA, which is the hometown of one of my best friends, so I'll be cheering for her. Plus, this song is pretty good, and she sounds fantastic singing it. The judges are all in disbelief, and she gets a standing ovation.

Candice Glover is next, singing Girl On Fire. Full disclosure: this song drives me crazy, even though I feel like I should love it. But Candice sounds pretty good, perhaps even better than Alicia, even if her tight snakeskin pants are a bit misguided. (Seriously, I think my college roommate had those pants when she went as Steven Tyler for Halloween our junior year.)

Janelle Arthur is all country, all the time. This is her third time auditioning for the show. I don't really get that dedication, because I tried to audition once and gave up after that, but good for her, I guess. The judges like her but I think she's kind of generic.

So Zoanette/Donut is next, and she's instructing the band how she wants her song to be performed, and then holy crap, she's on the drum set herself making things up as she goes. This is going to either be the most amazing thing or the most disastrous thing ever on this show. Seriously, she admits to just making up the song on stage in rehearsal. So the song starts... and she's singing about the judges. And then, omg, she stops singing and starts yelling at the band to slow it down, and then she loses her drumstick. I have no idea what's going on anymore, but the judges inexplicably love it. Nicki goes so far as to say she is honored to be a part of the Zoanette era. I mean, she has the potential to be really entertaining... but also really terrible.

Angela, Candice, Janelle, and Zoanette are all moving on.

Shubha Vedula sings that Mariah song about believing, which I think Archuleta sang for Mariah night in his season - right Linds? I don't remember much about that night other than the Cookster's amazing rendition of Always Be My Baby.

Juliana Chahayed sings Landslide, and the ten seconds we hear are beautiful.

OMG. Donut took Kez Ban to the mall. That's a reality show I want to see. Kez is also singing an original song. It's... underwhelming. I think Kez is really great, but probably not for this show. She's going home, and she's really sweet in her exit interview, actually asking for a job with the production staff to stay around because she had so much fun.

Ashlee Feliciano is next, singing that song from Twilight that I'm ashamed of liking because it's from Twilight, and then the judges ramble about not taking everything so seriously. Cue montage of all of the girls being serious, of course.

Melinda Ademi finally sings an uptempo song, and she's wearing some kickass boots. Then we get a shot of Seacrest dancing in the audience, and he is the whitest white boy dancer of all time. Keith says she has a "light about her." Um, ok.

Now it's time for Kree, and we ask again, what kind of name is Kree? Oh dammit, she's singing Stars, by my current amazing girl crush Grace Potter, and I love this song so much. Please don't eff it up. Keith loves her. I think she's got potential, but maybe that song was her peak.

Lauren, Kree, and Melinda are safe.

So there are 24 girls left, and they need to get it down to 20. Randy sends three more girls home, and then he wants to have a few more girls sing again. Stephanie is up first, and she looks like the girl on Nashville who isn't Tami Taylor or the Heroes cheerleader. She's the jazzy one I liked from Chicago, and unfortunately she's singing Phillip Phillips' song from last year which we are all SO SICK OF by now. But she sounds good, and the judges seem to like it.

Rachel also has to sing again, and I don't like her nearly as much as Stephanie. She sings a song I don't know, and it's fine and all, but I wasn't blown away. Unfortunately, the judges prefer Rachel, which sucks, but realistically neither of them were going to win anyway.

So we have our top 20 girls, but there are still too many guys. They also need to sing again. Adam Lambert Flannel Version (aka Adam Sanders, not Adam Sandler) is up first, and I've liked him since his first audition. He's done terribly since then though. He sings Taking Chances, which is a song I belt frequently when in private, and it's not great. I think Adam is going bye bye.

Josh Holiday (isn't that a baseball player?) is singing Georgia On My Mind. He apparently wants to be a gospel artist, and American Idol seems to be the perfect place to pursue that goal, right? OMG. He totally rips his pants. And then keeps singing. It's fantastic. I kind of love him. Adam Sanders is going home, along with seven other guys, but Josh and his ripped pants are sticking around.

Now we FINALLY are done with auditions and have this season's top 40. Next week we have something called the sudden death round - is that new this year? I didn't watch last year - where we finally get an audience and live singing. Hang in there, readers, we're almost there!

You didn't have to CUT me OFF.

Girls Group Night! Yesssss...bout to see some bitchesssss. I honestly kind of want a girl to win the show this year since it's been like a hundred years since one has. Jordin? Right? That was a long ass time ago.

Anyway, here we go! Dramatic opening montage brings us into the girls filing into the auditorium ready to get through the first round of cuts. More girls than guys made it to Hollywood this year, apparently, so these will be some INTENSE CUTS.

Angela Miller, Victoria Acosta, and Mariah Pulice are all highlights in this first group. Mariah was the one who was "anorexic" but really just looked normal and skinny. She sings "Gravity" which is a great song but she only sounds okay on it. I don't think that was worthy of a pass. Angela is cute as hell and I love her hair. I don't know her song but she sounds pretty awesome. Victoria was the mariachi singer. She sings "Killing Me Softly" and is okay. Out of the three, I'd probably only put Angela through. Oh, well, they put Angela and Victoria through, and Mariah gets cut. I'm okay with that.

Montage of cuts including Ashley Smith, Anne the annoying Miss Arkansas girl and Sarah the Jersey blueberry farmer. I am sad about two of those cuts. Use context clues to figure out which one.

After the commercials, we have two country girls pitted against each other. Rachel Hale, who was super perky at her audition and Janelle Arthur, who I remember really liking. Rachel sings first and sounds pretty great. I don't know the song at all, sorry country people. I also don't know Janelle's song but think she sounds better than Rachel. I don't get why they both can't be through, but maybe they are? Oh and they both make it through, that's nice. They both seem like good girls.

Montage of girls getting through but we don't  hear who. Thanks show. After the break we start out with Candace Glover, who seriously could win this whole show based on her first audition. She is so freaking good. Also Nicki's hair is very subdued today. Next we have Megan Miller, the pageant queen who auditioned on crutches and left straight from there for surgery. She sings "Titanium" and sounds great too. Moving on is Candace but not Megan. I'm kind of surprised by that.

More yes montages. It would be nice to actually hear some of these people. Next up we have Isabelle something who was freaking awesome and talked about how she lost 50 lbs to audition for the show. She is gorgeous. Oh she has no last name...really? LOL.

YES IT'S KEZ BAN. Kez is fucking rad. I am super into this next segment. They show her going absolutely insane cheering for people in the audience. I love that. OMG she is actually singing "Nights in White Satin" and she kind of sounds like shit because she's lost her voice from screaming. That makes me sad. Also in this group is Briana Oakley, who is very good and is totally getting through to groups. Judgment time: Kez and Briana are both through to groups.

So now we have 72 girls who are about to be put into producer-structured groups. I cannot wait for this shit. Oh hell, the girls already know that the producers picked them because the guys spoiled it. Dammit. Oh man, Kez is with Angela Miller and Janelle the country girl and some other girl I've never seen. She's trying to force the girls to sing "California Dreamin'" and this is not happening.

We also check in with Isabelle's group. Shocker: they also can't agree on a song. Zoanette is in this group, remember I thought her name was Donut. Yikes. They show a group of four girls who I've never seen before and didn't catch any of their names on the first try. Sorry. LOL okay they picked "Sin Wagon" which is a terrible, terrible song.

Update: the girls in Kez's group find working with her "challenging", according to Ryan. She's kind of acting like an asshole right now. Ew, and she's like hacking and spitting into a trash can. Get it together, Kez.

Commercials are over and we're back and ready for the groups. The first ones out are the "Swaggettes", wow. Candace Glover is in this group. YES, they're singing "Hit Em Up Style" and they sound AMAZING. The harmonies at the beginning were awesome. Melinda Ademi and Denise Jackson are also in this group. Candace is really terrific. This group rocks. The whole group moves forward and deservedly so.

Up after commercial is the Sin Wagon group. This song sucks, seriously. Keith's face is great haha. Lauren Mink and Brandy Hotard are two of the girls in this group. Nicki is wearing a ridiculous hat. All four girls are through, and I should probably go back and get the other two girls' names, but...eh.

Now we have a group that looks like they were drama lama. They are singing "Somebody I Used To Know".  It's Savannah Votion, Lizz Weiss, Daysia Hall and J'Leigh Chautvin and it's kind of a hot mess a little bit. My husband goes, so what do you think of this? And I respond, it sucks. He's like, yeah, that's what I thought. Ha. The only one through is Daysia, who I thought was terrible, personally. Cue the dramatic overreactions from the rest of the group in 3, 2, 1...

Back from the break, time for more groups! "The Dramatics" is getting their camera time next and apparently they had problems too. They started out okay but at 4:00 am, imagine that, they're having issues. GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP. GOD. You are not going to get any better at 4 am. Some girl named Janel is a drama queen or something and runs off and hugs her mom? I don't know. Kriss Mincey, Janel Stinney, Cristabel Clack, and someone else absolutely butcher "If I Die Young"--did they just pretend to stab themselves on the "it's a sharp knife" part? What the actual fuck? Janel is having an absolute breakdown. This is nuts. Keith fucking hated it. I love Keith. How the hell are they all through? This group was a joke.

Montage of shitty groups. Yay, cutting everyone! Go Keith. A couple quick cuts of some good girls who are the only ones in their groups to get through, I didn't move fast enough to get their names.

Urban Hue is the next group. The girl whose boyfriend was in the bad car accident is in this group. She was really good, I liked her. Seretha Guinn, Tenna Torres, Kiara Lanier and someone else whose name I don't get are in this group singing "American Boy." It was not good. At all. Nicki hated it, shocker, usually she loves everything. Where is Randy? I missed that I guess. Going through from this group is everyone but Seretha, which I think is some bullshit. Whatever, show.

Randy is back. Yay? The group with Donut in it is next. They are singing "Knock On Wood". In addition to Donut, we have Erin Christine, Lauren Bettes, and Isabelle. Donut is wearing a really unfortunate outfit and sounds awful. This has to be the end of the road. WHAT? THEY ONLY CUT LAUREN??? Seriously, Zoanette has got to go. My god.

Another group with problems. Girls are bitches. These girls all look homeless in this group. Apparently one named Liz is a problem? Or something? I don't even know, I can't keep up. They are also singing Gotye. It's Shira something, Alisha Dixon who just yells the song, Liz Bills who isn't wearing shoes, oh my god I hate this group. This is SO TERRIBLE. They all should be cut. They all look unwashed. OMG Liz is the only one who is through, the rest of these bitches are gonna be PISSED. They all hated her.

Oh and now Shira comes back to beg for another shot. Shira, you sucked worst of all, so it's time to go, babe. That was embarrassing.

American Idol--I don't want to download your app.

After the commercial, we have a really stupid group who changed their song choice the morning of auditions. This should go well. Oh god, so Stephanie Schimel, Alex Delaney, Kalli Therinae and Holly Miller completely screw up Gotye for like the third time this evening. No one knows the freaking words. Idiots. Randy says "Obviously, it was terrible", which makes me laugh out loud. Going through is Stephanie and Holly. I think Holly was the only one who really deserved that.

Montage of girls with lyrics written on their hands. Nicki's face is hilarious through this. Haha, this is actually one of the better montage segments they've done in a while. HAHA Nicki wrote "THEY SUCK" on her hand. I love this.

Another stressed out and frustrated group coming up. Theme of the night. God, another one singing "Sin Wagon"--this song sucks! They're mad at one girl who wanted to go to sleep. PEOPLE--YOU ALL NEED TO SLEEP. JUST DO IT. Britnee Kellogg is good. And knows the words. Kree Harrison, what the hell kind of name is Kree?? Brandy Neelly I think maybe doesn't really know the words. Haley Davis is the one who slept and has the words on her hand. Yikes. Haley is clearly lying and saying she went to sleep because she had a "stomach virus" but Nicki tells her she didn't have to go to sleep if she had a virus. The fuck? This is so ridiculous. The only one from the group that doesn't make it is Brandy Neelly. AWKWARD.

Ten minutes left so that means Kez's train wreck of a group is coming up last. They are calling themselves The Misfits, so there's that. The morning of auditions, the group is basically leaving without her. Kez honestly sounds terrible. I really loved her at her initial audition. Breanna actually sounds crappy too. Angela makes it work, somehow and so does Janelle. Weirder things have happened tonight, so this will be interesting. They put them all through??  Jesus...honestly, Kez and Breanne were not good. This show, seriously.

So tomorrow is where they whittle down the remaining girls into 20. And I guess we'll find out which 8 guys get cut tomorrow too? Brenna's got you then!

It's Raining Men, Part Two

So how bout that group night, huh?? I gotta say, when Brenna sent me a link saying that the producers were going to pick the groups, my first reaction was, that's some bullshit there. But honestly, it was kind of brilliant, especially once they showed the footage of everyone already trying to group up once they found out they were through.

SO! Onto tonight, where I'm assuming we'll be narrowing it down to the top 20 semi finalist guys. Which, have there always been 40 freaking semi finalists? Or what? Ryan says to prepare ourselves for SHOCKING eliminations. Ryan: if Papa Peachez gets cut, we won't be shocked. Also, I guess we're not discussing how Matt Farmer aka Army vet who was sterile but not really is a big giant liar who made all that shit up? According to Perez Hilton.

Solo Day. Let's do this. I want to know more about the dirty looking guy in the gray tanktop. Up first is Paul Jolley and what the actual fuck is Nicki wearing? CRAZY blonde wig and a really stupid looking hat. Paul is very nervous and everyone is begging him to pull it together. I don't know this song he's singing but I think he sounds very good and he's very cute.

Lazaro is up next and sings "Edge of Glory" and I just really freaking love him. He sounds great. He is the first sob story that I think I might actually be rooting for. After Lazaro comes Curtis, who has a super voice but it's not really anything special or different. He sings "Jar of Hearts" which is a song that I love.

We're up to the first set of cuts. Lazaro, Paul and Curtis are all through, and the other five losers we didn't even get to see sing are going home. So yay for Lazaro!

Commercials are over and we're ready for the next group. Up first is Devin Velez who was I think the only one that made it out of one of the train wreck groups last night. He's singing "What a Wonderful World" and he has a nice voice but it kind of seems Broadwayish to me. Or kind of like Justin Guarini maybe. He reminds me of Justin for some reason.

Gurpreet aka The Turbanator sings "Georgia on My Mind" with a guitar and sounds perfectly pleasant. Cortez Shaw also gets some screen time and I don't really think he's all that--I kind of agreed with Nicki after his Whitney Houston audition yesterday. They also show Mattheus Fernadez, who I still can't believe we aren't discussing how he was on The Glee Project. He sings some weird goth/Evanescance version of "Stronger" and it's not great. And Nicki basically tells him to STFU about his height, which I kind of loved. What's up with me agreeing with Nicki all the time now!?

Moment of truth time. Mattheus gets cut. Devin gets through. As does The Turbanator and Cortez. I have no strong feelings about any of these things, lol.

Next group. Nicholas Mathis was in the Couch Potatoes group which was the funniest group of all time. He's singing "Locked Out of Heaven" which is my current new favorite workout song. He does okay, pretty good I guess, which I realize isn't really a ringing endorsement haha. Keith's looking gooood. He doesn't get good reviews and doesn't take it well. Oops.

Oh god, Papa Peachez is still here. Seriously. We're getting split footage between him and Jimmy Smith. Papa's up first singing Gaga's "You and I" and just sounds straight TERRIBLE. These judges better just get it over with and cut his ass, come on. Nicki goes disappointed teacher on him, and it's basically awesome. Jimmy sings "Landslide" and sounds way better than he's sounded in recent footage. Mariah loves him.

So who makes it to the next round? We'll find out after a commercial, of course. Nicki's giving a lecture and they're all just like, STFU already. Nicholas and Papa Peachez are out, and Jimmy and a whole other mess of guys are in. Nicholas freaks the fuck out, which is always fun to watch. Except not.

Nick Boddington is in the next group, and he got cut in Vegas last year, apparently. Is this the first time we're hearing this? He's singing and playing piano and I get a bit of a Matt Giraud vibe from him. I loved Matt. I don't recognize the song but he sounds lovely. All the judges are smiling.

Up next is super awkward Charlie Askew who is telling his life story before he sings his song, which is Gotye's "Somebody I Used To Know"--this is actually the perfect song choice for him. This is kind of awesome, and I love it. But was it ENOUGH? Was that dramatic enough for you guys? Going through, both Charlie and Nick and a couple other dudes.

Sorry, I feel like this recap is getting kind of monotonous but they're sticking with a formula here and I'm just telling you what's happening. BUT THERE IS A TWIST COMING! Burnell Taylor is next also singing "Jar of Hearts" like Curtis. Burnell looks like Steve Urkel. Marvin Calderon, that's a lot of name, is also singing this song. Dudes, there are so many other songs out there, pick some other shit. Marvin sounds better than Burnell. Oh well, they both make it anyway, so whatever.

Micah Johnson of the surgery-induced speech impediment is coming up next. His voice is so smooth and lovely. He really needs a makeover though, his outfit is terrible and ill fitting. I don't know this song he's singing but he sounds okay. Oh wait maybe I know the song, I think it's country but I don't know who sings it. We have to go to a commercial before we can find out what they think of it? Okay then.

Oops, and Micah's eliminated. Aww bummer, he seems like a really nice dude with a great voice. Gabe Brown also gets eliminated, which I'm not sad about. AWWW and Nate with the deaf parents got cut too! Boo, he was so cute.

Now it's time for the TWIST for tonight. Okay, so there are 28 guys left, and they just told them that 8 of them will be cut next week? Why is this a shocker? Didn't they say before that only 20 guys could make the semi finals? LAME, show.

YESSS, previews for next Wednesday's train wreck of the girls in Hollywood. I can't wait to recap the catfights that we're going to see.