If you would have told me in January, after round one of the city auditions, that the final two would be Adam Lambert and Kris Allen, I would have said "Who?" Because at that point, I was totally poised for a Danny Gokey/Jamar Rogers (was that his last name?) final two. Yet here we are, about to crown our winner after one of the most underwhelming final performance eps in the show's history.
Also, I'm live blogging, so if this entry is more random than usual, well, there you go.
100 million votes last night, Jesus. Randy has a terrible giant red velvet bowtie on that is reminiscent of Miss J on ANTM and is also wearing red Danny Gokey glasses. Oh okay, we're showing clips of weird things all the judges did during the season. Hey, Carrie Underwood! She's so pretty. Six minutes in, we finally introduce the actual finalists.
Awww man, Mikalah Gordon's doing the live remote again?? God, she sucks. I feel sorry for Conway, Arkansas. Oh Carly's in San Diego with Adam's peeps, that's new. Hi Carly!
Okay, the Top 13 comes out doing "So What"...Allison better have a solo. LMAO this is so funny. They totally had the camera on Matt G....OMG BLIND SCOTT. Wow, I forgot about him but quick. Jesus looks mortified. This just in... Jasmine still sucks. This group number makes me glad I didn't get tickets for the tour this summer.
Back from the break...and it's Cookster! Oooh, doing "Permanent", this is a bitchin' song off his album. CALL ME, DAVID. It looks like he's got shades of the creepy perv bangs coming back, he needs to take care of that mess. Aww, that was so sad about his brother. Hey, there's Michael Johns, behind Guarini, Jesus. What is Guarini even doing?
Oh for crap sake, the Golden Idols. I cannot watch this. Sorry guys, but I refuse to recap this part. I'm going to finish some packing...be back.
Ok COME ON. NO MORE NORMAN. At least this is his last 15 minutes, right? I mean, this is absolutely it. If he shows up on SYTYCD, I give up.
WOW, Lil gets to perform with Queen Latifah. I effing LOVE Queen Latifah. This is probably the highlight of Lil's career right here. I like her new weave. OMG Queen totally is working a spandex jumpsuit. I love her plus sized ass. This is pretty dope. Good for Lil.
Back from the break and right into Anoop singing Jason Mraz. Oh hey, there's Alexis. Is this another group number? Oh, never mind, Jason Mraz is actually here LOL. Cool! So the whole group does "I'm Yours" with the Mrazamataz. Work it, kids. Fun stuff. Now it's time for Kris' video "journey." He's so cute.
Ooh and he gets to duet with Keith Urban. This will probably be cool. They sound good together. Keith Urban looks like someone else famous and I can't figure out who it is. Think Nicole Kidman is here? LOL. Remember last year when Cookster sang with ZZ Top? That was so weird.
The girls are all singing "Glamorous"...current! Sarcasm abounds. Oh God, Megan Joy....SO AWFUL. Allison better get to duet with someone awesome. Hey, here's Fergie! Wow, she looks rough. She needs to run a brush through that hair, man.
Oooh, the rest of the Peas are here. BOOMBOOMPOW!!! I love this song. Funny story about my dad--he was mad that will.i.am thought to call himself that before he did. I don't even know which Pea will.i.am is. Or what any of their names are except Fergie. LOL the girl contestants are totally breaking it down behind the judges. Awesome.
More Golden Idols...I wish I could FFWD this so bad. This just in...Bikini Girl got implants since the auditions were taped. That is all I'll say about this segment. Also, I can't believe we still have over an hour to go. At least we haven't seen anything about IGFB yet.
OOH Allison and Cyndi Lauper are doing "Time After Time"...this is gonna be FLYYYYY. Cyndi Lauper still looks pretty decent for her age. Rock on, ladies. You rule. This was great, one of the best duets of the night.
OMG Kris's mom. BAD dress. I'm sure you're very lovely, and your son is great, but...hire a stylist. Kris's dad is too cute. And now over to Adam's parents. His mom's dress is better, but she has these weird half gloves/armwarmer things on that are just weird. His dad seems nice too.
Aww eff, Gokey's back. Lionel Richie has to be here, right? Why else would he be singing "Hello"? Yep, here he comes. This is actually an appropriate pairing. Well done, show. But I'm so sleepy of Gokey. And this medley goes on forever. Hey, Ruben Studdard! Are you still sorry for 2004? LMAO.
Now we get Adam's video journey. LMAO the Randy Travis week was hilarious. OK who does he get to duet with? And what the bloody hell is he wearing???? I cannot even describe this, you guys. It's like this insane black leather ensemble with this...I don't even know. I need to find an image tomorrow and link it here. OMG and he has like, fake gems stuck on under his eyes.
He gets to perform with KISS??? He's totally winning this show, based on this pairing. They wouldn't pull out the stops like this unless he was the winner. This is the craziest thing I have ever seen on Idol, and that includes when Sanjaya was a contestant.
Guys, I wish you could see my husband right now. He is jiggity JAMMIN to this performance. And is now doing his own version of the Adam screech. Dear God.
OK, so now we have Santana. Cool. Who's gonna sing with him....hey, Matt! This is pretty great. Oh wait, it's actually everyone. Boo. I thought it was just gonna be Matty G. They've had a shit load of costume changes tonight. AHHH Scott again! At least they are trying to keep his dancing to a minimum. OMG Janice Dickinson is so high, guys.
FORD! video. Kris and Adam sound pretty good together. Now the fake "surprise" where they get their FORD! cars. Hey, at least David Cook's back for that.
Megan Joy, Michael Sarver and...Steve Martin? OMG and he's playing a banjo? Is this for real?? LMAOOOOO. I love Megan's dress. Michael's still cute. Steve Martin looks utterly bizarre and out of place here. Hilarious.
Back from yet another break with another group number. All the guys in suits singing that song about being sexy by Rod Stewart. This is too much. AHH, Rod Stewart is here hahahah! Wow, he looks rough. Isn't he like 80 by now? No? Anyway, Maggie May has never sounded this weak. Oy. Adam's mom is jammin' in the audience. Hey, Bo Bice! Wow, they have a lot of alumni at this finale.
20 minutes to go! Oh crap, more Golden Idols? Seriously, if they cut this shit and added like one more group number, the show would end ON TIME. How do they not get that? It's simple math, people. Oh my God, Tatiana is here tonight, isn't she? ISN'T SHE? NO MORE.
You guys, and here's the scariest thing: I honestly have no idea if that was scripted or not. There's a real good chance that it wasn't, but seriously, who the F can tell when it's her?
A Kris and Adam duet! To "We are the Champions!" And Queen is with them! This is rad. What up sports movie anthem? Kris probably would rather duet with Adam than that mess he did with Gokey. OK it's 9:55, come on already!! Oh for shit's sake, another commercial???? SIIIIGH.
Finally, at exactly 10 pm, we get results. Simon says some nice things, which you know the guys don't even hear right now, because they're about to barf.
And the new American Idol is....KRIS ALLEN. OMFG OMFG OMFG. NO WAY. Wow, talk about someone who totally clawed his way from the bottom up....we had never even seen him until the top 36 and HE WON. The judges have got to be shitting themselves, because neither of the two that they pimped until the end won the big prize. WAY TO GO KRIS!!! I will totes buy your album!
Now he has to sing the shitty Kara song, boo. I gotta say, I never thought this would happen. I was totally ready all day for Adam to take it. And I was totally off about the KISS performance being an indicator of Adam winning, whoops. LOL.
Well, even though I loved Allison the most of all, I'm proud of Kris for taking the prize. He worked his cute little behind off and totally deserves the win.
So that's Season 8, peeps. Will we be back for SYTYCD? You'll have to wait and see!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
GLEEEEEE
Pre-show montage. Footage of Kris and Adam in auditions. We saw Adam for about 3 minutes at this stage, Kris not at all. In fact, I went through old blog posts and found out that the first time we saw Kris was when he was accepted into the "top" 36. Dark horse, indeed.
So tonight they are singing a song of their own choice, a song selection by Simon Fuller and (barf) the coronation song, co-written by Kara. Oh man, that shit is gonna be a meeeess. And, commercials already. Jesus.
We've had requests (or one request, lol) to blog SYTYCD. This could happen. I'm not making any promises. I would do it just to comment on Cat Deeley's outfits every week.
Adam's up first, because Kris chose the pimp spot based on a coin toss. Adam's starting out with a reprise of "Mad World" from Year You Were Born Week. This was brilliant, in my opinion, so I think he'll nail it. OMG check out the ridiculous coat he has on. I love this again.
This was my favorite performance of his throughout the entire competition, and this was a smart, strategic move to do it again tonight. Well done, Mr. Lambert. Since Gokey's gone, the judges predictably slobber all over him. I hope they give Kris at least a modicum of the attention and praise.
Kris is up next, talking about his family and how he gave out music coupons so he would sing for them. That's kind of charming. He chose "Ain't No Sunshine" again, which was BITCHIN'. Nice first choices for both of them. He's so good, guys.
How out of left field and insane would it be if he won this whole thing? I think Simon would shit. Kara and Paula would probably fall out of their chairs with shock. I call the first round a draw, but I'm sure they'll give it to Adam because that's how they roll.
Wow, they loved it. Go Kris! And Simon gave round one to Kris. Didn't see that one coming.
OK, round two is Simon Fuller round. "Change is Gonna Come" is the song he picked for Adam. This could be pretty dope. We've not really heard too many soulful type songs from him. I'm not overwhelmed by this. It's very reserved for an Adam performance.
Oh wait, there we go. LOL. Now we know what Adam Lambert doing Sam Cooke sounds like. It sounds like...that. I still don't like this. Meh. Kara calls it his best performance ever, which I highly disagree with. Maybe I'm missing something, but this did nothing for me, and I don't even hate Adam. I've enjoyed the majority of his stuff with a few exceptions, but this...maybe my speakers are broken.
Hey, Katie and Suri Cruise are there! Oh, we have to go to commercial before we find out what Simon picked for Kris. Blah. It's "What's Goin' On" by Marvin Gaye. Seriously, Simon Fuller? You couldn't pick anything current for these guys? I mean, I get that you want to see what they do with classics, but...eh. Kris does his thing with it, with the percussion and the guitar and all his lovely Kris tricks.
Randy gives him some bullshit feedback, which I'm sure Kara and Paula will echo. Simon gives him the most insulting critique of all time, comparing it to three friends strumming instruments in a bedroom. That is just effed up. Way to make the guy feel about thisbig on this huge platform. Simon gives round two to Adam.
Oh God, round three is the coronation song. What fresh hell will this unleash on us? Hey there's all the eliminated peeps! We miss you Allison! Go away, Danny!
Dear God, the song is called"No Boundaries." Barf. Adam's up first and he sounds like shit on it. Wow, this song is totally not suited to his voice at all. This is the worst I have ever heard him, and that's including "Ring of Fire." This song sucks, too. If I felt like putting the effort in, I'd do a count of words like "moment", "believe", "dreams", etc., but I'm tired.
So who thinks the judges will blame the crappy song for how bad Adam was, right in front of Kara? That would be awesome. Kara has to remind everyone that she wrote the song, which, LOL. Doesn't Paula look tired tonight? Simon totally rips on the song, HAHAHA. I always like Adam in interviews and his video packages, though.
So how will Kris do with "No Boundaries"? Seems like he could make it work a bit more, but we'll see after more freakin' commercials. Oooh, this starts out a little rough. Come on, Kris! I know the song makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit, but push through the suck! He starts looking kind of desperate towards the middle. Man, this isn't good for either of them. They both pretty much blew on this. Eff the coronation song.
Randy tells him he should be "very proud" which is pretty much the kiss of death and translated means "I don't think you have a shot in hell of winning this thing." Kara and Paula jibba jab some mess at him and Simon congratulates him, blahblahblah.
So that's it, peeps. Final two performances are in the books, and now it's up to America. During tomorrow's bloated two hour finale we'll crown our eighth American Idol, and fourth male Idol. Tune in for what appears to be a night chock full of random guest stars and cheesy group numbers! Ciao!
So tonight they are singing a song of their own choice, a song selection by Simon Fuller and (barf) the coronation song, co-written by Kara. Oh man, that shit is gonna be a meeeess. And, commercials already. Jesus.
We've had requests (or one request, lol) to blog SYTYCD. This could happen. I'm not making any promises. I would do it just to comment on Cat Deeley's outfits every week.
Adam's up first, because Kris chose the pimp spot based on a coin toss. Adam's starting out with a reprise of "Mad World" from Year You Were Born Week. This was brilliant, in my opinion, so I think he'll nail it. OMG check out the ridiculous coat he has on. I love this again.
This was my favorite performance of his throughout the entire competition, and this was a smart, strategic move to do it again tonight. Well done, Mr. Lambert. Since Gokey's gone, the judges predictably slobber all over him. I hope they give Kris at least a modicum of the attention and praise.
Kris is up next, talking about his family and how he gave out music coupons so he would sing for them. That's kind of charming. He chose "Ain't No Sunshine" again, which was BITCHIN'. Nice first choices for both of them. He's so good, guys.
How out of left field and insane would it be if he won this whole thing? I think Simon would shit. Kara and Paula would probably fall out of their chairs with shock. I call the first round a draw, but I'm sure they'll give it to Adam because that's how they roll.
Wow, they loved it. Go Kris! And Simon gave round one to Kris. Didn't see that one coming.
OK, round two is Simon Fuller round. "Change is Gonna Come" is the song he picked for Adam. This could be pretty dope. We've not really heard too many soulful type songs from him. I'm not overwhelmed by this. It's very reserved for an Adam performance.
Oh wait, there we go. LOL. Now we know what Adam Lambert doing Sam Cooke sounds like. It sounds like...that. I still don't like this. Meh. Kara calls it his best performance ever, which I highly disagree with. Maybe I'm missing something, but this did nothing for me, and I don't even hate Adam. I've enjoyed the majority of his stuff with a few exceptions, but this...maybe my speakers are broken.
Hey, Katie and Suri Cruise are there! Oh, we have to go to commercial before we find out what Simon picked for Kris. Blah. It's "What's Goin' On" by Marvin Gaye. Seriously, Simon Fuller? You couldn't pick anything current for these guys? I mean, I get that you want to see what they do with classics, but...eh. Kris does his thing with it, with the percussion and the guitar and all his lovely Kris tricks.
Randy gives him some bullshit feedback, which I'm sure Kara and Paula will echo. Simon gives him the most insulting critique of all time, comparing it to three friends strumming instruments in a bedroom. That is just effed up. Way to make the guy feel about thisbig on this huge platform. Simon gives round two to Adam.
Oh God, round three is the coronation song. What fresh hell will this unleash on us? Hey there's all the eliminated peeps! We miss you Allison! Go away, Danny!
Dear God, the song is called"No Boundaries." Barf. Adam's up first and he sounds like shit on it. Wow, this song is totally not suited to his voice at all. This is the worst I have ever heard him, and that's including "Ring of Fire." This song sucks, too. If I felt like putting the effort in, I'd do a count of words like "moment", "believe", "dreams", etc., but I'm tired.
So who thinks the judges will blame the crappy song for how bad Adam was, right in front of Kara? That would be awesome. Kara has to remind everyone that she wrote the song, which, LOL. Doesn't Paula look tired tonight? Simon totally rips on the song, HAHAHA. I always like Adam in interviews and his video packages, though.
So how will Kris do with "No Boundaries"? Seems like he could make it work a bit more, but we'll see after more freakin' commercials. Oooh, this starts out a little rough. Come on, Kris! I know the song makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit, but push through the suck! He starts looking kind of desperate towards the middle. Man, this isn't good for either of them. They both pretty much blew on this. Eff the coronation song.
Randy tells him he should be "very proud" which is pretty much the kiss of death and translated means "I don't think you have a shot in hell of winning this thing." Kara and Paula jibba jab some mess at him and Simon congratulates him, blahblahblah.
So that's it, peeps. Final two performances are in the books, and now it's up to America. During tomorrow's bloated two hour finale we'll crown our eighth American Idol, and fourth male Idol. Tune in for what appears to be a night chock full of random guest stars and cheesy group numbers! Ciao!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I miss Allison
I'm obsessed with Beyonce's "Halo" right now and think that Allison could have killed that on judges' song choice week. Also, courtesy of one Joe Vickless, husband of my fellow blogger in crime, please feast your eyes upon THIS. Whaaaaaaat??? That is SO bizarre.
OK, enough mourning over Allison. Who's going to be our final two? We open the show with a mildly entertaining bit from the guys in the Night at the Museum movie. Apparently, the Idol desk is going to be in the Museum of American History? Weird. But appropriate I guess.
Why the hell isn't Paula at the judges' table? Jesus, Abdul, you have ONE job. Show up and try to be coherent. Wow, 88 million votes came in last night. Also, sorry about it, but I fast forwarded a lot of this, because I just watched the Pens kick the Caps' asses, and then I watched this, and then of course I had to watch the ANTM finale before I could blog. Mama needs her sleep.
And our entertainment this evening is showing up in the form of Jordin Sparks and the insufferable Katy Perry. Barf. We cut right away to the FORD! video, a weird real people transform into cartoons with super powers set to "Break My Stride." Blah.
Okay, God, more IGFB madness. We covered this last night with the Underwood video, show! NO MORE. Alicia Keys comes out and I fast forward through her whole segment. I stop to find out who this cute little boy is that's singing, and apparently his name is Noah and he's from Rwanda and learned all the words in English to "I'm The World's Greatest" in a week. Good for him, but...FFWD.
Now we have to see the guys' hometown videos, which they should have just shown last night. Danny went back to Milwaukee and...next. OK, I hate that stupid heart thing he does with his hands and now people are putting it on posters for him, apparently. Go away, Danny Gokey.
Kris is going to Arkansas and...well, okay, I stopped and watched his for a minute. AWWW, his dad is so cute. Is it me, or does his wife look bitchy most of the time? Your husband is kicking ass on one of the most popular shows on TV...SMILE once in a while!
We have Jordin's performance after Kris's video, and man, is she stunning? She is really a beautiful, beautiful girl. I don't watch the song, but I'm sure it was just lovely. Yay Jordin! Thanks for not being an annoying winner!
Adam went back to San Diego and....FFWD. He goes to the performing arts school or something where he first started, and I stop the show for a minute to hear a kid ask "Who does your hair?" Good God.
We have Danny being a dbag some more, about how he wishes they could just get on with it and announce the results. But no, we have to suffer through Katy Perry first. Guys, I'm sorry. I hate Katy Perry. I think she's a terrible singer, and she's just so annoying. And she comes out in a ridiculous outfit, as per usual, but with a cape on that has "Adam Lambert" embroidered on it. Shut up, Katy Perry.
God FINALLY, we get to some results. Ryan announces the first person through to the finale is....KRIS!!! OMG, can this really be? Are we truly about to get rid of Danny Gokey?? And I'm sorry, what the hell, judges, with the shocked faces about Kris being safe? It was so blatantly obvious last night that they did not want him in the finale, but guess what? There's a reason he is still around...people like him, and he's not a smug asshat like Gokey. So shove it, judges. I'm so over you.
So we're down to the two guys that the judges had been touting as the final two since Day One. The Gokester and the Glambert. And...Adam's safe. YES. I mean, I'm totally voting for Kris next week, but I'm so freaking glad it's not Danny, because if he had won, I would have quit this show.
So there you have it. Second year in a row that we have a guy/guy finale, and the third time in the show's history. Wow, I really need to get a life, because I was able to type that stat without even having to look anything up on Wiki. I'll take you through performances and final results next week, while Bren enjoys the land down under. G'day mates!
OK, enough mourning over Allison. Who's going to be our final two? We open the show with a mildly entertaining bit from the guys in the Night at the Museum movie. Apparently, the Idol desk is going to be in the Museum of American History? Weird. But appropriate I guess.
Why the hell isn't Paula at the judges' table? Jesus, Abdul, you have ONE job. Show up and try to be coherent. Wow, 88 million votes came in last night. Also, sorry about it, but I fast forwarded a lot of this, because I just watched the Pens kick the Caps' asses, and then I watched this, and then of course I had to watch the ANTM finale before I could blog. Mama needs her sleep.
And our entertainment this evening is showing up in the form of Jordin Sparks and the insufferable Katy Perry. Barf. We cut right away to the FORD! video, a weird real people transform into cartoons with super powers set to "Break My Stride." Blah.
Okay, God, more IGFB madness. We covered this last night with the Underwood video, show! NO MORE. Alicia Keys comes out and I fast forward through her whole segment. I stop to find out who this cute little boy is that's singing, and apparently his name is Noah and he's from Rwanda and learned all the words in English to "I'm The World's Greatest" in a week. Good for him, but...FFWD.
Now we have to see the guys' hometown videos, which they should have just shown last night. Danny went back to Milwaukee and...next. OK, I hate that stupid heart thing he does with his hands and now people are putting it on posters for him, apparently. Go away, Danny Gokey.
Kris is going to Arkansas and...well, okay, I stopped and watched his for a minute. AWWW, his dad is so cute. Is it me, or does his wife look bitchy most of the time? Your husband is kicking ass on one of the most popular shows on TV...SMILE once in a while!
We have Jordin's performance after Kris's video, and man, is she stunning? She is really a beautiful, beautiful girl. I don't watch the song, but I'm sure it was just lovely. Yay Jordin! Thanks for not being an annoying winner!
Adam went back to San Diego and....FFWD. He goes to the performing arts school or something where he first started, and I stop the show for a minute to hear a kid ask "Who does your hair?" Good God.
We have Danny being a dbag some more, about how he wishes they could just get on with it and announce the results. But no, we have to suffer through Katy Perry first. Guys, I'm sorry. I hate Katy Perry. I think she's a terrible singer, and she's just so annoying. And she comes out in a ridiculous outfit, as per usual, but with a cape on that has "Adam Lambert" embroidered on it. Shut up, Katy Perry.
God FINALLY, we get to some results. Ryan announces the first person through to the finale is....KRIS!!! OMG, can this really be? Are we truly about to get rid of Danny Gokey?? And I'm sorry, what the hell, judges, with the shocked faces about Kris being safe? It was so blatantly obvious last night that they did not want him in the finale, but guess what? There's a reason he is still around...people like him, and he's not a smug asshat like Gokey. So shove it, judges. I'm so over you.
So we're down to the two guys that the judges had been touting as the final two since Day One. The Gokester and the Glambert. And...Adam's safe. YES. I mean, I'm totally voting for Kris next week, but I'm so freaking glad it's not Danny, because if he had won, I would have quit this show.
So there you have it. Second year in a row that we have a guy/guy finale, and the third time in the show's history. Wow, I really need to get a life, because I was able to type that stat without even having to look anything up on Wiki. I'll take you through performances and final results next week, while Bren enjoys the land down under. G'day mates!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I'm going to a land down under.
Wow, uber dramatic opening. Beginning with a super closeup of Gokey's face is one sure fire way to make me angry already, so thanks producers! I'll be heading to the land of Aughtry tomorrow morning, so this is my last Idol viewing of the season. Can't say I'm all that upset about it, to be honest.
Each guy gets two songs this week - one from the judges and one of their own choosing. What, did Clive Davis not emerge from his cryogenically frozen state in time? For the first song "Paula" texts Gokey with her song choice for him, which is "Dance Little Sister," which Joe claims I know but I'm not sure. Guys? When he starts singing all I can think of is Michael McDonald, which makes me think of this:
To be honest, I don't listen much to the judges because I'm sick of them all getting up on Gokey week after week. It's the same Gokeyness we've had all season.
"Randy and Kara" text Kris to tell him he's singing "Apologize," and I promise you I heard this song in the car the other day & wondered why no one had sung this yet. (Yet another clue that I may waste way too much of my life on this show.) The first falsetto note is rough and he wisely doesn't try it again... until the next chorus. Ouch. I like the arrangement - it's not quite the original version, not quite the Timbaland version, but somewhere in between. Definitely not the best chance for Kris to show off, but we all know the judges want a Danny/Adam finale, so why even give him a shot? Kara calls it "competent" and wants him to "make it his own" and I sit here wondering how much the producers script this crap. Simon then calls Kara out for picking a crappy song and then complaining about his performance, which is kind of awesome, and we know that every year Simon is the only one who chooses even a halfway decent song for a contestant. And let me just take a minute to vent. The judges this year have been so blatant about their favorites, more than they ever had before, and it's become insulting. Kris and Allison gave incredible performances many times and never got any credit for it - it was always about them not having confidence, or wearing bad clothes, or something else, whereas Gokey is terrible week after week and gets an A for effort. It's obnoxious to sit and listen to, and I'm glad I won't have to hear Kara's voice again till January.
So naturally Simon gets to pick for his favorite contestant, as per usual. He picks "One" for Adam, and namedrops that he actually talked to Bono to get the rights to the song. (P.S. Cookster sang a U2 song last year in the finale, so I call BS.) And I get the same feeling from this as I do from most Adam songs, that it should be a huge moment in a musical based on U2 songs. Don't get me wrong, I love my theater, but he's just soooooo dramatic and overdone. And, he kinda ruins the song by making it sound very lite FM. Randy actually calls him one of the hottest 3 in the competition. Wow, these judges are awful tonight. Simon congratulates his own song choice, like he does every effing year, and I sort of feel like I'm getting over this show once and for all.
IGFB and ExxonMobil sent Carrie Underwood to Africa. Fast forward.
Gokey is doing "You Are So Beautiful" for his second song of the night. Zzzzzzz. More lite FM. The judges are all over it. I hate Gokey and I'm glad I'm missing the finale next week, because he's so obviously going to be there.
Annnnnd the surprise of the night is Kris doing "Heartless" by Kanye West. Huh?? Clearly he realizes he doesn't have much of a chance, so why not. I have an acoustic version of "Gold Digger" downloaded and it's sort of like this. It's awesome for its novelty but you can't really take it seriously, can you? Apparently you can, because the judges pick this moment in time to ACTUALLY COMPLEMENT A KRIS PERFORMANCE. It only took them 11 weeks. Maybe our prayers will be answered and Kris will sneak in over Gokey?
Finally, in the pimp spot for the 85th time this season, Adam is singing "Cryin." Did Ryan just call this a classic? I remember watching the Alicia Silverstone video on MTV when I was a kid. God, I'm old. I don't know what to say, it's the same as it always is, and I'm utterly bored by him.
And with that, dear readers, I'm out of here! Enjoy the finale. Lindsay will be here to hold your hand through it all! As always, it's been a blast sharing this strange season with you. I'll see you next year!
Each guy gets two songs this week - one from the judges and one of their own choosing. What, did Clive Davis not emerge from his cryogenically frozen state in time? For the first song "Paula" texts Gokey with her song choice for him, which is "Dance Little Sister," which Joe claims I know but I'm not sure. Guys? When he starts singing all I can think of is Michael McDonald, which makes me think of this:
David: Hey, Paula.First person to name that movie gets a beer from me.
Paula: Yeah?
David: I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD that you've been playing for two years straight off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain.
Paula: David, what do you suggest we play?
David: I don't care. Anything. I would rather... I would rather watch "Beautician and the Beast". I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm going to "Yah Mo" burn this place to the ground.
To be honest, I don't listen much to the judges because I'm sick of them all getting up on Gokey week after week. It's the same Gokeyness we've had all season.
"Randy and Kara" text Kris to tell him he's singing "Apologize," and I promise you I heard this song in the car the other day & wondered why no one had sung this yet. (Yet another clue that I may waste way too much of my life on this show.) The first falsetto note is rough and he wisely doesn't try it again... until the next chorus. Ouch. I like the arrangement - it's not quite the original version, not quite the Timbaland version, but somewhere in between. Definitely not the best chance for Kris to show off, but we all know the judges want a Danny/Adam finale, so why even give him a shot? Kara calls it "competent" and wants him to "make it his own" and I sit here wondering how much the producers script this crap. Simon then calls Kara out for picking a crappy song and then complaining about his performance, which is kind of awesome, and we know that every year Simon is the only one who chooses even a halfway decent song for a contestant. And let me just take a minute to vent. The judges this year have been so blatant about their favorites, more than they ever had before, and it's become insulting. Kris and Allison gave incredible performances many times and never got any credit for it - it was always about them not having confidence, or wearing bad clothes, or something else, whereas Gokey is terrible week after week and gets an A for effort. It's obnoxious to sit and listen to, and I'm glad I won't have to hear Kara's voice again till January.
So naturally Simon gets to pick for his favorite contestant, as per usual. He picks "One" for Adam, and namedrops that he actually talked to Bono to get the rights to the song. (P.S. Cookster sang a U2 song last year in the finale, so I call BS.) And I get the same feeling from this as I do from most Adam songs, that it should be a huge moment in a musical based on U2 songs. Don't get me wrong, I love my theater, but he's just soooooo dramatic and overdone. And, he kinda ruins the song by making it sound very lite FM. Randy actually calls him one of the hottest 3 in the competition. Wow, these judges are awful tonight. Simon congratulates his own song choice, like he does every effing year, and I sort of feel like I'm getting over this show once and for all.
IGFB and ExxonMobil sent Carrie Underwood to Africa. Fast forward.
Gokey is doing "You Are So Beautiful" for his second song of the night. Zzzzzzz. More lite FM. The judges are all over it. I hate Gokey and I'm glad I'm missing the finale next week, because he's so obviously going to be there.
Annnnnd the surprise of the night is Kris doing "Heartless" by Kanye West. Huh?? Clearly he realizes he doesn't have much of a chance, so why not. I have an acoustic version of "Gold Digger" downloaded and it's sort of like this. It's awesome for its novelty but you can't really take it seriously, can you? Apparently you can, because the judges pick this moment in time to ACTUALLY COMPLEMENT A KRIS PERFORMANCE. It only took them 11 weeks. Maybe our prayers will be answered and Kris will sneak in over Gokey?
Finally, in the pimp spot for the 85th time this season, Adam is singing "Cryin." Did Ryan just call this a classic? I remember watching the Alicia Silverstone video on MTV when I was a kid. God, I'm old. I don't know what to say, it's the same as it always is, and I'm utterly bored by him.
And with that, dear readers, I'm out of here! Enjoy the finale. Lindsay will be here to hold your hand through it all! As always, it's been a blast sharing this strange season with you. I'll see you next year!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
This show is bananas.
Forgive me if this entry is slightly disjointed. I watched this hour of crap in between periods of the most insane hockey game ever. Thank God for Kris Letang, is all I have to say. I swear Simeon Varlamov is cheating somehow.
On with the shitfest. Montage of last night. Slash was the mentor. I read a hilarious recap today debating on what Slash actually looks like and if he has a face, or if he's just a top hat and sunglasses perched on a mass of curly hair. 64 million losers voted. Can you tell that the outcome of the show is affecting the blog post?
Tonight's musical acts include Daughtry (woop!), No Doubt (cool) and...Paula Abdul. Seacrest mentioned this on his show the other day but I was afraid to believe it was actually true. This will be like Adam Lambert combined with Sanjaya mixed with Kristy Lee Cook, I feel like.
FORD! video to All American Rejects "Movin' On"...fast forward. Sorry, the game's going into OT at this point and I've got 20 minutes before it starts to watch the first half of this show. Slash comes out and does the group number with the gang to "School's Out" by Alice Cooper. It's okay...god, poor Kris. He's really a fish out of water, isn't he? Probably his idea of rock and roll is smoking a blunt at a DMB concert.
After a lengthy chat with Slash and the top four, it's time for Paula's "performance." Of course, she's lip syncing, and I swear one of her backup dancers is Adam Lambert. The song is kind of catchy, I'll probably download it because that's how I roll. I make fun of something enough, I start to like it. Like the Pussycat Dolls and America's Next Top Model.
OK, No Doubt is up next performing "Just a Girl." Did I miss something, or are we still in 1996? Seriously, WTF? I have to tell you guys, my first ever concert was when Bush toured with No Doubt and the Goo Goo Dolls, and it was hilarious. I remember Megan and I went out and bought special outfits for it, and we were all excited to crowd surf, which I did for about 7 seconds before I freaked and demanded to be let down. Yeah, I'm a real bad ass.
Before we can get to any results, we have to see a montage of what happens when you make the top three and get your hometown visit. Hey, Blake! His album was really good, I was sorry he didn't catch on more. YAY Cookster! Archuleta, God.
Finally, some results. Seacrest lines them all up and runs down all the critiques from last night, and the first one to safety is...Kris. Wow, I'm surprised. Not upset, because I've started liking Kris, but he drew a rough hand this week with the Danny duet and the theme. Good for him.
After the break, we get Daughtry! Yay. God, he's so hot. They sing their first single coming off their second album, and it's good enough, but I fast forward because I'm tired. I'll get this shit off iTunes at some point. Kris comes out awkwardly to present them with some kind of platinum album thing, blah blah blah GET ON WITH IT.
More results. Adam--safe. It's down to Allison and goddamn Gokey. Shit shit shit. And Allison's eliminated. BOOOOOOOOOO. I am now hit with the same level of apathy I was hit with in season three, when the top three were Fantasia, who still sucks, Diana DeGarmo and freakin' Jasmine Trias. I don't care who wins this shit any more. At this point, anyone but Gokey. I'd probably buy Kris's album though.
So Al gets her loser's montage, DAMMIT, and she's so freaking weird and cute and I love her. And she sings out and is crying and my heart just breaks. And of course, because it's the goddamn Gokey show, we have to cut to a reaction shot of him while Allison is singing. So over it.
Next week we have the top three, and I think this is the week where the judges pick a song, the contestants pick one and cryogenically frozen Clive Davis chooses one, most likely from his vault of songs from 1974. Tune in for the edge of your seat excitement!
On with the shitfest. Montage of last night. Slash was the mentor. I read a hilarious recap today debating on what Slash actually looks like and if he has a face, or if he's just a top hat and sunglasses perched on a mass of curly hair. 64 million losers voted. Can you tell that the outcome of the show is affecting the blog post?
Tonight's musical acts include Daughtry (woop!), No Doubt (cool) and...Paula Abdul. Seacrest mentioned this on his show the other day but I was afraid to believe it was actually true. This will be like Adam Lambert combined with Sanjaya mixed with Kristy Lee Cook, I feel like.
FORD! video to All American Rejects "Movin' On"...fast forward. Sorry, the game's going into OT at this point and I've got 20 minutes before it starts to watch the first half of this show. Slash comes out and does the group number with the gang to "School's Out" by Alice Cooper. It's okay...god, poor Kris. He's really a fish out of water, isn't he? Probably his idea of rock and roll is smoking a blunt at a DMB concert.
After a lengthy chat with Slash and the top four, it's time for Paula's "performance." Of course, she's lip syncing, and I swear one of her backup dancers is Adam Lambert. The song is kind of catchy, I'll probably download it because that's how I roll. I make fun of something enough, I start to like it. Like the Pussycat Dolls and America's Next Top Model.
OK, No Doubt is up next performing "Just a Girl." Did I miss something, or are we still in 1996? Seriously, WTF? I have to tell you guys, my first ever concert was when Bush toured with No Doubt and the Goo Goo Dolls, and it was hilarious. I remember Megan and I went out and bought special outfits for it, and we were all excited to crowd surf, which I did for about 7 seconds before I freaked and demanded to be let down. Yeah, I'm a real bad ass.
Before we can get to any results, we have to see a montage of what happens when you make the top three and get your hometown visit. Hey, Blake! His album was really good, I was sorry he didn't catch on more. YAY Cookster! Archuleta, God.
Finally, some results. Seacrest lines them all up and runs down all the critiques from last night, and the first one to safety is...Kris. Wow, I'm surprised. Not upset, because I've started liking Kris, but he drew a rough hand this week with the Danny duet and the theme. Good for him.
After the break, we get Daughtry! Yay. God, he's so hot. They sing their first single coming off their second album, and it's good enough, but I fast forward because I'm tired. I'll get this shit off iTunes at some point. Kris comes out awkwardly to present them with some kind of platinum album thing, blah blah blah GET ON WITH IT.
More results. Adam--safe. It's down to Allison and goddamn Gokey. Shit shit shit. And Allison's eliminated. BOOOOOOOOOO. I am now hit with the same level of apathy I was hit with in season three, when the top three were Fantasia, who still sucks, Diana DeGarmo and freakin' Jasmine Trias. I don't care who wins this shit any more. At this point, anyone but Gokey. I'd probably buy Kris's album though.
So Al gets her loser's montage, DAMMIT, and she's so freaking weird and cute and I love her. And she sings out and is crying and my heart just breaks. And of course, because it's the goddamn Gokey show, we have to cut to a reaction shot of him while Allison is singing. So over it.
Next week we have the top three, and I think this is the week where the judges pick a song, the contestants pick one and cryogenically frozen Clive Davis chooses one, most likely from his vault of songs from 1974. Tune in for the edge of your seat excitement!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Rock Band: American Idol
So apparently the contestants haven't had a run-through before the show, because the stage collapsed or something, and I don't really care because I've just had the longest day of my life. The good news? They're doing duets! Which is something Lindsay & I have wanted for years.
I already know, based on his outfit, that I'm not going to be able to handle Adam tonight, so sorry Lambert lovers. Annnnd.... SLASH, ladies & gents. Joe is dying a little bit inside. How many song choices will Joe be offended by tonight? I predict two.
Lambert is first with "Whole Lotta Love," and Joe is offended already. Wow, maybe I predicted low. I just don't buy it, much like all the rest of his performances. He's just sooooo fake. And dare I say, boring. It's the same, week after week after week.
Allison is next singing "Cry Baby." She sounds fabulous, as usual on the verses, but I think the chorus was just a little too big for her. Kara talks some BS about her personality, and why is she the only contestant left who gets this stupid criticism? Allison sort of back talks to Simon and usually I hate that, but this time it's awesome because she totally calls out Simon on not knowing who sings "Somebody to Love." (BTW, Al, I agree with your choice. "Somebody to Love" would've been safe.)
Offense #2. Kris & Danny are doing "Renegade." Steelers fans out there, this makes me long for a James Harrison sack. I really couldn't tell you how they did, because I was too busy searching for this. I will just quote an email I got from Randi earlier: "Kara said danny & kris were united and strong? WTF are they fighting the war on terror?"
Kris on his own is doing "Come Together," which means IGFB is still paying for the Beatles songbook. I'm not blown away, but I think it was solid. I actually enjoyed it more than Carly's rendition last year. Kara actually tells him he's trying too hard. TRYING TOO HARD?! See Lambert, Adam. Paula also tells him it's risky to do a Beatles song, apparently forgetting that they made us suffer through TWO EFFING WEEKS of Beatles songs last year with KRISTY LEE EFFING COOK.
Gokey is completely unoriginal and sings "Dream On." (Offense #3) I zone out for awhile and search for clips from "Miracle." He's wearing a vest?! Sorry, Gokey, but a pinstripe vest does not scream rock. OMG, this is awful. He's flat alllll over the place. Joe & I are absolutely cringing waiting for the end part, because we all know what's coming... and... it's soooo bad. To paraphrase the immortal Herb Brooks, he's performing worse and worse every day, and tonight he performed like the middle of next week. Kara's all like, I want to sleep with you, so it was great. Dang, I hate these judges this year.
Adam & Allison close out the show with "Slow Ride," and I think Joe is offended again. I actually really enjoy it, mostly because Allison is so awesome and Adam isn't completely over the top.
So, how was rock night? Mostly underwhelming, actually. Gokey should definitely go home, but I'm worried that it will be Allison or Kris (completely underservingly so) instead. My DVR cut off, so I have no idea what guests we get tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure it's Daughtry so yesssssssss. See you then.
I already know, based on his outfit, that I'm not going to be able to handle Adam tonight, so sorry Lambert lovers. Annnnd.... SLASH, ladies & gents. Joe is dying a little bit inside. How many song choices will Joe be offended by tonight? I predict two.
Lambert is first with "Whole Lotta Love," and Joe is offended already. Wow, maybe I predicted low. I just don't buy it, much like all the rest of his performances. He's just sooooo fake. And dare I say, boring. It's the same, week after week after week.
Allison is next singing "Cry Baby." She sounds fabulous, as usual on the verses, but I think the chorus was just a little too big for her. Kara talks some BS about her personality, and why is she the only contestant left who gets this stupid criticism? Allison sort of back talks to Simon and usually I hate that, but this time it's awesome because she totally calls out Simon on not knowing who sings "Somebody to Love." (BTW, Al, I agree with your choice. "Somebody to Love" would've been safe.)
Offense #2. Kris & Danny are doing "Renegade." Steelers fans out there, this makes me long for a James Harrison sack. I really couldn't tell you how they did, because I was too busy searching for this. I will just quote an email I got from Randi earlier: "Kara said danny & kris were united and strong? WTF are they fighting the war on terror?"
Kris on his own is doing "Come Together," which means IGFB is still paying for the Beatles songbook. I'm not blown away, but I think it was solid. I actually enjoyed it more than Carly's rendition last year. Kara actually tells him he's trying too hard. TRYING TOO HARD?! See Lambert, Adam. Paula also tells him it's risky to do a Beatles song, apparently forgetting that they made us suffer through TWO EFFING WEEKS of Beatles songs last year with KRISTY LEE EFFING COOK.
Gokey is completely unoriginal and sings "Dream On." (Offense #3) I zone out for awhile and search for clips from "Miracle." He's wearing a vest?! Sorry, Gokey, but a pinstripe vest does not scream rock. OMG, this is awful. He's flat alllll over the place. Joe & I are absolutely cringing waiting for the end part, because we all know what's coming... and... it's soooo bad. To paraphrase the immortal Herb Brooks, he's performing worse and worse every day, and tonight he performed like the middle of next week. Kara's all like, I want to sleep with you, so it was great. Dang, I hate these judges this year.
Adam & Allison close out the show with "Slow Ride," and I think Joe is offended again. I actually really enjoy it, mostly because Allison is so awesome and Adam isn't completely over the top.
So, how was rock night? Mostly underwhelming, actually. Gokey should definitely go home, but I'm worried that it will be Allison or Kris (completely underservingly so) instead. My DVR cut off, so I have no idea what guests we get tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure it's Daughtry so yesssssssss. See you then.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
It don't mean a thing
Well, faithful readers, you're getting this on Thursday morning because I decided to have some tequila last night. Oops. THIS... is American Idol.
Hey, is that Vanessa Abrams in the audience? Where's Chuck Bass? Ryan introduces the judges, and I've already lost a point in the EW poll because Simon is wearing a white shirt, not black. We get the FORD!!! video right off the bat, something with a hybrid and the world being made of energy, and then we're into the group number. Since I didn't get a chance to comment on last night, let me say it now - Rat Pack music is the best music ever written. They absolutely do not write songs like this anymore. The top 5 tackle "Don't Mean a Thing" and I start having flashbacks to HS show choir... and then they segue into "I Got Rhythm," and I promptly stand up in my living room and start doing the choreography from my junior year musical. Yeah, I'm a dork. You can laugh at me while I go watch GLEEEE.
Next is the reason why these results shows really should be no more than 10 minutes long. We're treated to a video in which the Idols try to make birthday cakes, which ends up in a massive food fight, which is actually kind of amusing because Gokey gets the brunt of it.
We start the results process, and of course they do the 2 people here, 2 people there, & Adam in the middle having to choose. He goes with Allison & Danny, who are actually the safe ones this week, making your bottom 3 Kris, Adam, & Matt. Allison is all "what the heck?" The judges are all "what the heck?" And I'm basically like, duh, we're down to 5 people, and obviously SOMEONE needs to go home.
Natalie Cole performs next, looking stunning as usual. Holy crap, she's 59! (Thank you, Wiki.) When I was a kid, my dad had her "Unforgettable" album, the one where she sang with her dad, and I used to love it. I need to get that one again.
Annnnnnd it's time for the return of the Soul Patrol. As we watch this, I'd like to remind you that this guy won over Chris Daughtry and Elliot Yamin. I watch for about 30 seconds, long enough to remind myself how obnoxious he is, and then it's fast forward city.
Ryan sends Kris back to safety (WOOOO), but since there's still 20 minutes left in this show, of course we won't get any resolution yet. We've got Jamie Foxx instead, doing some terrible hip hop song, because that makes total sense for Rat Pack week.
Finally, it's results time. Adam is safe, meaning Matt is going home for the second time. At least we got a few extra weeks of him. I think his problem was his inconsistency - when he was on, he was awesome, but when he wasn't, he was rough. His rendition tonight was actually much much better than his one on the performance show! Darn it Matt. I'll definitely miss him.
OMG, next week is rock & roll week. WITH SLASH. Hopefully, Allison will kick ass & Gokey will crash & burn. See you then!
Hey, is that Vanessa Abrams in the audience? Where's Chuck Bass? Ryan introduces the judges, and I've already lost a point in the EW poll because Simon is wearing a white shirt, not black. We get the FORD!!! video right off the bat, something with a hybrid and the world being made of energy, and then we're into the group number. Since I didn't get a chance to comment on last night, let me say it now - Rat Pack music is the best music ever written. They absolutely do not write songs like this anymore. The top 5 tackle "Don't Mean a Thing" and I start having flashbacks to HS show choir... and then they segue into "I Got Rhythm," and I promptly stand up in my living room and start doing the choreography from my junior year musical. Yeah, I'm a dork. You can laugh at me while I go watch GLEEEE.
Next is the reason why these results shows really should be no more than 10 minutes long. We're treated to a video in which the Idols try to make birthday cakes, which ends up in a massive food fight, which is actually kind of amusing because Gokey gets the brunt of it.
We start the results process, and of course they do the 2 people here, 2 people there, & Adam in the middle having to choose. He goes with Allison & Danny, who are actually the safe ones this week, making your bottom 3 Kris, Adam, & Matt. Allison is all "what the heck?" The judges are all "what the heck?" And I'm basically like, duh, we're down to 5 people, and obviously SOMEONE needs to go home.
Natalie Cole performs next, looking stunning as usual. Holy crap, she's 59! (Thank you, Wiki.) When I was a kid, my dad had her "Unforgettable" album, the one where she sang with her dad, and I used to love it. I need to get that one again.
Annnnnnd it's time for the return of the Soul Patrol. As we watch this, I'd like to remind you that this guy won over Chris Daughtry and Elliot Yamin. I watch for about 30 seconds, long enough to remind myself how obnoxious he is, and then it's fast forward city.
Ryan sends Kris back to safety (WOOOO), but since there's still 20 minutes left in this show, of course we won't get any resolution yet. We've got Jamie Foxx instead, doing some terrible hip hop song, because that makes total sense for Rat Pack week.
Finally, it's results time. Adam is safe, meaning Matt is going home for the second time. At least we got a few extra weeks of him. I think his problem was his inconsistency - when he was on, he was awesome, but when he wasn't, he was rough. His rendition tonight was actually much much better than his one on the performance show! Darn it Matt. I'll definitely miss him.
OMG, next week is rock & roll week. WITH SLASH. Hopefully, Allison will kick ass & Gokey will crash & burn. See you then!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I'm so 3008.
Tonight, we've got all four guys in suits (Adam's is white, of course), and Allison in a demure (for her) dress and hairdo. Must be...Rat Pack standards night! :P Can you believe we only have three weeks left until the finale? I feel like this season has lasted forever.
OK, so we have some sort of mystery mentor this week. Could it be Michael Buble? Tony Bennett? Come on, that would be just silly. It's...Jamie Foxx? LMAO. I guess it makes sense...in like 50 years, "Blame It" will totally be a classic standard, right? And I mean, he DID play Ray Charles that one time. Sheesh.
We come back from the break, and for a minute I think the show's brought Dunkleman back, because it's an aerial shot of two dudes in suits. But it's just Ryan hanging out with Kris. Wow, he's hot in a suit. Drool. I'm sorry, what? Oh right, the song. So he's doing "The Way You Look Tonight." Aww, that's nice.
Guys, Kris is awesome. I mean, this is very Kris, it's kind of what we've come to expect, but it doesn't make it any less good. And he's not a schmuck about it, DANNY. Seriously, I said it last week...when did Kris become my favorite?
Can I just say, I really, really hope tonight isn't jam packed full of schmoopy ballads. Because...it doesn't have to be. Case in point: Kelly.
Up next is Allison. Aww, she turned 17 this week! She's doing "Someone to Watch Over Me," and Jamie Foxx actually gives her half decent advice, about not thinking about a boyfriend or a lover because she's young, but thinking about her family.
I love her. Love, love love her. This is great. And the judges actually give her the credit she's been due, since, oh I don't know, the semi finals??? I hope she lives another week, I don't get why people don't vote for her.
OK, Matt's doing "My Funny Valentine." I hate this song. Meh. At least he's got a fedora on covering that mole. I don't really like this. I have problems with Matt tonight. This sounds kind of off-key and "pitchy, dawg." OMG, Randy totally told him it was pitchy, hahaha. Simon apparently thought it was brilliant, so maybe I'm deaf or stupid or something, but I hated it. Matt's probably in trouble.
God, Danny. Which means Adam's in the pimp spot, so you know whatever shit he's got going on is gonna be nuts. I didn't even write down what song Danny is singing, that's how over him I am. Same shit, different week. You wanna know what Danny would be like as a recording artist? Watch tomorrow night when Taylor Hicks is on.
Also, I figured out what is it that bothers the hell out of me about Danny Gokey. For me, the show is as much about performance and vocal techinique as it is about personality traits. For example, you all know how I hate the judge backtalk. I loved Brooke last year, except when she wouldn't STFU in front of the judges. And Lil drove me insane this year.
Now, I know some of our readers aren't huge Adam Lambert fans, but here's my point: when Adam finishes his number, he waits for his critiques and is polite when he thanks the judges, etc. Same with Kris, Matt, etc. Danny freakin' Gokey, as soon as he finishes singing, immediately starts bellowing out "THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" to the audience like he's Bon freakin' Jovi or something, and he just finished a three-hour set on the "One Wild Night" tour. (Yeah, I may have been to a Bon Jovi show or two. :P)
That annoys the shit out of me. DUDE. You aren't a star yet. You haven't won. Lock it the hell up with your overeffusive, screaming words of thanks to your "fans." If you appreciate that, good for you, but I hate it.
That being said, I think Danny does have an amazing voice. I'm just tired of him on this show. And also wouldn't buy his album. And as I said via text to Bren tonight "he's gonna win this whole effing thing, isn't he?" Gah.
Ahem. Sorry about that. Moving on! GLEEEEE! If you don't think this show looks awesome, then I can't help you. You will be awarded no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
So Lambert's got the pimp spot for like the third time this season, I think. He's doing "Feelin' Good", which kind of surprises me. Honestly though, I guess I don't really know what he would have picked. Maybe "My Way" or something.
He does this really weird, insane version of the song, complete with this totally over the top entrance on the stairs--will someone just put this guy in a dress already? This for me was on par with the weirdness of "Ring of Fire" but I'd still watch this 100 times before I'd rewatch Danny Gokey, so there's that.
So that's our top 5. These blog entries are going faster now that we aren't recapping 10+ people, lol. Tune it for Taylor Hicks (aaand, fast forward) tomorrow night and to find out who goes home. Obviously, I'd love for it to be Gokey, but it's going to be either Matt or Allison, unfortunately. At this point, I'd rather have Al stay than Matt. Adios!
OK, so we have some sort of mystery mentor this week. Could it be Michael Buble? Tony Bennett? Come on, that would be just silly. It's...Jamie Foxx? LMAO. I guess it makes sense...in like 50 years, "Blame It" will totally be a classic standard, right? And I mean, he DID play Ray Charles that one time. Sheesh.
We come back from the break, and for a minute I think the show's brought Dunkleman back, because it's an aerial shot of two dudes in suits. But it's just Ryan hanging out with Kris. Wow, he's hot in a suit. Drool. I'm sorry, what? Oh right, the song. So he's doing "The Way You Look Tonight." Aww, that's nice.
Guys, Kris is awesome. I mean, this is very Kris, it's kind of what we've come to expect, but it doesn't make it any less good. And he's not a schmuck about it, DANNY. Seriously, I said it last week...when did Kris become my favorite?
Can I just say, I really, really hope tonight isn't jam packed full of schmoopy ballads. Because...it doesn't have to be. Case in point: Kelly.
Up next is Allison. Aww, she turned 17 this week! She's doing "Someone to Watch Over Me," and Jamie Foxx actually gives her half decent advice, about not thinking about a boyfriend or a lover because she's young, but thinking about her family.
I love her. Love, love love her. This is great. And the judges actually give her the credit she's been due, since, oh I don't know, the semi finals??? I hope she lives another week, I don't get why people don't vote for her.
OK, Matt's doing "My Funny Valentine." I hate this song. Meh. At least he's got a fedora on covering that mole. I don't really like this. I have problems with Matt tonight. This sounds kind of off-key and "pitchy, dawg." OMG, Randy totally told him it was pitchy, hahaha. Simon apparently thought it was brilliant, so maybe I'm deaf or stupid or something, but I hated it. Matt's probably in trouble.
God, Danny. Which means Adam's in the pimp spot, so you know whatever shit he's got going on is gonna be nuts. I didn't even write down what song Danny is singing, that's how over him I am. Same shit, different week. You wanna know what Danny would be like as a recording artist? Watch tomorrow night when Taylor Hicks is on.
Also, I figured out what is it that bothers the hell out of me about Danny Gokey. For me, the show is as much about performance and vocal techinique as it is about personality traits. For example, you all know how I hate the judge backtalk. I loved Brooke last year, except when she wouldn't STFU in front of the judges. And Lil drove me insane this year.
Now, I know some of our readers aren't huge Adam Lambert fans, but here's my point: when Adam finishes his number, he waits for his critiques and is polite when he thanks the judges, etc. Same with Kris, Matt, etc. Danny freakin' Gokey, as soon as he finishes singing, immediately starts bellowing out "THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" to the audience like he's Bon freakin' Jovi or something, and he just finished a three-hour set on the "One Wild Night" tour. (Yeah, I may have been to a Bon Jovi show or two. :P)
That annoys the shit out of me. DUDE. You aren't a star yet. You haven't won. Lock it the hell up with your overeffusive, screaming words of thanks to your "fans." If you appreciate that, good for you, but I hate it.
That being said, I think Danny does have an amazing voice. I'm just tired of him on this show. And also wouldn't buy his album. And as I said via text to Bren tonight "he's gonna win this whole effing thing, isn't he?" Gah.
Ahem. Sorry about that. Moving on! GLEEEEE! If you don't think this show looks awesome, then I can't help you. You will be awarded no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
So Lambert's got the pimp spot for like the third time this season, I think. He's doing "Feelin' Good", which kind of surprises me. Honestly though, I guess I don't really know what he would have picked. Maybe "My Way" or something.
He does this really weird, insane version of the song, complete with this totally over the top entrance on the stairs--will someone just put this guy in a dress already? This for me was on par with the weirdness of "Ring of Fire" but I'd still watch this 100 times before I'd rewatch Danny Gokey, so there's that.
So that's our top 5. These blog entries are going faster now that we aren't recapping 10+ people, lol. Tune it for Taylor Hicks (aaand, fast forward) tomorrow night and to find out who goes home. Obviously, I'd love for it to be Gokey, but it's going to be either Matt or Allison, unfortunately. At this point, I'd rather have Al stay than Matt. Adios!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Gee whiz!
We open on another uber-intense montage that has become par for the course on results night now. Blah blah, I gave it my all, blah blah, it's up to America now. And THIS is American Idol.
Seacrest tells us that the save was invoked last week, and tonight, "no one is safe." Except for...the five people who DON'T get eliminated? You suck sometimes, Ryan. Tonight we're subjected to some kind of disco medley and an appearance by David "Gosh gee whiz!" Archuleta. Dear god.
You know what's funny? In 12 short weeks, Brenna and I have gone from loving Kara to hating her, and from totally being in Danny Gokey's corner to wishing his goofy ass would get cut. I love this show sometimes.
Oooh, Paula is choreographing the group medley this week! Their rehearsals actually look kind of intense. Less seat dancing, I suppose, now that Scott's out of the way. Sorry, but it's true. Hey, Kris is a really good dancer! The group number is as much of a train wreck as you'd expect, complete with assy disco outfits.
After the FORD! commercial, time for results. Lil, please stand up. You basically have karaoked every diva song known to man in your time on the show. Would you please...step over here? Yes, she's in the B3! Oooh wait...she's eliminated! Wow, moving through it tonight, eh, Seacrest? She sings out and bam, she's out of our lives 15 minutes into the show. Peace out, Lil!
Oh god, time for the disco medley. So someone name Freda Payne comes out and starts singing and....I flip over to catch the end of the Caps/Rangers game. What? It's hockey playoffs, piss on Freda Payne! Flip back over and now it's someone who apparently has four boobs. I think her name is Thelma Houston, based on the info on my TV guide channel. When the 100-year old guy from KC & the Sunshine Band comes on, I give him 5 seconds before the game comes back on.
More results. Kris--safe. Woop! When did Kris become my favorite? Adam--safe. Anoop--B3. Deservedly so. Danny--safe, but only after we're subjected to his asinine rambings for a few minutes. Down to Allison and Matt, which, eff. Whoever it is, I hope they are spared because Anoop goes home. And it's Allison. DAMMIT, America! Why aren't people voting for this girl???
And now I have to deal with Archuleta before we find out the results. He's singing a really terrible song called "Touch My Hand" complete with what appears to be cheesy home videos playing in the background. This is awful. I wish they had booked Kellie Pickler for two appearances and cut this one, because at least the Pick is hilarious.
And it's the result...WHEW, Anoop's out! Sorry, Noop Dawg, but my girl has to stick around for a while. I'm not sure when exactly my interest in Anoop started waning but it may have been around the third week in a row that he sang a ballad.
I have to say, aside from Gokey, I have no beef with this top five. My fave Allison is still here, and I hope she sticks around for a good while, Adam always entertains me, and Kris and Matt are consistently good and always deliver. We'll be back next week. Golly gee!
Seacrest tells us that the save was invoked last week, and tonight, "no one is safe." Except for...the five people who DON'T get eliminated? You suck sometimes, Ryan. Tonight we're subjected to some kind of disco medley and an appearance by David "Gosh gee whiz!" Archuleta. Dear god.
You know what's funny? In 12 short weeks, Brenna and I have gone from loving Kara to hating her, and from totally being in Danny Gokey's corner to wishing his goofy ass would get cut. I love this show sometimes.
Oooh, Paula is choreographing the group medley this week! Their rehearsals actually look kind of intense. Less seat dancing, I suppose, now that Scott's out of the way. Sorry, but it's true. Hey, Kris is a really good dancer! The group number is as much of a train wreck as you'd expect, complete with assy disco outfits.
After the FORD! commercial, time for results. Lil, please stand up. You basically have karaoked every diva song known to man in your time on the show. Would you please...step over here? Yes, she's in the B3! Oooh wait...she's eliminated! Wow, moving through it tonight, eh, Seacrest? She sings out and bam, she's out of our lives 15 minutes into the show. Peace out, Lil!
Oh god, time for the disco medley. So someone name Freda Payne comes out and starts singing and....I flip over to catch the end of the Caps/Rangers game. What? It's hockey playoffs, piss on Freda Payne! Flip back over and now it's someone who apparently has four boobs. I think her name is Thelma Houston, based on the info on my TV guide channel. When the 100-year old guy from KC & the Sunshine Band comes on, I give him 5 seconds before the game comes back on.
More results. Kris--safe. Woop! When did Kris become my favorite? Adam--safe. Anoop--B3. Deservedly so. Danny--safe, but only after we're subjected to his asinine rambings for a few minutes. Down to Allison and Matt, which, eff. Whoever it is, I hope they are spared because Anoop goes home. And it's Allison. DAMMIT, America! Why aren't people voting for this girl???
And now I have to deal with Archuleta before we find out the results. He's singing a really terrible song called "Touch My Hand" complete with what appears to be cheesy home videos playing in the background. This is awful. I wish they had booked Kellie Pickler for two appearances and cut this one, because at least the Pick is hilarious.
And it's the result...WHEW, Anoop's out! Sorry, Noop Dawg, but my girl has to stick around for a while. I'm not sure when exactly my interest in Anoop started waning but it may have been around the third week in a row that he sang a ballad.
I have to say, aside from Gokey, I have no beef with this top five. My fave Allison is still here, and I hope she sticks around for a good while, Adam always entertains me, and Kris and Matt are consistently good and always deliver. We'll be back next week. Golly gee!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Talkin' bout crazy cool medallions
I don't understand why Idol attempts disco almost every year. This is absolutely the most dated genre in all of music (seriously, even swing music has made a comeback) and yet even as the judges complain about someone not being "contemporary" they make them sing music from Abba and the Bee Gees.
Top 7 again this week. Since Matt was saved, 2 people go home this week. No intros, they jump right into Lil taking on "I'm Every Woman," continuing her quest to pick songs way too big for her every week. Side note: Lil's hair looks fabulous, but someone should tell her no woman - not even EVERY WOMAN - should wear a lycra leotard unless they're in the Fame remake. The performance is all fine, but not great, much as it's been with Lil for the past 5 weeks. The judges all agree, and some BS about Lil's inner goddess will make the show run over as usual.
Kris tackles an acoustic version of "She Works Hard For the Money," and it actually totally works. I think it's the first time on this show that I haven't found this song incredibly cheesy. Paula completely embarrasses everyone in the room by talking about Kris shopping in the women's department, an analogy that goes on waaaay too long, but basically they all love it, as do I. And guys? I actually think Kris might have a shot at winning this thing.
Danny is singing "September" by Earth Wind & Fire, and I go, oh this song. It's every bit as obnoxious as I'd imagined it would be, but at least he's not wearing a fake fro or dancing (too much). Oh wait, I spoke too soon. There's the dancing. His voice sounded good, as usual, but there was nothing original about it whatsoever. The judges are all over it though, of course, because they're contractually obligated to pimp him.
Allison is sassing out to "Hot Stuff" in some pleather/bedazzled contraption. And, let me tell you, it's hot. I feel a little awkward watching a 16-year-old sing that. The arrangement sounds a little like if Marilyn Manson and Gwen Stefani did a mashup, and unlike the judges, I mostly love it. Another side note: I love watching Simon when Paula is talking, because he looks thoroughly confused. The end of the night recap reminds me how much I loved this performance, and I just might need to download it tomorrow.
Adam Lambert is up next, doing "If I Can't Have You." Figures, the one week his crazy shit would actually work, he's slowing it down. Can I be honest? This sounds like the big romantic moment of a Broadway musical version of Saturday Night Fever. It's all good, as usual, but I just don't connect with him, even if Kara and Paula do. OMG, Simon is HILARIOUS when Paula is a mess and even more so when he tells Adam he thought he'd do some Donna Summer. Also, fun fact: LFO apparently did a remake of this song. Wiki told me so.
And finally, the first Bee Gees song of the evening ("Stayin Alive"), brought to you by Matt. I think he borrowed this jacket from Clay's season 2 Bee Gees night. Evidence here. (I also apparently referenced this jacket in the blog last year. It must've made quite an impression on me.) It sounds to me like he's trying a little too hard. The judges mostly love it, which surprises me a little. It was fun, but not memorable at all, and tonight was the first time I thought Matt was trying to be a little too much JT. He's Barry F'in Gibb!
Anoop closes the show with "Dim All The Lights," and it's pretty rough. He sounds like he's straining himself during the entire song, and generally it's a really boring song. Again, should've gone up tempo. Kara is on crack, claiming that the last two weeks have been Anoop's best performances. Um, Kara, not at all. I wasn't a fan, and you know I'm a huge Anoop fan. At least he looks good.
Unfortunately, I think it's the real end of the road for either Matt or Anoop this week, and based on tonight my money's on Anoop. I think Lil will join him exiting this week, finally. Lindsay will handle tomorrow's results show... till then, GO PENS!
Top 7 again this week. Since Matt was saved, 2 people go home this week. No intros, they jump right into Lil taking on "I'm Every Woman," continuing her quest to pick songs way too big for her every week. Side note: Lil's hair looks fabulous, but someone should tell her no woman - not even EVERY WOMAN - should wear a lycra leotard unless they're in the Fame remake. The performance is all fine, but not great, much as it's been with Lil for the past 5 weeks. The judges all agree, and some BS about Lil's inner goddess will make the show run over as usual.
Kris tackles an acoustic version of "She Works Hard For the Money," and it actually totally works. I think it's the first time on this show that I haven't found this song incredibly cheesy. Paula completely embarrasses everyone in the room by talking about Kris shopping in the women's department, an analogy that goes on waaaay too long, but basically they all love it, as do I. And guys? I actually think Kris might have a shot at winning this thing.
Danny is singing "September" by Earth Wind & Fire, and I go, oh this song. It's every bit as obnoxious as I'd imagined it would be, but at least he's not wearing a fake fro or dancing (too much). Oh wait, I spoke too soon. There's the dancing. His voice sounded good, as usual, but there was nothing original about it whatsoever. The judges are all over it though, of course, because they're contractually obligated to pimp him.
Allison is sassing out to "Hot Stuff" in some pleather/bedazzled contraption. And, let me tell you, it's hot. I feel a little awkward watching a 16-year-old sing that. The arrangement sounds a little like if Marilyn Manson and Gwen Stefani did a mashup, and unlike the judges, I mostly love it. Another side note: I love watching Simon when Paula is talking, because he looks thoroughly confused. The end of the night recap reminds me how much I loved this performance, and I just might need to download it tomorrow.
Adam Lambert is up next, doing "If I Can't Have You." Figures, the one week his crazy shit would actually work, he's slowing it down. Can I be honest? This sounds like the big romantic moment of a Broadway musical version of Saturday Night Fever. It's all good, as usual, but I just don't connect with him, even if Kara and Paula do. OMG, Simon is HILARIOUS when Paula is a mess and even more so when he tells Adam he thought he'd do some Donna Summer. Also, fun fact: LFO apparently did a remake of this song. Wiki told me so.
And finally, the first Bee Gees song of the evening ("Stayin Alive"), brought to you by Matt. I think he borrowed this jacket from Clay's season 2 Bee Gees night. Evidence here. (I also apparently referenced this jacket in the blog last year. It must've made quite an impression on me.) It sounds to me like he's trying a little too hard. The judges mostly love it, which surprises me a little. It was fun, but not memorable at all, and tonight was the first time I thought Matt was trying to be a little too much JT. He's Barry F'in Gibb!
Anoop closes the show with "Dim All The Lights," and it's pretty rough. He sounds like he's straining himself during the entire song, and generally it's a really boring song. Again, should've gone up tempo. Kara is on crack, claiming that the last two weeks have been Anoop's best performances. Um, Kara, not at all. I wasn't a fan, and you know I'm a huge Anoop fan. At least he looks good.
Unfortunately, I think it's the real end of the road for either Matt or Anoop this week, and based on tonight my money's on Anoop. I think Lil will join him exiting this week, finally. Lindsay will handle tomorrow's results show... till then, GO PENS!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Theme of the night: Save
And I'm not just talking about the show. In case you weren't aware, the Pens beat the Flyers in Game 1 of the first round of NHL playoffs!!! Goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury only allowed one goal and had 26 SAVES. Pittsburgh WHAT?
Ahem. Moving on to the Idol results show, this blog may be slightly abbreviated, because I watched it after the game was over and FFWDed a lot. Sorry about it.
We open the show with an intense montage, with that movie guy type voiceover. You know what I mean. It's weird. Lots of dramatic shots of the kids, of QT, blah de blah. Tonight our special guests are Jennifer Hudson and "recording" "artist" Miley Cyrus. Ugh. I sense some fast-forwarding on my part at about 9:35ish.
FORD! commercial to "Freeze Frame." Matt is singled out...either this means he's out or he's the one that Seacrest tries to make choose between the two groups to decide which is the bottom. And now the group number, "Maniac" which was actually from Flashdance but I can't hear it without thinking of Tommy Boy--did you eat a lot of paint chips as a kid? Matt's singled out again in this number...this may not bode well.
You know what commercial I think is hilarious? That Vitamin Water commercial with Mother Nature and all the animals, where the wolf keeps eating the gophers. Sometimes I rewind just to watch that. I'm lame.
God, more filler. Now we have the kids at the "17 Again" premiere, also known as "Big" in reverse. Hey, Zac Efron's here! Maybe he and Adam will share makeup tips after the show is over. Seriously, it's like 20 min in and we don't even know anyone who's safe yet.
Ooh here we go! Allison's up first...and she's safe! YES! Oooh, and I was totally wrong, they aren't going to put them into the two groups this year. Maybe they realized that was stupid and was a crazy twist the first time they did it in like, Season 4. Moving on, Adam--safe. Anoop--in the B3. Sigh. I have to say, I'm kind of bored by Anoop any more.
After the commercials, we get JHud's journey from Idol to Oscar. She rules so bad. She was totally robbed in Season 3. Fantasia doesn't have an Oscar, though, LOL. She sings, it's great, way to go Jennifer.
GLLEEEEEE!!!! OK, break's over, and we've got Kris and Lil. I'm so tired of Lil, you guys. If she doesn't go this week, I might break something. And she's in the B3. Score! One step closer. Down to Gokey and Matt, as if there's any suspense. Sure enough, Matt's in the B3 again. Dammit, America! And Seacrest sends Anoop back to safety. Crap...well, if he would have sent Lil, I would have been more pissed.
Hey, look, Miley Cyrus! Aaaaaaand...fast forward. Sorry guys, look it up on You Tube if you want to know anything about this performance. So now we're back to Lil and Matt and the lowest vote-getter this week is...Matt. BOOOOOOOOOOO. God, now I sound like Randy when they intro Simon.
Matt sings, and I'll be honest, I FFWD because this song is kind of lame, and I wish he hadn't picked it. So there's some scuffling around with the judges at the end and Simon finally tells Matt it's...GOOD NEWS! The judges have invoked "THE SAVE"!
Oh but then Simon throws up a curve ball and reminds us that next week, TWO people will get cut and also, it's disco week! BWAHAHAHA....what a freakin' nightmare. And it's my turn to blog performance night, oh yay!
So that's that, peeps. Pens win, and Matty G. is safe for another week. Maybe next week is when America will figure out that there really isn't anything all that special about Gokey, and that Lil is kind of annoying. Tune in and find out!
Ahem. Moving on to the Idol results show, this blog may be slightly abbreviated, because I watched it after the game was over and FFWDed a lot. Sorry about it.
We open the show with an intense montage, with that movie guy type voiceover. You know what I mean. It's weird. Lots of dramatic shots of the kids, of QT, blah de blah. Tonight our special guests are Jennifer Hudson and "recording" "artist" Miley Cyrus. Ugh. I sense some fast-forwarding on my part at about 9:35ish.
FORD! commercial to "Freeze Frame." Matt is singled out...either this means he's out or he's the one that Seacrest tries to make choose between the two groups to decide which is the bottom. And now the group number, "Maniac" which was actually from Flashdance but I can't hear it without thinking of Tommy Boy--did you eat a lot of paint chips as a kid? Matt's singled out again in this number...this may not bode well.
You know what commercial I think is hilarious? That Vitamin Water commercial with Mother Nature and all the animals, where the wolf keeps eating the gophers. Sometimes I rewind just to watch that. I'm lame.
God, more filler. Now we have the kids at the "17 Again" premiere, also known as "Big" in reverse. Hey, Zac Efron's here! Maybe he and Adam will share makeup tips after the show is over. Seriously, it's like 20 min in and we don't even know anyone who's safe yet.
Ooh here we go! Allison's up first...and she's safe! YES! Oooh, and I was totally wrong, they aren't going to put them into the two groups this year. Maybe they realized that was stupid and was a crazy twist the first time they did it in like, Season 4. Moving on, Adam--safe. Anoop--in the B3. Sigh. I have to say, I'm kind of bored by Anoop any more.
After the commercials, we get JHud's journey from Idol to Oscar. She rules so bad. She was totally robbed in Season 3. Fantasia doesn't have an Oscar, though, LOL. She sings, it's great, way to go Jennifer.
GLLEEEEEE!!!! OK, break's over, and we've got Kris and Lil. I'm so tired of Lil, you guys. If she doesn't go this week, I might break something. And she's in the B3. Score! One step closer. Down to Gokey and Matt, as if there's any suspense. Sure enough, Matt's in the B3 again. Dammit, America! And Seacrest sends Anoop back to safety. Crap...well, if he would have sent Lil, I would have been more pissed.
Hey, look, Miley Cyrus! Aaaaaaand...fast forward. Sorry guys, look it up on You Tube if you want to know anything about this performance. So now we're back to Lil and Matt and the lowest vote-getter this week is...Matt. BOOOOOOOOOOO. God, now I sound like Randy when they intro Simon.
Matt sings, and I'll be honest, I FFWD because this song is kind of lame, and I wish he hadn't picked it. So there's some scuffling around with the judges at the end and Simon finally tells Matt it's...GOOD NEWS! The judges have invoked "THE SAVE"!
Oh but then Simon throws up a curve ball and reminds us that next week, TWO people will get cut and also, it's disco week! BWAHAHAHA....what a freakin' nightmare. And it's my turn to blog performance night, oh yay!
So that's that, peeps. Pens win, and Matty G. is safe for another week. Maybe next week is when America will figure out that there really isn't anything all that special about Gokey, and that Lil is kind of annoying. Tune in and find out!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Reservoir Idol
Ladies & gentlemen, this is Quintin Tarantino, so tonight is going to be bizarre slash awesome. What the hell does Quintin know about music? Who cares. Paula apparently thought tonight was Tribute to Disco Balls Night, and dressed accordingly. So Fox has finally realized that the judges can't be held accountable to SHUT THE HELL UP, and they're only allowing them to judge two at a time. (Note: they STILL run over by two and a half minutes. Why don't we cut out the tribute to Tarantino and instead let Cowell talk? Also, did they get Tarantino's hair for Ben's atrocious wig in the flashbacks last week on Lost?)
Allison kicks it off with "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing," aka most overdone song ever in life. Cookster sang this not even a year ago. There are a zillion songs that Allison could've picked that are better than this one, but oh well. She was what, 5 when this movie came out? Maybe it's a classic for her. It's a subpar performance for my girl, but that said, I'd rather watch her than most of the other contestants tonight. Apparently the judges decide to pick tonight to notice her talent though, which is weird, because last week she was a million times better.
ANOOOOOP is up next doing "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)". Quintin tells him to rough it up, and it's a little scary. Anoop does nothing rough whatsoever, and proceeds to almost crack up in front of him. I'm a little confused by Anoop's jacket tonight. He sounds pretty awesome, but this is another waaaaay too overdone song on this show, so I'm bored by it. OMG, Simon hates not talking. This is hilarious.
Lambert is next, and he's doing "Born to Be Wild," and allegedly adding some kind of "electronic" element. Man, I wish he'd done "Eye of the Tiger." Dude, guyliner is out of control tonight. So, I had been coming around to Lambert in the past few weeks, but this just pushes me back away again. It's so self-indulgent and ridiculous. Yeah, he can perform. I've said that for weeks. But I'm just not into this.
Seriously, they won't let Simon talk, and instead we get Seacrest & Matt on the stools o' Coke for 5 minutes?! Matt is doing "To Really Love a Woman," which I did not know was from a movie. BTW, Quintin is actually a decent mentor, and he's offering some pretty good advice. Sorry, Linds, Matt isn't wearing a fedora tonight. The first part, with just him & the piano, is fantastic, but it gets a little rough at times when the entire band kicked in. I'd still buy a Matt album anyday though. Guys, Simon is being hilarious in the background. He can't not talk.
I literally just stopped fast forwarding through the commercials in order to watch the "Glee" commercial. I am so sad I'll be away when it airs.
Gokey apparently didn't have any glasses to match his blazer tonight, so he's sporting some contacts. He is singing "Endless Love"from "Happy Gilmore." ("What? Friends listen to 'Endless Love' in the dark.") With a harp. I wish I could critique it for you, but I got distracted by the IMDB quote page for "Happy Gilmore." So, instead:
Shooter McGavin: You're in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
Happy Gilmore: [laughing] You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
Kris gets points for the best song choice tonight, doing "Falling Slowly" from "Once," which won the Oscar for best song last year. Anyone else wondering if this was he and his wife's first dance at their wedding? It starts off a little iffy, but once it hits his higher register, it's just beautiful. It's such a gorgeous song - it's not hard at all, just so pretty. I love it.
Lil closes out the show, and it's a winner already, because she didn't choose a song from "The Bodyguard." Instead, she's doing "The Rose." Is it me, or has Lil just given up? I didn't get much of a fighting vibe from that one. And my DVR cuts off right as Lil and Simon start arguing, so someone is going to have to bring me up to speed on that one.
Tonight was full of mostly mediocre performances of overdone songs. Kris is really the only one who stands out when I'm thinking back, so I'd say almost anyone else (except for probably Danny & Adam) are at risk. Lindsay will take the results show tomorrow, since I'm incapable of paying attention to anything aside from hockey tomorrow. GO PENS!!!!!
Allison kicks it off with "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing," aka most overdone song ever in life. Cookster sang this not even a year ago. There are a zillion songs that Allison could've picked that are better than this one, but oh well. She was what, 5 when this movie came out? Maybe it's a classic for her. It's a subpar performance for my girl, but that said, I'd rather watch her than most of the other contestants tonight. Apparently the judges decide to pick tonight to notice her talent though, which is weird, because last week she was a million times better.
ANOOOOOP is up next doing "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)". Quintin tells him to rough it up, and it's a little scary. Anoop does nothing rough whatsoever, and proceeds to almost crack up in front of him. I'm a little confused by Anoop's jacket tonight. He sounds pretty awesome, but this is another waaaaay too overdone song on this show, so I'm bored by it. OMG, Simon hates not talking. This is hilarious.
Lambert is next, and he's doing "Born to Be Wild," and allegedly adding some kind of "electronic" element. Man, I wish he'd done "Eye of the Tiger." Dude, guyliner is out of control tonight. So, I had been coming around to Lambert in the past few weeks, but this just pushes me back away again. It's so self-indulgent and ridiculous. Yeah, he can perform. I've said that for weeks. But I'm just not into this.
Seriously, they won't let Simon talk, and instead we get Seacrest & Matt on the stools o' Coke for 5 minutes?! Matt is doing "To Really Love a Woman," which I did not know was from a movie. BTW, Quintin is actually a decent mentor, and he's offering some pretty good advice. Sorry, Linds, Matt isn't wearing a fedora tonight. The first part, with just him & the piano, is fantastic, but it gets a little rough at times when the entire band kicked in. I'd still buy a Matt album anyday though. Guys, Simon is being hilarious in the background. He can't not talk.
I literally just stopped fast forwarding through the commercials in order to watch the "Glee" commercial. I am so sad I'll be away when it airs.
Gokey apparently didn't have any glasses to match his blazer tonight, so he's sporting some contacts. He is singing "Endless Love"from "Happy Gilmore." ("What? Friends listen to 'Endless Love' in the dark.") With a harp. I wish I could critique it for you, but I got distracted by the IMDB quote page for "Happy Gilmore." So, instead:
Shooter McGavin: You're in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
Happy Gilmore: [laughing] You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
Kris gets points for the best song choice tonight, doing "Falling Slowly" from "Once," which won the Oscar for best song last year. Anyone else wondering if this was he and his wife's first dance at their wedding? It starts off a little iffy, but once it hits his higher register, it's just beautiful. It's such a gorgeous song - it's not hard at all, just so pretty. I love it.
Lil closes out the show, and it's a winner already, because she didn't choose a song from "The Bodyguard." Instead, she's doing "The Rose." Is it me, or has Lil just given up? I didn't get much of a fighting vibe from that one. And my DVR cuts off right as Lil and Simon start arguing, so someone is going to have to bring me up to speed on that one.
Tonight was full of mostly mediocre performances of overdone songs. Kris is really the only one who stands out when I'm thinking back, so I'd say almost anyone else (except for probably Danny & Adam) are at risk. Lindsay will take the results show tomorrow, since I'm incapable of paying attention to anything aside from hockey tomorrow. GO PENS!!!!!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Frankie Avalon, Flo Rida and Kellie Pickler--discuss.
I have to take a moment before I get into tonight's ep to announce that my two worlds collided this evening. Clay muthableepin' Aiken was a guest judge on tonight's episode of Top Model. WHAAAAAAT? LMAO! You guys, it was hilarious. I know some of you who read this watch that show too...how hilarious was it at panel when Miss J was being Miss J and Clay just lost his shit and put his head down on the table? I rewound that part like four times!
Ahem, anyway...on to the show! We open on a tense, dramatic montage from last night. Hey, Mario Lopez is in the audience! Do you think Simon even knows who he is? He's like three feet away from him. Paula's rocking some 1950s mother of the bride gloves tonight, wtf?
There's some weirdness with Paula and Simon and an old timey looking photo, and then we go to "the most popular song" from the year Simon was born. Seriously, why? And we wonder why the show runs over.
But wait! Some old dude comes out singing the song live. Oh, guess that old dude is Frankie Avalon, the original guy from the footage. This is lame. Sorry to anyone who enjoyed this, but: fast forward. Now it's the lip synched group number of the evening, from the year Idol was "born", which is 2002. "Can't Get U Outta My Head"--blah. This is awful and weird. Lil and Al are cast as the hos in this number, being all seductive on like half the male contestants. Gross.
After the break, we get the behind the scenes at the FORD! shoot. This commercial is actually pretty awesome. It's set to Britney's "Circus" and features cool makeup and magician shit. Too bad Gokey had to ruin the effect of his cool make up with his dumb glasses. Hey, the mayor from Kalamazoo is here to support Matt! Random.
First round of results: Adam, Kris and Anoop stand up. This does not bode well for Noop Dawg. The judges have to give Adam all his critiques because the stupid show cut off last night, but are they really going to say anything surprising? Time sucker, move on! Adam is safe, no shocker there. Kris is also safe, putting Anoop in the bottom three. Aw, Noopster.
After the break, we have an extremely obscene performance by Flo Rida and whoever this horrible "singer" is that does the Right Round song with him. She is TERRIBLE. Blah. Get on with it!! Why do we need to have three performances plus a shitty group number? NO ONE CARES, IDOL! I need to go back and watch Clay interacting with Tyra Banks to calm my nerves.
Second round of results: Gokey--safe. As if. Matt, after Seacrest dicks around with him for a while--is safe! Woo!! Scott--bottom three. Thank God. We're down to Allison and Lil. I've pretty much resigned myself to always expect Al in the B3, because people are stupid.
AHHH!! America finally got it right! LIL joins Anoop and Scott in the B3. As long as Anoop comes back to safety, I couldn't give two shits whether it's Scott or Lil who gets the boot. And I really don't think they'll save either of those two. Simon says there's "one in particular" who they would consider saving. Better be ANOOOOP!
After the break, the PICK! Guys, I love Pickler so bad. She comes out and looks HOT in this teeny weeny dress (that has her boob implants nicely tucked away, thanks Kellie) and ridiculous stripper shoes. She still can't really sing worth a damn and this sounds like any other country song out there, but she's so fun. Yay Kellie!
Finally, some results. Lil--sent back to safety. Dammit, down to Anoop and Scott. And the person with the lowest number of votes is...Scott. OK, they cannot use the save on him. We're subjected to his mediocre performance again, and the judges take way, WAY too long to make the call on this one. I'm starting to get nervous. COME ON. Don't waste the save!!!
In the end, the judges do what's right and eliminate Scott. Whew. And I got the prediction poll on ew.com right again for the third week in a row! WOOO!
Tune in next week for our top seven performances, and for the results show that will ultimately make Danny Gokey pick which one of the two groups of three is the B3, because the show is effed up like that. Good night!
Ahem, anyway...on to the show! We open on a tense, dramatic montage from last night. Hey, Mario Lopez is in the audience! Do you think Simon even knows who he is? He's like three feet away from him. Paula's rocking some 1950s mother of the bride gloves tonight, wtf?
There's some weirdness with Paula and Simon and an old timey looking photo, and then we go to "the most popular song" from the year Simon was born. Seriously, why? And we wonder why the show runs over.
But wait! Some old dude comes out singing the song live. Oh, guess that old dude is Frankie Avalon, the original guy from the footage. This is lame. Sorry to anyone who enjoyed this, but: fast forward. Now it's the lip synched group number of the evening, from the year Idol was "born", which is 2002. "Can't Get U Outta My Head"--blah. This is awful and weird. Lil and Al are cast as the hos in this number, being all seductive on like half the male contestants. Gross.
After the break, we get the behind the scenes at the FORD! shoot. This commercial is actually pretty awesome. It's set to Britney's "Circus" and features cool makeup and magician shit. Too bad Gokey had to ruin the effect of his cool make up with his dumb glasses. Hey, the mayor from Kalamazoo is here to support Matt! Random.
First round of results: Adam, Kris and Anoop stand up. This does not bode well for Noop Dawg. The judges have to give Adam all his critiques because the stupid show cut off last night, but are they really going to say anything surprising? Time sucker, move on! Adam is safe, no shocker there. Kris is also safe, putting Anoop in the bottom three. Aw, Noopster.
After the break, we have an extremely obscene performance by Flo Rida and whoever this horrible "singer" is that does the Right Round song with him. She is TERRIBLE. Blah. Get on with it!! Why do we need to have three performances plus a shitty group number? NO ONE CARES, IDOL! I need to go back and watch Clay interacting with Tyra Banks to calm my nerves.
Second round of results: Gokey--safe. As if. Matt, after Seacrest dicks around with him for a while--is safe! Woo!! Scott--bottom three. Thank God. We're down to Allison and Lil. I've pretty much resigned myself to always expect Al in the B3, because people are stupid.
AHHH!! America finally got it right! LIL joins Anoop and Scott in the B3. As long as Anoop comes back to safety, I couldn't give two shits whether it's Scott or Lil who gets the boot. And I really don't think they'll save either of those two. Simon says there's "one in particular" who they would consider saving. Better be ANOOOOP!
After the break, the PICK! Guys, I love Pickler so bad. She comes out and looks HOT in this teeny weeny dress (that has her boob implants nicely tucked away, thanks Kellie) and ridiculous stripper shoes. She still can't really sing worth a damn and this sounds like any other country song out there, but she's so fun. Yay Kellie!
Finally, some results. Lil--sent back to safety. Dammit, down to Anoop and Scott. And the person with the lowest number of votes is...Scott. OK, they cannot use the save on him. We're subjected to his mediocre performance again, and the judges take way, WAY too long to make the call on this one. I'm starting to get nervous. COME ON. Don't waste the save!!!
In the end, the judges do what's right and eliminate Scott. Whew. And I got the prediction poll on ew.com right again for the third week in a row! WOOO!
Tune in next week for our top seven performances, and for the results show that will ultimately make Danny Gokey pick which one of the two groups of three is the B3, because the show is effed up like that. Good night!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
'Cause I can't make you love me....
It's everyone's favorite night of the Idol season! Songs from the year you were born! Translation: elevator music, because all of the cool songs from those years, the show can't get the rights to, because the Beatles song book is still on layaway. And the good news is, the show is down to an hour! YAY! Although I am DVRing the first five minutes of Fringe just in case.
Looking at the lineup, I realized that there is no one left that I really hate. I mean, yeah, I wish Scott would go away pretty soon, and Lil is kind of a dud, but everyone is generally okay. I'll probably hate Scott more if he makes it through to next week and Matt or Anoop gets cut, but we'll see. I know a lot of people hate Adam Lambert, but I'm not one of those people. So let's get down to it!
We don't see the judges parade in tonight, but that's because we have to see their baby pictures during their intros. Weird. Also, why did Randy and Kara get actual baby photos and Paula and Simon get goofy-looking childhood photos? And Seacrest was creepy as a child.
First up tonight is Gokey, who was born in 1980, officially making him the oldest contestant on the show. After lots of footage of him and his family, and some embarrassing photos, he's singing "Stand By Me"--wow, guess that song spoiler site I read earlier today was wrong LOL.
This is okay. It's very Gokey. I hate this arrangement, it's weird and sounds dated. Also, he's wearing an ensemble that I think Clay Aiken probably would have worn in his season. He sounds great, it's all fine, it's just very predictable and nothing all that special. He's got some mad vocal skills though. I wish he had picked a different song. The judges all blow sunshine up his ass, as is their way.
Sidebar: when Adam came into the living room on the commercial break, he's like, "Who went already?" And when I said Danny, he goes "Who the hell is that? Is that the blind guy?" Nice to see you're paying attention, babe!
Next up we have cutie Kris, who was born in 1985, making him the same age as my sister. I feel old. He's going to be doing "All She Wants To Do Is Dance." Not sure how this is going to go, could be interesting. Oh man, he's in the mosh pit. I hate when they do that.
This is okay. I feel like he's trying too hard to John Mayer it up or something. I don't really love it, but I love Kris. Good singer, weird song choice.
Lil was born in 1984 and is shockingly not singing a Whitney song. Instead, we've got a Tina Turner song. "What's Love Got to Do (Got To Do) With It." Yeah, I made up that title myself.
So Lil comes out all trying to be sexy in some booty-hugging black dress and a leather vest, and it's just not working for me. I can't see her as sexy. I like her better this week than I have in weeks past, but...eh. The judges don't like it either, and all come down pretty hard on her
Up next we've got ANOOOOOP, born in 1986. There's some discussion about him being rude to Kara last week, which I totally missed somehow.
OK, he's singing "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper and I. Hate. This. Song. When I was in high school, I worked at a Staples, okay, and the Phil Collins version of this song played constantly on the store's Musak. I was BURNED OUT on "True Colors", you guys. HATE IT.
Also, I'm over ballady Anoop. SNOOZE. I love Anoop, I love his voice, I think he sounds great on this song, but the song blows. I still hope he's safe.
Scott was born in 1985, and half the time looks like he's just stepped OUT of 1985. Heyo! He's singing "The Search is Over", with an electric guitar and it's...not good. Seriously people, stop voting for Scott. You aren't doing him any favors by keeping him in the competition. He's gotta be out next week, right?
Please tell me that you all noticed the CRAPLOAD of lipstick on Paula's teeth during her close up on her critique. Please? That can't have been just Adam and me that saw it. Good God, Abdul, check yourself before you wreck yourself.
My girl Allison is up next and she was born in 1992. When I was 12. Blech. She's doing "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt, which, YES. Perfect song for her. I love this girl so bad. My one complaint with her is that sometimes, her enunciation is weird on some words. But MAN. She is freaking awesome.
Also, I know we were pissed last week when the judges spent 100000 years talking about her outfit, but: leather jacket, chains, flamenco skirt. That's all I'm saying. Simon basically tells her she needs to grow a personality and but fast. I have a feeling if she were up for elimination, she would get THE SAVE.
Matt's up next, which means Lambert has the pimp spot, which must mean he's got some kind of insane, guylinered rabbit to pull out of his hat if they're putting him last.
OK, Matt Giraud. Born in 1985. Currently the ONLY one about who the spoiler list was correct--Stevie Wonder's "Part Time Lover." Brenna and I groaned when we read this because: KEVIN COVAIS, people! If you aren't nuts like us and don't remember that atrocity, allow me to refresh your memory.
Dammit, Matt! Grrr...ooh wait, this might be okay. And he covered up his mole with a fedora! Nice work, dude. Okay, I actually really really love this. I feel like Randy right now--"dude, it was really good! You can really sing!" This is tight. Nice work, Giraud! Someone in the audience is rocking a "Giraud Squad" shirt, which rules.
It's now 9:02 and we're just getting to Adam. Seriously, Idol, how hard is it to finish the damn show on time?? Funny interview with his parents, in which we're pretty sure we find out that his dad hates him for not being into sports. Awesome.
He's going to be doing "Mad World", originally sung by Tears for Fears, but the version he's doing is the Gary Jules version (thank you Brenna!) It's awesome. Adam is awesome. I feel bad that they have no time to give him a critique, but Simon gives him a standing ovation, which speaks for itself.
For me, best of the night goes to Adam, Matt and Allison, as per usual. Anoop, Gokey and Kris were in the middle, with the bottom two being Scott and Lil. America is so jacked up with voting this year that who knows if either of them will even be in the bottom three tomorrow, let alone eliminated. Tune in for some Flo Rida and THE PICK (?!?) performing tomorrow, and the results! Hasta luego! Let's go Pens!!!
Looking at the lineup, I realized that there is no one left that I really hate. I mean, yeah, I wish Scott would go away pretty soon, and Lil is kind of a dud, but everyone is generally okay. I'll probably hate Scott more if he makes it through to next week and Matt or Anoop gets cut, but we'll see. I know a lot of people hate Adam Lambert, but I'm not one of those people. So let's get down to it!
We don't see the judges parade in tonight, but that's because we have to see their baby pictures during their intros. Weird. Also, why did Randy and Kara get actual baby photos and Paula and Simon get goofy-looking childhood photos? And Seacrest was creepy as a child.
First up tonight is Gokey, who was born in 1980, officially making him the oldest contestant on the show. After lots of footage of him and his family, and some embarrassing photos, he's singing "Stand By Me"--wow, guess that song spoiler site I read earlier today was wrong LOL.
This is okay. It's very Gokey. I hate this arrangement, it's weird and sounds dated. Also, he's wearing an ensemble that I think Clay Aiken probably would have worn in his season. He sounds great, it's all fine, it's just very predictable and nothing all that special. He's got some mad vocal skills though. I wish he had picked a different song. The judges all blow sunshine up his ass, as is their way.
Sidebar: when Adam came into the living room on the commercial break, he's like, "Who went already?" And when I said Danny, he goes "Who the hell is that? Is that the blind guy?" Nice to see you're paying attention, babe!
Next up we have cutie Kris, who was born in 1985, making him the same age as my sister. I feel old. He's going to be doing "All She Wants To Do Is Dance." Not sure how this is going to go, could be interesting. Oh man, he's in the mosh pit. I hate when they do that.
This is okay. I feel like he's trying too hard to John Mayer it up or something. I don't really love it, but I love Kris. Good singer, weird song choice.
Lil was born in 1984 and is shockingly not singing a Whitney song. Instead, we've got a Tina Turner song. "What's Love Got to Do (Got To Do) With It." Yeah, I made up that title myself.
So Lil comes out all trying to be sexy in some booty-hugging black dress and a leather vest, and it's just not working for me. I can't see her as sexy. I like her better this week than I have in weeks past, but...eh. The judges don't like it either, and all come down pretty hard on her
Up next we've got ANOOOOOP, born in 1986. There's some discussion about him being rude to Kara last week, which I totally missed somehow.
OK, he's singing "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper and I. Hate. This. Song. When I was in high school, I worked at a Staples, okay, and the Phil Collins version of this song played constantly on the store's Musak. I was BURNED OUT on "True Colors", you guys. HATE IT.
Also, I'm over ballady Anoop. SNOOZE. I love Anoop, I love his voice, I think he sounds great on this song, but the song blows. I still hope he's safe.
Scott was born in 1985, and half the time looks like he's just stepped OUT of 1985. Heyo! He's singing "The Search is Over", with an electric guitar and it's...not good. Seriously people, stop voting for Scott. You aren't doing him any favors by keeping him in the competition. He's gotta be out next week, right?
Please tell me that you all noticed the CRAPLOAD of lipstick on Paula's teeth during her close up on her critique. Please? That can't have been just Adam and me that saw it. Good God, Abdul, check yourself before you wreck yourself.
My girl Allison is up next and she was born in 1992. When I was 12. Blech. She's doing "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt, which, YES. Perfect song for her. I love this girl so bad. My one complaint with her is that sometimes, her enunciation is weird on some words. But MAN. She is freaking awesome.
Also, I know we were pissed last week when the judges spent 100000 years talking about her outfit, but: leather jacket, chains, flamenco skirt. That's all I'm saying. Simon basically tells her she needs to grow a personality and but fast. I have a feeling if she were up for elimination, she would get THE SAVE.
Matt's up next, which means Lambert has the pimp spot, which must mean he's got some kind of insane, guylinered rabbit to pull out of his hat if they're putting him last.
OK, Matt Giraud. Born in 1985. Currently the ONLY one about who the spoiler list was correct--Stevie Wonder's "Part Time Lover." Brenna and I groaned when we read this because: KEVIN COVAIS, people! If you aren't nuts like us and don't remember that atrocity, allow me to refresh your memory.
Dammit, Matt! Grrr...ooh wait, this might be okay. And he covered up his mole with a fedora! Nice work, dude. Okay, I actually really really love this. I feel like Randy right now--"dude, it was really good! You can really sing!" This is tight. Nice work, Giraud! Someone in the audience is rocking a "Giraud Squad" shirt, which rules.
It's now 9:02 and we're just getting to Adam. Seriously, Idol, how hard is it to finish the damn show on time?? Funny interview with his parents, in which we're pretty sure we find out that his dad hates him for not being into sports. Awesome.
He's going to be doing "Mad World", originally sung by Tears for Fears, but the version he's doing is the Gary Jules version (thank you Brenna!) It's awesome. Adam is awesome. I feel bad that they have no time to give him a critique, but Simon gives him a standing ovation, which speaks for itself.
For me, best of the night goes to Adam, Matt and Allison, as per usual. Anoop, Gokey and Kris were in the middle, with the bottom two being Scott and Lil. America is so jacked up with voting this year that who knows if either of them will even be in the bottom three tomorrow, let alone eliminated. Tune in for some Flo Rida and THE PICK (?!?) performing tomorrow, and the results! Hasta luego! Let's go Pens!!!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Let's just call it the Lady Gaga Variety Hour, shall we?
I'm seriously on overload on Wednesday nights now. This whole American Idol vs. Lost business has got to stop, because when my mind has just been blown by Lost, I don't give a shit who gets voted off. But I'm here for you, our faithful readers, so here we go!
Exactly why is Castro hanging out with Alexis? Are they getting high together?
Blah, blah, blah, judges banter. Scariest FORD! commercial ever where the contestants bodies and faces are all mixed together and Kris attempts to rap and Matt continues his goal of morphing into Justin Timberlake 2.0. Oh Jesus, the top 9 is singing Don't Stop Believin'. God I wish Allison was singing this by herself. She would so rock it. Why do they bother with these group sings anymore? It's American Idol, not American Show Choir.
We get a video about how busy the Idols are, including Kris giving us his "sexy face" (it's a little Blue Steel) and Matt doing an impression of Danny, which leads to Gokey doing Matt, Anoop doing Kris, and Allison doing Gokey. Then after we see how awesomely they all get along, let's now tear them apart. It's results time. Megan, Matt & Kris are split into one group stage left. Of course, they're splitting them into three groups and then we have to guess which one is the bottom three, like they do for the top 9 every. single. year. Lil, Adam, & Allison are group #2. Scott, Danny, & Anoop are group #3.
But first, it's time for our reigning Idol, Mr. David Cook. OH NO DAVID, THE BANGS ARE COMING BACK. CUT THEM STAT. There is also a disturbing absence of guyliner, but it's probably because he couldn't wrestle it away from Adam in the dressing room. He's singing "Come Back To Me," not one of my favorites from the album but still a good one. Much like every week last year, he is saving this show from being a ridiculous mess, so thank you Cookster. We've missed ya. His mom is so cute.
Now we're back to the results, and they're actually not doing the "guess which group" deal. Kris, Megan, & Matt are up first. Kris is safe, of course. Seacrest tries to fake us all out but Matt ends up being safe. WOO. Megan is declared in the bottom three and proceeds to CAW her way to the stools. Next up is the Adam/Lil/Allison group. Lil is safe (I think it was the adorable kids that did it, because she sucked). Allison is in the bottom three. WTF, AMERICA?! Adam is safe. The last group starts with Danny, who is safe. So it's down to Anoop and Scott for the last spot in the bottom 3. Wouldn't be surprised with either one, to be honest. (btw, everytime they show Randy, I'm distracted by Jason Castro's hair.) Seacrest actually says he's going to "pull Scott over to the couches," leaving Anoop in the bottom three. (Also, can we PLEASE send Seacrest to a "how to interact with blind people" class?! PLEASE?)
Yessss, time for Lady Gaga and "Poker Face." Not to brag, but I swear I had this song on my iPod in October. Anyways, this girl is so batshit, I love her. She has a piano full of bubbles and is wearing some kind of metalic shawl, and is playing her bubble piano like a maniac. Did you guys know she's a classically trained musician? Wiki told me so. Damn, she's got dancers and fog machines and a zipper over her eye. I want to see her in concert so bad. She rules at life. All the Idols are like, shit.
So Allison is sent back to the couch, thank God. I will be so sad if Anoop goes home, but wouldn't be all that surpised. He is safe though, and HALLELUJAH, Megan is going home. Simon is awesome as hell and is basically like "we don't care if you go home, so we're not even going to consider it." And hell yes, I finally get one in the EW.com poll. Next week is songs from the year you were born week, which means Allison will make me feel ancient. See you then!
Exactly why is Castro hanging out with Alexis? Are they getting high together?
Blah, blah, blah, judges banter. Scariest FORD! commercial ever where the contestants bodies and faces are all mixed together and Kris attempts to rap and Matt continues his goal of morphing into Justin Timberlake 2.0. Oh Jesus, the top 9 is singing Don't Stop Believin'. God I wish Allison was singing this by herself. She would so rock it. Why do they bother with these group sings anymore? It's American Idol, not American Show Choir.
We get a video about how busy the Idols are, including Kris giving us his "sexy face" (it's a little Blue Steel) and Matt doing an impression of Danny, which leads to Gokey doing Matt, Anoop doing Kris, and Allison doing Gokey. Then after we see how awesomely they all get along, let's now tear them apart. It's results time. Megan, Matt & Kris are split into one group stage left. Of course, they're splitting them into three groups and then we have to guess which one is the bottom three, like they do for the top 9 every. single. year. Lil, Adam, & Allison are group #2. Scott, Danny, & Anoop are group #3.
But first, it's time for our reigning Idol, Mr. David Cook. OH NO DAVID, THE BANGS ARE COMING BACK. CUT THEM STAT. There is also a disturbing absence of guyliner, but it's probably because he couldn't wrestle it away from Adam in the dressing room. He's singing "Come Back To Me," not one of my favorites from the album but still a good one. Much like every week last year, he is saving this show from being a ridiculous mess, so thank you Cookster. We've missed ya. His mom is so cute.
Now we're back to the results, and they're actually not doing the "guess which group" deal. Kris, Megan, & Matt are up first. Kris is safe, of course. Seacrest tries to fake us all out but Matt ends up being safe. WOO. Megan is declared in the bottom three and proceeds to CAW her way to the stools. Next up is the Adam/Lil/Allison group. Lil is safe (I think it was the adorable kids that did it, because she sucked). Allison is in the bottom three. WTF, AMERICA?! Adam is safe. The last group starts with Danny, who is safe. So it's down to Anoop and Scott for the last spot in the bottom 3. Wouldn't be surprised with either one, to be honest. (btw, everytime they show Randy, I'm distracted by Jason Castro's hair.) Seacrest actually says he's going to "pull Scott over to the couches," leaving Anoop in the bottom three. (Also, can we PLEASE send Seacrest to a "how to interact with blind people" class?! PLEASE?)
Yessss, time for Lady Gaga and "Poker Face." Not to brag, but I swear I had this song on my iPod in October. Anyways, this girl is so batshit, I love her. She has a piano full of bubbles and is wearing some kind of metalic shawl, and is playing her bubble piano like a maniac. Did you guys know she's a classically trained musician? Wiki told me so. Damn, she's got dancers and fog machines and a zipper over her eye. I want to see her in concert so bad. She rules at life. All the Idols are like, shit.
So Allison is sent back to the couch, thank God. I will be so sad if Anoop goes home, but wouldn't be all that surpised. He is safe though, and HALLELUJAH, Megan is going home. Simon is awesome as hell and is basically like "we don't care if you go home, so we're not even going to consider it." And hell yes, I finally get one in the EW.com poll. Next week is songs from the year you were born week, which means Allison will make me feel ancient. See you then!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
1.5 hours to kill before The Osbournes
Wow, here's a shocker, guys! The Idols appeared on Seacrest's radio show this week. I'm shocked - appalled! - at the blatant product placement. Oh who am I kidding. Let's get this iTunes commercial - I mean American Idol - started. Linds & I were under the impression that tonight was the Top 100 iTunes downloads from last week, but it doesn't look like that's the case... meaning, sadly, I don't think anyone is doing I'm On A Boat or Lady Gaga.
Snoop Anoop is up first! He's singing "Caught Up" by Ursher. God, I have high hopes for this and... well, first of all, let's talk about Anoop's drunk fraternity brothers in the audience. They are awesome. But anyways, Anoop is a great performer and I generally enjoy it, but I think his vocals were a little bit weak. He just didn't blow me away like he did the last two weeks. Good to see that in the spirit of Easter, Paula has worn a necklace made of jelly beans. The judges aren't too fond of it (Anoop, not Paula's necklace), and Anoop's friends are just wondering when they can go back to the hotel and do more beer bongs.
Megan is singing "Turn Your Lights Down Low," by Bob Marley/Lauryn Hill. Way to aim low, Megan. What is around her neck? It's like 800 necklaces and apparently the top of her shirt is made of chainmail. I'm completely bored by this song. She could've rocked some Amy Winehouse or Duffy or Joss Stone and redeemed herself after a few terrible weeks, but instead we get another terrible week in the Megan repetoire. The judges basically tell her that she bored them to tears, and then they repeat everything I had just written. (Literally. Randy name-dropped both Amy and Duffy.)
So right after a commercial for David Cook's new video, we get Danny Gokey, reminding me of how much he is NOT the Cookster. And oh nooooo, he is singing what honestly may be one of my top 5 least favorite songs EVER, "What Hurts The Most," by Rascal effing Flatts. Yikes, he sounds like he's shouting the high notes and the last note sort of goes all over the place. But the moms and the scary girls in the audience (Paula included) apparently love him. Simon calls it his best performance of the season, which I completely disagree with.
Allison is up next and she's doing "Don't Speak," which may be one of my top 5 favorite songs ever. Allison claims she grew up listening to this song. I think I was a sophomore in high school when it came out and I think Allison was maybe 3 then. (Wikipedia confirms - Tragic Kingdom came out in 1995, and Allison was born in 1992.) All around, it's pretty awesome, her ridiculous outfit and hair aside. The judges treat her hair and outfit like it's Sanjaya up there and fail to mention how kick ass the song was. Whatev, judges.
Let me repeat: I CAN NOT WAIT FOR GLEE. THEY JUST SANG DON'T STOP BELIEVIN' IN THE COMMERCIAL.
Scott is singing "Just the Way You Are," by the one and only Billy Joel, making me hate it already, because I love me some Billy Joel. River of Dreams Tour - my first concert. Anyways, it's all fine. Basically the same thing we've come to expect from Scott every single week. It's certainly not Billy Joel. Also, what is up with Scott's fro tonight?!
Matt is singing The Fray, so wake me up when it's over. Seriously, their songs are soooo boring. He's doing "You Found Me," at a keyboard in the middle of the mosh pit. WTF? Dude should've done "Cry Me a River." Eh, I suppose it's ok, but I'm really disappointed in his song choice when he had so many better ones to choose from. I'm a little worried about him this week, especially since he was in the bottom 2 last week.
Up next is Lil, who apparently thought long and hard about song choice and came up with... "Surrender." I love her hair this week! But the song is flat and screamy the entire way through and really not good at all. Oooh, her adorable kids are there tonight! Wearing adorable madras shorts! Again, terrible song choice. I'm with the judges that she should've picked a more contemporary R&B song. I am not with the judges that she performed well though. Are they distorting the sound for us TV viewers tonight?
Oh, goodie. Adam is doing "Play That Funky Music." I so wish he'd put on a blond wig and done some "Poker Face." Be prepared, people. I am actually going to give Adam a compliment. I really like this arrangement. I am still not going to say I like him, because I don't, but this is the first performance where I can actually understand why people like him. Paula then compares him to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler. WHAAT?! Anyways, yeah, it was good, but I'm still not on board the Adam Lambert train. Hell, I'm not even at the station.
And in the pimp spot is Kris, this week taking on "Ain't No Sunshine." I'm praying he doesn't F it up. And...... WOW. That was spectacular. The arrangement was beautiful, and wow, who knew Kris had any soul. I already have this song downloaded but may need to get that version too. But wtf, judges? They definitely liked it, but earlier in the night they fell all over Danny Gokey's terrible song and with this one, they're just like, "Good job"?!
I'm worried for Anoop and Matt this week... they were just not up to par. Megan definitely deserves to go, and Scott may have saved himself with an average performance. Tomorrow we get the results AND David Cook AND Lady Gaga. I am thrilled to blog for you. See you then!
Snoop Anoop is up first! He's singing "Caught Up" by Ursher. God, I have high hopes for this and... well, first of all, let's talk about Anoop's drunk fraternity brothers in the audience. They are awesome. But anyways, Anoop is a great performer and I generally enjoy it, but I think his vocals were a little bit weak. He just didn't blow me away like he did the last two weeks. Good to see that in the spirit of Easter, Paula has worn a necklace made of jelly beans. The judges aren't too fond of it (Anoop, not Paula's necklace), and Anoop's friends are just wondering when they can go back to the hotel and do more beer bongs.
Megan is singing "Turn Your Lights Down Low," by Bob Marley/Lauryn Hill. Way to aim low, Megan. What is around her neck? It's like 800 necklaces and apparently the top of her shirt is made of chainmail. I'm completely bored by this song. She could've rocked some Amy Winehouse or Duffy or Joss Stone and redeemed herself after a few terrible weeks, but instead we get another terrible week in the Megan repetoire. The judges basically tell her that she bored them to tears, and then they repeat everything I had just written. (Literally. Randy name-dropped both Amy and Duffy.)
So right after a commercial for David Cook's new video, we get Danny Gokey, reminding me of how much he is NOT the Cookster. And oh nooooo, he is singing what honestly may be one of my top 5 least favorite songs EVER, "What Hurts The Most," by Rascal effing Flatts. Yikes, he sounds like he's shouting the high notes and the last note sort of goes all over the place. But the moms and the scary girls in the audience (Paula included) apparently love him. Simon calls it his best performance of the season, which I completely disagree with.
Allison is up next and she's doing "Don't Speak," which may be one of my top 5 favorite songs ever. Allison claims she grew up listening to this song. I think I was a sophomore in high school when it came out and I think Allison was maybe 3 then. (Wikipedia confirms - Tragic Kingdom came out in 1995, and Allison was born in 1992.) All around, it's pretty awesome, her ridiculous outfit and hair aside. The judges treat her hair and outfit like it's Sanjaya up there and fail to mention how kick ass the song was. Whatev, judges.
Let me repeat: I CAN NOT WAIT FOR GLEE. THEY JUST SANG DON'T STOP BELIEVIN' IN THE COMMERCIAL.
Scott is singing "Just the Way You Are," by the one and only Billy Joel, making me hate it already, because I love me some Billy Joel. River of Dreams Tour - my first concert. Anyways, it's all fine. Basically the same thing we've come to expect from Scott every single week. It's certainly not Billy Joel. Also, what is up with Scott's fro tonight?!
Matt is singing The Fray, so wake me up when it's over. Seriously, their songs are soooo boring. He's doing "You Found Me," at a keyboard in the middle of the mosh pit. WTF? Dude should've done "Cry Me a River." Eh, I suppose it's ok, but I'm really disappointed in his song choice when he had so many better ones to choose from. I'm a little worried about him this week, especially since he was in the bottom 2 last week.
Up next is Lil, who apparently thought long and hard about song choice and came up with... "Surrender." I love her hair this week! But the song is flat and screamy the entire way through and really not good at all. Oooh, her adorable kids are there tonight! Wearing adorable madras shorts! Again, terrible song choice. I'm with the judges that she should've picked a more contemporary R&B song. I am not with the judges that she performed well though. Are they distorting the sound for us TV viewers tonight?
Oh, goodie. Adam is doing "Play That Funky Music." I so wish he'd put on a blond wig and done some "Poker Face." Be prepared, people. I am actually going to give Adam a compliment. I really like this arrangement. I am still not going to say I like him, because I don't, but this is the first performance where I can actually understand why people like him. Paula then compares him to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler. WHAAT?! Anyways, yeah, it was good, but I'm still not on board the Adam Lambert train. Hell, I'm not even at the station.
And in the pimp spot is Kris, this week taking on "Ain't No Sunshine." I'm praying he doesn't F it up. And...... WOW. That was spectacular. The arrangement was beautiful, and wow, who knew Kris had any soul. I already have this song downloaded but may need to get that version too. But wtf, judges? They definitely liked it, but earlier in the night they fell all over Danny Gokey's terrible song and with this one, they're just like, "Good job"?!
I'm worried for Anoop and Matt this week... they were just not up to par. Megan definitely deserves to go, and Scott may have saved himself with an average performance. Tomorrow we get the results AND David Cook AND Lady Gaga. I am thrilled to blog for you. See you then!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Motown Idol, back again.
35 million Americans voted, and a lot of them stupidly. Some long drawn-out shenanigans regarding Simon and President Obama (?!). Recap of last night--Kris Allen is cute, Danny Gokey cannot dance, Anoop rules at life, Megan continued to make us question why the hell she's on this show, Lil was boring and talks too much, Sarver butchered my favorite Motown song of all time, Scott was typical Scott and wore an atrocious outfit, Adam effing ruled despite looking like a goth version of Zac Efron, Matt was super awesome and Allison knocked it out of the park, again.
Time for the group sing. What the hell is this? OK, correction: time for the pre-recorded, lip synched group sing. This is awful and weird. My husband, who is not a frequent viewer of this show, is six kinds of bewildered right now. "Why are they lip synching? Where is the audience? This is terrible." You said it, babe.
FORD! commercial to "Pocketful of Sunshine." I like that song, I think Natasha Bedingfield is cool. OK, time for results now? Nope, it's ROOOOOOOBEN's return to the Idol stage. He's still giant, still sweaty, and sings a song that sounds like all his other songs. Remember "Sorry 2004?" LMAO. Worst song of all time.
More footage and interviews of the kids about Motown, and finally, time for results. Adam--safe. Seacrest then throws us a total effing curve ball, and announces Matt is in the bottom three. What is wrong with you, America? WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU. He better not be out, and if he is, they seriously need to use the judges' save on him. God, I'm so pissed right now.
Kris--safe. Down to Lil and Sarver. Come on. Seacrest dicks around for a while and finally tells Lil she's safe, and Sarver takes his rightful and usual place in the bottom three.
Time for Joss Stone and Smokey! I loved this. Joss Stone rules. Smokey is totally working it on her like he's trying to get her into bed afterwards. Damn, that girl can rock a maxi dress. You GO, Joss.
More results. Allison-SAFE! YES. Anoop--also SAFE. Thank God. Two out of three ain't bad. Please let Sarver go home. Danny--obviously safe, because it's going to come down to Megan and Scott. The weirdo and the blind guy.
And....Megan is safe. Whoa, kind of was shocked by that one. So the bottom three this week is Matt, Sarver and Scott. Totally did not ever, EVER think Matt would be there, and am surprised that between Scott and Megan, it came down to Scott.
But all of that is moot, because Ryan just told us that Scott is safe. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. So now it's down to Sarver and Matt. There's some jib jabbing around about the save, and Simon basically tells us that it will come down to the final performance of whoever it is.
First though, we have a 10-hour Motown medley by Stevie Wonder. I mean, don't get me wrong, Stevie is awesome, but did we need THREE musical appearances tonight, plus the horrible pre-taped Top 10 group number? Overkill, show.
Finally, results. I'm so, so pissed right now, I can't even watch, I have to stand in the other room and listen. WHEW. MICHAEL. Thank God. Now we have to hear him screw up "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" again. Sounds exactly the same as last night. Not great, not Idol-worthy. I vote no save.
Annnnnd...he's going home. And YES, I won the ew.com poll this week! Aww, he looks sad. You're a real sweet guy, Michael, but your time's up. At least you get to go on the tour!
So another week wrapped up. As long as President Obama doesn't jack up our TV schedule next week, Bren should bring you both nights of the show. Looking forward to next week's theme and trainwreckery! Later gators.
Time for the group sing. What the hell is this? OK, correction: time for the pre-recorded, lip synched group sing. This is awful and weird. My husband, who is not a frequent viewer of this show, is six kinds of bewildered right now. "Why are they lip synching? Where is the audience? This is terrible." You said it, babe.
FORD! commercial to "Pocketful of Sunshine." I like that song, I think Natasha Bedingfield is cool. OK, time for results now? Nope, it's ROOOOOOOBEN's return to the Idol stage. He's still giant, still sweaty, and sings a song that sounds like all his other songs. Remember "Sorry 2004?" LMAO. Worst song of all time.
More footage and interviews of the kids about Motown, and finally, time for results. Adam--safe. Seacrest then throws us a total effing curve ball, and announces Matt is in the bottom three. What is wrong with you, America? WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU. He better not be out, and if he is, they seriously need to use the judges' save on him. God, I'm so pissed right now.
Kris--safe. Down to Lil and Sarver. Come on. Seacrest dicks around for a while and finally tells Lil she's safe, and Sarver takes his rightful and usual place in the bottom three.
Time for Joss Stone and Smokey! I loved this. Joss Stone rules. Smokey is totally working it on her like he's trying to get her into bed afterwards. Damn, that girl can rock a maxi dress. You GO, Joss.
More results. Allison-SAFE! YES. Anoop--also SAFE. Thank God. Two out of three ain't bad. Please let Sarver go home. Danny--obviously safe, because it's going to come down to Megan and Scott. The weirdo and the blind guy.
And....Megan is safe. Whoa, kind of was shocked by that one. So the bottom three this week is Matt, Sarver and Scott. Totally did not ever, EVER think Matt would be there, and am surprised that between Scott and Megan, it came down to Scott.
But all of that is moot, because Ryan just told us that Scott is safe. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. So now it's down to Sarver and Matt. There's some jib jabbing around about the save, and Simon basically tells us that it will come down to the final performance of whoever it is.
First though, we have a 10-hour Motown medley by Stevie Wonder. I mean, don't get me wrong, Stevie is awesome, but did we need THREE musical appearances tonight, plus the horrible pre-taped Top 10 group number? Overkill, show.
Finally, results. I'm so, so pissed right now, I can't even watch, I have to stand in the other room and listen. WHEW. MICHAEL. Thank God. Now we have to hear him screw up "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" again. Sounds exactly the same as last night. Not great, not Idol-worthy. I vote no save.
Annnnnd...he's going home. And YES, I won the ew.com poll this week! Aww, he looks sad. You're a real sweet guy, Michael, but your time's up. At least you get to go on the tour!
So another week wrapped up. As long as President Obama doesn't jack up our TV schedule next week, Bren should bring you both nights of the show. Looking forward to next week's theme and trainwreckery! Later gators.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Ain't too proud to blog
I'll be honest, folks, I'm not totally in the mood to blog tonight, but seeing Paula's tutu made it all worthwhile. It's Wednesday, it's 2 hours long, and I've got the Penguins beating the Flames on the NHL Network. But if anything can make me tune in, it's Motown night, so bring it on.
Is it me, or is this the longest intro ever?? I swear, there is Motown week every year, so I don't know why they feel the need to remind us what it is. But Smokey Robinson is there, and he rules, so I don't care. This week the contestants have no excuse about song choice, because there are about 500 fantastic Motown songs to choose from.
Matt kicks it off with "Let's Get It Freakin On," which is an awesome song choice. Smokey does an awesome "Marvin would love that" during their rehearsal, which is awesome, and Matt is awesome, and I'm just going to use awesome to keep describing this performance, because that's what it is. Also, apparently Matt & Randy pulled from the same cardigan closet tonight. Kara pulls out the cougar claws. Yikes.
Kris is up next, singing "How Sweet It Is." OMG, what is his shirt?? It's got way too much going on there. You guys remember in "American Pie" when Chris Klein joined show choir to get the girl & he left his lacrosse match to go to the show choir competition cuz he realized he was in love with the girl & then he sang this song with Mena Suvari? Yeah, that's the vibe I'm getting from this. It's nice, it's cute, it's good, but I'm not like, wow, I need to pick up the phone.
WHOA. Guys, Scott's outfit. If you didn't watch, I feel bad for you, because words can not do this justice. He is wearing pink jeans, a pink paisley shirt, and a brown pinstripe blazer. NONE of it matches. And I don't mean in a Chuck Bass non-matching-but-really-matching-and-looking-awesome way, I mean in a really, NOTHING MATCHING sort of way. He's singing "You Can't Hurry Love," and he says something about a man singing a Diane Ross song, and I think that I'm like 90% sure Clay Aiken once sang this. I also get the show choir vibe from this one. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz. Also, it's terrible.
Megan is singing "For Once in My Life" and apparently doesn't have the flu as an excuse this week. Wow. Is she auditioning for a cruise ship cabaret singer job? Is she barefoot? Lindsay is going to have a fit at that. Oh, no, she has pale ballet flats on that don't work with the dress at all. OMG, this is awful. America, please put us all out of our misery. Paula starts off with something about her stunning beauty, which means they all think it's awful too.
And now it's time for Anoop, who I'm expecting a lot from tonight. He's taking on "Oooooh Baby Baby." Um, dear Anoop, what is that jacket? The falsetto portions are a little rough, but the lower parts are just gorgeous, so I'll give him a B+ for that one.
At this point, I switch to the Pens game, because my two favorites have already gone, and I need to build up my disdain for Adam Lambert.
Anyways, Michael is singing "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" and actually says he's going to "take it to church." He also claims to have "soul roots." Um, Michael... really? I don't see any signs of church or soul whatsoever in his performance. It's just meh in most places and sort of terrible in others. The judges agree. Michael talks back a little, making me think even less of his performance.
Side note: I can not wait for "Glee." I think this show looks FABULOUS and hilarious. It also looks like my high school experience. But at least I can laugh at it this time. :)
Lil has apparently had an emotional week. She's doing "Heat Wave," which I think is a great song choice for her. With that dress, I would've expected some "Proud Mary." Her hair does not look good either. But anyways, back to her singing. I think Lil is one of those people that sings so consistently well every week but never really adds anything to the songs, so it's hard to get really excited about her. Let's call it the Melinda complex. Symptons include: acting surprised when the judges compliment you, never singing a note out of tune, yet never cracking the finale. See also: Mercado, Syesha and Hudson, Jennifer. Scratch what I said about the song choice, because I think she could've found a better song.
At this point, I'm back to the Pens game again, and I'm glad I am, because Hal Gill just scored a SICK goal off a behind the back pass from Malkin. Dang, I love hockey in late March. I then see a 45 second sequence in which THE SAME PLAYER (talking to you, Matt Cooke) misses an empty net twice in a row.
So back to the conclusion of Idol. Adam is with Smokey, with his fake hair but decidedly less guyliner, and he's singing "The Tracks of My Tears." WHAT is his whole look tonight?! Joe thinks he looks like Jack White doing Elvis in "Walk Hard." I think he looks like he just stepped out of a production of "Hairspray." That said, he sounds fantastic, and I actually love that he's just sitting there singing. He must read MSHBB! But I can't get past the facade again, whatever this whole look is. Dude, just borrow a hoodie from Anoop, mess up your hair, and just sing. It was a great song & a great performance, but once again I feel like I'm watching a character.
Oh that's right, Danny! I was sitting here trying to remember who was left and couldn't think of him. Danny absolutely has the mom vote, as evidenced by talking to my mom & all her friends last week about how much they love him. We also talked about how he has glasses to match every shirt, and he doesn't fail tonight. He's singing "Get Ready" and doing his awful dance moves again. It's surprising he didn't find any Motown songs about hope or dreams. Oh geez, he's dancing with the backup singers. The performance is fine, it sounds good, but it's nothing to write home about. Another side note: let's remember the 15 minute intro now, when the judges are forced to give critiques in 15 seconds.
Allison is in the pimp spot, doing one of THE BEST Motown songs ever, "Papa Was a Rolling Stone." She messed up the lyrics in front of Smokey, and for the love of Castro, please don't F up the lyrics now. Whoa, the stylists tonight are OUT OF CONTROL. Allison is wearing blace lace leggings. She absolutely kills the song. Oh my Lord, Simon drew a mustache on Paula. These judges are gone, they do not care about this show anymore at all. Anyways, they all love Allison, and rightly so.
So that's Motown night. Matt & Anoop get mad props for both song and style; Allison & Adam get points for performance, but I'm paging David Cook's stylist right now. Bottom 3 should be Megan, Scott, & Michael, & I wouldn't be surprised by any of them going home. Thanks to President Obama screwing up my TV schedule for the week, I actually will not be blogging tomorrow, because I'll be en route to DC. Lindsay will take the results night extravaganza for you. Peace out!
Is it me, or is this the longest intro ever?? I swear, there is Motown week every year, so I don't know why they feel the need to remind us what it is. But Smokey Robinson is there, and he rules, so I don't care. This week the contestants have no excuse about song choice, because there are about 500 fantastic Motown songs to choose from.
Matt kicks it off with "Let's Get It Freakin On," which is an awesome song choice. Smokey does an awesome "Marvin would love that" during their rehearsal, which is awesome, and Matt is awesome, and I'm just going to use awesome to keep describing this performance, because that's what it is. Also, apparently Matt & Randy pulled from the same cardigan closet tonight. Kara pulls out the cougar claws. Yikes.
Kris is up next, singing "How Sweet It Is." OMG, what is his shirt?? It's got way too much going on there. You guys remember in "American Pie" when Chris Klein joined show choir to get the girl & he left his lacrosse match to go to the show choir competition cuz he realized he was in love with the girl & then he sang this song with Mena Suvari? Yeah, that's the vibe I'm getting from this. It's nice, it's cute, it's good, but I'm not like, wow, I need to pick up the phone.
WHOA. Guys, Scott's outfit. If you didn't watch, I feel bad for you, because words can not do this justice. He is wearing pink jeans, a pink paisley shirt, and a brown pinstripe blazer. NONE of it matches. And I don't mean in a Chuck Bass non-matching-but-really-matching-and-looking-awesome way, I mean in a really, NOTHING MATCHING sort of way. He's singing "You Can't Hurry Love," and he says something about a man singing a Diane Ross song, and I think that I'm like 90% sure Clay Aiken once sang this. I also get the show choir vibe from this one. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz. Also, it's terrible.
Megan is singing "For Once in My Life" and apparently doesn't have the flu as an excuse this week. Wow. Is she auditioning for a cruise ship cabaret singer job? Is she barefoot? Lindsay is going to have a fit at that. Oh, no, she has pale ballet flats on that don't work with the dress at all. OMG, this is awful. America, please put us all out of our misery. Paula starts off with something about her stunning beauty, which means they all think it's awful too.
And now it's time for Anoop, who I'm expecting a lot from tonight. He's taking on "Oooooh Baby Baby." Um, dear Anoop, what is that jacket? The falsetto portions are a little rough, but the lower parts are just gorgeous, so I'll give him a B+ for that one.
At this point, I switch to the Pens game, because my two favorites have already gone, and I need to build up my disdain for Adam Lambert.
Anyways, Michael is singing "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" and actually says he's going to "take it to church." He also claims to have "soul roots." Um, Michael... really? I don't see any signs of church or soul whatsoever in his performance. It's just meh in most places and sort of terrible in others. The judges agree. Michael talks back a little, making me think even less of his performance.
Side note: I can not wait for "Glee." I think this show looks FABULOUS and hilarious. It also looks like my high school experience. But at least I can laugh at it this time. :)
Lil has apparently had an emotional week. She's doing "Heat Wave," which I think is a great song choice for her. With that dress, I would've expected some "Proud Mary." Her hair does not look good either. But anyways, back to her singing. I think Lil is one of those people that sings so consistently well every week but never really adds anything to the songs, so it's hard to get really excited about her. Let's call it the Melinda complex. Symptons include: acting surprised when the judges compliment you, never singing a note out of tune, yet never cracking the finale. See also: Mercado, Syesha and Hudson, Jennifer. Scratch what I said about the song choice, because I think she could've found a better song.
At this point, I'm back to the Pens game again, and I'm glad I am, because Hal Gill just scored a SICK goal off a behind the back pass from Malkin. Dang, I love hockey in late March. I then see a 45 second sequence in which THE SAME PLAYER (talking to you, Matt Cooke) misses an empty net twice in a row.
So back to the conclusion of Idol. Adam is with Smokey, with his fake hair but decidedly less guyliner, and he's singing "The Tracks of My Tears." WHAT is his whole look tonight?! Joe thinks he looks like Jack White doing Elvis in "Walk Hard." I think he looks like he just stepped out of a production of "Hairspray." That said, he sounds fantastic, and I actually love that he's just sitting there singing. He must read MSHBB! But I can't get past the facade again, whatever this whole look is. Dude, just borrow a hoodie from Anoop, mess up your hair, and just sing. It was a great song & a great performance, but once again I feel like I'm watching a character.
Oh that's right, Danny! I was sitting here trying to remember who was left and couldn't think of him. Danny absolutely has the mom vote, as evidenced by talking to my mom & all her friends last week about how much they love him. We also talked about how he has glasses to match every shirt, and he doesn't fail tonight. He's singing "Get Ready" and doing his awful dance moves again. It's surprising he didn't find any Motown songs about hope or dreams. Oh geez, he's dancing with the backup singers. The performance is fine, it sounds good, but it's nothing to write home about. Another side note: let's remember the 15 minute intro now, when the judges are forced to give critiques in 15 seconds.
Allison is in the pimp spot, doing one of THE BEST Motown songs ever, "Papa Was a Rolling Stone." She messed up the lyrics in front of Smokey, and for the love of Castro, please don't F up the lyrics now. Whoa, the stylists tonight are OUT OF CONTROL. Allison is wearing blace lace leggings. She absolutely kills the song. Oh my Lord, Simon drew a mustache on Paula. These judges are gone, they do not care about this show anymore at all. Anyways, they all love Allison, and rightly so.
So that's Motown night. Matt & Anoop get mad props for both song and style; Allison & Adam get points for performance, but I'm paging David Cook's stylist right now. Bottom 3 should be Megan, Scott, & Michael, & I wouldn't be surprised by any of them going home. Thanks to President Obama screwing up my TV schedule for the week, I actually will not be blogging tomorrow, because I'll be en route to DC. Lindsay will take the results night extravaganza for you. Peace out!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Sometimes, that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand.
So, before we get to the actual show, I need to bitch about something. This season, there has been an overabundance of something Brenna and I absolutely loathe: contestants backtalking to the judges. I'm not sure if we loathe it for the same exact reasons, but here's what I have to say.
These people aren't professionals yet. Some of them may never be professionals. They are all here for a reason--they couldn't hack it on their own, or they wanted to be on TV, or whatever. The judges aren't just there for people to boo or woo at. When you are receiving constructive criticism (I use the term "constructive" loosely, since 80% of the time, Randy and Paula's critiques are stupid), just absorb it, learn from it, and pray that you make it another week to apply it. See also: Anoop Desai. I don't know about the rest of you, but if the song sucked, or they thought it didn't do you justice, it really doesn't matter to me one little rat's ass about why you chose it, LIL. Or SCOTT.
The point I'm trying to make is: shut up, contestants. Also, all the backtalk makes the show run over, and that sucks.
Anyway, on to tonight's ep. Ryan claims the results in his envelope could be "shocking." All I have to say is, if Allison gets eliminated, I will probably throw something. Long ass recap detailing last night--apparently, Megan Corkrey is now just "Megan Joy." Oooookay. God, I love Matt Giraud. I'm totally buying that song off iTunes.
And, group number to "Trouble" which I don't know, sorry country music fans. What the hell is Lil wearing? Why can't someone figure out how to dress these people?
After the commercial, FORD! commercial involving water balloons. Risque! And now we have to see footage of...Jorge and Jasmine's farewell party? Seriously? And now Ryan's asking everyone a bajillion questions, kind of randomly. What's going on? Did Carrie or Brad Paisley bail out and we have to have more filler than normal?
Aaaaaaand, Michael just broke everyone's heart by telling us his little girl asked him "why don't you want to be with me anymore?" Well, hell. How do you even answer that, when it's a three year old? Hopefully, he gets eliminated, because then I win the ew.com poll for this week and he gets to see his kid. Everyone wins!
After a million excruciating minutes of this, we're finally getting to results. Danny--safe. Obvs. Lil--safe. Anooooooooooop--SAFE! WOO! So we've got Allison and Michael, and Ryan asks Paula who she thinks is in the bottom three. Shit. And it's Allison. BOOOOOOO. If she goes home tonight I will be so sad, because I don't think they will use the save. She's not Gokey. Ooh and Michael's also in the bottom three!! Please let Michael go home.
Commercials. And it's Brad Paisley. Snooze. I'll use this time to tell you guys about the episode of Top Model I just watched. Creepy Von Huge-eyes Allison was in the bottom two with some girl whose name I can't even remember. Also, Teyona got her Jheri-curl weave (Tyra's words, not mine, I swear) relaxed and straightened. And Tahlia the burn victim finally came out of her shell. Oh and Sandra finally quit being a stank bitch, and got best photo of the week.
Time for more results. Scott--safe. Shocker! Megan--safe. I think this maaaay be her last week, though. Matt--SAFE! Kris--safe. Down to Alexis and Adam. I'll admit, I thought maybe Adam was in the bottom three, just because the show has done this before. Paired someone who people think would be obviously safe with someone who didn't get the best critiques the night before, only to SHOCK everyone and say that the crappy critique person is safe. The show fooled me though--Adam is safe, and Alexis is in the bottom three.
Ryan immediately tells them he's sending someone back to safety and it's...ALLISON! WOOP! My three faves are still in this! I don't really care which one of these two goes, to be honest, but I'd rather it be Michael.
Break's over, time for Carrie and Randy. OK, WHAT the hell, Carrie? That hair is terrible, and something appears to be growing out of the top of your head. Also, bad dress. They just showed all that footage of her looking all hot, and then this comes out. I think it's her alter ego, Sasha Frump. She and Randy sing a nice, sleepy ballad called "I Told You So", and it's very pleasant. I like bad-ass Carrie better, though.
Finally, time for the result. Michael is safe. DAMMIT. I totally lost the poll this week. I would have never picked Alexis. So, will the judges use the SAVE? They claim they were debating on saving her, so she's gotta sing for her life, basically. Oh man, this is sounding rough. I think this is kind of shitty, actually, to make her sing the SECOND after she finds out. I call no save...and I'm right. She's out. Aww, I liked her for the most part, she just was a little off last night. Bye, Alexis! Should have been Michael.
Also, so much for that spoiler that said the producers already picked the final four, with Alexis as one of them. Seriously, people, enough with the producer intervention shit. If they really, truly intervened on this show, would Taylor Hicks have ever happened? I rest my case.
Anyway, next week is Motown, and Bren's doing double blog duty to pay me back for that time when I blogged four eps in a row...lol. Sugar pie, honey bunch!
These people aren't professionals yet. Some of them may never be professionals. They are all here for a reason--they couldn't hack it on their own, or they wanted to be on TV, or whatever. The judges aren't just there for people to boo or woo at. When you are receiving constructive criticism (I use the term "constructive" loosely, since 80% of the time, Randy and Paula's critiques are stupid), just absorb it, learn from it, and pray that you make it another week to apply it. See also: Anoop Desai. I don't know about the rest of you, but if the song sucked, or they thought it didn't do you justice, it really doesn't matter to me one little rat's ass about why you chose it, LIL. Or SCOTT.
The point I'm trying to make is: shut up, contestants. Also, all the backtalk makes the show run over, and that sucks.
Anyway, on to tonight's ep. Ryan claims the results in his envelope could be "shocking." All I have to say is, if Allison gets eliminated, I will probably throw something. Long ass recap detailing last night--apparently, Megan Corkrey is now just "Megan Joy." Oooookay. God, I love Matt Giraud. I'm totally buying that song off iTunes.
And, group number to "Trouble" which I don't know, sorry country music fans. What the hell is Lil wearing? Why can't someone figure out how to dress these people?
After the commercial, FORD! commercial involving water balloons. Risque! And now we have to see footage of...Jorge and Jasmine's farewell party? Seriously? And now Ryan's asking everyone a bajillion questions, kind of randomly. What's going on? Did Carrie or Brad Paisley bail out and we have to have more filler than normal?
Aaaaaaand, Michael just broke everyone's heart by telling us his little girl asked him "why don't you want to be with me anymore?" Well, hell. How do you even answer that, when it's a three year old? Hopefully, he gets eliminated, because then I win the ew.com poll for this week and he gets to see his kid. Everyone wins!
After a million excruciating minutes of this, we're finally getting to results. Danny--safe. Obvs. Lil--safe. Anooooooooooop--SAFE! WOO! So we've got Allison and Michael, and Ryan asks Paula who she thinks is in the bottom three. Shit. And it's Allison. BOOOOOOO. If she goes home tonight I will be so sad, because I don't think they will use the save. She's not Gokey. Ooh and Michael's also in the bottom three!! Please let Michael go home.
Commercials. And it's Brad Paisley. Snooze. I'll use this time to tell you guys about the episode of Top Model I just watched. Creepy Von Huge-eyes Allison was in the bottom two with some girl whose name I can't even remember. Also, Teyona got her Jheri-curl weave (Tyra's words, not mine, I swear) relaxed and straightened. And Tahlia the burn victim finally came out of her shell. Oh and Sandra finally quit being a stank bitch, and got best photo of the week.
Time for more results. Scott--safe. Shocker! Megan--safe. I think this maaaay be her last week, though. Matt--SAFE! Kris--safe. Down to Alexis and Adam. I'll admit, I thought maybe Adam was in the bottom three, just because the show has done this before. Paired someone who people think would be obviously safe with someone who didn't get the best critiques the night before, only to SHOCK everyone and say that the crappy critique person is safe. The show fooled me though--Adam is safe, and Alexis is in the bottom three.
Ryan immediately tells them he's sending someone back to safety and it's...ALLISON! WOOP! My three faves are still in this! I don't really care which one of these two goes, to be honest, but I'd rather it be Michael.
Break's over, time for Carrie and Randy. OK, WHAT the hell, Carrie? That hair is terrible, and something appears to be growing out of the top of your head. Also, bad dress. They just showed all that footage of her looking all hot, and then this comes out. I think it's her alter ego, Sasha Frump. She and Randy sing a nice, sleepy ballad called "I Told You So", and it's very pleasant. I like bad-ass Carrie better, though.
Finally, time for the result. Michael is safe. DAMMIT. I totally lost the poll this week. I would have never picked Alexis. So, will the judges use the SAVE? They claim they were debating on saving her, so she's gotta sing for her life, basically. Oh man, this is sounding rough. I think this is kind of shitty, actually, to make her sing the SECOND after she finds out. I call no save...and I'm right. She's out. Aww, I liked her for the most part, she just was a little off last night. Bye, Alexis! Should have been Michael.
Also, so much for that spoiler that said the producers already picked the final four, with Alexis as one of them. Seriously, people, enough with the producer intervention shit. If they really, truly intervened on this show, would Taylor Hicks have ever happened? I rest my case.
Anyway, next week is Motown, and Bren's doing double blog duty to pay me back for that time when I blogged four eps in a row...lol. Sugar pie, honey bunch!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Tender moments with your dawgs, brought to you by MSHBB.
Welcome to country week, ladies & gentlemen! Lindsay & I were talking earlier today about how awesome Dolly Parton Week was last year, like 10% because of how crazy and/or awesome Dolly is, but 90% because it was the week David Cook decided to finally cut his hair and become hot overnight.
That said, this season has been pissing me off bad, and so I decided to look at my blog from the first week last year to remind myself that I don't always love everyone right off the bat. Actually written by yours truly:
So, yeah, I don't always get it right. I still have hope for this year.
Back to tonight. Kara thinks it's Dreamgirls tribute night, based on what she's wearing. I particularly love Simon during country week, because he usually expresses the disdain I feel for the genre. Randy Travis is our mentor this week, and he's in the audience with his wife (maybe?) who is rocking a Lady Gaga wig.
"Ain't Going Down Till the Sun Comes Up," longest song title EVER, is up first, by Michael. He looks like he's trying too hard to remember the 8,000 words in the first verse. He sounds good on the chorus, but the verses are so rushed that I don't get to hear him sing really... and then he totally runs out of the gas by the end. Joe informs me that there are a lot of notes that Garth Brooks holds for like 5 minutes in the original version, and Michael avoids all of that... so, eh. I think he messed up on song choice. And then he talks back. Not lookin' good, cowboy.
Allison next sings "Blame It On Your Heart." I thought it was really good, as usual for Allison, if not particularly memorable. It was nice to see her lighten up a little! The judges mostly agree. Simon calls her a little precoscious, which I disagree with. We've seen plenty of precoscious teenage girls on this show, and Allison is far from them.
Kris is next with "To Make You Feel My Love," another Garth Brooks song. (Thank God Joe is here with me, to fill me in on these songs, cuz I'm clueless about this country crap.) Randy & Kris tell us he will "make this his own." I actually rather enjoy it. The song suits his voice really well, and I'm sure the 13-16 demographic (and Lindsay) will love it. :)
Let me take this moment to express just how creeped out I am by these Old Navy ads with the mannequins. Seriously, they are SCARY. Please take them off the air, now.
Lil's outfit is better this week, but she's still rocking the 80s prom vibe. She's singing "Independence Day" by Martina McBride... has someone sung this on the show at some point? Jordin maybe? She struggles on the low notes but hits her stride on the chorus. Randy basically says as much, and Lil talks about wanting to try something different, to which I say, IT'S COUNTRY WEEK. You HAVE to do something different. Simon is so completely unamused by tonight. He then calls her Little. This is so much fun to watch.
Annnnnnd now it's time for Adam Lambert. Let me first express my thoughts on Adam in general. I don't believe an iota of him. I don't believe the Hot Topic wardrobe, I don't believe the guyliner commandeered from Cookster and then applied like 6 times more, I don't believe his Twilight-inspired hair and brooding, and I don't believe a note of his spastic performances. He is fake. He is a character. And yes, I am fully aware that everyone on this effing show is a character, but at least the vast majority of them are believable. The people I've cheered for on this show - the Kellys, the Elliotts, the Chrises, the Blakes, and the Cooksters - are people whose stories I genuinely believed and who I could relate to. Adam is a big ball of Viva Las Gaygas fakeness. I know the dude can sing, and he's a hell of a performer, but I would like him 1,000,000% more if he would just drop the act and sing.
Anyways. He's taking on "Ring of Fire." Randy Travis is HILARIOUS when dealing with Adam's ridiculousness. Yeaaah, that's country music for you. :) Anyways, it's some kind of weird sitar-strumming Middle Eastern version of the song that sounds like he's auditioning for the soundtrack of the next Twilight movie. Kara's all like "Wow, Adam does country music." Kara, that was not country music. That was the bastardization of a country song that I actually like. I'm happy the judges mostly agree, and Simon finally calls it self-indulgent, so THANK YOU SIMON for once again being the voice of reason on this show.
P.S., if you're going to mess with a Johnny Cash song, at least do it well.
Scott is singing "Wild Angels," also by Martina McBride. Apparently there are only 3 artists in the Grand Ole Opry. Joe informs me that he slowed the song way down. We both agree that it sounds Disney-fied, which is pretty much Scott's whole gig. It's not that good. The judges basically agree with me.
At this point, my TV station advertises something called "Western Mass. Karaoke Idol," which I think might be better than this show tonight.
Alexis is next, with "Jolene," one of approximately 10 country songs I know and don't hate. Didn't Brooke do this last year? We know it's at least got to be better than that. I think she did well, though the judges don't all agree. Kara tosses out a few Carrie songs for Alexis, which we all know would've been a disaster because then they all would've compared her to Carrie. The judges say something about missing the dirty, which is BS, because they just told Scott to branch out from what he usually does. Make up your minds, judges.
We're told before the commercial break that Danny is taking on some Carrie Underwood. I predict it's "Jesus Take the Wheel" (or, as I call it, "Jesus Drive My Car") and I am... CORRECT. He messes up like 1,000 times in front of Randy Travis, and it's almost as bad as when Castro didn't know Cats was about cats. Of course Gokey is singing this, cuz it's all inspirational and shit. To be absolutely honest, I'm too busy laughing through the whole thing to even tell you if it was any good. I think it was fine, but it's sort of what we've come to expect from Danny. Also, his facial hair is starting to annoy me.
SNOOP ANOOP is up next, and he's singing "You're Always On My Mind." Randy is falling all over himself after the practice, so I have my hopes up. I am not disappointed, because it is awesome to quite awesome. It's the best we've heard him since his audition. I'm really glad we have a contestant who doesn't feel the need to scream an entire song. GO ANOOP. Definitely my favorite of the night.
We're up to Megan, who I honestly forgot about till they announced her. Sidenote: I swear, she looks like a different person every night. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you showed me tonight's Megan next to semifinals Megan I don't think I'd believe they were the same people. She's singing "I Go Walking After Midnight." Well, I thought there would be no possible way she could dance to this one, but I was wrong. She's still doing the awkward butt shaking. It starts off well, but she hits some weird notes near the end. Of course, the judges all ignore that, because for some reason they're all up her ass, and they're also like "oh man, you have the flu, and you're still singing!" like anyone on this show has a choice whether to perform whether they're sick or not.
Matt gets the pimp spot this week. Yay! He's singing "So Small" by Carrie Underwood. Randy, as with most of the contestants tonight, is unsure at first and then comes along as he hears the rehearsal. Matt, in my opinion, kills it. I actually wish he'd kept the band out of it and just sung it by himself at the piano, but even so, it's terrific. Also, thank God for a male contestant who knows how to dress. :)
Top 3 tonight, I would give to Snoop, Matt, & either Kris or Allison... I'm really on the fence between the two. As for the bottom 3 in terms of perforamces, I'm going with Michael, Scott, and Adam, even though I don't think in a million years that Adam will actually end up in the bottom. Lindsay will take you through tomorrow's country fest. See you next week!
That said, this season has been pissing me off bad, and so I decided to look at my blog from the first week last year to remind myself that I don't always love everyone right off the bat. Actually written by yours truly:
The band is about eight miles from the singers… perhaps they were as creeped out by David Cook as we were?
I want Brooke to stay in this competition as long as possible, because I really think we’re seeing an artist blossom in front of us.
So, yeah, I don't always get it right. I still have hope for this year.
Back to tonight. Kara thinks it's Dreamgirls tribute night, based on what she's wearing. I particularly love Simon during country week, because he usually expresses the disdain I feel for the genre. Randy Travis is our mentor this week, and he's in the audience with his wife (maybe?) who is rocking a Lady Gaga wig.
"Ain't Going Down Till the Sun Comes Up," longest song title EVER, is up first, by Michael. He looks like he's trying too hard to remember the 8,000 words in the first verse. He sounds good on the chorus, but the verses are so rushed that I don't get to hear him sing really... and then he totally runs out of the gas by the end. Joe informs me that there are a lot of notes that Garth Brooks holds for like 5 minutes in the original version, and Michael avoids all of that... so, eh. I think he messed up on song choice. And then he talks back. Not lookin' good, cowboy.
Allison next sings "Blame It On Your Heart." I thought it was really good, as usual for Allison, if not particularly memorable. It was nice to see her lighten up a little! The judges mostly agree. Simon calls her a little precoscious, which I disagree with. We've seen plenty of precoscious teenage girls on this show, and Allison is far from them.
Kris is next with "To Make You Feel My Love," another Garth Brooks song. (Thank God Joe is here with me, to fill me in on these songs, cuz I'm clueless about this country crap.) Randy & Kris tell us he will "make this his own." I actually rather enjoy it. The song suits his voice really well, and I'm sure the 13-16 demographic (and Lindsay) will love it. :)
Let me take this moment to express just how creeped out I am by these Old Navy ads with the mannequins. Seriously, they are SCARY. Please take them off the air, now.
Lil's outfit is better this week, but she's still rocking the 80s prom vibe. She's singing "Independence Day" by Martina McBride... has someone sung this on the show at some point? Jordin maybe? She struggles on the low notes but hits her stride on the chorus. Randy basically says as much, and Lil talks about wanting to try something different, to which I say, IT'S COUNTRY WEEK. You HAVE to do something different. Simon is so completely unamused by tonight. He then calls her Little. This is so much fun to watch.
Annnnnnd now it's time for Adam Lambert. Let me first express my thoughts on Adam in general. I don't believe an iota of him. I don't believe the Hot Topic wardrobe, I don't believe the guyliner commandeered from Cookster and then applied like 6 times more, I don't believe his Twilight-inspired hair and brooding, and I don't believe a note of his spastic performances. He is fake. He is a character. And yes, I am fully aware that everyone on this effing show is a character, but at least the vast majority of them are believable. The people I've cheered for on this show - the Kellys, the Elliotts, the Chrises, the Blakes, and the Cooksters - are people whose stories I genuinely believed and who I could relate to. Adam is a big ball of Viva Las Gaygas fakeness. I know the dude can sing, and he's a hell of a performer, but I would like him 1,000,000% more if he would just drop the act and sing.
Anyways. He's taking on "Ring of Fire." Randy Travis is HILARIOUS when dealing with Adam's ridiculousness. Yeaaah, that's country music for you. :) Anyways, it's some kind of weird sitar-strumming Middle Eastern version of the song that sounds like he's auditioning for the soundtrack of the next Twilight movie. Kara's all like "Wow, Adam does country music." Kara, that was not country music. That was the bastardization of a country song that I actually like. I'm happy the judges mostly agree, and Simon finally calls it self-indulgent, so THANK YOU SIMON for once again being the voice of reason on this show.
P.S., if you're going to mess with a Johnny Cash song, at least do it well.
Scott is singing "Wild Angels," also by Martina McBride. Apparently there are only 3 artists in the Grand Ole Opry. Joe informs me that he slowed the song way down. We both agree that it sounds Disney-fied, which is pretty much Scott's whole gig. It's not that good. The judges basically agree with me.
At this point, my TV station advertises something called "Western Mass. Karaoke Idol," which I think might be better than this show tonight.
Alexis is next, with "Jolene," one of approximately 10 country songs I know and don't hate. Didn't Brooke do this last year? We know it's at least got to be better than that. I think she did well, though the judges don't all agree. Kara tosses out a few Carrie songs for Alexis, which we all know would've been a disaster because then they all would've compared her to Carrie. The judges say something about missing the dirty, which is BS, because they just told Scott to branch out from what he usually does. Make up your minds, judges.
We're told before the commercial break that Danny is taking on some Carrie Underwood. I predict it's "Jesus Take the Wheel" (or, as I call it, "Jesus Drive My Car") and I am... CORRECT. He messes up like 1,000 times in front of Randy Travis, and it's almost as bad as when Castro didn't know Cats was about cats. Of course Gokey is singing this, cuz it's all inspirational and shit. To be absolutely honest, I'm too busy laughing through the whole thing to even tell you if it was any good. I think it was fine, but it's sort of what we've come to expect from Danny. Also, his facial hair is starting to annoy me.
SNOOP ANOOP is up next, and he's singing "You're Always On My Mind." Randy is falling all over himself after the practice, so I have my hopes up. I am not disappointed, because it is awesome to quite awesome. It's the best we've heard him since his audition. I'm really glad we have a contestant who doesn't feel the need to scream an entire song. GO ANOOP. Definitely my favorite of the night.
We're up to Megan, who I honestly forgot about till they announced her. Sidenote: I swear, she looks like a different person every night. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you showed me tonight's Megan next to semifinals Megan I don't think I'd believe they were the same people. She's singing "I Go Walking After Midnight." Well, I thought there would be no possible way she could dance to this one, but I was wrong. She's still doing the awkward butt shaking. It starts off well, but she hits some weird notes near the end. Of course, the judges all ignore that, because for some reason they're all up her ass, and they're also like "oh man, you have the flu, and you're still singing!" like anyone on this show has a choice whether to perform whether they're sick or not.
Matt gets the pimp spot this week. Yay! He's singing "So Small" by Carrie Underwood. Randy, as with most of the contestants tonight, is unsure at first and then comes along as he hears the rehearsal. Matt, in my opinion, kills it. I actually wish he'd kept the band out of it and just sung it by himself at the piano, but even so, it's terrific. Also, thank God for a male contestant who knows how to dress. :)
Top 3 tonight, I would give to Snoop, Matt, & either Kris or Allison... I'm really on the fence between the two. As for the bottom 3 in terms of perforamces, I'm going with Michael, Scott, and Adam, even though I don't think in a million years that Adam will actually end up in the bottom. Lindsay will take you through tomorrow's country fest. See you next week!
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