This show is bananas.

Forgive me if this entry is slightly disjointed. I watched this hour of crap in between periods of the most insane hockey game ever. Thank God for Kris Letang, is all I have to say. I swear Simeon Varlamov is cheating somehow.

On with the shitfest. Montage of last night. Slash was the mentor. I read a hilarious recap today debating on what Slash actually looks like and if he has a face, or if he's just a top hat and sunglasses perched on a mass of curly hair. 64 million losers voted. Can you tell that the outcome of the show is affecting the blog post?

Tonight's musical acts include Daughtry (woop!), No Doubt (cool) and...Paula Abdul. Seacrest mentioned this on his show the other day but I was afraid to believe it was actually true. This will be like Adam Lambert combined with Sanjaya mixed with Kristy Lee Cook, I feel like.

FORD! video to All American Rejects "Movin' On"...fast forward. Sorry, the game's going into OT at this point and I've got 20 minutes before it starts to watch the first half of this show. Slash comes out and does the group number with the gang to "School's Out" by Alice Cooper. It's okay...god, poor Kris. He's really a fish out of water, isn't he? Probably his idea of rock and roll is smoking a blunt at a DMB concert.

After a lengthy chat with Slash and the top four, it's time for Paula's "performance." Of course, she's lip syncing, and I swear one of her backup dancers is Adam Lambert. The song is kind of catchy, I'll probably download it because that's how I roll. I make fun of something enough, I start to like it. Like the Pussycat Dolls and America's Next Top Model.

OK, No Doubt is up next performing "Just a Girl." Did I miss something, or are we still in 1996? Seriously, WTF? I have to tell you guys, my first ever concert was when Bush toured with No Doubt and the Goo Goo Dolls, and it was hilarious. I remember Megan and I went out and bought special outfits for it, and we were all excited to crowd surf, which I did for about 7 seconds before I freaked and demanded to be let down. Yeah, I'm a real bad ass.

Before we can get to any results, we have to see a montage of what happens when you make the top three and get your hometown visit. Hey, Blake! His album was really good, I was sorry he didn't catch on more. YAY Cookster! Archuleta, God.

Finally, some results. Seacrest lines them all up and runs down all the critiques from last night, and the first one to safety is...Kris. Wow, I'm surprised. Not upset, because I've started liking Kris, but he drew a rough hand this week with the Danny duet and the theme. Good for him.

After the break, we get Daughtry! Yay. God, he's so hot. They sing their first single coming off their second album, and it's good enough, but I fast forward because I'm tired. I'll get this shit off iTunes at some point. Kris comes out awkwardly to present them with some kind of platinum album thing, blah blah blah GET ON WITH IT.

More results. Adam--safe. It's down to Allison and goddamn Gokey. Shit shit shit. And Allison's eliminated. BOOOOOOOOOO. I am now hit with the same level of apathy I was hit with in season three, when the top three were Fantasia, who still sucks, Diana DeGarmo and freakin' Jasmine Trias. I don't care who wins this shit any more. At this point, anyone but Gokey. I'd probably buy Kris's album though.

So Al gets her loser's montage, DAMMIT, and she's so freaking weird and cute and I love her. And she sings out and is crying and my heart just breaks. And of course, because it's the goddamn Gokey show, we have to cut to a reaction shot of him while Allison is singing. So over it.

Next week we have the top three, and I think this is the week where the judges pick a song, the contestants pick one and cryogenically frozen Clive Davis chooses one, most likely from his vault of songs from 1974. Tune in for the edge of your seat excitement!