Idol is getting extra dramatic with its intros tonight, and Lazaro is wearing his worst outfit yet. We have two themes - songs from the Burt Bacharach catalogue, aka a theme this show has done 80 times already, and songs they wish they'd written, which should hopefully get us some songs written post-1990.
Angie's fun fact is that she makes embarrassing YouTube videos. She is the geekiest musical geek ever, basically, aka me in high school. She is singing Anyone Who Had a Heart for her Bacharach song, and luckily we jump right into the music. Two songs = very little filler tonight, woohoo! It's a solid song, though quite boring, as I imagine most of the Bacharach songs will be because for the love of Simon Cowell, we are in the year 2013. The judges tell her that she has a great voice but no passion. Nicki tells her it felt old-fashioned. NO SHIT NICKI. It was written in 1963! FIFTY YEARS AGO. It is old-fashioned.
Amber eats frozen cooked shrimp out of the bag. Ew. She is singing I Say a Little Prayer. Borrrinnnngggg. I'm sorry, but no one is buying this on iTunes. She sounds great, of course, but I still just don't get Amber. There's something about her that leaves me cold and uninspired. The judges all completely lose it over her.
Lazaro's fun fact is something about being a redneck. Ok, then. He's singing (They Long to Be) Close to You. It is awful. He completely misses the key change, and even before that, it's just not good. The judges rightfully rip him apart. Please, America, put us out of this misery and send him home.
Kree likes to go to the rodeo. She is singing What the World Needs Now is Love. I can't hear this song without thinking of Austin Powers. She sings the first few bars a capella, and it is gorgeous. GORGEOUS. I actually wish she had sung the whole thing a capella, but she doesn't, and even though it's beautiful the entire way through, it would have been off the charts without the band. Anyway, Kree is awesome. The judges think so too.
I miss Janelle's fun fact, because I accidentally fast-forwarded and I'm not going back. She is singing I'll Never Fall in Love Again, which also reminds me of Austin Powers. (Legit question: have these kids ever seen Austin Powers? The first movie came out in 1997 - 16 years ago. What?!) Anyway, Janelle sounds fine, but again, the song is kind of boring. There is a nice moment where she sings to Keith, which is great. I really like her in general though and hope her second performance is more exciting. The judges are all "meh" with her.
Candice speaks some kind of weird South Carolina dialect that sounds Caribbean. She is singing Don't Make Me Over. It's just amazing. She is completely effortless, and this phenomenal thing just comes out of her mouth, and it is perfect. She's like Adele, I don't even understand. Nicki says it doesn't sound old-fashioned, and I completely agree. I've heard that song a million times, but it felt so fresh when she sang it. Just perfection.
Now we're on to the "songs I wish I'd written" portion of the evening. Angie is singing Love Came Down, and she is back at the piano where she belongs. Everything from earlier about not having emotion is null and void in this song. She's fantastic, and the song is pretty perfect for her. The judges are equally in love with it.
Amber is singing Love on Top, so finally, we get a well-known pop song from the past decade, though far from Beyonce's best. It's fine, she sounds great, but again, I'm very uninspired. Am I missing something here? Am I just so jaded from 800 seasons of this show? The judges all love her, as per usual.
Lazaro is singing Angels, by Robbie Williams, which I agree is a brilliant song. Though I feel like a lot of people have sung it on this show before. I think Lazaro is phoning it in now. It's... not great. It's much, much better than his first, but at this point the judges can't even find anything to rave about. They basically tell him he can't compare to any of the girls. I'm worried his Archuleta-ness is going to keep him around - aka the tweens will vote for him because they feel bad he's been ripped apart.
Kree is next with Help Me Make it Through the Night. I don't know this song, but it sounds so flawless and natural. I don't listen to country, but she has one of those classically country songs that I imagine from the good ol' days before people like Taylor Swift came along. Seriously, she and Candice are just on a different level. Mariah actually gives her an incredible compliment when she says she had to sing that song once, but Kree sang it the way the song is meant to be sung. Coming from Mariah, I think that's the highest praise you can get.
So my DVR inexplicably skips over Janelle's entire performance and goes right to the judges, so I have to find it online. She is doing The Dance, by Garth Brooks, which is one of the few Garth Brooks songs I know (I don't do country), but also one of the most beautiful, I think. It's not her best performance. Keith suggests an arrangement with just her and her guitar, which I agree could have been something special.
Finally, in the pimp spot we have Candice, who is singing Love Song, by the Cure. It's an incredible song just by itself, but what Candice does with it is so amazing that I seriously don't have words to describe it. Just go watch it for yourself. (P.S. the Randy reaction shots are phenomenal.)
Phew! So that's that. Who should go home: Lazaro, without a doubt. Who will go home: I'm afraid it will be Janelle or Amber, since both were overshadowed by their fellow female competitors. Lindsay will take you through the results, which really should just say they're canceling the rest of the competition and giving this thing to Candice.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Wherein we kill the hour before New Girl.
Welcome, viewers! Tonight we continue the seemingly endless march toward crowning Candice as our 12th American Idol. Last night we did rock. Tonight, someone (Lazaro or Burnell) goes home. Casey James and Carrie Underwood are also here tonight! Is Carrie contractually obligated to perform at least once a season?
The top 7 kick it off with an arrangement of Somebody to Love which sounds suspiciously like the version Glee did back when Glee was still awesome. I know, because I still have that version in heavy rotation on my iPod. Candice gets the Mercedes diva note at the end, and it is predictably awesome and OMFG WHAT ARE LAZARO'S PANTS?!
So apparently we have Ford Fiesta missions this year, and the Idols are creating looks based on their musical influences. I think Lazaro says his is Josh Groban, which... ok. In the photos, all of them look exactly like they always look, and yet this show is an hour long.
Oh goodie, it's Jimmy and his recap. This whole segment baffles me - if the producers wanted his opinion, maybe he should be an actual judge? In summary: Burnell committed a crime against Idol humanity by attempting to do a song that was one of the best Idol performances ever and sucking at it. She also rips apart Lazaro and Angie's duet. He approves of Kree. Burnell should do his homework. Janelle was competent. Lazaro was reasonable. Randy didn't know what he was talking about. Candice's performance wasn't one of her best. Amber sang What About Love (which is a ballad, right?) and she is improving every week. Angie "walked up to the podium and stood up there." Literally, he says that.
CASEY JAMES! Kara and Posh Spice cougared all over him, and it was awesome. I think my mom liked him, and maybe Lindsay's too, making him an #oldladyvote who has lady hair like Keith. Apparently he's a country artist now, proving to me that country music fans will buy anything. He's here to perform a new song. I'd like to know what produce he uses to get those curls. Also, if Kara was still a judge she'd be losing her shit over his tight shirt.
Seacrest now reveals each of the judges' top three, and I remind you again, THIS SHOW IS AN HOUR LONG. Lindsay and I agree that we'd rather watch 45 minutes of Carrie than this pointless filler. Mariah wishes she could have picked everyone for her top three, completely negating the purpose of a top three. YOU ARE A JUDGE, YOUR JOB IS TO JUDGE THEM. Ugh.
Finally, we get to some results. Kree is in the voters' top three, yay! So are Angie and... LAZARO?! What the actual fuck, America? I have a bad feeling Janelle or Candice is getting voted off tonight - I know the judges would use the save for Candice, but would they for Janelle?
Before we find out, it's time for Carrie Underwood. I love her so much. In her intro video, they neglect to mention her hot hockey player husband among all of her accolades, but that's why I'm here, to remind you. Not a big fan of the song she's singing, but she looks stunning as per usual, and she doesn't care if I like her song or not, because she'd be all, "I'm still going home to this." Touche, Underwood. Touche.
Back to results! Candice is safe, thank god. I'm so worried for Janelle. Oh, I forgot about Amber. Not nearly as worried about her, but she's safe, which leaves us Janelle and Burnell. But before we get the final result, we have another commercial break. Let's just get this over with so we can all watch New Girl, k? FINALLY, we learn that Burnell is going home, and everyone is crying, and maybe I've just been watching this show for too long and I'm jaded, but seriously guys, this is the whole point of the show. There can't be 10 winners. And besides, his performance isn't save-worthy at all. The judges agree, so buhbye Burnell.
Lazaro is the last hope for the men, and personally, I'd be thrilled with an all-female top five. We'll see what happens next week! Time for Nick Miller now... peace out!
The top 7 kick it off with an arrangement of Somebody to Love which sounds suspiciously like the version Glee did back when Glee was still awesome. I know, because I still have that version in heavy rotation on my iPod. Candice gets the Mercedes diva note at the end, and it is predictably awesome and OMFG WHAT ARE LAZARO'S PANTS?!
So apparently we have Ford Fiesta missions this year, and the Idols are creating looks based on their musical influences. I think Lazaro says his is Josh Groban, which... ok. In the photos, all of them look exactly like they always look, and yet this show is an hour long.
Oh goodie, it's Jimmy and his recap. This whole segment baffles me - if the producers wanted his opinion, maybe he should be an actual judge? In summary: Burnell committed a crime against Idol humanity by attempting to do a song that was one of the best Idol performances ever and sucking at it. She also rips apart Lazaro and Angie's duet. He approves of Kree. Burnell should do his homework. Janelle was competent. Lazaro was reasonable. Randy didn't know what he was talking about. Candice's performance wasn't one of her best. Amber sang What About Love (which is a ballad, right?) and she is improving every week. Angie "walked up to the podium and stood up there." Literally, he says that.
CASEY JAMES! Kara and Posh Spice cougared all over him, and it was awesome. I think my mom liked him, and maybe Lindsay's too, making him an #oldladyvote who has lady hair like Keith. Apparently he's a country artist now, proving to me that country music fans will buy anything. He's here to perform a new song. I'd like to know what produce he uses to get those curls. Also, if Kara was still a judge she'd be losing her shit over his tight shirt.
Seacrest now reveals each of the judges' top three, and I remind you again, THIS SHOW IS AN HOUR LONG. Lindsay and I agree that we'd rather watch 45 minutes of Carrie than this pointless filler. Mariah wishes she could have picked everyone for her top three, completely negating the purpose of a top three. YOU ARE A JUDGE, YOUR JOB IS TO JUDGE THEM. Ugh.
Finally, we get to some results. Kree is in the voters' top three, yay! So are Angie and... LAZARO?! What the actual fuck, America? I have a bad feeling Janelle or Candice is getting voted off tonight - I know the judges would use the save for Candice, but would they for Janelle?
Before we find out, it's time for Carrie Underwood. I love her so much. In her intro video, they neglect to mention her hot hockey player husband among all of her accolades, but that's why I'm here, to remind you. Not a big fan of the song she's singing, but she looks stunning as per usual, and she doesn't care if I like her song or not, because she'd be all, "I'm still going home to this." Touche, Underwood. Touche.
Back to results! Candice is safe, thank god. I'm so worried for Janelle. Oh, I forgot about Amber. Not nearly as worried about her, but she's safe, which leaves us Janelle and Burnell. But before we get the final result, we have another commercial break. Let's just get this over with so we can all watch New Girl, k? FINALLY, we learn that Burnell is going home, and everyone is crying, and maybe I've just been watching this show for too long and I'm jaded, but seriously guys, this is the whole point of the show. There can't be 10 winners. And besides, his performance isn't save-worthy at all. The judges agree, so buhbye Burnell.
Lazaro is the last hope for the men, and personally, I'd be thrilled with an all-female top five. We'll see what happens next week! Time for Nick Miller now... peace out!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
No Ballad, No Cry
How many contestants are left? Seven? Oh right, just two guys left, so Lazaro is probably gone tomorrow and then Burnell next week HAHA. Tonight the theme is apparently "Classic Rock, No Ballads" to which we said, THANK THE FREAKING LORD. THIS....is American Idol.
After the judge, Ryan and contestant introduction, we jump into performances. We must have a lot to get to tonight. Oh, this is the week where all the contestants talk about each other. Goody. Burnell is up first singing "You Give Love a Bad Name." I'm sorry, but no one can top what Blake Lewis did with this song in his season. Bon Jovi thought he was insane and it turned out awesome. There was a freaking beatbox interlude! Burnell looks like he's wearing a "rock n roll" Halloween costume and belts the song looking and sounding super awkward. Keith basically just laughs at him when it's over. Me too, Keith.
After the break we're treated to our first duet of the evening, Angie and Lazaro singing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." It's about what you'd expect. Lazaro kind of mumble sings and Angie's decent but not as good as she could be. The song is kind of a hard one to sing, I think. Not really a lot of opportunity for big notes where these two usually can shine. I think our friend Lazaro might be done this week, if his solo is anything like this was.
Oh and we're doing the "backstage interviews with the contestants after the performances" too, where's that been? Okay, so Kree is the second solo of the evening, and we're a half hour into the show. We could be down to 90 minute eps by now. Kree apparently is BFF with everyone that works on the show. I love that. She's doing "Piece of My Heart" which I think is perfect for her. PERFECT. Can you tell I love Kree? She's like Candice in that it looks and sounds effortless. She kills it. Kree is the shit.
Burnell and Candice are going to sing "The Letter." I might actually like this. I used to enjoy Burnell but he got wonky, and I think maybe Candice might be able to help him out a little. Update on Burnell's clothes: they are better than his first performance but not by much. Candice is so amazing. She doesn't really overshadow Burnell here even though she totally could. It's a nice number by the two of them, a very jazzy, fun arrangement of the song.
Janelle is hilarious because she gives a shout out to some local dive bar called Lincoln's Grille in her hometown where people have apparently gathered to watch her. I love that shit. Her clip package with everyone talking about her is SO FUNNY. I am seriously LOL listening to this. She's singing "You May Be Right" which actually will sound really good as a country song I think. She's good, it's not my favorite performance she's ever done but she's so fun. Her stage presence is really killer.
Lazaro is next and all the contestants are talking about how he dresses in bright colors. Okay then. He's singing "We are the Champions" which Brenna and I will forever hold in our hearts as the most awesome performance by one Michael Johns. Can you tell we've watched a million seasons of this show?? Lazaro is dressed in subdued colors tonight and...oh wait, his maroon shirt is totally sequined, so strike that, haha. He sounds okay, not great, but not awful. He definitely does better when he has big notes to hit. He does better on the chorus than the verses.
The last group number tonight is Kree, Amber and Janelle. They are singing "Still Rock and Roll to Me." It's pretty good, a little shouty in parts which makes me wonder if they're trying to outsing each other haha. I don't really have a lot to say about this, it wasn't anything hugely special even though Randy is trying to make it out to be. It's like he's trying to fill time, which, WHY? KEEP IT MOVING.
Candice is up after the break, and the clip package is about how her and Burnell bicker all the time. She is performing "Satisfaction (I Can't Get No)", which, AWESOME pick, Candice! I love that she picked something somewhat surprising. She does an awesome job with it and looks freaking gorgeous to boot. This is such a short paragraph because we've said all there is to say about her. Just make her and Kree the final two and be done with it. She apparently broke her toe trying to prank Lazaro or something?
PS I forgot to mention that Orianthi is accompanying on the guitar tonight. ACCORDING TO YOU! So we've got Angie and Amber left, who is getting the pimp spot? Amber is next, so Angie's last tonight. Burnell apparently has a crush on Amber. Oh boy. AWKWARD. Amber is singing Heart's "What About Love?" Hmm. This could get interesting. No one really should attempt Heart after Carrie but Amber maybe can do it. I think this might be the first time I've really liked Amber on this season. She sounds awesome, and made a great song choice here. And is also working leather shorts. Damn, girl.
So little Angie's in the pimp spot tonight. I hope this means she's good. She needs something good after that duet. Burnell has been really funny in these contestant packages actually. It kind of made me love him again. Angie is singing "Bring Me to Life" and oooh, this could be reallllly good. She starts out playing the piano and then gets up for the intense part. So far, so good, this is pretty awesome. Her voice sounds great but her facial expressions are kind of distracting. But if you close your eyes or type an email or something that doesn't matter haha.
Pretty good night tonight, I have to say. I'm sure Burnell and Lazaro will end up in the B3 tomorrow but I'm not really sure who will join them. Maybe Angie because she was probably the weakest of all the girls, I think. But we'll more than likely be saying goodbye to one of our two remaining guys. Brenna will take you through results and, according to my DVR, a performance by Carrie Underwood!
After the judge, Ryan and contestant introduction, we jump into performances. We must have a lot to get to tonight. Oh, this is the week where all the contestants talk about each other. Goody. Burnell is up first singing "You Give Love a Bad Name." I'm sorry, but no one can top what Blake Lewis did with this song in his season. Bon Jovi thought he was insane and it turned out awesome. There was a freaking beatbox interlude! Burnell looks like he's wearing a "rock n roll" Halloween costume and belts the song looking and sounding super awkward. Keith basically just laughs at him when it's over. Me too, Keith.
After the break we're treated to our first duet of the evening, Angie and Lazaro singing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." It's about what you'd expect. Lazaro kind of mumble sings and Angie's decent but not as good as she could be. The song is kind of a hard one to sing, I think. Not really a lot of opportunity for big notes where these two usually can shine. I think our friend Lazaro might be done this week, if his solo is anything like this was.
Oh and we're doing the "backstage interviews with the contestants after the performances" too, where's that been? Okay, so Kree is the second solo of the evening, and we're a half hour into the show. We could be down to 90 minute eps by now. Kree apparently is BFF with everyone that works on the show. I love that. She's doing "Piece of My Heart" which I think is perfect for her. PERFECT. Can you tell I love Kree? She's like Candice in that it looks and sounds effortless. She kills it. Kree is the shit.
Burnell and Candice are going to sing "The Letter." I might actually like this. I used to enjoy Burnell but he got wonky, and I think maybe Candice might be able to help him out a little. Update on Burnell's clothes: they are better than his first performance but not by much. Candice is so amazing. She doesn't really overshadow Burnell here even though she totally could. It's a nice number by the two of them, a very jazzy, fun arrangement of the song.
Janelle is hilarious because she gives a shout out to some local dive bar called Lincoln's Grille in her hometown where people have apparently gathered to watch her. I love that shit. Her clip package with everyone talking about her is SO FUNNY. I am seriously LOL listening to this. She's singing "You May Be Right" which actually will sound really good as a country song I think. She's good, it's not my favorite performance she's ever done but she's so fun. Her stage presence is really killer.
Lazaro is next and all the contestants are talking about how he dresses in bright colors. Okay then. He's singing "We are the Champions" which Brenna and I will forever hold in our hearts as the most awesome performance by one Michael Johns. Can you tell we've watched a million seasons of this show?? Lazaro is dressed in subdued colors tonight and...oh wait, his maroon shirt is totally sequined, so strike that, haha. He sounds okay, not great, but not awful. He definitely does better when he has big notes to hit. He does better on the chorus than the verses.
The last group number tonight is Kree, Amber and Janelle. They are singing "Still Rock and Roll to Me." It's pretty good, a little shouty in parts which makes me wonder if they're trying to outsing each other haha. I don't really have a lot to say about this, it wasn't anything hugely special even though Randy is trying to make it out to be. It's like he's trying to fill time, which, WHY? KEEP IT MOVING.
Candice is up after the break, and the clip package is about how her and Burnell bicker all the time. She is performing "Satisfaction (I Can't Get No)", which, AWESOME pick, Candice! I love that she picked something somewhat surprising. She does an awesome job with it and looks freaking gorgeous to boot. This is such a short paragraph because we've said all there is to say about her. Just make her and Kree the final two and be done with it. She apparently broke her toe trying to prank Lazaro or something?
PS I forgot to mention that Orianthi is accompanying on the guitar tonight. ACCORDING TO YOU! So we've got Angie and Amber left, who is getting the pimp spot? Amber is next, so Angie's last tonight. Burnell apparently has a crush on Amber. Oh boy. AWKWARD. Amber is singing Heart's "What About Love?" Hmm. This could get interesting. No one really should attempt Heart after Carrie but Amber maybe can do it. I think this might be the first time I've really liked Amber on this season. She sounds awesome, and made a great song choice here. And is also working leather shorts. Damn, girl.
So little Angie's in the pimp spot tonight. I hope this means she's good. She needs something good after that duet. Burnell has been really funny in these contestant packages actually. It kind of made me love him again. Angie is singing "Bring Me to Life" and oooh, this could be reallllly good. She starts out playing the piano and then gets up for the intense part. So far, so good, this is pretty awesome. Her voice sounds great but her facial expressions are kind of distracting. But if you close your eyes or type an email or something that doesn't matter haha.
Pretty good night tonight, I have to say. I'm sure Burnell and Lazaro will end up in the B3 tomorrow but I'm not really sure who will join them. Maybe Angie because she was probably the weakest of all the girls, I think. But we'll more than likely be saying goodbye to one of our two remaining guys. Brenna will take you through results and, according to my DVR, a performance by Carrie Underwood!
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