GLEEEEEE

Pre-show montage. Footage of Kris and Adam in auditions. We saw Adam for about 3 minutes at this stage, Kris not at all. In fact, I went through old blog posts and found out that the first time we saw Kris was when he was accepted into the "top" 36. Dark horse, indeed.

So tonight they are singing a song of their own choice, a song selection by Simon Fuller and (barf) the coronation song, co-written by Kara. Oh man, that shit is gonna be a meeeess. And, commercials already. Jesus.

We've had requests (or one request, lol) to blog SYTYCD. This could happen. I'm not making any promises. I would do it just to comment on Cat Deeley's outfits every week.

Adam's up first, because Kris chose the pimp spot based on a coin toss. Adam's starting out with a reprise of "Mad World" from Year You Were Born Week. This was brilliant, in my opinion, so I think he'll nail it. OMG check out the ridiculous coat he has on. I love this again.

This was my favorite performance of his throughout the entire competition, and this was a smart, strategic move to do it again tonight. Well done, Mr. Lambert. Since Gokey's gone, the judges predictably slobber all over him. I hope they give Kris at least a modicum of the attention and praise.

Kris is up next, talking about his family and how he gave out music coupons so he would sing for them. That's kind of charming. He chose "Ain't No Sunshine" again, which was BITCHIN'. Nice first choices for both of them. He's so good, guys.

How out of left field and insane would it be if he won this whole thing? I think Simon would shit. Kara and Paula would probably fall out of their chairs with shock. I call the first round a draw, but I'm sure they'll give it to Adam because that's how they roll.

Wow, they loved it. Go Kris! And Simon gave round one to Kris. Didn't see that one coming.

OK, round two is Simon Fuller round. "Change is Gonna Come" is the song he picked for Adam. This could be pretty dope. We've not really heard too many soulful type songs from him. I'm not overwhelmed by this. It's very reserved for an Adam performance.

Oh wait, there we go. LOL. Now we know what Adam Lambert doing Sam Cooke sounds like. It sounds like...that. I still don't like this. Meh. Kara calls it his best performance ever, which I highly disagree with. Maybe I'm missing something, but this did nothing for me, and I don't even hate Adam. I've enjoyed the majority of his stuff with a few exceptions, but this...maybe my speakers are broken.

Hey, Katie and Suri Cruise are there! Oh, we have to go to commercial before we find out what Simon picked for Kris. Blah. It's "What's Goin' On" by Marvin Gaye. Seriously, Simon Fuller? You couldn't pick anything current for these guys? I mean, I get that you want to see what they do with classics, but...eh. Kris does his thing with it, with the percussion and the guitar and all his lovely Kris tricks.

Randy gives him some bullshit feedback, which I'm sure Kara and Paula will echo. Simon gives him the most insulting critique of all time, comparing it to three friends strumming instruments in a bedroom. That is just effed up. Way to make the guy feel about thisbig on this huge platform. Simon gives round two to Adam.

Oh God, round three is the coronation song. What fresh hell will this unleash on us? Hey there's all the eliminated peeps! We miss you Allison! Go away, Danny!

Dear God, the song is called"No Boundaries." Barf. Adam's up first and he sounds like shit on it. Wow, this song is totally not suited to his voice at all. This is the worst I have ever heard him, and that's including "Ring of Fire." This song sucks, too. If I felt like putting the effort in, I'd do a count of words like "moment", "believe", "dreams", etc., but I'm tired.

So who thinks the judges will blame the crappy song for how bad Adam was, right in front of Kara? That would be awesome. Kara has to remind everyone that she wrote the song, which, LOL. Doesn't Paula look tired tonight? Simon totally rips on the song, HAHAHA. I always like Adam in interviews and his video packages, though.

So how will Kris do with "No Boundaries"? Seems like he could make it work a bit more, but we'll see after more freakin' commercials. Oooh, this starts out a little rough. Come on, Kris! I know the song makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit, but push through the suck! He starts looking kind of desperate towards the middle. Man, this isn't good for either of them. They both pretty much blew on this. Eff the coronation song.

Randy tells him he should be "very proud" which is pretty much the kiss of death and translated means "I don't think you have a shot in hell of winning this thing." Kara and Paula jibba jab some mess at him and Simon congratulates him, blahblahblah.

So that's it, peeps. Final two performances are in the books, and now it's up to America. During tomorrow's bloated two hour finale we'll crown our eighth American Idol, and fourth male Idol. Tune in for what appears to be a night chock full of random guest stars and cheesy group numbers! Ciao!