'Cause I can't make you love me....

It's everyone's favorite night of the Idol season! Songs from the year you were born! Translation: elevator music, because all of the cool songs from those years, the show can't get the rights to, because the Beatles song book is still on layaway. And the good news is, the show is down to an hour! YAY! Although I am DVRing the first five minutes of Fringe just in case.

Looking at the lineup, I realized that there is no one left that I really hate. I mean, yeah, I wish Scott would go away pretty soon, and Lil is kind of a dud, but everyone is generally okay. I'll probably hate Scott more if he makes it through to next week and Matt or Anoop gets cut, but we'll see. I know a lot of people hate Adam Lambert, but I'm not one of those people. So let's get down to it!

We don't see the judges parade in tonight, but that's because we have to see their baby pictures during their intros. Weird. Also, why did Randy and Kara get actual baby photos and Paula and Simon get goofy-looking childhood photos? And Seacrest was creepy as a child.

First up tonight is Gokey, who was born in 1980, officially making him the oldest contestant on the show. After lots of footage of him and his family, and some embarrassing photos, he's singing "Stand By Me"--wow, guess that song spoiler site I read earlier today was wrong LOL.

This is okay. It's very Gokey. I hate this arrangement, it's weird and sounds dated. Also, he's wearing an ensemble that I think Clay Aiken probably would have worn in his season. He sounds great, it's all fine, it's just very predictable and nothing all that special. He's got some mad vocal skills though. I wish he had picked a different song. The judges all blow sunshine up his ass, as is their way.

Sidebar: when Adam came into the living room on the commercial break, he's like, "Who went already?" And when I said Danny, he goes "Who the hell is that? Is that the blind guy?" Nice to see you're paying attention, babe!

Next up we have cutie Kris, who was born in 1985, making him the same age as my sister. I feel old. He's going to be doing "All She Wants To Do Is Dance." Not sure how this is going to go, could be interesting. Oh man, he's in the mosh pit. I hate when they do that.

This is okay. I feel like he's trying too hard to John Mayer it up or something. I don't really love it, but I love Kris. Good singer, weird song choice.

Lil was born in 1984 and is shockingly not singing a Whitney song. Instead, we've got a Tina Turner song. "What's Love Got to Do (Got To Do) With It." Yeah, I made up that title myself.

So Lil comes out all trying to be sexy in some booty-hugging black dress and a leather vest, and it's just not working for me. I can't see her as sexy. I like her better this week than I have in weeks past, but...eh. The judges don't like it either, and all come down pretty hard on her

Up next we've got ANOOOOOP, born in 1986. There's some discussion about him being rude to Kara last week, which I totally missed somehow.

OK, he's singing "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper and I. Hate. This. Song. When I was in high school, I worked at a Staples, okay, and the Phil Collins version of this song played constantly on the store's Musak. I was BURNED OUT on "True Colors", you guys. HATE IT.

Also, I'm over ballady Anoop. SNOOZE. I love Anoop, I love his voice, I think he sounds great on this song, but the song blows. I still hope he's safe.

Scott was born in 1985, and half the time looks like he's just stepped OUT of 1985. Heyo! He's singing "The Search is Over", with an electric guitar and it's...not good. Seriously people, stop voting for Scott. You aren't doing him any favors by keeping him in the competition. He's gotta be out next week, right?

Please tell me that you all noticed the CRAPLOAD of lipstick on Paula's teeth during her close up on her critique. Please? That can't have been just Adam and me that saw it. Good God, Abdul, check yourself before you wreck yourself.

My girl Allison is up next and she was born in 1992. When I was 12. Blech. She's doing "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt, which, YES. Perfect song for her. I love this girl so bad. My one complaint with her is that sometimes, her enunciation is weird on some words. But MAN. She is freaking awesome.

Also, I know we were pissed last week when the judges spent 100000 years talking about her outfit, but: leather jacket, chains, flamenco skirt. That's all I'm saying. Simon basically tells her she needs to grow a personality and but fast. I have a feeling if she were up for elimination, she would get THE SAVE.

Matt's up next, which means Lambert has the pimp spot, which must mean he's got some kind of insane, guylinered rabbit to pull out of his hat if they're putting him last.

OK, Matt Giraud. Born in 1985. Currently the ONLY one about who the spoiler list was correct--Stevie Wonder's "Part Time Lover." Brenna and I groaned when we read this because: KEVIN COVAIS, people! If you aren't nuts like us and don't remember that atrocity, allow me to refresh your memory.

Dammit, Matt! Grrr...ooh wait, this might be okay. And he covered up his mole with a fedora! Nice work, dude. Okay, I actually really really love this. I feel like Randy right now--"dude, it was really good! You can really sing!" This is tight. Nice work, Giraud! Someone in the audience is rocking a "Giraud Squad" shirt, which rules.

It's now 9:02 and we're just getting to Adam. Seriously, Idol, how hard is it to finish the damn show on time?? Funny interview with his parents, in which we're pretty sure we find out that his dad hates him for not being into sports. Awesome.

He's going to be doing "Mad World", originally sung by Tears for Fears, but the version he's doing is the Gary Jules version (thank you Brenna!) It's awesome. Adam is awesome. I feel bad that they have no time to give him a critique, but Simon gives him a standing ovation, which speaks for itself.

For me, best of the night goes to Adam, Matt and Allison, as per usual. Anoop, Gokey and Kris were in the middle, with the bottom two being Scott and Lil. America is so jacked up with voting this year that who knows if either of them will even be in the bottom three tomorrow, let alone eliminated. Tune in for some Flo Rida and THE PICK (?!?) performing tomorrow, and the results! Hasta luego! Let's go Pens!!!