Gee whiz!

We open on another uber-intense montage that has become par for the course on results night now. Blah blah, I gave it my all, blah blah, it's up to America now. And THIS is American Idol.

Seacrest tells us that the save was invoked last week, and tonight, "no one is safe." Except for...the five people who DON'T get eliminated? You suck sometimes, Ryan. Tonight we're subjected to some kind of disco medley and an appearance by David "Gosh gee whiz!" Archuleta. Dear god.

You know what's funny? In 12 short weeks, Brenna and I have gone from loving Kara to hating her, and from totally being in Danny Gokey's corner to wishing his goofy ass would get cut. I love this show sometimes.

Oooh, Paula is choreographing the group medley this week! Their rehearsals actually look kind of intense. Less seat dancing, I suppose, now that Scott's out of the way. Sorry, but it's true. Hey, Kris is a really good dancer! The group number is as much of a train wreck as you'd expect, complete with assy disco outfits.

After the FORD! commercial, time for results. Lil, please stand up. You basically have karaoked every diva song known to man in your time on the show. Would you please...step over here? Yes, she's in the B3! Oooh wait...she's eliminated! Wow, moving through it tonight, eh, Seacrest? She sings out and bam, she's out of our lives 15 minutes into the show. Peace out, Lil!

Oh god, time for the disco medley. So someone name Freda Payne comes out and starts singing and....I flip over to catch the end of the Caps/Rangers game. What? It's hockey playoffs, piss on Freda Payne! Flip back over and now it's someone who apparently has four boobs. I think her name is Thelma Houston, based on the info on my TV guide channel. When the 100-year old guy from KC & the Sunshine Band comes on, I give him 5 seconds before the game comes back on.

More results. Kris--safe. Woop! When did Kris become my favorite? Adam--safe. Anoop--B3. Deservedly so. Danny--safe, but only after we're subjected to his asinine rambings for a few minutes. Down to Allison and Matt, which, eff. Whoever it is, I hope they are spared because Anoop goes home. And it's Allison. DAMMIT, America! Why aren't people voting for this girl???

And now I have to deal with Archuleta before we find out the results. He's singing a really terrible song called "Touch My Hand" complete with what appears to be cheesy home videos playing in the background. This is awful. I wish they had booked Kellie Pickler for two appearances and cut this one, because at least the Pick is hilarious.

And it's the result...WHEW, Anoop's out! Sorry, Noop Dawg, but my girl has to stick around for a while. I'm not sure when exactly my interest in Anoop started waning but it may have been around the third week in a row that he sang a ballad.

I have to say, aside from Gokey, I have no beef with this top five. My fave Allison is still here, and I hope she sticks around for a good while, Adam always entertains me, and Kris and Matt are consistently good and always deliver. We'll be back next week. Golly gee!