Hello dear readers! Rock and roll hall of fame week. Some of them killed it, and then there's Scotty. OMG, I think JLo is dressed as I Dream of Jeanie tonight. Tonight's performance lineup is Constantine Maroulis and... Iggy Pop? Huh? This show is so confusing.
Oh goody, it's a rock medley. If this is rock, then my high school show choir should be performing at Madison Square Garden. I don't even know how to describe what Haley is wearing. It's like a crocheted one piece bathing suit tucked into stone washed jeans. Oh, and there are feathers. Still, it's better than whatever Gwen Stefani made those girls wear last night. Wow, hello Pia's breasts.
FORD! music video in which the Idols appear to be trying to pay homage to Ocean's Eleven. And then a very unfunny segment where Russell Brand comes on to "train" the Idols in "stage presence," aka pimp his new movie. Anyone else think it would be incredibly fun to hang out with him and Katy Perry? No? Just me? Ok then.
Results time! Casey, Stefano, and Lauren are up first. Oh they're totally doing the thing where one person from each threesome is in the bottom three. Did Casey just insult Kelly Clarkson? Apparently she tweeted that she has a crush on him but the feeling does not appear to be mutual. Eff you, Casey. Stefano's jacket appears to be made of plastic. OMG, why is this show an hour? After A LOT of banter, Stefano is in the bottom three.
And now it's time for Constantine, singing Simon Cowell's favorite song, Unchained Melody. So, season 4 was the only season of this show I didn't watch, because I was abroad. Basically the only people that season I ever took time to learn about were Mrs. Mike Fisher, that Bo character with the bad hair, and this guy, and that's basically because I heard that he eye f**ked the camera during every performance. And yep, he's doing eye f**king us all. Why exactly is he here tonight? Oh, he's pimping Rock of Ages. And dear Lord, he has a child. That's frightening.
Now we get to see how Gwen "styled" the girls last night. And by "styled" we mean "made to look like shit."
Back to results - Paul, Scotty and Pia. We're not lucky enough to get rid of #oldladyvote yet. He will be torturing us for weeks to come. He and Paul are safe, and Pia and her giant breasts are in the bottom three. Boooooooo.
The Idols go to the TMZ offices. SERIOUSLY?!??!?! This show could be 10 minutes long. Ugh.
Finally - Haley, James, and Jacob. James is safe (woo!), Haley is safe, so Jacob is in the bottom three, and there is still 17 minutes left in the show.
Iggy Pop. Sorry, not interested. Fast forward.
Finally, moment of truth. Jacob is sent back to safety, so it comes down to Pia and Stefano. Seacrest tells Pia she's going home, and basically the audience and the judges and I are all like, what the shit? Even JLo is thinking, I know I want to screw Stefano, but even I know he should go home before Pia. The judges might even be a little upset they used the save on Casey. Seriously, America, what the hell? I don't think Pia sang a wrong note the entire competition, and yet SCOTTY EFFING MCCREERY is still there. They ask Pia to sing one more time, and she picks I'll Stand By You, and it's gorgeous, and to be honest, if she'd sung with that emotion last night... maybe she wouldn't be going home.
Ugh. This show is a bitch sometimes. And yet we'll be back next week.
No comments:
Post a Comment