I love the 80's, part one

Tonight had me really nervous. Most of my favorite songs come from the 80s, and I had nightmares of Danny Noriega butchering “Don’t Stop Believin’” and making me want to reach through my TV screen to strangle him. Pros about tonight? No one attempted Journey or Bon Jovi. Cons? Apparently, of all the entirety of the 80s songbook, half the contestants decided to choose terrible songs.

Exhibit A: Luke Menard. Now I love me some Wham as much as the next person, but it is absolutely impossible to sing “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” without sounding and looking incredibly cheesy. That song exemplifies all that is good and wrong with the 80s all at the same time. As a living specimen of a fantastically fun decade? Perfect. As a vehicle for Luke to convince us he’s worth keeping around for another week? Not so much. He should have just stood there looking pretty.

Side note: Paula is especially wasted tonight. She’s going to entertain me immensely throughout the episode.

I’m so conflicted on David Archuleta. I want to like him, I really do. But tonight I couldn’t get past the fact that the boy was not alive in the 80s. And now he’s singing that Phil Collins song that I hate about thinking twice, and I keep thinking, “this boy is 17!!!! He has no idea what’s wrong with the world!” When I was 17, my biggest concern was my high school musical. Yes, he is talented, but I really think he’d be so much better if given a few years to mature. I’m certainly not on board the David Train.

America needs to vote Danny off this show this week, because I can’t handle another week of him. His almost-Marilyn-Manson version of “Tainted Love” wasn’t awful. However, it was extremely inappropriate. I felt really skeevy watching it, and if you’d asked me who the stripper was among this top 8, I’d have guessed Danny. Also, I really can’t handle someone who speaks in texting language.

Speaking of strippers, it’s David Hernandez! He’s actually got a bit of a country twang tonight, but I rather like his performance. It wasn’t spectacular, but I really like his voice. I just wish he’d answered the most embarrassing moment question by saying “when the entire country found out I was a male stripper.”

Michael Johns sings the song from “The Breakfast Club.” Seriously, in my notes, I have “Breakfast Club song” written down. Anyways, it was ok. I wasn’t terribly impressed. I really wanted Michael to come out rocking some INXS. Maybe he was trying to avoid the Aussie comparisons, but can’t you imagine him killing some “Need You Tonight”?

David Cook comes out after some technical difficulties on the guitar, apparently rocking a Lionel Richie song. I honestly couldn’t have told you what song it was. As a rock song, it was ok. As a Lionel Richie turned into a rock song, it was fantastic. I wasn’t a huge David C. fan before tonight, and I still don’t think I am, but this was a solid performance. Well done.

Jason Castro, alone on the stage, sings “Hallelujah.” This is one of those songs I feel like everyone loves, and he did a very good job with it. It will never live up to whatever version you prefer, but Jason has a very sweet, pure tone to his voice that I really enjoy. I think he’ll stick around for awhile.

Finally, Chekezie in the pimp spot singing… Whitney Houston? Really? You have an entire decade at your disposal and you chose Whitney freaking Houston? I was bored and underwhelmed. His voice sounded… nice… but I honestly can’t get past the fact that he’s singing a Whitney song. I really think they should be banned from American Idol. No one can do them, and it does more harm than good to even attempt.

So that was the last night for all male action on Idol this year. My picks for the bottom three are Luke, Chekezie, and Danny. I’m hoping Danny goes home, followed probably by Chekezie, cuz I really wouldn’t mind seeing Luke another week. No one blew me away this week, but as the top performer, I’d probably vote for David Cook.

I’m back tomorrow for the girls, where (I predict) at least one will attempt another Whitney song. Only in my dreams does someone bust out some Debbie Gibson. See you tomorrow!!!