Monday, March 24, 2008

Idol Madness: Carmen vs. Antonella

(Scroll down to see the Idol Sweet Sixteen bracket.)

Can’t Fight the Moonlight,” by Carmen Rasmussen, Season 2
versus
I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing,” by Antonella Barba, Season 6

Oh, Antonella. Where do we even start? How about talking about how I think of you anytime I pass the WWII Memorial here in DC, because you disgustingly and disrespectfully posed naked in its fountains? How about how obnoxious you and your BFF from New Jersey were during Hollywood Week? No, let’s get right to the heart of it, because this is, as Simon reminds us so frequently, a singing competition. She was just awful. AWFUL. I submit her attempt at Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” as Exhibit A. She tried to sex up a sappy ballad and failed miserably, falling flat on nearly every note, and acting almost as robotic as Kristy Lee does every week.

You know that sounds you used to make as a kid, when you’d talk into a fan and it made your voice vibrate? Carmen sounded like that ALL THE TIME. I wish she’d been as trashy as Antonella, because then she’d at least have been entertaining. But no, she was all Mormon and sitting on Clay’s lap and making us mad every week she was still there.

As awful and offensive as Antonella was, there’s no competition here. Carmen has to be our #1 Seed of Awful Performances, and has a solid season of absurdity to back it up. And while it’s not her fault, she’s got to take the prize on this one for the cheesy Casio keyboard sounding backup track, the screensaver behind her, and the sub-Gator Groove-level of production quality of season two. Congratulations, Carmen! You’re in the Elite Eight!

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