And then there were seven

Hey, was Ryan high last night? Or drunk? Apparently I'm the only person in America who thought his Dunkleman joke was funny, so maybe I was high or drunk. THIS is American Idol!

Dramatic intro of Big Mike being saved. Hi Glambert!! Is he the only performer tonight? If so, what the hell else are they going to fill an hour with? Oh, with Brooke White and someone named Justin Gaston. Who? But YAY Brooke! Don't self-destruct on us.

Time for the craptastic Elvis medley. Obligatory line about how Elvis is spinning in his grave. Remember how Uncle Jesse was obsessed with Elvis on Full House? Sadly, that's probably the reason I know half these songs. Like when he sang Jailhouse Rock at he and Rebecca's wedding. OMG I'm a loser. Listen, I was unemployed for a few months last fall, I watched a lot of shitty TV. This may be the worst medley in the history of this show.

You guys, I just Googled Justin Gaston because I have no idea who the hell he is. If you want to see something entertaining, just go to Google and type in his name, nothing else, and search. You'll thank me later. Or maybe you won't.

Time for some results. I'm worried real bad for Siobhan. Casey's up first. So not pimp spot worthy last night. OK, now Aaron's up. And Andrew. These three come to the middle of the stage. Oh Christ, Seacrest, now what? Two of these three I thought could be gone. Aaron needs a growth spurt. Wow, and Andrew's out. That was a quick first cut, Seacrest, but thanks for not stretching it out. I really liked Andrew in the beginning, but he crashed and burned. Sorry buddy.

Someone out there, go see Date Night and tell me if it sucks. KTHXBAI.

Aaaaaand, IGFB is one week from tonight. Video of Elliott!! and Kara in Africa, talking about malaria. Uplifting! Also, for a fun treat, Brenna and I have decided to watch IGFB together and discuss it via Gchat and then post that Gchat convo here in its entirety as the blog posting for that evening. We can't promise it will be coherent but it should be entertaining. Especially because we're in each other's brains a lot, scarily enough. :P

Now it's time for the Brooke/Justin Gaston duet. Ryan doesn't say what they are singing. This is weird. Justin looks like a version of Casey but with brown hair and pleather Adam Lambert boots. And Brooke looks like she's aged like 10 years. Why are they both dressed in all black? I thought this was an Elvis tribute, not Johnny Cash. Is this even an Elvis song? I wish I could fast forward this.

Casey's hair looks very luxurious tonight. The whole bottom row comes to the center of the stage. We've got Turban, Crystal, Big Mike, Katie, Siobhan and Lee. CALL US LEE. Seriously. Siobhan's hair is insane right now. I'm really worried for her. Ryan's making us sit through the recap of all of them right now. Come on, Seacrest, we just want the cut. Turban's hair looks more like a Beatle than ever.

After all that, Crystal is safe. WHEWWWWW, Siobhan is also safe!! WOOOOOOOO! And Lee is too!! YAY!!! This was an excellent 90 seconds of my life. So we're down to Tim, Mike and Katie. I'm okay with any of these three, although Tim is finally starting to get good. Really I want Katie gone the most. Creepy little robot slash old lady.

TIME FOR LAMBERT! WOOO! I'll tell you what I want from you, Adam. Exactly what you give. Man, talk about resplendant in guyliner. I wish he had on platform boots like when he sang with KISS that one time. Maybe he does, I can't see for all the lasers and fog. Remember when he duetted with Allison? I wish she was here too. I kind of wish he had done "For Your Entertainment." He still gives good interview, I always thought that last year too.

Break's over and we're gonna cut someone else. And going back to safety is.....TIM. Aww, I'm kind of glad about that. Tim's growing on me. And the second cut tonight is KATIE! YES. This results show was excellent. She goes out singing "Let It Be", which sounds way assier than when she sang it last week. Brooke's probably pissed backstage.

So next week, we've got a lovely Tuesday filled with inspirational songs. Gag. I hope it's only an hour long. I'll be taking you through those with an extra dose of sarcasm, and then we've got our lovely chat blog for you on Wednesday! See you then!