Congratulations, America...

You actually got it right for once. You weren't swayed by the judges' endless pimping, or the bright shiny objects, or a few early weeks of really terrible hair. This year's Idol actually deserved the prize.

I've said it several times throughout this blog, but I'm not sure when I decided I didn't hate the Cookster anymore. I don't know when he went from creepy, greasy, might be staring in your window guy to polished, courteous, well-spoken, good-looking, amazing performer guy. I'm glad he did, though, and I'm glad he won this whole darn thing.

I watched the finale with Meredith, my hubby, and a bottle of wine, and wanted to enjoy the whole thing without taking notes. Well, "enjoy" turned out to be a rather strong word, and I don't know if I can sit through that all again, so I'm relying on my memory (albeit with a few glasses of wine) and recaps that are much funnier than mine that I won't link to here but you can probably find if you look hard enough.

And we're off. Ryan, blah blah blah, a gazillion votes. Dumbass Matt Rogers (I really didn't like him in his year, sorry dudes) and Idol Madness contestant Mikaleh Gordon are reporting from the Davids' hometowns. Wow, this is completely unnecessary. Remember this when your DVRs cut off at 10:00 and the show is still going.

So… the top 12!!! Ten of which we'll see on tour in a few months!! Oh David Hernandez and Chikezie, you were taken from us too soon. KLC is looking as trashy as ever. Hey, it looks like Carly/Brooke/Michael are actually having fun again!!! Amanda Overmeyer is decidedly not. Wow, seriously, get her off the stage. She looks miserable. Syesha is working it. Cookster looks like he's laid back & having fun. Archuleta looks like he's going to vomit. (Again.)

The Davids sing that song from that "Superman" movie that I hate because it's sung by that guy from Nickelback that I hate. Boo.

Ok, "The Love Guru." Let's pause for a moment. About six months ago, I was really excited for this movie because it combined Mike Myers, Justin Timberlake, and hockey. However, the commercials have made me realize the movie looks painful and even if Sidney Crosby was costarring, I still wouldn't see it. That said, Mike Myers saying "Mariska Hargitay" over & over again cracked me up. Anyone else? Anyone? Bueller? Maybe it was the wine? Ok, next.

Syesha & Seal! Nothing left to say. Jason reprising "Hallelujah!" If I wanted to hear this again, I'd get it on iTunes.

FORD! Commercial featuring outtakes from previous commercials. I care less about them now than I did eight weeks ago. The Davids (especially Cookster) are especially excited to win a car. Like they don't give the final two a car every year.

The top six ladies come out to a Donna Summer medley. Amanda still looks like she's going to murder KLC. Carly is kind of kicking ass. So is Syesha, who gets to sing with Ms. Summer herself when she is led onstage by some men like she is the freaking Queen of England or something.

Carly & Michael sing a jazzed out version of "The Letter." While I'm not a particularly huge fan of the arrangement, I have to concede two things: 1. If Carly had performed with this much fun reckless abandon all season, maybe she would've stayed longer. 2. Michael kind of rocks, and I really can't wait to see him on tour.

The boys take the stage to sing "Summer of '69." Damn, I love this song. Hey, look it's Bryan Adams! If anyone but my hubby and six other people in the world watched "How I Met Your Mother," I'd make a great joke here.

Jordin saying something about an American Idol ride at Disney World? Or maybe it's a shooting gallery where you can take aim at past contestants? You know the Sanjaya target would be worn out in no time.

The Cookster takes the stage to rock with ZZ Top. Remember a few years back when Chris sang with Live and even then we all kind of thought they were outdated? Well, apparently Idol is still paying for the Beatles songbook and can't afford any current, relevant performers this year. Even performers from the 90's are too expensive. Yes, ZZ Top is kind of awesome, but really. My biggest gripe with this whole season has been the complete and total lack of anything contemporary, and just before we throw the Cookster out into the wild of the music biz, we let him be tutored by ZZ Top?

Next Brooke sings "Teach the Children Well" with Graham Nash, and all I can think of is Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute. And guys, I spent about 20 minutes last night looking for that video and couldn't find it anywhere. Seriously, it doesn't exist.

I fast forward through the Jonas Brothers.

Next we have a short recap of this year's most awful memorable auditions. Hey, at least it's not the Golden Idols again. That guy who sang "Go Down Moses" was awesome. We are reminded of the "I Am Your Brother" guy, and wow, there is he again! In that same crazy outfit! With the USC Marching Band!!! WTF?!?! This is the most amazingly awful thing Idol may have ever done. (Except for, perhaps, William Hung's CD.) OMG, Paula and Randy are going on stage. Paula is doing that same dance move she always does. Wow. This merits a link to the video so we can all watch it again.

After that debacle, Archuleta sings "Apologize" with OneRepublic, whose lead singer looks suspiciously like Giovanni Ribisi. Archuleta actually does pretty well. Why couldn't he have sung this on the show instead of Chris Brown?! Last year's Idol Jordin sings a pretty bad song in a really bad dress. Wow, girl. Gold lame just doesn't do it for ANYONE. Blake is super cute singing along with her in the audience. Go Blake. Your CD was underrated and under-promoted.

I should hate the next movie pimping adventure, this one featuring Ben Stiller, Jack Black, & Robert Downey Jr. as the Pips, but I don't, because it's Robert freaking Downey Jr., and I love him.

Carrie Underwood makes what feels like her 800th appearance on this season and sings a song I don't pay attention to in an outfit I can't even begin to describe. So I don't. I let the Fug girls do that.

The top 12 are back again - OMG, will this show ever end?!?! - to sing outdated medley #4 of the evening. And woo, the biggest star this show - THE BIGGEST SHOW ON TV - could attract is George Michael. Which is awesome... if you're living in 1986. We, however, are not. We are in 2008. We are in the era of Justin Timberlake and Beyonce and Fall Out Boy. (I never said music was better. Just different.) And instead of saying "wow, what awesome performances!" I'm sitting here thinking "did Uncle Nigel not try, or did they turn him down?" Memo to Idol 2009: save some of your money from IGFB and spend it on the finale. I want the ladies singing with Madonna up there.

Usual rambling & killing time by Ryan & the judges. (Seriously, it's almost 10:00 at this point. This shit is why my mom frantically called me last year because their DVR cut off BEFORE Ryan even announced Jordin as the winner. FOX, get it together.) Simon apologizes to the Cookster for being too hard on him. My immediate thought at this point is, Cookster won and Simon is trying to save face.

Turns out I'm right, as Seacrest FINALLY reveals that our season 7 winner is David Cook, and the dude totally breaks down. Cookster Mom and Cookster Brother are on stage, everyone is going crazy, and then I realize, this is why I watch this damn show. If Archuleta had won, I probably would've sworn it off forever, but the Cookster winning makes devoting entirely too much time during the last 19 weeks of my life to this show somehow seem somewhat worth it. Until next January, when I'm cursing at my TV all over again.

Don't go away, dear faithful readers. We have the long awaited completion of our Idol Madness poll. We're contemplating recapping "So You Think You Can Dance." And, on August 14, we'll be at the Idols concert in DC, taking beer breaks everytime KLC is on stage. And in the meantime, I leave you with this juicy tidbit and bid you good night!