See ya, Syesha

56 million people voted on Tuesday night to create the most anticlimactic final two in this show's history. THIS...is American Idol.

Hey, there's Gramps! And KLC! And Andrew Lloyd Weber, geez. Why are they jamming all these people into the seats for the announcement of the final two? Randy's rocking some terrible tinted glasses tonight. Oh God, and apparently Fantasia is here tonight. And I'm watching this live, which means I can't fast forward her. Damn.

The kids come out to sing "Ain't No Stopping Us Now," and I swear Clay and Ruben did a duet of this back on the finale of season two. Syesha apparently didn't get the memo that tonight was going to be her last night on the show as she is rocking some giant white sneakers with her skinny jeans. She does get a pretty big solo in the song and is standing all by herself on the platform behind the judges, so good on them for giving her one last good moment. Hey, there's Chikezie and David H.!

Back from the real commercials and it's this week's FORD! commercial. The song is Los Lonely Boys "Heaven" and the concept is pretty hilarious. Did anyone else notice that little David's "heaven" is apparently the same as Happy Gilmore's happy place? Except there's no Grandma winning any money at the slots or a midget on a unicycle. After a long ass recap of last night, it's time for Fantasia.

Oh my God, WHAT the hayell is this?! Her hair looks like someone molded bright pink PlayDoh on her head, and she is totally wearing a velour jumpsuit covered in rhinestones. Also I swear she's been wearing those braces for like 12 years. Does anyone know what the eff she is even saying? How is this even a song? OMG, Simon's face! HAHAHAHAHA, that was priceless. That just said it all right there, his face was transformed into the classic "WTF" face.

After that debacle, Seacrest brings out little David. We're then treated to video footage of his trip back home to Utah, which goes something like this: cheerleaders, mobs of people crying, little girls screaming, David losing his shit in front of his entire town, Handlebar Mustache back for an encore, and David saying "Gosh!" more than Napolean Dynomite. OMG, and now we don't even find out any results, but we have to watch the video package of David's "journey" through American Idol. Which, you've all been watching the show, you know how it goes.

Now Ryan's bringing out Syesha, for the exact same thing we just watched of David. Syesha's trip home goes like this: mobs of people crying, some woman shoving her baby at Syesha, which is just effing weird, Syesha's dad announcing to America that he's had problems with drugs and alcohol and Syesha's inspired him to stay clean (wtf?), more screaming teenagers who you know are like "Yay Syesha! (I really voted for David Archuleta!)", the 90 year old mayor of her town doing a handstand, and we finish off with Syesha bawling in a limo clutching a snow globe. Yikes.

Last up is the Cookster, who apparently didn't even want to audition for the show. Seacrest brings up his brother Andrew and Andrew tells us the story of how he was the one who actually wanted to audition and he brought David along. The producers apparently ended up making David audition as well, and here we are. You know Andrew's like, way to steal my thunder, dude. Cookster's trip home includes him doing the weather on his local news, people crying and shrieking all over the place, including one girl who looks like she's about collapse and die from the excitement, a trip to see David's music teacher, more people screaming, a baseball game and the Cookster also crying. Man, these are some emotional Idols. Also, I have to say that not since Clay Aiken have we seen a hair makeover this positive and dramatic. Go Idol stylists.

After the commercials and a million hours of the judges jib jabbing, the obvious is stated: the Davids comprise season seven's final two, and Syesha is out. I'm really surprised she lasted this long, and not because I don't think she's talented, but she was one of the biggest fly under the radar contestants. I expected her to go around the time Ramiele did. I like her a lot, but I won't buy her album. Bye Sye!

Well, it all comes down to this. Bren will blog your finale and results next week, because I'm going to Europe and won't even be able to find out who wins this thing until well after it's over. Enjoy your David finale, everyone. Cheers!