Bye, bye, Miss American Pie

Longest season ever, right guys? Jeebus. I have to say, I haven't been this disinterested in the outcome of this show since season three. I think my husband summed it all up the best on Tuesday night: if these are supposed to be the best, what the hell did they already eliminate? Anyway, time for the hour-long results craptacular!

45 million people voted on Tuesday night...this number gets higher every week. After Ryan introduces the judges and gently tells America that Paula was NOT high Tuesday night, our ragtag group of kids comes out to perform a Neil Diamond group tribute number. Seriously, more of this? I was totally 100% with Bren on her comment yesterday about the limited themes. This is just too much. Wow, Syesha's dress is really unflattering. This is a terrible group number. Brooke and Syesha sound weak as hell. I think the medley is in too low of a range for the entire group, they all sound like they are struggling.

EW! Constantine! In a sequined shirt! Showing the camera his gross, smoldering eye! BOOOO! OMG, poor Gina Glocksen. They have to host a show together?? She's probably going to get an STD just from sitting next to him. And now on to the recap of last night. Brooke was totally manic and "Eight Days a Week" shades of crazy, the Cookster did the best he could do with the limited songbook, Jason was Jason and found out ahead of time that Paula was apparently going to hate his second song, Syesha was good but about 10 shades of bland, and Little David was predictably cheesy yet somehow hilarious. I would have loved it if he came out in like, a red white and blue sequined jacket.

Ryan's diving into the results pretty early tonight. Must be a lot of filler for later. He brings out Jason and after a lot of jibba jabba, Jason is safe. This surprises me a little bit, but I guess maybe he picked up some of Carly's votes? Little David comes out next, and come on, this isn't even suspenseful. Without even watching the next half hour, I could have told you that the Cookster would come out third and be safe, leaving Brooke and Syesha in the bottom two. Little David is of course, safe. Oh and next week is apparently "Rock and Roll Hall of Fame" week, which could be kind of awesome or treacherous, depending.

After a long ass So You Think You Can Dance (dance! dance! dance!) preview, we get a shot of creepy Uncle Nigel backstage, which, ew. Also apparently, there was a contest to design the Coke cups, and some guy won, and the judges show them off. Scintillating! I have to say, Paula's publicist really cranked it out after Tuesday night--notice Paula's demure, age-appropriate hairdo and her non-cleavage showing, 3/4 sleeved top. Nice work trying to make her not look batshit, but we all know the truth.

So we find out next that the Cookster is safe, natch, and Syesha and Brooke are in the bottom two. There is way too much filler in this show, man. I'm surprised they didn't make both of them sing again like last week. Probably because Brooke will be eliminated and they want to torture her already fragile mind by making her sing her song after she just got the boot. Anyway, one of the TWO musical acts for tonight (really?) is Natasha Bedingfield. I really hope she comes out wearing that kicky skipper's hat she's been photographed in recently. I totally fast forward through her performance. Sorry guys. Oh wait, I pause it long enough to watch her come over to the couches and molest Little David and then tell him she wants to go to prom with him. HAHAHAHA. Awesome.

Shit, it's the return of the viewer calls. I fast forward until I see something on the screen about a woman kissing Simon in the garden when he was nine, and then come on, I HAVE to stop and rewind. What follows is probably the most hilarious of the viewer call in segments. Apparently, the British lady on the phone was Simon's first kiss when he was nine, and lots of cheeky antics follow.

OK, I'm going to wrap this up, because I'm at work and I'm getting my monthly chair massage in like five minutes. Neil Diamond comes out, sings, fills up some more airtime, blah blah blah, FORD! commercial that's actually kind of cute, and time for the result. Ryan calls Brooke and Syesha to the stage, and Brooke looks like she totally knows what is coming. Ryan delivers the news that Brooke is eliminated in probably the gentlest manner we've ever seen from him. I think he knows she's unbalanced. What follows is Brooke completely losing her shit all over Syesha, her Ruben-infused video package, and her babbling incoherently before being forced to sing her song again. All the Idols come out and hover around her while she sings, and it's the trainwreck you would expect.

As much as I've turned on her in the past few weeks (and truly, I don't think I've EVER turned on an Idol so fast), it makes me a little sad that she's going and that she's so obviously not okay about it. Well, she'll make a record anyway, and I'm sure it will be nice and I'll probably download a couple of the tracks on iTunes. Bye Brooke! They're taking you to a nice place now, don't worry!

So we're in the final four, and I have to say, I didn't think Syesha would be there. Next week should be interesting. I'll be blogging the performance night and Bren will take the results. Have a great weekend, all. Cheers!