I fell into a burning ring of fire.

So a few nights ago, I had a dream in which Lindsay & I were either at a Penguins game or the Idol tour - I'm sorry, I can't remember which, but I know I was excited to be there - and sitting next to us were Blake Lewis & Elliott Yamin. This means that obviously at this point in my life, I am dedicating entirely too much time to just two things, only one of which giving me any satisfaction whatsoever (guess which one that is, folks). On to the gaping black hole of my week, the results show. Only good part? Lindsay is here watching with me!! Welcome to the VA, Linds!

I left my notes from last night at home, so I’m winging it today, but luckily last night’s show was a whole lot of nothing. Seriously, these results shows need to go back to a half hour. After Ryan reminds us that we voted a bajillion times, he wastes some time with the judges before going into this week’s group sing. Guys, these things get worse and worse every week. This time it’s “Reelin’ in the Years” by Steely freakin’ Dan (not related to Steely freakin’ McBeam). Is it me, or do the group vocals sound more and more prerecorded every week?

The recap reminds us what a lackluster show Tuesday was – the Cookster and his playoff beard were just sort of breezing through, and reminded us why a Who song should never be boiled down to one and a half minutes; Archuleta continued his crusade to become the next Josh Groban; Syesha (who has been growing on me) took on two huge songs and sort of came out on top; and Jason continued his nose-diving attempt to get the F out of there. This is our top 4? Give me Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, & Blake over these people any day. Or half of Chris, Elliott, Katharine, & Taylor. Hell, I’d take Nikki freaking McKibbin at this point in time. This is the most underwhelming season ever.

Two performances this week - we’ve got an hour to fill, remember! – by Bo Bice and Maroon 5. I wasn’t here during the Bo/Carrie season so I really don’t have an opinion of him. I heart Maroon 5 so bad and want to have a beer with Adam Levine.

In between all this, we get a lot of filler including a really terrible FORD! commercial set to “Ring of Fire” (we all agreed the Cookster should’ve sung this song himself and would’ve been awesome), a trip to Vegas to see the Cirque de Soleil Beatles show (because Idol is still paying for the Beatles songbook), and an especially hilarious call-in segment in which a girl from Pittsburgh asks the Cookster out on a date but, despite being on national TV, did not say “Go Pens.” (Cookster, do it. She’ll take you to Primanti’s.)

I neglected to mention that somewhere in this hour of product placement and commercials were some results. Of course, the Davids are safe. And of course, Syesha and Jason are the bottom two. The best moment of the last four weeks of Idol comes at approximately 9:20, when Ryan starts his usual “we’re going to tease you but of course we’re taking a break and you have to wait another half hour for results” routine. Jason, being Jason and therefore being high as shit, says something to the effect of “You’re gonna tell us now?”

Of course not. But at approximately 9:55, Ryan finally does tell us that Jason is out and Syesha is in, making me immensely happy. Never have I seen a contestant so clearly not want to be there, and I’m glad he gets his wish and goes home. Now all I need is Syesha to somehow take out Archuleta, but we all know that’s not happening. Did you notice how many times they showed David & David in the same shot? Could the producers be any more clear about the finale they want?

Linds is taking on all of next week, since she’s leaving me to recap the final two nights on my own. It should be interesting, to say the least. Will this be the most anticlimactic finale ever? Or will Syesha still refuse to go away? Stay tuned! Go Pens!!!!!!