Last week, two rooms full of 61 nutcases and character disorders moved on to the next round of the show. This week is the weird new mess of where they go to Vegas to learn a Beatles song in 24 hours and perform it on some giant, Cirque du So-Lame type set. I only just started watching this show and I already can't wait for the top 24.
Also: I don't care for the new credits. I'm crotchety and old and don't like change.
Bus ride to Vegas. Can you imagine being trapped on a bus with these people?? LOL. Also they should make the judges ride on the bus too. I would be excited to tune in to watch that.
Rehearsals. Thia Megia and some girl get told off by Peggy the vocal coach. Awesome. Another trio is struggling too. How hard is it to sing a Beatles song, seriously? Lauren Alaina needs to pull it together. My new favorite people on this show are the vocal coaches. Let's have a spin off about them. They are all deliciously bitchy. Especially Peggy. "You're gonna die on stage" is my new favorite quote.
Visit by Jimmy Iovine and "the best music people in the business." The kids have to sing in front of them now, and they're tanking. SCORE. This is excellent TV. Jimmy busts out all the best criticism, he's like the new Simon.
I don't understand the format of this episode. Why is this two hours long? There's so much wasted shit here. OK, we're in front of the judges finally. Stefano something, "unemployed" and James Durbin, also "unemployed." My dad's comment about James while watching this with me: Who does that kid think he is, Sgt. Pepper? Dad, keepin' it real. They're just okay.
Two girls who knew each other in High School. Pia Toscano and Karen Rodriguez. They aren't terrible, I guess. I love Pia's outfit and shoes. Their performance is a little cruise shippy, but not bad. Now we have Haley Reinhart, who I think I hate, Naima Adedapo whose look is CRAZY and Jacob Lusk, who might be kind of awesome based on his performance I recapped last week.
Rachel Zevita needs to be gone. She can't be real. I rather enjoyed the snippet of Lauren Turner's "Let it Be." She sang with that Jovany guy. Tim Halperin is pretty good. Piano guy. He duetted on piano with Julie Gorilla. This was actually pretty good.
After commercials, we have a trio of Jerome Bell, Lakeisha Lewis and Tatynisa Wilson. Lakeisha is the best one in this group by far. And I cannot continue to type Tatynisa's name. COME ON. Then Kendra Chantelle and Paul McDonald sing "Blackbird" which is my favorite Beatles song. Paul's better than Kendra.
Montage of some pretty decent groups, but they don't show us anyone's names during this montage so I'm not sure who's who. I recognized Hipster Glasses in there but that was it.
Segue from Steven Tyler being weird to, SHOCKER, Ashley Sullivan being weird. I mean, can we PLEASE cut her?? For our sake as well as hers? Because girl ain't right. OH GOD, and her and her equally batshit boyfriend are going to the Britney Spears' wedding chapel to get married. FAST FORWARD, I do not have time for this shit.
Commercials are over and we're back with Day Two of Vegas auditions. Thia and Melinda Ademi were the girls who got berated by Peggy the vocal coach. Their performance is so twee and ridiculous. It's like bad show choir. NEXT. Oh God, not NEXT, it's Ashley "newly married" Sullivan and some poor girl named Sophia. And I am not typing Ashley's new last name. This performance blows. It's all nasally and weird. Ashley has zero stage presence.
Lauren Alaina, Scotty McCreary and Denise Jackson are next. Denise looks like a hooker and Scotty looks like he's about to go on college interviews. And his voice is weird. And Lauren is okay I guess, but she needs to drop the Madonna circa 1989 look ASAP. She is only 15. JLO actually offers decent criticism, telling them that the song just didn't fit them. Agreed. Bad.
Carson Higgins and Caleb Hawley are delightfully weird. I think I love Casey Abrams a lot. He and Chris Medina are pretty awesome. I can't believe Casey's only 19, he looks like he's 30. The final performance after the break is Robbie Rosen, Aaron Sanders and Jordan Dorsey. Apparently they sang together on GROUP NIGHT too. They're pretty good, I think Aaron might be the best one.
So wait, if this is the finale of Beatles day, what the hell are they going to fill the next hour of this show with?? Ahh, the "brutal cuts" we've been hearing so much about. Seacrest is so dramatic. Thia, Scotty, Jordan Dorsey, Ashthon, Robbie, Lauren are all through. I can get on board with Ashthon, Robbie, Jordan and Lauren, I guess, but Thia and Scotty are meh.
People get cut, including crazy Carson and "White House intern" Molly DeWalt. Aww, Caleb Hawley got cut too, I think I was starting to like him. Denise the hooker gets cut and FINALLY PRAISE JEEBUS, Ashley Sullivan gets cut. BYE CRAY CRAY. So now the rest of the peeps (40 total) have to go back to LA for...what now? More solos? And wait, THE CHAIR is tonight?? God, I am so confused. This episode is way too long.
Okay, we're in an airplane hanger now? WTF, show? Also JLO appears to have a breakdown at some point. Nice. First up is Naima Adedamo. She is seriously wearing what looks like either a bad bridesmaid or mother of the bride dress. Montage about Naima, she cleans toilets or something. She's through, after some dicking around by Steven. OMG she totally tells JLO that she used to watch In Living Color and wanted to be a flygirl like her. That kind of ruled.
Holly Cavanaugh is 17 and blonde and next to THE CHAIR. She's very cute and wholesome looking. Ew, she sang that Miley song about the mountain in her initial audition. Blech. Her montage shows that she's pretty good. They tell her no, even though JLo tells her she could come back and win the whole thing. Which I can totally see. Maybe JLo isn't a terrible judge after all?
Other people get cut, including Lakeisha Lewis, which sucks, because she was the only good one in her group. And some kid named Alex Ryan...who? Sorry about your lack of screen time, Alex.
Hipster Glasses aka Clint Jun Gamboa is up in the chair next. Because I hate him, he'll probably be through. I think Clint's like a cartoon character, like I could see Fred Armisen playing him on SNL or something. Clint, STOP TALKING. Of course Clint's in the top 24. Barf. Guys, don't vote for him. After commercials, Haley Reinhart. She just rubs me the wrong way, and I don't know why. She's through to the top 24.
OK, DeAndre Brackensick is 16 and has a face that is meant for modeling. I'm being 100% serious. I could see him shilling for Abercrombie. He was in the group with all the teenagers and their moms on GROUP NIGHT. I think he sounded pretty good overall, though. Of course, because I felt like I was starting to enjoy him, he gets cut. Dammit.
Paul McDonald is next. I enjoyed him in the duet he did with that Kendra girl. He has a "distinctive" voice, according to Ryan. It's definitely different. I would like to listen to him sing the entirety of Blackbird by himself. LOL okay, I gotta give him a point or two for the ridiculous suit he wore for his final audition. Minus a point for singing an original song, that shit never works. Oh he's in! Okay, yay. I might actually like someone in the top 24.
Ashthon Jones, I remember liking her during Group Night. OMG, why did she sing "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" for her final audition?? LOL, Ashthon, come on, crack is wack! She made it through, so that's two so far that I like in the top 24.
Okay, I think I'm at the end of the ep here. Who is the final person that makes JLo cry and say she doesn't want to do this anymore? Is it Chris Medina? Oh right, he's the one with the fiancee in the wheelchair. I think he might need a makeover if he makes it through. He sounds pretty good, but he's not my favorite. And he gets cut. I'm actually surprised, usually the show is all about pimping out people's sob stories....GOKEY. Sorry Chris.
Tonight, Brenna gets to recap two hours of THE CHAIR. I honestly don't understand how they're going to fill two more hours with this, but it's Idol, they'll figure out a way.
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