Birth year songs, or: I am ancient.

We open the show with the judges and Ryan telling us that we'll be able to purchase downloads of the songs with the proceeds going towards Japan relief efforts. That's awesome, well done, show. THAT is the definition of IGFB.

And now, onto to the show. Songs from the year of your birth, also known as, the night Brenna and I feel old as hell. Thia Megia (LOL) was born in 1995, people. I was a freshman in high school and she was a baby. Yeesh.

Top 12 comes out and Casey Abrams is here, yay! Glad he recovered from whatever mysterious ailment he had going on last week.

Naima is first, and she was born in 1984. OK, so she doesn't make me feel that old, haha. She's singing "What's Love (Got To Do With It?)" by the fabulous Miss Tina Turner. She could either rock this or crash and burn. She starts out pretty great, but when she gets to the first verse, she goes really super flat. And her outfit is bringing the cray cray. It puts some of the shit Siobhan used to wear to shame. This wasn't good. I might love her for being a little bit insane, though.

JLo's hair is HUGE tonight, guys. I love some big hair, work it girl. Oh, I missed last week that we're apparently doing the backstage cam again? Blech.

Paul was also born in 1984. His baby pictures are typically embarassing. His parents seem super cute though. He's singing "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by the great Sir Elton John. PAUL. PLEASE BUY SOME LOOSER PANTS. I really enjoy Paul a lot. I don't know if I'd have picked this song, but he does his Paul thing with it. I think he sounds good vocally but the song is boring. Sorry, Elton. Paul won't win this show, but he's fun to watch sometimes.

Thia Megia. Born in 1995. I'm so crotchety. She's super cute, I never really paid attention to her, I don't think. Oh my God...she's really singing the Pocahontas song???? She's wearing a long tan gown that sorry, makes her look naked. I realize that's a teenager I'm saying this about, and I get that it's supposed to be like she's wearing a Pocahontas outfit or something, but it's not good. Neither is the song. BORING, THIA. And flat. You were boring as hell last week too. Come on, girl.

So far it's been an underwhelming beginning. Hey, Kate Hudson's in the audience with her kid, and they're eating Cheetos. Awesome.

Up next is James who was born in 1989. He was a super cute kid. I still think he looks like Buzz from Home Alone, sorry, James. He's got an awesome year to pick from I think. He's singing Bon Jovi's "I'll Be There For You" and I feel like this is gonna be good. Wow, if I close my eyes, he actually SOUNDS like JBJ. That is crazy. Go James. This is pretty fly. I'm on the James train, I think, even though I didn't like him two weeks ago, haha. Did Steven just get bleeped, or did something else happen?

After the commercials, we learn that Haley was born in 1990. Her mom had AWESOME late 80s/early 90s hair when Haley was a baby. I still don't like Haley's face. She's doing "I'm Your Baby Tonight" by Whitney Houston...really??? I hate this already. She has lipstick on her teeth. Thanks, high definition TV! This is kind of a train wreck. Haley does not have a Whitney Houston type of voice, this was a bad choice. THANK YOU RYAN for wiping her effing lipstick off her face. God, Haley. All the choices tonight suck so far except James.

Up next is Stefano. I think I might have a mini-crush on him. DON'T JUDGE ME. He was born in 1989. He's singing "If You Don't Know Me By Now"--LAME. Come on, guys. Everyone is
picking such shitty songs. Why are they putting us to sleep?? I think he sounds decent enough, but this song blows ass. The judges eat it up, and love all over him. I mean, it was good, but it wasn't THAT good. Bleh.

Pia's up next. HEY GIRL! LOL her home videos are a hoot. She's talking about her dead grandpa, so I smell a tribute ballad coming on. I was hoping for something upbeat. From 1989, another Whitney song, "Where Do Broken Hearts Go?" Pia, girl, that outfit. I don't even know what to do with this. It's like a weird white satin jumpsuit thing. Pia's voice is for real though. Even though this song is weird, and I don't think this is the normal arrangement of the song.

Scotty's up, or as he's been officially christened on this blog, #oldladyvote. His parents are super cute and funny. Apparently he gets that deep voice from his dad. He was born in 1993, ARGH. He's singing some random song that I don't know by Travis Tritt, which, of course. "Can I Trust You With My Heart?" These songs are too old for Scotty. This is so predictable. I mean, I can't say that Scotty sucks, because his voice sounds nice, but this is just not my cup of tea. It's so weird. Shocker: Randy made an album with Travis Tritt. Is there anyone in the music biz that he hasn't claimed he's made an album with yet?

Commercials, then Karen, who was born in 1989. I feel like a lot of the contestants were born that year. The hell?? What is she WEARING? And her HAIR?? To quote a text from Brenna, "She's dressed like a fembot." Her mom compares Karen being on Idol to "her Oscar." Weird? Taylor Dayne's "Love Will Lead You Back" and it's bland and not good. These ballads are KILLING ME tonight. Please GOD, someone do something up tempo. Not a fan of Karen. I think she'll be B3 again this week.

OMFG, Casey is doing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" isn't he??? Like the spoiler we read earlier claimed. He was born in 1991, which is so bizarre to me because he looks like he's 30. I hope this is epic. Jimmy Iovine seems dubious. Uhoh. It's definitely a risk. My problem with this performance is that Casey isn't "dirty" enough for Nirvana. Like, he looks like he should be teaching a poetry class, or something. Casey's definitely talented, but I didn't love this. I might be in the minority, time will tell.

Up next is Lauren, who for some reason is wearing a surgical mask. Oh, she has the flu. I'm always skeptical when contestants claim illness. She was born in 1994, and just shoot me, LOL. UM, her mom??? Why is she dressed like a Bratz doll?? WTF? Oooh, she's doing "I'm The Only One" by Melissa Etheridge. I think this will really suit her. I love Melissa Etheridge. Shut up. She starts off a little rough, but she finds her groove by the chorus. It's good. I expected a little more, but she's sick, I guess. Still good.

So that leaves us with Jacob in the pimp spot. He was born in 1987. Oh man, he's doing "Alone"?? This should be interesting. I would have never picked this for him. Only Carrie and Allison have been able to pull this off on this show. Aww, remember Allison? I mean, Jacob's voice is normally awesome, I can't deny that. But something is stopping me from being 100% into him. There are some weird off key parts, but this is a great way to close the show, though.

So that was pretty much a boring show. Bottom three candidates for me include Karen, Haley and probably Naima. Karen should go, this week. Brenna will bring you the results, including Lee Dewyze's triumphant return to the Idol stage! WE LOVE YOU LEEEEE!