Go away, #oldladyvote.

Here we go! Top 13. Woooo. Judges, producers, blah blah blah. Let's get this party started.

The Idols are all working with a producer this year in arranging the tunes, because they realized last year none of them could do it on their own. Lauren Alaina is up first, and she's singing Any Man of Mine, and OMG, I'm back in the SportsGarden in 2003. Side note: I definitely started this line dance one night in an Amherst, MA bar and managed to get a few undergrads to join in while everyone else stared at us. Ha. Anyway, Lauren. She's cute, and she sounds mostly good. But I agree with Steven when he says he wanted it to be a little more kick ass.

Casey Abrams is singing With a Little Help From My Friends. He gets the gospel choir treatment. In the first episode of the year! Wow. It sounds fantastic, and you can't deny he's talented. But.. dare I say... he's got some Taylor Soul Patrol Hicks spazziness about him. And he's kind of totally cheesy. And if you're into that sort of thing (which, obviously, America was back in season 5), he is going to be very popular. The judges predictably love it. Casey is definitely going to be interesting to watch.

The only thing Ashthon Jones has going for her (besides that weird extra H in her name) is her awesome hair. She sings a Diana Ross song called When You Tell Me That You Love Me, which I had to Google. It's not good. Can we all agree that Ashthon should not be here? I was pissed when they put her through last week. Meh. Next.

Paul McDonald is kind of weird, right? He's singing Come Pick Me Up, by Ryan Adams, another song I don't know. It's good, but I guess Paul missed the memo that our coffee house singer songwriter season was last year. (Call me, Lee Dewyze.) Also, Paul gives a creepy Constantine-like stare into the camera at the end. I should like Paul because he has that raspy voice I usually like, but I don't think I do. I don't know, it's weird.

Pia Toscano, who rocked our worlds last week. She's doing All By Myself, which is a tad overdone on this show, but I can't remember anyone doing it in the last few years, so we'll give her a pass. Also, because she's fantastic. She's like old school Idol diva here, back when this show was about who could sing the biggest. JLo is all, I wish I could sing like that. Randy calls it (I'm quoting this verbatim) "a very hot, dope, cool performance." Steven then wishes her a happy international woman's day, and this show has officially gotten out of control.

James Durbin has the misfortune of following Pia, and he has picked Maybe I'm Amazed. To me, James is what would happen if Adam Lambert and David Cook had a baby. I'm not totally feeling this though, I think he can do better. Aw, cute moment when JLo tells him to "let them clap" when they want to clap, and then he does that rock star thing where he makes everyone clap and then get quiet. I would love to stand on a stage and do that just once. Anyway, the judges love James. I think I might like him too.

Haley Reinhart is singing Blue and wearing a blue dress with a blue background on the screen. See what they did there? I'm not a huge fan of the song, but I think she did well. Definitely better than last week. Randy doesn't love it, but Steven actually puts together a coherent sentence, so yay.

I always wonder what possesses these kids to choose the songs they choose. Such as I BELIEVE I CAN FLY, Josh Lusk's choice. Yeah, he sounds good, but I can't take this song seriously. It's by R. Kelly and it was from the major motion picture SPACE JAM. Oooh, more gospel choir. Jacob does things with his voice that I'm not sure what you would call, and he sounds pretty spectacular all around. But again, SPACE JAM.

Thia Megia, seriously, your name cannot be real. She's singing Smile, the Charlie Chaplin one. It started off good, but then this weird beat kicks in and tries to modernize it, and then she's doing this weird dance, and it gets not good.

Stefano is singing Lately. The producers give this one a weird arrangement too. Just let them sing, guys. I wasn't a huge fan at first, but it definitely gets better as the song goes on. Still not one of my favorites though.

Karen Rodriguez, singing I Could Fall In Love by Selena. Apparently she was sick this week, which might explain why she sounded better last week. Oh, and she's wearing a sequined pants suit. No joke. This song is boring. If this show has taught us one thing, it's that being bad is better than being forgettable, so I'm a little worried about poor Karen after this one.

I don't get Scotty. Really, I don't. It's the #oldladyvote. He sings some Garth Brooks, I zone out and really don't care, and then the judges basically jizz all over him, and it's all very annoying to me.

Naima is singing Umbrella. Really? Huh. But she's in the pimp spot, so maybe she'll surprise me. Ooh she's dancing! One thing this show has never had is a genuine dance pop star (aside from the amazing underrated Blake Lewis), so this is kind of refreshing. I guess it's good, but I wouldn't try to sing a Rihanna song if you're trying to be taken seriously as a singer because RIHANNA CAN'T SING. Oh, and there was some kind of reggae interlude. Steven is iffy, JLo falls all over herself, and Randy actually says, "I was like, yo."

So there's your top 13! If it was up to me, your bottom three would be Ashthon, Scotty, and Karen, but God knows America is not that smart. Plus, #oldladyvote. Lindsay will take your results show tomorrow. Good night!