Ladies Night

You know that scene in The Social Network where the lawyer asks Mark if he has his attention, and then he goes on that awesomely written tirade about how he has the minimum amount of his attention? That's how I feel about the early rounds of Idol. So much so, that - full disclosure - when my DVR alerted me that I had two recordings going at 9:00 and I still wanted to watch the Pens game, I canceled Idol and let my roommate's recording of Modern Family go unharmed. So part of this blog will be the actual episode, and part will be me looking up videos in the morning or trying to catch performances on commercial breaks. Minimum amount of attention, just like Zuckerberg.

Up first: Ta-Tanysia Wilson. Wait, wasn't she just Tanysia last week? She's singing that Rihanna song I hate. (That doesn't narrow it down much, huh? It's Only Girl in the World.) To her credit, she sounds better than I've ever heard Rihanna sound live, but that doesn't mean it's good. JLo is wearing a disco ball tonight and loves it. Randy thinks it was just ok. Damn, I miss Simon.

Naima Adeapo. Dressed as the Chiquita banana. Singing Summertime. Oh noooooo girl, this song belongs to Fantasia. This is the very definition of cruise ship singing. Call up Royal Caribbean, they'll hire you, because this is not getting you to the final 12. OMG, thank you Randy, for mentioning Fantasia. Simon would be semi-proud.

Up next we have Kendra Chantelle, singing Impossible, which is one of my favorite Christina Aguilera songs. She is also wearing the tightest leather pants I have ever seen. It starts off fine, but somewhere around the middle it goes off the deep end, culminating in one final screechy note. Steven Tyler goes all creepy grandpa and says she's hot. Yikes.

OMG YOU GUYS. Rachel Zevita is wearing A CAPE. And then she throws it off. And then she starts singing a loungey version of Criminal. It is NOT GOOD. Fiona Apple's original is one of my favorite songs. It is so sultry and angsty and angry, and all that is lost in this. The thing is, I think if she had sung the original arrangement, it might have been good. She has that kind of voice. But.... man..... just, no. Steven accurately calls it too Broadway. JLo and Randy tell her it wasn't good. Rachel looks like she is dying inside.

It's time for Karen Rodriguez, singing HERO. Yesssss. Normally we have to wait for IGFB for this shit. Whoa, now she's singing in Spanish. Going after the Hispanic vote. Very smart, Karen. Muy inteligente. The judges love it. I didn't think it was spectacular, but it was solid. Probably the best of the girls so far.


Lauren Turner reminds me of someone, and it annoys me. She is also wearing a disco ball. She's singing Seven Day Fool. I don't recognize the song, but I love her performance. For the first time tonight, I think damn, that girl can sing. I just noticed Steven is wearing feathers in his hair. The judges like it, including some reference to being "Amy Winehouse meets Florence & the Machine." Um, ok?


Ashthon Jones is singing Love Over Me. Is this Diana Ross or something similar? It sounds soooo old fashioned. I'm bored. At least she has fabulous hair and a fun rapport with JLo.


Up next is Julie Zorrilla, who I think I liked last week. She's singing original Idol Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway, and not nearly as well as Kelly. Or even as me, in my bedroom. Ohhh, it is not good. Darn it, Julie.


Haley Reinhart sings Fallin', which is probably the most overused song in the history of this show. It starts off great, and it sounds good, but she's doing this weird thing - like, she's trying to be sexy, but she's so not, she's really just trying too hard, and she comes off as an SNL caricature of Christina Aguilera. It's all very weird. But if I close my eyes, I sort of like it. By this point I'm stuck watching the videos on the interweb, so I have no idea what the judges say about her.



Thia Megia, whose name I still don't believe is real, is singing Out Here on my Own, which is apparently from Fame. She has one of those voices that would be good on these cheesy 80s ballads. Geez, this song is boring. Nice note at the end, but overall, meh. Back to hockey before I hear what the judges say.

Lauren Alaina is up next with Turn on the Radio. Thank God someone is bringing the rock tonight, even if it has a country twang. Wait, is this tutu girl??? OMG, it is. She has an Allison Iraheta vibe going on. I like it! And much better fashion choice tonight, girl. She has potential.

And finally, Pia Toscano, who Lindsay informed me this morning was "legit." She's singing I'll Stand by You with serious pimp lighting. Basically, she rocks it. It's gorgeous and effortless, and I'd call her our first front-runner of the season.

So there are your ladies! Pia, Lauren Alaina, & Lauren Turner must move on, in my opinion. The others, I could take 'em or leave 'em. If Rachel gets through, I have officially lost faith in this show. Lindsay will take the results for you tonight. Yay for one quick hell week! :)