PANTS. ON. THE GROUND.

Here are the three things I know about the city of Atlanta:
1) Usher
2) Most aggravating airport ever
3) Coca-Cola

So I'm not going to be as helpful with the city references as Brenna was yesterday with Boston, but here we go!

OK, this audition set up is awesome. The contestants have to ride an elevator up 27 floors, walk out and audition, then ride back down. I really hope we have an elevator cam installed to capture everyone's insanity when they get rejected. Also Mary J. Blige is the guest judge. Remember when poor Elliott had to sing that U2 song with her at the finale that one time and she completely took over the whole thing? What a rip off for Elliott.

This first guy is related to the person who started Gladys Knight and the Pips, I think he said? Or something. That doesn't necessarily mean you can sing, but who knows. Stranger things have happened, right? Oh God, he's singing his own original song...aaaaaand train wreck. Simon interrupts him about 12 times to ask about the title of the song and if it's supposed to be a duet. He's awful. We are spending way too much time on this guy....MOVE ON, everyone.

After the break, we get a crappy guy who makes MJB crack up, a random cheerleading squad and a girl named Kia who claims she won "Miss Congeniality" in a beauty contest. She has on ridiculous neon yellow leggings AS PANTS--HELL NO, KIA. She's singing, in her words, "the Titanic song." She doesn't sound too terrible...I'd give her just an okay. Everyone really likes her personality, and she gets four votes through, which actually kind of shocked me.

Montage of good people and OH GOD...the first audition with that terrible freaking Miley Cyrus song. Kill me now. Wow, some girl with giant, GIANT earrings got a yes--the judges must have been blinded by her jewelry.

Now we've got our first sob story. His name is Jermaine and he's a church singer. He takes care of his mom who has spina bifida. And he's auditioning with a Joan Osbourne song, how random. Simon makes that face he makes when he really likes someone but doesn't want to show it...you guys know what I mean. I love Jermaine, for real, though. He does a lot of those runs that are kind of distracting but I think if he just sang for real, he would be AWESOME.

Break's over and we're already through day one already, apparently. Good, speed through this shit. I hate auditions. Up next we have a really, really, REALLY annoying girl named Kristy Marie who is a TV show host/producer for a local Atlanta TV show. She busts out with this horrific rendition of "Love is a Battlefield", and it's awful. She looks like a total ass. OMG hahaha Mary J HAAAATES her. They rip that bandaid off pretty quick and send her back downstairs.

Montage of shitty people and the elevator cam...yessss. They should do this in every city during the audition round. Oh ouch, the cheerleader didn't make it, and she has a whole damn squad there to see her fail.

The last audition of this day is Vanessa from Tennessee who "jumps bridges." Why are people weird??? Seriously, it's not that hard to...not jump off a bridge. OK, I think she might be poor, so now I feel bad for making fun of her. She's kind of like Kellie Pickler, but way sadder and without as much personality. I have never even heard of the song she's singing, but the voice that comes out of her is not what I'm expecting. She kind of breaks my heart a little, and I think she's going to get eaten alive in Hollywood, but I'm glad for her.

Day Two: we start off with some poor guy named Jesse who claims he's almost died three times, and of course Idol has to mock that with a "cheap dramatization" complete with hick music. Nice, show. He actually kind of looks like Bucky Covington but with really short hair. Aww, Bucky. Oh man, and Jesse's never sung in public before. MJB is trying to hide her laughing fit by pretending to cry.

And this kind of shit is why I kind of hate this show sometimes. Seriously, this guy probably doesn't have a lot going on in his life, and he seems like a decent human being, he's not a cocky idiot who is trying to argue with them...just send him on his way without laughing in his face.

Montage of rejects and breakdowns set to a Garth Brook song. LOL I love when the parents get all involved and call Simon an ass and stuff.

After the break, we get a montage of the introduction of instruments to Idol, which is a segue to the weird girl who is dressed as a freaking guitar. I hate this girl already. Simon already looks over it. And she sounds like the Pick. Her name is Holly, and she puts on freaking guitar sunglasses to sing some song by Loretta Lynn. She doesn't have a terrible voice, but she's annoying as hell. OMG I love Mary J right now, she voted no. I hope we lose her in Hollywood.

Montage of crappy people, including some weird redheaded guy singing the Mulan song and a guy wearing a shirt that says "Britney Spears Changed My Life"--I might love that guy.

Up next is Mallorie, from South Dakota, and I love her name. She auditions with "Piece of My Heart" and she kind of countrifies it and it sounds awesome. She's so cute too! I heart you Mallorie, call me! Everyone loves her, and MJB is the first to say it. Four yeses and she's through. Then we get a montage of good people getting golden tickets, which pisses me off that we aren't seeing their actual auditions.

I cannot believe there is still a half an hour of this show left at this point. Which is probably the equivalent of three auditions and the rest commercials. Up next we have some weirdo who calls himself Skiboski? I don't even know if I'm spelling that right. He's got some kind of crazy design cut into his hair, and he's dancing with the guitar girl, so I already hate him.

The thing is, he's not THAT bad, and if he dropped the annoying act and stupid catchphrases, I could maybe get on board with him. He's just a stupid character, and I don't watch this show for characters. Also he's maybe hitting on Mary J? I can't even tell what the hell his deal is. Go away, Skiboski. Is he this year's Norman Gentle???? Please tell me he's not.

A pair of Southern Belle BFFs are up next. Their names are Carmen and Lauren and are both in full pageant makeup like whoa, and the one really needs to fix her eyebrows. The show lets them audition together, of course. They are both terrible, in my opinion. But Carmen gets through and Lauren doesn't, so I vote that they are no longer BFFs, yes? I think Lauren didn't get through because of her janked up eyebrows.

How did I blog before without a laptop? Best thing ever. This entry is totally just a stream of consciousness happening while I'm watching the ep. After the break, we get a montage of crap so bad that MJB can't even control herself during it and just spontaneously shouts "Oh my God!" I love how Simon just leaves at random points during the auditions.

Up next is a dorky looking cop named Bryan who actually says "I'm going to sing Superstar in the style of Ruben Studdard." Best sentence ever uttered in an audition. Wow, this guy is pretty good. He's our fake out of the episode, the one who looks like he'd be sucky but is really great. Good for Bryan, we'll see you in Hollywood.

OK, here's the psycho they've been showing on the promos. He's got weirdly shaved eyebrows and is apparently stalking Mary J, or something. He literally is SCREAMING "Kiss from a Rose" in his audition, and I wish I weren't watching this live so I could fast forward. And I'm cracking up so bad because Adam was passed out asleep on the couch, and the first note of this guy was so loud, it jolted him awake. I'm not going to recap all his bullshit, but yeah: he's the worst. So bad that MJB actually thought he was going to pull a gun on her. WOW.

Finally, we're at the last ATL audition. And it's some old dude named Larry who is singing his own song called "Pants on the Ground." And despite myself and everything I believe about this show, I laughed my ass off at this audition. You know Larry's crazy ass will be back at the finale singing this song as he receives his Golden Idol. Lookin' like a FOOL with your PANTS on the GROUND!

So 25 are through to Hollywood and we saw what? Eight of them? Not good odds there, show, but getting better.

On a more serious note, our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone and anyone affected by the tragedy in Haiti.

Chicago next week, and one of us will be there to take you through it. See you then!