Yee haw, readers. We're in Dallas tonight, at the massive temple to football that Jerry Jones felt the need to build. (How ridic is that stadium though?? I wanna see a game there.) Wonder if Tony Romo will audition with his rendition of Don't Stop Believin'.
Let's play count the Texas cliches. Cowboys cheerleaders? Check. Simon doing his Clint Eastwood impression? Check. Country music, cowboy hats, & oxen? Check, check, & check.
OMG, they play the Doogie Howser theme song for NPH's introduction!!! I am so excited he is here to be our guest judge tonight. I basically want NPH (along with K-Chen) to be my best friend and sit around drinking beer and singing Broadway songs together. That's basically my dream in life. Side note: if I ever auditioned for NPH, I'd have a hard time trying to decide whether to sing You Just Got Slapped or Sandcastles in the Sand.
The first girl, Julie, apparently auditioned in season 1 in Dallas, and she's just as bad this time as she was then. (By the way, they keep showing flashbacks to the season 1 Dallas audition, and it is hilarious. Simon's hair was OUT OF CONTROL.) NPH's facial expressions during this whole ordeal are amazing. I really enjoy the guest judges' first exposure to weirdos, since Simon, Kara, & Randy are so jaded by now.
The next audition, Lloyd Thomas, has the best line so far when he says "What's the worst part of the job that I have? The job that I have." He's awesome, with two gorgeous daughters, and he sings a Stevie Wonder jam. He has a smooth little Ruuuuuuuben type voice, but not nearly as refined. (He might be almost as large as Ruuuuuuben too.) And he totally vibes with the judges. I really like Lloyd! He obviously gets through, and well-deservedly so.
Whooooa the next girl to audition is totally wearing stripper heels. Wow. Kimberly Carver is singing her own song (stop doing that, people) and she's actually quite talented. Simon for some weird reason doesn't like her, but NPH is like "hell to the no, she's going to Hollywood."
Up next is a weirdo named Dexter who winks at the camera 85 times and then struts the hell into the audition room. He's so bad I don't have the words to describe it. It literally takes me until the chorus of his song to even recognize what he's singing. He's gone. Montage of crying girls. Seacrest interviews NPH. NPH, call me!
The next auditioner was once on Barney. Um... ok. Her name is Erica and she's now dressed as a dominatrix. I'm seriously freaked out by this girl. OMG, now she's singing the I love you, you love me song... I need another glass of wine. She then starts singing Free Your Mind and snapping her whip all around. Her voice isn't awful, so I feel like maybe she'd be kinda good if she didn't have this whole get up going on, but I can't take her seriously. Apparently every single judge does though, and she's going to Hollywood. And wow, it appears that her parents are there, and they are so effing proud. Of their daughter, who is dressed as a dominatrix. Let that sink in for a minute.
Final contestant of Dallas Day 1 is Dave Pittman. He has tourettes, but it doesn't affect him when he's singing. Wow, his voice is fantastic! Not at all what I was expecting. He kinda has an Elliott vibe. Makeover desperately needed, but I can picture him in the Top 12. He gets through easily, and I think I've got someone to cheer for. (Plus, his mom is adorable, which always gets you bonus points.)
Day 1 is done, which means no more NPH. Boo. :( Montage of our golden tickets set to Party in the USA. I'm noddin' my head like yeaaaaah. Is Dominatrix Girl this year's Bikini Girl? Based on her overexposure so far, I vote yes.
Our second guest judge is a Jonas brother. I don't bother figuring out which one, to me they're all interchangeable. The first audition is Todrick and he sings a song about... himself. His voice is pretty good, but I'm too distracted by the dumb lyrics basically begging them all to send him to Hollywood. Which they do.
We get about 8 seconds of a few people who got golden tickets, until we reach Megan Wright's audition. She has a fantastic raspy jazzy voice, easily wins over the judges, and then her massive entourage almost tackles Seacrest. Fabulous.
Wow, the next girl is really hyper. Her name is Vanessa and she is singing At Last. I use the term "singing" very lightly, because it's as bad as you're probably imagining. We then get a montage of what makes Simon so miserable, leading to our last Dallas audition. Her name is Christian Spear, and she was diagnosed with cancer when she was a child. She has been in remission for eight years, so yay. She's pretty good, the judges love her (is the Jonas mute, by the way? I've barely noticed him), and she's obviously through to Hollywood.
31 golden tickets were awarded in Dallas, making it I think the most successful city yet. That's all for tonight! Lindsay will take care of you next Tuesday in Denver since a) she wants to cover Posh and b) I'm waaaaaay too busy with the Lost premiere. Till then!
3 comments:
The Jonas was totally mute. Between him and Avril, they maybe combined to make one whole articulate judge.
I'm still trying to figure out why Avril was even a judge. Does she make music still? Do teens even like her? I work with them every day & I haven't heard a teenager mention Avril Lavigne since Greece. The only thing I thought she did was sell clothes for Kohl's. And heck I love Kohl's, but I still think her selling clothes for them is weird.
As soon as the show started I was already a little annoyed... with them saying Texas every other word!
Ok, we know where you are and it's BIG and I hate how they always play that tangy country music.. like everyone from Texas listens to that AND wears a cowboy hat. We don't all ride horses either! ;)
I think I'm bitchin' because I'm ready for the auditions to be done, LOL!
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