An exercise in mediocrity

And we're off! The hellish weeks of auditions are finally over. HOORAY. Tonight we've got our top 12 girls facing off for the first time against a live audience and real live voters. This year, I think it's the first time I've ever liked more female contestants than males, so I hope the ladies deliver.

Blah blah, Ryan gives us the jist on how we'll go from 24 to 12--we know this shit, Ryan. Judge intro--why is Randy wearing what appears to be a blue Swatch? Lame. Go away, Randy.

What is this waste of time? Some gag about Simon hitting on Ellen with manufactured footage...come on, show. Just get to the girls, already! Oh, okay, the theme these next few weeks is Billboard Top Hits, which is good--nice variety.

Paige Miles is our first contestant. She is one of the few girls we hadn't really seen throughout Hollywood week. She's really cute though, and the clips we see from her auditions seem good. She's singing "It's Alright Now", and I always feel bad for the first one out in these rounds. She's probably nervous as hell. Kind of a shaky start for Paige, and she doesn't really seem to get on track. I don't like this, sorry Paige...I'm bored. Wow, Simon tells her she has the best voice of all the girls, but she picked a crap song. True story there. Mixed bag of reviews from the rest of the panel. I think Paige might be in trouble.

Ashley Rodriguez is up next....yay ARod! Love her. She's performing "Happy" by Leona Lewis. I think this is a good choice for her. She just reminded me of Jordin Sparks for a second. Hmm, another shaky start...I think the beginning is too low for her. She kind of gets it a little bit together in the middle, but this is not good. Not what I'd expect from her. Maybe I lied about the song choice, LOL. I'm sad for Ashley, I wanted her to be awesome. The judges all tell her it wasn't great, and they want her to pick songs that are riskier.

Janell Wheeler is up next. I adore her. Her intro package is a little bland, but she's gorgeous. She's taking on "What About Love" by Heart. Has anyone ever done this one? We get "Alone" out the ass every year. This song choice actually surprised me for her. I thought she'd be all acoustic with her guitar, but she changed it up. She sounds okay for the most part, save for a few weird parts throughout which seems to be the theme of tonight so far. Another mixed bag of reviews...nice to see though that the judges aren't just all agreeing with each other.

Also sidebar, but I think Ellen's doing a good job so far tonight as a judge. And I can't stand Kara. That is all.

After the break we have Lilly Scott. I literally said "Uccchhh" out loud when she came on the screen. I'm sorry, but I hate Lilly. The judges keep telling her how original she is, but she's NOT original. And what is up with her hair? Is it grey? Is it dyed? What is going on!? She's singing a Beatles song tonight, "Fixin' a Hole." She kind of reminds me of Megan Joy right now, which is not a good thing. She makes stupid wrinkly nose faces when she sings. Can you guys tell I am not on board with Lilly? Of course, everyone licks all over her and talks about how she "stands out"...ELLEN, her voice is NOT unique! She sounds like Megan Joy!

I have to move on, because I'm so annoyed. Up next is Katelyn Epperly, the cute blonde who I really don't think has a great voice. I love her hair, though. She's singing "Oh Darlin'" and is wearing some kind of vampy leather dress and weird feather hat. I am not on board with the styling. Her voice sounds great though. I stand corrected on my earlier comments. Her voice kind of reminds me of Kelly Clarkson a little bit, but of course not nearly as good. She gets decent comments from the judges, so well done Katelyn. Sorry I misjudged you. :P

Haeley Vaughn is up after Katelyn. Ew, we see video footage of her going to get her nose pierced after she made it to Hollywood. Gross, Haeley. OMG, when she came out to sing, my husband Adam seriously asked me, "Is she dressed like a nurse?" She's doing the Beatles too, "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and when I watched this initially on Tuesday night I thought she did okay. But watching it back on second viewing, it's not good. There's a lot of screaming and it's just generally weird. Bad arrangement. Also she's holding a guitar but I can't tell if she's actually playing it. The judges hammer her, and I kind of feel bad, but woof, Haeley.

Lacey Brown is our token red/pink haired girl for the season. She's the one who got cut over Megan effin Joy last year. Boring video package. She's singing "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac. One of my all time favorite songs. Don't jank it up, Lacey. Ugh, the first line is terrible. I already hate this. DAMMIT. These girls are stinking up the joint tonight, WTF? I don't even finish watching her or hear what the judges have to say. Next.

Blah blah, Ryan goes to the holding room and interviews girls, moving on. Michelle Delamor is next. I don't remember seeing her before now, but she's gorgeous. God, I sound like Paula tonight. You're gorgeous, you look great! She's singing "Fallen" by Alicia Keys. I always thought this was a really hard song to sing. Kudos to her for taking it on. I think she sounds really good. Very controlled, her voice sounds professional to me. She looks really confident too. I like Michelle. The judges keep telling everyone to be unique. This show has been on for 9 years, how much more unique can people get??? We aren't going to have an Adam Lambert every year, God.

Yay Didi Benami! We love you Didi! Footage of her singing Kara's song in auditions, which I loved. And she's self-aware, making comments about how America has seen enough of her crying...I loved that. She's singing Ingrid Michaelson, "The Way I Am"---and there's a problem. She sounds exactly like the original, I think. EXACTLY. Which as we all know, is not a good thing on this show. The thing is with Didi, I don't think she tries to sound like someone else, I think that's just her voice. But maybe I'm biased because I love her. Either way, I hope Didi sticks around.

After the break is Siobhan Magnus. There are lots of people's names I have problems with typing this season...hers, Haeley's, that Lee guy's last name. I don't know a lot about Siobhan, but Simon called her a dark horse, and she apparently doesn't know what it means, LOL. She's singing "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak, which, WHAT? Random. This is a really weird performance, guys. I don't know what to say about it, honestly. I mean, she's not terrible, but I don't know if this is a true accurate representation of her voice. Everyone keeps talking about the Stevie Wonder song she sang in the semifinals, but WTF? She can't sing Stevie Wonder every week, God.

How many more are left? Good Lord. This is taking forever. Oh goody, Crystal Bowersox is next...remind me not to look at the screen while she's singing. She admits she's never watched Idol in the past, which sort of endears me to her a little bit though. She's doing "Hand in my Pocket" by Alanis Morisette. OMG and she has a harmonica!! I love when contestants add random instruments. I like her voice a lot. I think this was good for her. Then again, I've been wrong about a hundred times tonight, so we'll see what the panel says, LOL. Ellen and Randy are fans, but Simon tells her she's a sound alike...how many times tonight have we heard that? Jesus.

I miss David Cook.

Katie Stevens is in the pimp spot tonight, so hopefully she brings it. I like Katie. I think she's cute, she's not overly precocious like some of the teenagers we get, and she's got a great voice. She's doing "Feelin' Good", we get one of those every year...it's starting to become like "Alone." Also she totally looks like she's dressed for a semi-formal. So cute. I don't like this. It was a little bit of a boring performance, and too old for her. Katie needs to amp up the personality, I think, and sing younger songs.

So, all in all....not very impressive, ladies. Which is a shame. Hopefully the guys bring it tomorrow night. I'm really looking forward to Andrew Garcia and maybe someone new who we haven't seen a lot of will "blow it out the box." Brenna will take you through the guys, and I'll see you Thursday for results!