Hi, y'all! We're in Baton Rouge tonight - the land of swamp people and alligators and crawfish bakes. So you know there's bound to be a lot of craziness.
Wow, the producers are pulling out ALL the stops for the first audition - Megan is an actual pageant queen with a sob story about getting into an accident and busting her knee and needing surgery right after the audition. Ok, this girl is kind of awesome. She has a really great voice and even uses a crutch as a microphone at one point.
Whoa, Keith's shirt is halfway unbuttoned. HELLO KEITH.
Oh my God, this next kid. His name is Charlie, he's from Little Rock (what up Bill Clinton!), and he's apparently very socially awkward. He seriously looks like he's 12 years old, but he's allegedly 17. If Simon was on the panel still, he'd totally call this kid "Broadway" or "cabaret." And then, ew, Nicki starts asking him about puberty. GROSS. STOP IT NICKI. Keith compares him to Bowie, which, wow. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but he's interesting for sure.
Next we have one of those surprise auditions. Maddie's grandmother nominated her, and Randy surprises her at a cafe in New Orleans, and then the next day she's at the auditions. And her grandmother is done up head to toe in Mardi Gras beads and other regalia. Maddie is pretty good, but like Christina Aguilera, she's never met a note she didn't want to riff. Keith says some things, but I'm distracted by his shirt continuing to be halfway unbuttoned and not entirely unbuttoned. It's four yeses, and she's going to Hollywood.
Yessssssss they are playing the True Blood theme song. Please let Eric Northman saunter in here and unleash an amazing singing voice we never knew he had. Nope, we get a montage of terrible singers instead. Blergh.
Paul Jolley is up next, and he feels like he has to give back to the world. He probably loves IGFB. Anyone know, are they gonna have it this year? I haven't missed watching that. Anyway, back to Paul. He sings some Rascal Flatts song, and he has a really strong voice.
I don't even know where to start with this next guy. He calls himself Mushroom, but his real name is Chris, and then he butchers my favorite Adam Lambert song. And then I really think I start tripping, because I have no idea how or why, but Nicki wants to rub his hair and claims to have magic powers when she's wearing her blanket. Seriously, this actually happens.
Whoa, the next guy has an actual job! He's a third year resident. I like him already, because usually the crazy people who audition are waitresses or nannies or "dancers." His name is Calvin, and he sings a Maxwell song, and he is goooooood. I'm excited to hear more from him. He's going to Hollywood!
I didn't catch the next girl's name, but she sings Tainted Love, which is amazing. And she sounded great. Montage of pretty ladies who sound great, followed by another montage of people who do not.
Up next is Dustin, who is a fireman from Baton Rouge. Man, Nicki is worse than Kara with some of these guys, she doesn't even try to hide the fact that she wants to jump his bones. Dustin sings some Garth Brooks, and he has a good voice in that country sort of way. There's just nothing exciting about him. Really, he's no different from #oldladyvote. Meh.
Finally, since we're in Louisiana, here is the requisite Katrina sob story. His name is Burnell. He sings a song I don't know, and I don't even know how to describe the facial expressions Keith is making, but let me just say he looooooves this guy. Mariah is crying. He gets a standing ovation. I thought it was good, but not really standing ovation worthy. Am I missing something? Anyway, he gets unanimous yeses, and he's going to Hollywood.
So that's Louisiana. Not nearly as crazy or even as interesting as I was hoping. Next week the auditions move to San Antonio and SoCal. We'll be there, documenting every minute!
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