Damn...

WHERE in the hay-ell did the judges find these girls this season??? I honestly can't decide if it's the theme dragging them down, or if they all just suck this bad. There were so many times tonight I just shook my head and got up and walked away to do something else because I was so over it. Let's get this over with.

We open up with Carly, who tells us her fun fact is that not only does she own a tat shop with her husband, she...works in an IRISH pub. Because she's IRISH. Get it? So she sings a Heart song that we have to hear is her favorite at least three times when she's done. It's just okay. I've heard some things out of Carly that lead me to think she's better than this. People probably shouldn't pick to sing their favorite songs on here (and it happens A LOT) because it's never as good as it sounds when they sing it alone in their shower.

Also, I need to digress for a minute and say how it completely fascinates me that someone can have a thick accent in their speaking voice but then when they sing, it's GONE. That has been something that's driven me crazy since the dawn of time. How does this haaaaaaaaaaappen?

Syesha went ahead and freaked me the hell out by doing her impersonation of a baby crying. I'm going to have nightmares tonight about that sound coming out of someone who looks like Syesha. I really liked her last week, and I tend to think she's one of the stronger females, but this performance ("Me & Mrs Jones") is a snooze-fest. I think her voice is great, but 70s music is so freaking boring. Hey, there's Danny and his shiny hair! Does anyone know what brand of flat iron they use on him?

Brooke tells us she used to go to beauty school, which IS a shock for me because I always think her hair looks ratty. Use conditioner, Brooke! She comes out with a guitar and sings "You're So Vain" and totally works it. I love this. I personally thought there were a couple places where she went a little flat and lost it a bit, but for the most part, she rocked and looked totally comfortable up there. Perfect song for her.

Ramiele's hidden fun fact is that she's a polynesian dancer. Is that supposed to be capitalized? She's cute as a button. She's dressed in the worst outfit ever and sings "Don't Leave Me This Way", which I expected to be a lot better than it was. She has this weird stare going on at one part and it almost looks like she's reading cue cards or something. She's got the voice in there, but this fell flat. She was in my top three last week, but this isn't good. Come on, Ramiele! Bring the big notes!

Kristy Lee shocks the hell out of us by telling us that she's a tomboy. OMG, who dressed these girls tonight???? If Heidi Klum were judging her outfit on Project Runway, she'd say it looked cheap and homesewn. I see Kristy's decided to take the Haley Scarnato route and boob it up for us. I have to give her credit, even though I loathe her, she's a hell of a lot better than she was last week, singing "Baby, You're No Good." Damn. That probably means she's safe. Simon thinks she'd be more comfortable in country music, which is probably true, but I don't want to find out.

Jesus, okay, it's time for Amanda. In her interview package she tells us she's a bookworm while rocking Bret Michael's bandana. You guys, I'm sorry. This is NOT GOOD. I really really wish Amanda were better because she is the antithesis of Kristy Lee. She sings "Carry On My Wayward Son" and prompts Paula to comment "You can dance!" Um...this isn't a dancing show, thanks Abdul. She's a mess on the verses, which Randy and I agree with, and I really don't know what to do about her.

It's time for Alaina, who looks more and more like Carrie Underwood with a gap every week. I have to say, I kind of love her a little bit and I think her goofy fact about not liking her food to touch is kind of hilarious. And of course, because I decide to love her, she picks the most boring, WORST song ever for 70s week ("Hopelessly Devoted"). Technically, I think she sounds very good, but the song itself does nothing for me. Everyone is totally biffing song choice this week. GOD.

Alexandrea continues to rock my world by telling us that she was going to try out for the Atlanta Fire Department because that's what her dad does. OMG she is WEARING ANKLE BOOTS. GIRL. 80s week is NEXT WEEK (probably). She sings Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" and is only okay. There's a good voice in there, and she's hilarious when Randy asks her what she thought and she says "it's over!" I f'ing love this girl, I don't even care that she's not the best vocalist. The judges all proclaim it a safe/boring choice, and I agree but I totally do not want her to go home yet.

I really really hope Kady goes home this week. Her hidden talent is that she can sing opera, which makes me cringe as much as the Britney impression. DEAR AMERICAN IDOL: WE GET IT. Kady can impersonate Britney. Please don't show that ever again. She comes out in leggings --again: 80s week is NEXT WEEK--butchering some Heart song that I didn't even bother to look up. She sucks and I hate this. I hope she's gone next week.

We close the show tonight with Asia'h. Pardon me while I gag as she likens AI to CHEER CAMP, which she just totally loooooooooooooves. I could insert a joke in here about Ryan's spirit stick, but I'm too tired at this point and I want to watch Project Runway. Asia'h is working some extensions tonight and she proceeds to stab herself right in the heart in front of us by completely screwing up "All By Myself". I have in my notes "song TOO big for her" and Simon says this exactly. Word, Simon.

It's nights like this that make me wish so bad that this show didn't implement the "6 guys, 6 girls" mandatory format, because I would love to get rid of everyone except Brooke, Alexandrea and Alaina and let them battle it out with a bunch of the guys, minus Jason Yeager. I think Brooke is definitely safe, but while there were some technically good performances in the bunch, no one blew me away enough for me to guarantee their safety. Tomorrow night should be interesting! Stay tuned!