Results Night as seen through the eyes of my DVR

So, faithful readers (all 6 of you), this is what I have to say about the first results night. After a 12 hour work day, picking up the hubby at the bar, and watching "Lost" (sorry, I've got my priorities!), this is how I viewed last night's show:

Fast forward, fast forward, fast forward, Seacrest probably telling me everyone is awesome, commercials, Randy saying jibberish, ooh goody, a group sing!, commercials, recap of the boys, dramatic lighting, Seacrest talking to the boys and.... play. Just in time to say goodbye to Garrett. Darn it, now I'll never get to find out what product they used on his hair. Hallelujah, maybe America learned something about the Sanjaya fiasco of '07. Stay away from boys with pretty hair. And... fast forward, fast forward, fast forward, recaps of the girls, Seacrest with dramatic lighting, and.... play. Goodbye, Amy! Honestly can't say anything about you. And... fast forward, fast forward, more Seacrest jibberish, wait a second, was that a Paula Abdul music video? May have to rewind for that... fast forward, fast forward, and... There's Joanne and Amanda centerstage with dramatic lighting. I press play just in time to hear Seacrest say "after the break." Dammit! Eventually we say goodbye to Joanne, sparing me from having to listen to hubby call her "Mandisa 3.0" for the duration of the season. Unfortunately, that also means we have to sit through another week of Kristy Lee Cook. Fast forward, fast forward, and there's Chekezie with Colton centerstage. Chekezie has to be going home, right? Wrong. It's Colton, which makes me a little sad because he seems like a nice guy, and also because I have to suffer through Tom Brady wannabe again. Ugh.

These results shows are going to be an hour all season? I can't handle this. I have a life. Sort of.