Papa Was a Rollin' Stone

Confession: it's hard for me to tell the difference between 60s and 70s music. So tonight I'm pretty much expecting to hear the same type of stuff we heard last week, with the exception that there will be at least ONE Bee Gees song present. OMG speaking of the Bee Gees, please tell me, does it get any better than when Jimmy Fallon plays Barry Gibb on SNL? Talkin' bout chest hair...talkin' bout crazy cool medallions!

So: week two of the top 24 semifinals guys' night. Let's get crackin' and see what fresh hell the producers have unleashed on us tonight by sticking to the ridiculous notion that the top 24 needs theme nights.

We're starting out with Michael, which has to suck for him after being given the pimp spot last week. This week is, "What doesn't America know about you?" and Michael's earth-shattering disclosure is that he plays tennis. That info will move mountains, Michael. He's chosen Fleetwood Mac's "Go Your Own Way", which is okay, but I'm not thrilled by this. For me it doesn't really get started until he hits about the second chorus and then he finished it out okay, but I'm not really sold on this performance.

Jason C.'s revelation to America is that he hates doing interviews, which is kind of hilarious considering that American Idol is a breeding ground for fame whores. Anyway, he's refreshingly adorable and doofy during his intro package. This isn't the Bee Gees, but it IS Andy Gibb and that's enough of a Gee for me to prove I was right. I LOVE his performance. Apparently I'm in the minority since all of the judges hated it, but I thought it was pure, soulful and very sweet. I can't move past the hair, though. That hair does not belong on that face.

I'd like to sidebar for a moment and say that Paula is actually making sense. I know.

OK, Luke's confession is cracking my shit up. Is ANYONE shocked to learn that he was in an a capella group?? I didn't think so. Again, I am apparently in the minority (at least between me and Randy and Paula), but I thought this blew ("Killer Queen"). A lot of people have tried to emulate Freddy Mercury, and you, Luke Menard, are no Freddy. Totally agree with Simon--no personality. Take off your shirt Luke! We still love you!

Robbie decided he didn't need to wash his hair tonight, which just screams rock, doesn't it? His big secret is that he drag races cars, and I am not even going to dignify that with a response. The second I heard the first notes of "Hot-Blooded" I can hear someone on the panel comparing this to either karaoke or a bar singer. Robbie's got on all his "rock" accoutrements tonight--leather cuffs, chain wallet, carabiner (are carabiners even rock?)--but I'm not buying it. Liked you last week Robbie, bored with you this week.

Tonight Danny's telling us that when he was 14 he was in a "punk rock" band. Dear God. The accompanying pictures only serve to confuse me about which person is Danny. Oh my god, you guys. He's totally singing "Superstar" by the Carpenters, which is from one of the most hilarious scenes in a Chris Farley movie ever. I wish he would have rocked this out more. I love his bangs! I think he sounds good on the chorus but a little weak on the verses. A definite improvement over last week though.

David H. bored me to tears last week. I had to reference the blog to even remember him. He used to do gymnastics and the line of the night goes to David with "I won like 10 medals or something." Awesome. He works it out this week to the Temptations, prompting me to name this blog entry after his song. Question: is that a blazer WITH a hood or a hoodie under a blazer? His voice actually reminds me of Elliott a little bit, which is never a bad thing. Simon crowns him with "best of the night so far" and I totally agree.

Jason Y. says that he is self-taught on a variety of instruments, which I think is kind of rad. What is not rad is this performance. I don't even know what the song is, but his performance totally reminds me of Tom Jones. He's all cheesy with arm movements and terrible dancing. His voice is okay, but not the best, and he's on my list to be at the bottom, if not out tomorrow. I have written in my notes "really nice ass", which is something.

Brenna and I had guaranteed Chikezie a goner last week with his Simon backtalk. His fun fact is that the origin of his name and himself is Nigerian. That's actually an interesting fact. Thanks, Chikezie. He's singing a Donny Hathaway song I don't know, but he is, to quote Randy, "blazin'." Like Simon said to David H., it's refreshing to see people take constructive criticism and turn it into something good. I enjoyed him this week, and he's probably safe until next week.

David Cook's big secret is that he is a word nerd. I thought he was going to say that he likes looking in girls' windows, because I get this totally creepy perv vibe from him. He and his greasy bangs sing "All Right Now" and there is way too much backup vocal going on. I actually believe him as a more authentic rocker than Robbie--and the judges say the same thing, word--but I just really cannot stand him. Plus, he ramps up the Simon cheeky backtalk, which I do not tolerate, so: shut up David.

Last but not least is my sweet little David A. His video package makes me feel about a hundred (he was ELEVEN when he met the season 1 finalists; I was writing my senior thesis in college at the exact same time, damn) but it's pretty amazing to see Kelly Clarkson's face watching him sing. His song choice is "Imagine" which is a HUGE risk. I was so afraid for him, but I am not ashamed to say I was moved to tears. This song makes me cry anyway (shut up, everyone) but David just put so much heart and soul in this. I love him. Will he win? Maybe not, but I call at least top 4 for him.

So, basically, 70s night sucks ass, but my top three of the night are David H., David A. and Chikezie, shockingly. Middle of the pack are Jason C., Robbie, Michael, and Danny. Bottom dwellers for me are Jason Y., Luke (tear!) and David C. I'm thinking Jason Y.'s out--don't follow up "Moon River" with the Doobie Brothers, dude--and it probably should be Luke, but anything can happen. I'll be here all week, folks--Brenna's enjoying the big apple this week! See you tomorrow!