Absolut Moron

Do you guys remember those ads? Does Absolut even still do them? I don't feel like Googling that so it's up to one of you to tell me. Anyway, I was supposed to watch both episodes this week and then do one blog, but after the morons provided to us courtesy of San Francisco, I couldn't stay silent.

The Good:

• Or lack thereof. In this entire hour, there was only one person that I could even mildly tolerate and that was the Cookster doppelganger of Adam...something. I don't remember his last name, but he totally had the red David Cook bangs going on. He sang Bohemian Rhapsody and generally acted like a tool, but his voice was okay.
  
• I guess Kai (aka Troy Polamalu's brotherwith the sick mom) was okay, but I don't think he'll make it past Hollywood. He wasn't terrible, but by far not the best.
  
• Apparently, 12 peeps made it through but we only saw a montage of three of the golden tickets they handed out. And those clips were...not good, so I'm not sure why I typed this bullet.

The Bad:

• Where do I start? First of all, did anyone catch the "Paula for Prez" sign in one of the quick clips at the beginning? Please just allow that idea to drift through your head...Paula Abdul, as president. I can tell you right now, we'd have seen a LOT more craziness than Aretha Franklin's hat at Abdul's inauguration.
  
• The first two auditions. Tatiana, who somehow made it to Hollywood, and that guy in the bad jacket who looked like a Geico caveman.
  
• You know what I think is really bad? I never noticed before how they put people's job occupations on the same lower third (how'd you like that, A/V people?) as they put their name, hometown, etc. There is just something really sad to me about seeing these losers come in and try to sing with a big old "UNEMPLOYED" plastered over their midsection. Come on, Idol, give these peeps a break.

The BATSHIT:

• I am devoting this entire section to Akilah. I have never loved an Idol tryout as much as I loved Akilah's. First, allow me to describe her ensemble. For her audition, she decided to wear: shredded jeans, held up by suspenders, tucked into plastic-looking knee length ho boots, what appeared to be some sort of 80s graphic tee under a shiny black puffy coat. Got that? Also, I really wish someone out there besides me watched America's Next Top Model, because not since Jade, cycle six of ANTM, has there been a reality show contestant who can make up words on the spot. Words like "tray-she-ah" (or trachea, LOL) "acapellaly" and and "larninx". FAB. She seriously talks about 90 words a minute and brings in hundreds of pages of what she claims to be her own original music compositions and many, MANY diagrams of the human body. Akilah is fantastic.

So basically, San Fran blew. Tonight is Louisville, and then hopefully we've only got two more hours next week of audition footage. Also, you guys, important news: GROUP NIGHT IS BACK. I about cried for joy at the previews from last Wednesday's episode. I cannot wait to recap that shit. Anyway, we out, we out, play on, playette. No diggity, no doubt.