"I know we're not the best of friends, but please, please help us!"

Finally, after TWO years of waiting, it's back. GROUP. EFFING. NIGHT. And not a moment too soon. Why the F didn't they have this last year?? Some of you who aren't all that familiar with the show may be asking, "What, exactly is the point of a group audition? Don't they always sing by themselves on the show anyway?"

My friends, the point of group night is purely this: it is damn entertaining. For the sheer awkwardness factor and atrocity of 80% of the groups, and because every so often, you get one who does it just right. Click here for, as Brenna calls it, the golden standard of AI group night.

Let's get underway! The first half of the episode basically focused on documenting the progress of a few select groups and watching their descent into madness. Group #1 includes Tatiana Crazypants from San Francisco and three other girls who we have never seen, of course. Group #2 includes (of course) Bikini Girl whose real name is Katrina, Rose with the dirty feet and adorable Jasmine from Jacksonville. Trainwreck #3 includes crazy Nate from last night (the one who can feel it on his skin) and two other girls we've never seen, Kristin and Nancy, but with whom we're about to become acquainted. Of course, we don't actually track any of the groups who don't all hate each other, but that's what the second half hour is for!

Right, so Tatiana--this chick is certifiable. She basically worms her way into the group after no one else wants her and immediately starts giving orders and then out of the middle of nowhere, has a breakdown. And then another one. Her partners flat-out tells the camera, multiple times, that Tatiana is crazy and is a psycho and they genuinely seem a little scared of her. This audition will be excellent.

The most drama we see out of Katrina/Rose's group is that Katrina decides to go to bed early, and everyone's pissed off. Gee, wonder how that's gonna turn out?

Group #3 is a complete mess. We are introduced to them via Tatiana, who at one point in the night decides she needs to switch groups and goes marching over and asks to join them. This gets Nancy, whose weave is looking ROUGH, I might add, all worked up and there is lots of bitching back and forth that finally culminates with Tatiana going back to her own group. God. And then Nancy's pissed because Kristin wants to sit down for 10 minutes. I mean, really, is 10 minutes going to kill you? Shut up Nancy. There is lots of Nate hysterical crying that ensues at this point, and the whole thing makes me bounce up and down with glee. GROUP. EFFING. NIGHT.

And it's morning, whee! Katrina apparently quits after her group comes to wake her up, but she miraculously shows up late to roll call, fully dressed like a cheap hooker. They should totally just cut her for being late. Finally it's time for the actual auditions. Simon utters the words that we've been hearing all night: "Forget the words, you're OUT! (out...out...out)"

First group up is India of Asia/India the rapping sisters fame, two guys I don't know and Matt, the dueling piano guy who I think sounds like Elliott. And they KILL IT. Man, new gold standard, maybe? Or silver standard if we think Blake's is still the best one. They all get through, and there is a hilarious cut to someone in the audience mouthing "Oh damn!" after they finish. Oh damn is right.

Montage of effed up groups forgetting the words, messing up the words, butchering the songs, and this is all a clever ruse to distract us from the fact that NICK aka NORMAN GENTLE got through AGAIN. Don't think you can slip that one by us, Seacrest. PLEASE let him get cut next week, this cannot go on.

OK some footage of the group with Ann-Marie the overly innocent and Emily with all the tats and the pink hair. They seem way too focused on their team name and cheer than with the routine and it shows. They jack it all up, Ann-Marie has to feed Emily her lines, and Emily gets cut.

Next we get a montage of Simon going off on various groups and individuals and he utters the phrase "succession of horrors", which: awesome and then we get to another bright spot. BFFs Danny and Jamar are in a group with tall Taylor of the wee vests and some other girl whose name they don't even tell us (nice, show) and they kill it too. Acapella, too, which is awesome. LOVE Danny and Jamar.

Montage of a few standouts: the oil rigger guy, Adam who we referred to earlier as Cookster's lookalike but now is taking on shades of Pete Wentz (either way, guyliner abounds!) and Matt, the big burly welder guy. They all do well and get passed through, and I like Adam more this time around than I did in his audition.

Aaaand it's time for #2 of the trainwreck groups as highlighted above. They are singing "Mercy" by Duffy, which is a great song, and the only one who stands out is Jasmine. Guys, she is really, really good. She is for sure making the finals. Rose was really weak. I just noticed that Katrina totally has dead eyes. Tyra Banks would not be pleased. Ok, so Jasmine is the only one who makes it through and of course we have like a forever segment of Katrina being bitchy to everyone on her way out. THANK GOD she is gone.

Montage of people they cut that we would recognize: Emily again, aww David Osmond got cut! Boo, I liked him! Austin, the Archuleta second coming, also gets cut (sigh of relief there). And now it's time for Tatiana's group. In all honesty, she does not have a terrible voice, but she is just so batshit crazy and nuts that you can't even focus on that. They let her whole group through, which, blah, and she starts spewing this mad pile of jibberish that no one can even follow. Her teammates have got to be so relieve this experience is over.

Finally we're down to Nate/Nancy/Kristin. You can totally tell that Kristin has killer fatigue--she slurs sleepily about being tired of all the drama, Simon makes a comment about none of them having dinner together, she thinks he's talking about having dinner with HER, it's all very hilarious. So Nate is overly dramatic and acts like a diva on the song (another "Mercy"), Nancy SUCKS and Kristin is actually decent. Her voice reminds me a little of KClarkson. Of course Nancy gets cut, and there is mad drama with her being a giant bitch on stage and treating Kristine and Nate like dirt. As you do.

Man, I can't believe this is over! As for the peeps we didn't see, it looks like Scott the blind guy is safe (wonder if Seacrest tried to high five him again), Lil Rounds is also safe and it looks like she may have been in the group with the Castro and Jackie Tohn and her insane red fedora are safe. Next week is Round Three of Hollywood and Bren will have your recap!