Karaoke Night

Ok, so because these results shows are basically pointless filler, especially at this point when we're cutting 3/4 of the people in one night, my mind tends to wander. And I started thinking about how AI is really just karaoke, but on TV and not in a smoky bar. We all know this. I mean, Kara flat out told crappy Casey last night that her performance was "weirdly karaoke."

For those of you who have been witness to GOOD karaoke, this is why you love this show. Allow me to reminisce about my own personal experience with the big K.

It's the summer of 2002, my friends and I are all 21, and we frequented our local bar every Thursday and Saturday for the entirety of June through August. Thursdays happened because a guy we graduated with tended bar on those nights, so we all went and hung out and gave him huge tips.

Saturdays were the best though, because Saturday night is Karaoke Night at the Freedom Inn in New Kensington, PA. And typical to most places with good karaoke, we had "regulars." I had to call up Megan tonight to get reminded of some of them, but on a Saturday night at the Freedom, these were the songs you could expect to hear, and it's totally an Idol semifinals playlist:

• "Don't Stop Believin'", performed by Megan, performed WELL, and usually resulting in a standing O. Sometimes she'd do "Sweet Child O Mine" too, and it was bitchin'.
  
• "Fancy", that Reba McEntyre song about becoming a ho, sung by this giant blond girl whose name we never learned.
  
• "Brandy (you're a fine girl)", performed by long gray ponytail guy, who was always the second best of the night after Megan. We also never learned his name.
  
• "Total Eclipse of the Heart", which was Mo's standing favorite. Mo, by the way, is not a man's name in this case.
• "Sweet Caroline", sung by good old John the Bartender, or J the B to our crowd. This one also ruled.
• "Can't Help Falling In Love", performed with gusto by one Iron Mike. Iron Mike was basically the greatest.
  

Then of course there were the one offs, like the night the guy at the bar stood up and drunkenly dedicated his performance of "God Bless the USA" to the families involved in the Quecreek Mine accident. I would have never in a million years compared this to Idol but: Kristy Lee Cook.

So the moral of this story is, Idol is greater than but still equal to a night of good karaoke. Because we'd be on our feet when Meg or J the B sang, just like when Cookster had a good night. And because we'd stay in our seats and snicker and wish we could fast forward during "Fancy", just like any time Sanjaya ever opened his mouth.

Anyway, onto tonight's results. So we start out with Ryan making bad, stupid dirty jokes, Anoop's totally dressed like the IT guy, we see a recap montage of their "journey" which is just 60 seconds of filler to get the kids lined up for a group number. God, already with this? It's "I'm Yours", which we've heard a bunch during the audition process already. I fast forward a little through this, I love Jackie Tohn so bad because she has like, a shrunken head hanging off her ear, and we're recapping last night. Seriously, show, it's been 24 hours or less since we heard these critiques. We're not brain dead.

First cut is the deepest: Casey's out, Stephen's out, no shocker there. I'm glad Seacrest is keeping these concise, maybe we'll be over by 8:59 tonight. Alexis is up, and the show totally ruins any suspense by showing her parents, okay. We didn't see either of the first two's families. So no shocker, Alexis is in. I'm pleased with this, if not totally ecstatic, because that doesn't bode well for Jackie. So Alexis sings, it's better than last night, she's really good.

OK and we're up to Ricky and Jackie. Eff. Both of them are out, and I guess I'm not shocked. I know Jackie wasn't everyone's cup of tea. Shit, now it's Anoop and Michael. This one has me worried. I like them both. And...damn, Anoop's out. Wild card! Bring back ANOOOOP. I do like Michael though. He sings, he's all nervous all over the place, I hope he gets that under control before the finals.

After commercials, the show is pimping the "Idol Experience" at WDW, which looks TERRIFYING, okay, and hey look! All the past winners together for the first time. Wow, Cookster's in a bad jacket. But still hot. And if anyone can find me an mp3 of the duet he did with Carrie to "Go Your Own Way", I will love you forever. Speaking of duets, it's the United Nations of American Idol, aka Michael Johns and Carly Smithson. They sing a lovely duet, and Carly looks like she needs to eat a sandwich. It must be noted, Michael has a fantastic Chuck Bass-esque outfit on.

Up next is Ann Marie, Brent and Stevie, and no shocker, they are all out. Brenna totally called what happens next: it's down to Nutbag and Danny, who we've decided is David Archuleta trapped inside David Cook's body. Seriously, dude, "Hero"? That's so bunk. I'm mad at Danny Gokey. He looks totally grossed out at Tatiana right now, awesome. After a million years of suspense, Danny's through, and Tatiana predictably goes apeshit. Bitch can't even congratulate Danny. Whatever, nutbag.

Danny sings us out, the camera keeps focusing on Tatiana, which is bullshit, and we've got our first three in the top 12. I'm not displeased by any of them, even though I wished Jackie and Anoop would have made it.

Next week, I'll be bringing you performance recap to give Bren's sanity a break, which means I have the pleasure of discussing what the F Norman Gentle/Nick Marshall is bringing to the semifinals. Seacrest help us all.