Thank you, America.

I have never been so unexcited to find out who makes it through as I am tonight. Last night was disappointing, yo. To start off, we are shown a recap of all these people's "journeys." (I love how they use that word, journey. Like these people are climbing Mount Everest.)

Ugh, group performance. For real, doing "Closer"? Matt G. appears to be wearing an extra letterman's sweater from a HS performance of "Grease" along with a huge Chuck Bass scarf. Kalamalu is wearing a white shirt with a sparkly skinny tie SCREENPRINTED ON. Oh Lord, this is like an elevator music version of "Closer." Jeanine is dressed like a girl going to a fraternity Halloween mixer as a farmer. Nick looks incredibly uncomfortable not performing as Norman, reason #359834892 why HE SHOULD NOT BE ON THIS SHOW.

Let's move on.

Recap of last night. You know, Idol, we aren't the guy from "Memento." We do have a memory. Anyways, as much as a ton of people chose wrong songs last night, at least some of this week's contestants actually picked songs from this decade. (And then there's the guy who picked "Man in the Mirror." Really???) Then there's some awkward banter between Ryan and the contestants, which I don't care enough to listen to, because it's the same questions we've heard contestants answer for the past 7 seasons.

Allison is the first to the center, and if she doesn't move on, I'll be pissed. Ryan actually says "out da box." Allison is wearing fabulous red high heels, which, if anyone knows me, are my biggest weakness ever. Jesse is then called to stand next to Allison, and Welder Matt is after her. Ryan asks the judges who out of this group will make it to the top 12. Randy says Allison, duh. Jesse keeps winking and annoying me. And... Allison is through. Yay!

Next Megan and Chris come to centerstage. Then Piano Man Matt and his giant scarf, as well as Jeanine and her neverending legs, join them. Ryan asks Paula who should make it through from these four, and as usual she doesn't give a coherent answer. Ryan takes Jeanine out of contention, to absolutely no one's surprise. It's not Piano Man Matt, either, which means neither of my two early favorites have made it through yet. Crap. Kara references a Hollywood performance by Chris that we never saw, because we never knew he existed until last night, and she's in extra bitch mode tonight. There is lots of rambling, and this is why this show has to be an hour. And holy crap, Chris is through. After he sang MAN IN THE F'ING MIRROR. For real, America? And now we have to listen to this song again? Fast forward.

And now it's time for a lovely moving montage of Idol moments past... there's Seacrest getting crushed by the Studdards... the "I am your brother" guy... Kellie Pickler before she became obnoxious... Daughtry at his audition being hot... Wait a second, is this the montage they played at the beginning of this season??? It absolutely is. I remember getting sad when I saw Elliott's mom. Holy crap, Idol. That has to be the absolute laziest thing I've ever seen on TV.

And then Brooke White! I am so excited to see her. These terrible people this season have made me miss her. I hope she remembers her lyrics. She apparently has a single out, and she's going to perform it for us. It's kind of terrible.

And now we're left with Mishovanna, Kai, Nick/Norman, Adam, & Jasmine. Obviously, again to no one's surprise, Mishovanna, Kai, & Jasmine are all sent packing, and we're down to Nick/Norman and Adam. Of course. This show has become so predictable. Adam looks appalled to be standing in the vincinity of this nutjob, and rightly so. AND PRAISE THE HEAVENS ABOVE. I can't stand Adam but I have never loved another Idol contestant as much as I love him right now. Because that means that Nick/Norman is out of my life, I won't have to break up with this show, and I can continue writing this blog.

So, side note on Adam. Did anyone out there watch that Rock Star: INXS show a few years back, where INXS was trying to find a new lead singer? Um, I did. But anyways, there was this androgenous guy with sleek black hair whose name was Mig, and I swear Adam is his little brother.

Anyways, I'm not terribly thrilled about any of these 3 except Allison, though I'm not mad about any of them either. We're halfway there, people! Next week we get Arianna, Ju'Not, Kristen, NATHANIEL YESSSSSSS, Lil' Rounds, Jorge, Kendall, Scott WHO IS DANCING WITH HIS (in Joe's words) BLIND PERSON STICK, Felicia, freaking Von, Taylor, & Alex.