Longest blog entry ever and probably has 9 million typos, but I'm spent.

So tonight has the potential to be one of the best Idol eps we've ever seen, or it could end up plunging all of us into an abyss of despair so deep, we may never get out. It's Michael Jackson night, kiddos. The King of Pop. Wacko Jacko. I totally remember when I was little and we'd go to my Gram's, I'd be all up in her Star and National Enquirers, and he was always on the cover of one of those. Captioned "Wacko Jacko."

I also recall owning the "Bad" record. As in, record album. NOT a CD. And my favorite song was "Smooth Criminal" because I thought the "Annie are you OK? Are you OK Annie?" was the just the coolest part of a song ever. Also on this album? "Man in the Mirror", which we hope Kris does not choose to reprise tonight. Learn a new song, people! Also: sing "Billie Jean" and we automatically hate you for the rest of the season. Just sayin'.

Anyway, on with the show! Top 13! Wooop woooooop! Two minutes in and I'm already saying WTF because there is some sort of grandiose new entrance procedure for the judges and Ryan. The hell? This is so weird. Why are they being announced like they're the Pope about to preside over Easter Mass? Once everyone's all situated, Ryan introduces the contestants. Alexis appeared to have secured the pimp spot for herself, if the order they are introduced is the order they are performing. She better blow it "out the box."

After the obligatory MJ montage, Lil is up first. They truly couldn't have picked anyone better to go out first on this night, because I don't think she ever gets nervous. We see her family montage with her sad tornado wreckage and her cute ass kids. She's singing "The Way You Make Me Feel", which I think Bren and I may have said would be good for her. She's awesome. When she sang the Mary J. song, it did sound kind of copycat, but I think this is really rad. Since I can't really critique her vocal, I'll rip on her clothes. Good God, Lil. News flash: girls with junk in the trunk cannot rock the white pants.

Kara is seriously the best judge ever. Now it's time for Scott MacIntyre. You guys MAY have heard this but in case you haven't...he's blind. His family package is nice, and he was a really cute little kid, despite what his current Jon Heder-esque hair would have you believe. He's singing "Keep The Faith", which was also a Billy Joel and Bon Jovi song, lol.

OK, did you guys listen to the lyrics?? Had they had MJ night last year, Archuleta would have TOTALLY sung this. I think Scott falls in the Josh Groban category. Nice voice, good with the piano, but just not marketable as a current Top 40 recording artist. I didn't hate this performance, save for the disastrous falsetto note in the middle, but I didn't love it. I mean come on though, he's visually impaired...he's back next week.

Up next is Danny Gokey who is totally thinking "Eff you Scott, you ganked my song choice this week!" His video package doesn't mention his wife at all, it's just him and his family talking about music, which is really cute and endearing. He's going to be singing "PYT (Pretty Young Thing)" and OMG OMG OMG please let him sing the Tenderoni lyric....YESSS HAHAHA. When Megan and I were young and dumb, we'd laugh our asses off about this song and that lyric. Tenderoni...lmao. Anyway, Danny kills it and reminds me why I liked him all those weeks ago, before he was all singing about hope and shit and the producers were shoving his widowism down our throats. Welcome back, Mr. Gokey.

After Danny comes Oil Rigger Michael. We take a trip to Texas to meet his coworkers and some of his family. Charming. Oh God, he's singing "You Are Not Alone." Worst MJ song ever. I hated this song when it was popular. He's sort of countrifying it, but also bringing some soul to it...it's okay. Kind of weird in parts, something seems off. Maybe he's just nervous. The judges all really really seem to like it, which is surprising. I thought it was kind of meh. I like Michael though.

We've got Jasmine up now and her family is so fun and cute. I would probably like to hang out with the Murray family I think. She's singing "I'll Be There", which oy: ten bucks Randy trots out Mariah's name. This is much better than her semifinal round songs, with the exception of a few clunkers in the middle there. This was a little stiff and old-fashioned. Hey, her mom got a rockin' new wig! She gets lukewarm critiques all around, with Randy namedropping MC (told ya!) and Simon telling her she was "robotic" and she should act her age. How to tell when the audience agrees with Simon when he gives a bad critique: lack of booing.

Bren and I predicted Jasmine as a potential candidate to go home. She didn't have enough of a fan base to keep her in the semis, since she's here as a wild card, and the little girl/old lady vote is probably tied up to Kris Allen or like, Alexis. We'll see tomorrow if we know this show as well as we think.

And judging by the shrieks that accompany Kris Allen's video package, I'm thinking my previous statement is accurate. Damn, he's a cutie. Aww, and a newlywed! Jesus, are they just the most disgustingly perfect couple ever or what? Kris is doing "Remember The Time" with his acoustic guitar. WOW, is he pretty. So, so pretty....wait, what? Ahem. I'm a sucker for a cute boy with a guitar, sorry. This is kind of like something John Mayer would do. The vocals are okay, he gets a bit shouty and manic towards the end, but he'll stick around. Paula displays cougarish tendencies towards him at judging--watch out Kris!!

Next is Allison. Her interview package talks about how she used to sing at this ginormous Latin shopping center. WHAT? That is AWESOME. I effing love this chick you guys. She's singing "Give In To Me", which I don't know unfortunately, but I don't care. Allison rules. This song totally suits her and she is rocking out like nobody's business. Was it the best vocally, technically? No, but for her to have stage presence and sound like that at 16, damn , yo. She is my favorite girl in this competition. Her pink Farrah Fawcett hair has got to go, though. She is so effing WEIRD. I realize I'm babbling, but I can't remember having been this enamored with a female contestant on this show in like, forever.

OK, now we've got ANOOOOOP. Who still, despite having a stylist this week, is dressing like Nick Burns: Your Company's Computer Guy! Anoop's parents are really cute and nice, but his video package is a little bit bland. He's going to be singing "Beat It." This is either going to be awesome, or it's going to tank. So far, it's pretty awesome. I love Anoop so bad. Even though he has this weird Matrix background going on behind him. And...oh shit, this is getting bad. I think he's running out of steam because he keeps running around on the stage. Ugh, this got ugly quick. Dammit Anoop. The judges all hated it, even Paula, who doesn't hate anything. I hope people hated Jasmine more.

How many more do we have left? This show is taking forever tonight. I thought I'd be more into MJ songs but apparently not. Now we have Jorge, who I apparently have developed a soft spot for. His enormous family is all cheering from Puerto Rico. He's singing "Never Can Say Goodbye", so I guess Jackson 5 songs are allowed. This is boring, safe, cabaret, all those adjectives the judges like to throw around. Jorge's got a very nice voice and he seems like a terrific dude, but this blew. Sorry, J.

Megan Corkrey is up. I went to change my clothes during her interview package and didn't feel like rewinding, but I caught the end of it and it was about her cute kid. She's doing "Rockin' Robin" which is the PERFECT song choice for her. She's in a vampy red dress, doing her thing. I wish I had her teeth. This is the first time I liked her a little bit, before she was just meh to me. This was respectable enough for me. The judges all give her pretty crappy feedback, but I am too distracted by Paula's GIANT golden sequined dog tag bracelet to write down what they said.

Next is Adam. He gives a surprisingly geniune interview package about developing thick skin and how if he had tried out for Idol five years ago, he'd have been a hot mess. My words, not his. His parents seem nice and normal. He's doing "Black or White." Oh man, here we go. Guys, I'll admit it. I kind of love Adam Lambert. This is RIDIC over the top, but have you ever SEEN footage of a Michael Jackson concert? Over the top doesn't describe it.

The middle part is all crazy and shouty, which is how MJ does it in the song. Paula loses her shit and can't even articulate anything, and Adam's crying all over and oh sweet baby Jesus get on with it. We're going to run over again! The judges all give him crazy high praise, including Simon, who I think secretly hates Adam and secretly wishes he could make money off him.

Unfortunately for Matt Giraud, he has to follow this. And knowing Matt, he's not going to do some sort of knock your socks off, blow the roof off performance. But he does do what he does best, which is I why loved him from the start. Aww, his dad cried in his video!He's singing "Human Nature" at the piano, and it's perfect Matt--bluesy, shows off his range, and I just love listening to him. I would buy Matt Giraud's album. He and Danny have returned to original form tonight, in my opinion. The judges speed through their comments, which means we're totally going to run out of time and people's DVRs will get cut off.

Alexis is up last in the pimp spot. Ryan keeps emphasizing her special number tonight. I would like to give a shout out to Leanne, a dedicated reader, who pointed out that on a radio show today, they announced that 1-866-IDOLS-13 is a porn line. FAB. I wonder if this will affect her votes at all. People who watch this show are dumb sometimes. Anyway, in her video package, she teaches her daughter to say "Seacreast OUT," which completely rules. I love Alexis. Not as much as Allison though.

NO WAY. She is singing "Dirty Diana" which is only like the BEST MJ song ever. YESSS. OMG, is she wearing a sequined formal ROMPER? WITH TIGHTS? And horrific shoes?? I don't know what to look at first! Damn, she is working this song. She earned the pimp spot tonight. She gets a little bit shouty and it seems like she trips over the words sometimes, but I still like it. I would love an Allison and Alexis duet, to this song. Word.

Anyway, we're running over time, and Ryan announces that there is a change to the show regarding the results and Simon says it "involves us." Well for those of you who don't watch So You Think You Can Dance, I can tell you exactly what the change is going to be. On SYTYCD, the bottom three (based on the votes) every week have to "dance for their lives" and then the judges send someone home.

Yeah, this is totally going to happen on Idol. I kind of love it. I always thought the judges should be involved in this process in the finals. They are involved every other step of the way, why not now? At least the results show might have less filler if we've got to fit people singing for their lives in it.

So, sorry this was the longest blog entry ever. Thanks if you stuck around to the end! Bren will be recapping your muy interesting results show tomorrow evening. Lindsay Out!