Come on along and listen to the lullaby of Broadway...

Hello, faithful readers! Ready for Broadway week? Man, I am. I was in Greece the last time the Idols attempted to sing songs from the Great White Way and am still disappointed I missed it. Unfortunately, this time around the Idols are limited to the music of Andrew Lloyd Weber. While he’s got one heck of a songbook, his songs are hard, and it concerns me a little bit… but hopefully these Idols will rise to the challenge! I’m here today to suggest what songs the Idols should sing, and in some cases guess what they will sing. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for an excellent night of performances!

Let’s start with the Cookster. (I’ve been waiting for KLC to get the boot so I can start calling David C. the Cookster. I think it suits him, and I’m sick of having two Davids around.) This is the primary case of me wanting a selection outside the ALW library, because David would absolutely kill “One Song Glory” from Rent. And I mean kill it, making Brenna a puddle on the ground because he would sing the crap out of an already amazing song. Unfortunately that won’t happen this time around, but let me offer the Cookster two suggestions: first, please don’t rearrange anything. Just sing it as it is. And second, give “Music of the Night” from Phantom a shot, and thank me later. He’s just sinister enough to pull it off.

This night is made for David #2. He’s got a quintessential musical theatre voice and will likely sound fantastic in whatever he chooses. I’m guessing it will be either “Close Every Door” or “Any Dream Will Do” from Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. My money is on the latter, cuz we know David likes to sing about dreams and puppies and crap like that.

My money is on Syesha to pick “Memory” from Cats, one of ALW’s biggest and most well-known songs, but I’d prefer to give it to Carly. Carly needs to soften up a bit, show some vulnerability, and I think “Memory” might be the trick for her. I’d love to see Syesha do something more upbeat for once. How about “Buenos Aires” from Evita?

I’ve been having trouble with Brooke. Many musical theatre songs are written for BIG voices, which she just doesn’t have. If it wasn’t ALW specific, I’d have suggested a stripped down version of “On My Own” from Les Miserables, but instead I’m going to toss her “Another Suitcase in Another Hall,” also from Evita. I just don’t want her to smile through the whole song, a la “Jolene” a few weeks back. With the right approach, though, Brooke + a guitar + this song could be just what she needs to get back on top her A game.

And finally, Jason may have the toughest time with this genre. Big orchestral numbers typically don’t translate well to the coffee house, but how about “Unexpected Song” from Song & Dance? I could see this one with an acoustic vibe.

Well, we’ll see what happens tomorrow. This week could either be amazing or a trainwreck… either way, I’ll be here to tell you all about it!

Finally.

Well, folks, it’s a good night. The Pens swept their series (WOOOOOO!!!!!) and the outcome of the results show was finally satisfactory. But more on that later.

Ryan kicks off the show by reminding us, once again, that we suck for voting off Michael Johns. The top 7 then sing the most depressing group sing ever, the Mariah Carey/Boyz II Men ballad “One Sweet Day.” Guys, I am not the biggest Mariah fan in the world, but I do give the girl some respect, because this song came out in 1995 and she’s still relevant today. 1995! And that was five years after her first album came out. That was released the same year Archuleta was born. Yikes. Speaking of Arculeta, I'm pretty sure he stole that jacket from Clay Aiken circa Bee Gees week in season two.

So after thoroughly depressing everyone in the audience, we get the recap from last night. Archuleta believed in something. Cook, David was awesome as per usual. Cook, Kristy Lee kind of blew. Syesha and Jason both kind of bored me. Carly looked angry like she does every week. Brooke was not as good as drunk Brenna thought she was last night.

Seacrest introduces the Idols standing backstage by the TV. What is up with that this year? Is Sony now a sponsor too? He brings out Jason and tells him to stand to his left, and then tells David Cook to stand to his right. Oh, good, it’s time for this. You all know what’s coming – the totally overplayed gimmick where Seacrest tries to go all “Rock of Love” on us and cause tension in the Idol dwelling. Carly then joins Jason’s group, and KLC joins David’s group.

We’re interrupted by the weirdest Ford music video yet, with the Idols acting like puppets in an office and singing “I Want to Break Free.” Only upon seeing a Ford drive by do they realize they actually can break free. I’m freaked out by the Davids’ combovers.

We’re back to the studio, and Elliott Yamin is there to perform!! Yessssss!!! You all know we’re Elliott’s biggest fans. He sounds brilliant no matter what he sings, and gets teary at the end, and opens his palm which reads “We miss you mom” and then I remember his mom passed away a few weeks ago and I almost lose it. Guys, his mom was so adorable, and Elliott was so cute with her, and I am trying so hard not to cry when Seacrest is talking to him. Damn, this is a rough week in the Idol studios.

Back to the results. Syesha joins the Jason group, and Brooke joins the David group, leaving Archuleta as the lone man out. Oooh, this is gonna be good.

But wait, first we have phone calls. Thing we learned tonight: David Cook is single. Simon and Paula still have awkward tension. And KLC can’t get her damn horse back.

Mariah sings, and to be honest, I fast forward.

And finally, we’re back to the train wreck that is David Archuleta being forced to think independently. He looks scared shitless. Daddy isn’t on stage telling him what to do! Oooh, they shake it up a bit by having David Cook and Syesha switch sides. Archuleta refuses to choose sides and sits down. I’m pretty sure Melinda beat you to that one last year. Seacrest makes it pretty obvious that the Carly/David C/Jason group is the safe one, as if we had any doubt. Archuleta still doesn’t know what to do though, since he lost the ability to infer when Daddy programmed him to sing. David C. adorably goes to sit down next to him though, and Archuleta is kind of like the little boy who wants to be as cool as his older brother someday.

So your bottom three this week is Kristy Lee, Brooke, and Syesha. Syesha is safe, and I’m about to pitch a fit, but after what seems like an eternity of bitching by the judges, we are assured that Brooke is safe, and Kristy Lee is FINALLY going home. We’re reminded – again – that she sold her horse, and then she starts her sing-out sitting next to Simon and thoroughly creeping him out.

I feel a bit like I did when Sanjaya was voted out last year – the real competition can now begin, and it’s really anybody’s game. And next week is Andrew Lloyd Weber week!!! You have no idea how excited that makes me. And I finally get to recap a performance show. :) Idol Madness returns this week!

I had a vision of love...

I don't care what anyone says, or what anyone thinks. I. Love. Mariah. This bitch is a force to be reckoned with in the music industry. She beat ELVIS, you guys. Most number one songs EVER. And she's not even 40 years old! Not to mention, she went bat-shit crazy that one time and showed up to TRL wearing nothing but a giant tee shirt. Word, MC. I totally downloaded "Touch My Body" from iTunes the second it hit the airwaves even though as Brenna says, it sounds exactly like all her other songs. So: to the races!

Seacrest voices over as the camera pans down the line of our Idols. My husband's first observation of the kids, having not watched this show in almost two years: they all look bland. That's about right, babe. The Archu-robot has a face that looks like he's been eating some of Jason's brownies. After Ryan's longest pause in the history of "THIS...is American Idol", it's showtime.

David A. is up first. I have to say, Bren and I had numerous discussions over the past two days about what the boys would sing on this diva-licious night. I do not know how it escaped us that Mariah sang a song called "When You Believe", because, of COURSE David would choose a song with "believe" in the title. OMG, he is wearing leather pants! HAAAAAAAAAAAA. I bet he borrowed those from Gramps. Aww, Gramps. I have to say, you guys, I think the strain of the competition is wearing on our lil David. Is it just me, or has he been looking more and more run down every week? I think he's doing a great job with the song in spite of that, actually. I thought his falsetto was really nice, and the judges all love it.

Here comes Carly, who finally is wearing a decent outfit. Thank you, jeebus. She's singing "Without You", which is kind of predictable, and MC loves her. I think it's miles better than last week, and she isn't exuding an air of desperation for once. She's better when she's belting the big notes...I think Randy tells her that every week. And, yep, there we go, he says it again and tells her she was slightly weaker in her lower range. I agree with that. This wasn't Carly's best, but it certainly wasn't her worst. Simon says he expected more from her and he doesn't think she pulled it off, but I think she did better than okay. Not great...I'll give it a pretty good.

Ugh, Syezzzzzzzzsha. Girl already took on Whitney, now she gets to do Mariah. She chooses "Vanishing", which I vaguely know. It's not one of my top Mariah songs. Wow, I love her dress. She looks dynamite tonight. Guys, there's really not much I can say about Syesha. She's technically the best vocalist on the show, by a mile, but she's so freaking dull. I wouldn't buy her album because she just doesn't have a sound that interests me. Randy tells her she did a good job, Paula jibba jabbas something and Simon tells her it was technically very very good, but he thinks she took a risk picking an unknown song. We'll see. I have a feeling she might be bottom three'ing it again.

Brooke is up next, telling us again how she missed her sister's wedding. Oh my God, she's doing "Hero"--BREN. I can't remember, did you call this one? I know I was saying Archu-bot would do it, and I thought you said one of the girls would and I can't remember if you said B-money. She's at the piano, good. I can hear the Brooke spin on this, and I wish it were better but it's not fabulous. She is visibly shaking throughout the whole thing, and the song feels completely rushed after the bridge. I'm sure that's the nerves. I'm a little nervous for Brooke. I would still totally buy her album, but I don't think that performance will win her any fans.

Seriously, Paula is on some good shit tonight. As all the judges are talking over each other about Brooke, she busts out with "the two of you look GREAT on stage together!" Brooke and Seacrest are all, WTF? and everyone looks at Paula like this is her descent into madness. Guys! SHE'S ALREADY THERE.

Kristy Lee, are you still here? Jesus. OMFG are you kidding me?? "Forever" is seriously my all-time favorite Mariah song, and she is going to country it all up and ruin it. RUIN IT. She is so asstastic and white trash. She's in some cheap gold lame dress and is twanging all over the song. This is terrible. Simon agrees with me, calling it whiny and telling her that Mariah night wasn't to her advantage. I really hope this is the end of her. Please. PLEASE. Haaaaaaaaaate.

David C. is going to attempt "Always Be My Baby." I have to admit, I did not see this one coming. I was completely stumped at what David would pick. He comes out and starts rocking out to the song and it is f'ing fantastic. 10 bucks some random band no one's ever heard of comes out tomorrow and is all, we totally covered that song FIRST. Bitches. Guys, I love this. David is not the most technically perfect vocalist ever, but he's the whole package. Randy gives him the first standing ovation of season seven, of course Paula digs it because she wants to do him, and Simon loves it, calling it a breath of fresh air. I think that is David's terminally ill brother in the audience, and he tears up on stage. I love this guy. Another one whose album I would buy.

Because the show is so jacked up and Paula never shuts up, I don't get to see the end of the show. I had two shows set to record at 9 and my tv like freaked out when the clock turned to 9:00, lol. I see the beginning of Jason with Mariah and hear that he's singing "I Don't Wanna Cry", and I see the beginning of it, which sounds awesome. Jason is so random and cool. I have to call my mom to find out what the judges thought of it. Apparently Simon loved it--he's been on a Jason kick the past two weeks.

To sum up: the guys totally win Mariah night. Which was to be expected, as they said in the beginning, it was going to be harder for the girls. Well done, gentlemen. Ideal bottom three would be Syesha, Carly and Kristy Lee, but as Gramps' shocking elimination last week showed us, anything can happen! Bren will give you the results tomorrow night. Cheers!

Dream until your dreams come true.

Well, Sunday night and I’ve finally caught up on my Idol viewing. Seacrest opens the results show by telling us $60 million has been raised so far. So there are good people in this country! The Idols kick off the show with a very un-PC group sing, “Shout to the Lord,” complete with massive gospel choir. We used to have this debate in high school choir, about singing religious songs in a secular setting, and it was always decided that it’s more about the art than the lyrics themselves. Some of the greatest musical compositions ever written are religious. But this is American Idol, not Christian Idol, and it’s still a little odd to watch on tv. But anyways. Enough seriousness. We have Zack and Cody (who are they?!) asking us for money!

There’s an obnoxious singalong to the tune of “I’m A Believer.” I’m too tired to figure out who all these people are. I see Kobe Bryant and more SYTYCD pimping. Was that Baby Spice? Did Posh not allow her on the show Wednesday night? Throughout the night we’ll see a litany of celebrities not quite famous enough to appear on Wednesday’s show, except for Jim Carrey. Not quite sure how he got stuck on Thursday.

Seacrest starts the results. Brooke and the Davids are both safe, obvi. We take a break for another report from Africa from Forest and Keysha Whitaker, then we’re back to the Idol stage for Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown. They sing that “No Air” song, which is at least better than “Tattoo,” and the whole time all I can think is how I want to brush Jordin’s hair. They award her with some plaques – she sold some CDs, some people downloaded her songs, I think maybe she crossed the street this morning…

The Ford commercial involves paint and a car and the Idols just wanting to celebrate. God, I hate these things.

Back to results. Jason & Kristy Lee are safe, which leaves Syesha, Carly, & Michael backstage in the bottom three. While KLC drives me insane, I wasn’t throwing anything at my tv week after week when she stayed, because someone almost equally deserving always went home. None of these three deserve that. Yes, Syesha is boring and a pain in the ass, and yes, Carly seriously underwhelms me, and yes, Michael has lived up to his audition only once or twice. But to send any of them packing before KLC? No way.

But of course we can’t find out who’s going home just yet. We check in with Bono once more (is this Bono Gives Back?) and then we get taped messages from Hillary Clinton, John McCain, and Barack Obama. (I’m fairly certain Lindsay and I have differing political views, so I’m refraining from making any comments. My Spirit Has Been Broken will not endorse a candidate at this time, unless said candidate promises to lock up KLC in a cellar or something.)

We finally get the results, and it’s Michael who’s going home. Seacrest is especially bitchy tonight. Seriously, he’s really mean to Michael. Everyone looks genuinely shocked, most of all the contestants. Carly is totally broken up. David C. looks pissed. (You know he’s thinking, you’re leaving me here with a stoner and a teenager?) Give props to Michael though. He sings the crap out of “Dream On,” and it might be even better than his performance on Tuesday. The only better goodbye song I’ve seen on this show was Phil’s “Blaze of Glory” from Bon Jovi week last year. And with that, we’re done to our top 7.

I’ll be back Tuesday to recap the performance night, and Lindsay is stuck with results this week. And Idol Madness continues! See you then.

So You Think You Can Give Back

Well, it’s Sunday and I’ve finally gotten around to watching the marathon that was “Idol Gives Back,” and I’m here to give you my take on the evening’s events. All in all, not quite as bad as I’d expected, although it was pretty bad. The clout and industry power Idol has was on display all night, with A list celebrities all over the Kodak Theater and in pre-taped segments. But more on that later.

We begin with the Idols singing Rihanna’s “Don’t Stop the Music.” Forgive me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t this inspirational week? How is a song about grinding up with a stranger in a club inspirational? Who decided this was appropriate to kick off a charity fundraiser? Ooooh, now I get it. There are some dancers from “So You Think You Can Dance” flying all over the stage. Well-played, Nigel, using a fundraiser to pimp your other show. Anyways, there’s a lot of people on the stage and I really can’t keep anything straight, and it all ends with Seacrest dancing. Someone please pull him off the stage.

Kylie Minogue!!! Love her. Why isn’t she popular here? I never get that.

Maria Shriver appears on stage with some volunteers and urges us to give back. I’m still too distracted by the band playing “Maria” from “The Sound of Music” when she walked on the stage. Is this the Oscars?

More celebrity pleas: Ben Stiller, who is annoying as always, and Jennifer Connelly in a segment about drinking water.

Back to the Kodak: Snoop!! Snoop a loop!!! In a Pirates hat. With a kids football team. I think he’s their coach? Guys, how awesome would it be to have Snoop as your football coach? Anyways, Snoop is awesome.

More celebs: Kobe Bryant, some dude from the WWE.

Randy & Paula introduce a segment where they tour neighborhoods with a little boy that absolutely breaks my heart. Paul keeps the craziness mostly at bay, and my heart melts when the boy says he wishes he had more fields to play in.

But wait, after showing us the very real problems of these kids, we then cut to a ridiculous segment in which Carrie Underwood & James Denton are looking at a sink. Literally, they’re on the floor looking at it. I don’t believe for a second you have plumbing problems, Ms. Underwood. I saw James Denton at a benefit last year and he is a good looking guy. They’re interrupted by one of the few women who can come close to Paula-level-batshit-craziness, Ms. Terri Hatcher. This leads to Terri “stealing Carrie’s song” and then singing “Before He Cheats” with James on guitar. Guys, it’s awful. But really, probably not the worst performance we’ve ever seen on Idol.

More SYTYCD pimping. Nigel & Mary ask for money. I fast-forward because I can’t listen to the sound of her voice. Tonight is starting to suck the life from me.

Billy Crystal & Miley Cyrus do a mildly entertaining bit before Miley sings a song that is not “See You Again.” Booooo.

The top 12 are answering phones. Hey, David Hernandez! Bono goes to Africa. Julianne Moore asks for money.

Fergie & John Legend perform. I fast-forward, because I hate Fergie. I stop when I see Heart. Heart!!! Guys, they’re so cool. They’re singing “Barracuda.” I love th—oh, damn. Fergie comes back. And she sucks the life out of this otherwise awesome song.

More celebs: another dude from the WWE, Adam Sandler and his dog. Peyton and Eli Manning! They go to New Orleans. Personally, I think Peyton needs to step it up a bit. His PSA for United Way was much better.

The Beckhams look Beckhamesque and ask us for money. Bono goes to Africa again and talks to a little boy who wants to become a judge. Annie Lennox joins him there, taking a family of orphaned boys to be tested for HIV. She then performs at the Kodak Theater, and I’m mesmerized. Guys, this is what Idol Gives Back should be. Not SYTYCD pimping. Not Terri Hatcher’s craziness. Not Fergie. This. Moving performances, moving videos, and genuine interest and care for the issues at hand. Idol has this amazing opportunity to genuinely change the world, and they invite Miley Cyrus. But here, with Annie’s segment and performance, for a few minutes, they totally get it right.

And then the spell is broken, and we’re back to the crazy. Keifer Sutherland asks us to give, and Celine Dion goes to Africa. And then Jimmy Kimmel appears, and this is the most entertaining segment of the show so far. He introduces Simon’s visit to the Children’s Health Fund in New York.

At this point, my patience is waning. Carrie Underwood performs. Whoopi & Ellen ask us for money. Gloria Estefan performs with Sheila E. Sarah Silverman! Love her. Forrest & Keisha Whitaker tell us about malaria. Prime Minister Gordon Brown tells us the UK is donating money for mosquito nets. Was our own president not available for this? Keith Urban. Reese Witherspoon for the Children’s Defense Fund. The Idols sing “Seasons of Love.” (I can’t remember, but did they kick Amanda, David, Ramiele, & Chikezie back to the curb for this one? Like, come answer phones but you can’t sing?)

Dane Cook is being Dane Cook. Alicia Keys goes to Africa. The High School Musical girls ask for money. Where is Zac Efron? More Miley Cyrus – so let me get this right. Annie Lennox performs once, and Miley freaking Cyrus goes twice? Miley and Billy Ray go to Kentucky. Robin Williams does a stupid bit where he is the Russian Idol. I hope he didn’t start the Cold War back up again.

Rob Schneider, because anywhere Adam Sandler goes, he goes too. Tyra. David Spade. Brad Pitt goes to New Orleans and nearly starts a riot in the Kodak. Daughtry goes to Africa, and my DVR cuts off. Really, Fox? You had two and a half hours and couldn’t end on time???

So my thoughts on IGFB: only a few moments got it right. The pretaped segments brought attention to worthy causes, and were often moving, but then the debacle in the Kodak negated all that. If it all raises money though, then I suppose it’s worth it.

I’ll be back with the results show recap later today!

G'bye, mate.

Sorry, guys. No recap again today. I swear, they will be up this weekend. Till then, enjoy this ode to Michael Johns:

Oh, Michael. When you auditioned, we thought you were cute. Somehow you aged 40 years in four weeks. We were always waiting for something better from you, till last week, and then you plummeted back to the ground this week, when you continued to sing songs prominently featured in sports movies. I really think David Archuleta was a little afraid of you, which I thought was funny. Syesha should have left before you. Kristy Lee should have left before you. But unfortunately, last night, we had to say goodbye to your vests and cravats. But dream on, Michael. Dream on. Dream until your dreams come true.

Give me back 2.5 hours of my life. Please?

Due to extenuating circumstances (i.e. husbands returning home from warfare, friends moving away, the Pens kicking major ass) there will be no recap of IGFB today. I haven't yet watched it, and doubt I will catch up tonight because, let's face it, I don't have 2.5 hours to spare right now. If I do have 2.5 hours to spare tonight, I'm going to watch the recap show, or the return of "The Office," or any number of playoff hockey games. An IGFB recap will appear sometime this week. All I know now is that Snoop wore a Pirates hat. Go Buccos.

I'll leave you with sightings of 2 of my all-time favorite Idols: Elliott Yamin (who I'm still convinced should have won over Soul Patrol and Kat McPhee) and Jon Peter Lewis (who was just so darn amusing in his own weird way).