Finally.

Well, folks, it’s a good night. The Pens swept their series (WOOOOOO!!!!!) and the outcome of the results show was finally satisfactory. But more on that later.

Ryan kicks off the show by reminding us, once again, that we suck for voting off Michael Johns. The top 7 then sing the most depressing group sing ever, the Mariah Carey/Boyz II Men ballad “One Sweet Day.” Guys, I am not the biggest Mariah fan in the world, but I do give the girl some respect, because this song came out in 1995 and she’s still relevant today. 1995! And that was five years after her first album came out. That was released the same year Archuleta was born. Yikes. Speaking of Arculeta, I'm pretty sure he stole that jacket from Clay Aiken circa Bee Gees week in season two.

So after thoroughly depressing everyone in the audience, we get the recap from last night. Archuleta believed in something. Cook, David was awesome as per usual. Cook, Kristy Lee kind of blew. Syesha and Jason both kind of bored me. Carly looked angry like she does every week. Brooke was not as good as drunk Brenna thought she was last night.

Seacrest introduces the Idols standing backstage by the TV. What is up with that this year? Is Sony now a sponsor too? He brings out Jason and tells him to stand to his left, and then tells David Cook to stand to his right. Oh, good, it’s time for this. You all know what’s coming – the totally overplayed gimmick where Seacrest tries to go all “Rock of Love” on us and cause tension in the Idol dwelling. Carly then joins Jason’s group, and KLC joins David’s group.

We’re interrupted by the weirdest Ford music video yet, with the Idols acting like puppets in an office and singing “I Want to Break Free.” Only upon seeing a Ford drive by do they realize they actually can break free. I’m freaked out by the Davids’ combovers.

We’re back to the studio, and Elliott Yamin is there to perform!! Yessssss!!! You all know we’re Elliott’s biggest fans. He sounds brilliant no matter what he sings, and gets teary at the end, and opens his palm which reads “We miss you mom” and then I remember his mom passed away a few weeks ago and I almost lose it. Guys, his mom was so adorable, and Elliott was so cute with her, and I am trying so hard not to cry when Seacrest is talking to him. Damn, this is a rough week in the Idol studios.

Back to the results. Syesha joins the Jason group, and Brooke joins the David group, leaving Archuleta as the lone man out. Oooh, this is gonna be good.

But wait, first we have phone calls. Thing we learned tonight: David Cook is single. Simon and Paula still have awkward tension. And KLC can’t get her damn horse back.

Mariah sings, and to be honest, I fast forward.

And finally, we’re back to the train wreck that is David Archuleta being forced to think independently. He looks scared shitless. Daddy isn’t on stage telling him what to do! Oooh, they shake it up a bit by having David Cook and Syesha switch sides. Archuleta refuses to choose sides and sits down. I’m pretty sure Melinda beat you to that one last year. Seacrest makes it pretty obvious that the Carly/David C/Jason group is the safe one, as if we had any doubt. Archuleta still doesn’t know what to do though, since he lost the ability to infer when Daddy programmed him to sing. David C. adorably goes to sit down next to him though, and Archuleta is kind of like the little boy who wants to be as cool as his older brother someday.

So your bottom three this week is Kristy Lee, Brooke, and Syesha. Syesha is safe, and I’m about to pitch a fit, but after what seems like an eternity of bitching by the judges, we are assured that Brooke is safe, and Kristy Lee is FINALLY going home. We’re reminded – again – that she sold her horse, and then she starts her sing-out sitting next to Simon and thoroughly creeping him out.

I feel a bit like I did when Sanjaya was voted out last year – the real competition can now begin, and it’s really anybody’s game. And next week is Andrew Lloyd Weber week!!! You have no idea how excited that makes me. And I finally get to recap a performance show. :) Idol Madness returns this week!