Give THIS back...

Hi guys, Lindsay here. I need to apologize to everyone in advance because this blog is going to be all over the place like Paula off her meds. I'm bouncing off the walls with excitement because my husband is coming home tomorrow from a 15 month tour in Afghanistan! I love my hunky hero and seriously thought this day would never come. Wooo!!!

So of course it's only fitting on the night before one of the most exciting days of my life is the night of the "inspirational" song performances leading up to IGFB tomorrow. God. And seriously, you guys, before IGFB was even a twinkle in Nygel Lithgoe's eye, THIS was the definition of an inspirational Idol performance:



For realsies.

Anyway, 10 bucks says David A. is in the pimp spot tonight, because I think Idol Gives F'ing Back gave birth to him a year ago. But up first is Michael singing "Dream On." I really wish so bad I was watching this with Bren because we would totally make a drinking game out of this. Drink every time someone says the word: dream, believe, hope, world, difference, inspire. We'd be wasted by 8:15.

So Gramps comes out sporting another Chuck Bass original that he's layered with his waiter's outfit. Seriously, black vest, white collared shirt? Yikes. This is decent, but not nearly as good as last week. The chorus seems forced, especially when he goes into the falsetto. I completely agree with Randy and Simon, and Michael is now talking back to Randy. MICHAEL. SHHH. No one cares that coming to America was your dream. DRINK!

Up next is Syezzzzsha. After hearing for 20 minutes about how much she misses Ramiele, she starts singing Fan-f'ing-tasia's "Believe"--oh man. The Dawg is not going to feel this, Fantasia was his GIRL. If I'm being honest, Syesha bores the shit out of me, but she really is a very good vocalist. This performance was very good, very controlled, but dayum, Syesha. Way to pick two songs in a row that you know are going to piss off Randy. You suck. Randy tells the truth, which is that she sang it well but didn't connect. Bottom three again? Word.

Jason is singing that ukelele version of "Over the Rainbow" that we've all heard a billion times as of late. I believe more and more every week that he is totally stoned throughout this whole ordeal. Whatever gets you through Jason! By the way, he says the word "dream" four times in his 30 second intro. I'm buzzed already.

Vocally, he is as on point as we've heard him since "Hallelujah" but I'm kind of bored because he sounds exactly like the version of this song he chose to emulate. Also, he is wearing some tight ass pants. Randy tells him he is "blazing, molting hot", but I don't think that is necessarily true. Simon loves it, and I think Jason will escape the bottom three this week. We need him around for 4/20! Vote for Jason!

Please don't make me recap Kristy Lee. Please? Seriously, guys, she looks so white trash all the time. She is rocking the corn chip nail tips and white jeans and giant belt and for real looks like she just rolled up out the closest trailer park. HAAAAAAAAAAAATE. She sings "Anyway" by Martina McBride. If I'm giving KLC credit, because we're nothing if we're not impartial (ha!) she was actually not terrible tonight. Here's hoping she's still in the bottom three anyway. OMG, Eric McCormack, wtf? Will Truman would NEVER clap for Kristy Lee Cook. NEVER.

Side note, tonight's theme should have been "When Paula's Boobs Attack!" Put em away, Abdul.

Up next is David Cook. He gets two yays from me right off the bat: a yay for sticking with the no greasy bang hairdo and a yay for not bullshitting about dreaming and inspiring in his intro. He's singing "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace and I'm not loving this. In fact, to distract myself from the not good performance this is becoming, I'm going to study David's jacket because that shit is mystifying. What the hayell?? I'm waiting for David A. to pop out of one of the GIANT pockets on that thing.

OMG DAVID, SERIOUSLY. NO YOU DID NOT FLASH YOUR PALM TO THE CAMERA WITH "GIVE BACK" WRITTEN ON IT. WHY? WHYYYYY? Randy tells him it fell short and wasn't his best, which, true, and Simon tells him he thinks he was pompous during it. I would disagree with that up until the barfness moment when he flashed his palm. As a positive, David has learned to take criticism much better. I'm still rooting for him.

Carly comes out and does Queen's "The Show Must Go On" and basically delivers a total bottom three worthy performance. She totally loses control of the vocals like a billlion times, her voice is cracking and alternates between flat and sharp in this whole thing, and it's basically kind of a mess. And that's coming from someone who has been rooting for her these past few weeks. Also, please GOD someone get this girl a better stylist. Randy tells her it was "just okay", which I'm inclined to disagree with as I didn't even think it was okay. Simon nails it when he tells her she oversang it and lost control. Dammit, Carly.

OK, I lost my 10 bucks because Archuleta wasn't in the pimp spot, but Brooke is basically his female counterpart, so I should at least get five bucks. He chooses Robbie Williams' "Angels" and all I can hear in my head now is the lousy ass Jessica Simpson remake of this song. David's at the piano tonight, which is nice, I forgot he played. He starts out a bit rocky in the beginning but he picks it up towards the middle and definitely finishes better than he started. Randy's like all over him about how this was da bomb and the hott or whatever it is that Randy says, but I'm (again) more inclined to agree with Simon. Best song choice, not his best vocal of all time.

EWWWWWW...please tell me you guys saw that little girl holding the poster with David's face on it and the words "Lick Those Lips!" OH. MA. GAWD. Hands down, grossest poster ever and I'm sure you'd see gross-ass posters at, like a Poison concert. Like Bret Michaels can read.

Anyway, the pimp spot is Brooke. She's singing "You've Got a Friend", and let me just take a minute to pause this because I want to be able to fast forward during her inevitable back talk. I love James Taylor so much. I wonder if he'll give back to IGFB. Okay, there is nothing original about this performance, and it is totally not pimp-spot worthy. Not that any of them really were, Idol Gives F'ing Back sucks so hard. BOO. I love it when Randy says "I wasn't mad", I don't know why. I'm crazy. Oh my God, Idol DOES give back! There's hot-ass Luke! WOOOOO!

Thoughts on tonight--I hated it. Bottom three will be Carly, probably Syesha and hopefully Kristy Lee, but I don't even know any more. It's so hard to tell who was really bad through this crap. In the spirit of giving back, Bren will blog the rest of the week, at some point, because she is awesome. We can't promise when the recaps of Wednesday and Thursday will be up, but they'll be there at some point. Cheers!