Don't cry for me, America.

Guys, I’ve been looking forward to tonight since Seacrest first announced the mentors back in week 1. Andrew Lloyd Webber is amazing. His music is amazing. And that’s what had me so worried that tonight would be a train wreck. Was it? On to the recap.

Syesha leads off with “One Rock & Roll Too Many,” from Starlight Express. I’ve never seen this show, but have always wanted to. The actors are on roller skates!! How awesome is that. But anyways, back to Syezzzzzzzsha. Technically, it’s very good. She’s sassy, she sounds great, and I should be feeling it, but I’m just not. There’s no connection between her and the audience. It’s like her…… brick wall……. us.

Jason is next, singing “Memory,” from Cats. ALW says something great about a man with dreadlocks singing this song. Jason acts dumb and doesn’t realize it was sung by a cat. Dude, stop hitting the bong and do your homework. ALW is already regretting agreeing to this show. Anyways, the song isn’t terrible, but it’s nothing to write home about. He kind of speeds up in the bridge, and it never reaches the climax we’re all expecting it to, and his voice is breaking, and it’s kind of all over the place. Randy makes one of the dumbest Randy comments of all time, telling him there was too much melody. What?! In the audience, ALW looks for the exit.

Brooke sings “You Must Love Me,” written for the movie version of Evita. With all the great songs from this show, I’m a little disappointed she chose this one. ALW blatantly tells her she doesn’t know what she’s singing about and proceeds to fill her in that this isn’t a happy song, that a woman is singing on her deathbed, and, like, OMG, Brooke gets it. She then throws it away by stopping the band after just a few words and starting over again, and she never quite recovers. Ohhh, Brooke. What happened to you? At least she was quiet during the judges’ critiques, which is an improvement.

Seacrest is on the stools with Archuleta, who looks absolutely terrified, as per usual. He is then attacked by like seven girls who run up from the audience, and we cut to his session with ALW, who is again laughing that a guy will be singing a song he wrote for a woman, this time “Think of Me,” from Phantom of the Opera. Seriously, it perplexes me too. You have this massive catalog of music available to you, and you can't find a gender appropriate number? ALW wrote this song – and this role – specifically for his wife at the time, so I can imagine he’s a little annoyed that Archuleta sings a version sounding like the Backstreet Boys circa 1999. It’s good, I suppose, and the judges all love it, but I’m with ALW, looking pissed off that this little boy commandeered one of his signature songs and made it sound like it belongs on Light FM.


Carly, please save this show. She starts off with ALW singing “All I Ask of You” (also from Phantom) until ALW cuts her off and tells her to sing “Jesus Christ Superstar,” from the musical of the same name. It’s all good, I suppose, but again, I just can’t get excited by her. It’s one of her better performances in weeks though, and I’ll give her points for picking the most upbeat song of the evening. But all around, to me, she’s just eh.

And finally, thankfully, the Cookster is in the pimp spot. And he’s singing “Music of the Night”!!!!! And he’s not messing with it at all!!! He listened to me!!!! ALW talks about how sexy the song is, and tells David to think of him as a 17-year-old girl, which we all know would be a tad inappropriate. At this point, I really want to have a beer with ALW. He’s so cool. So the Cookster sings with the original arrangement, and doesn’t do any fancy stuff with it, and it’s awesome. See, this is something that’s been lost in all the discussion this season about David – the guy can sing. It’s kind of lost sometimes, because we’re talking more about how he arranged the song, but he very rarely sings an off note. And tonight, when he’s just singing, he’s singing very well. It sounds great, and it’s sensual, and it’s dark, and (coming from someone who has seen Phantom about five times) it’s exactly what this song should be. Bravo, David.

The split this week, to me, is simple. The first half of the performers (Syesha, Jason, & Brooke) will be the bottom three. Syesha was rather good, but forgettable in the lead spot. Jason just picked the wrong song, and Brooke was a wreck. My money is on Brooke to go home, which makes me sad, but someone has to go every week. At this point in time, though, I wouldn’t be surprised by anyone outside the Davids. This is when the competition gets good, people!