Still sorry for 02-14-03

To start with, tonight, we get an absolutely awful montage of Idol mixed with Clash of the Titans, which a) looks like a terrible movie to begin with, and b) makes me hate this results show already. Hey, remember when Ke$ha was here? Dammit.

Instead, tonight we have Ruuuuuuuuuuuben, singing a song whose title is so incredibly stupid that I don't even write it down. Ruben seems so dated now, coming from the pre-Blake, pre-Daughtry, pre-Cookster, pre-Lambert era of this show. It's hilarious now to me that I used to set my VCR to record that season. And hey, remember when Clay Aiken wasn't obnoxious? Oh, those were the days. LOL, Ruuuuuuben is apparently now a vegan and has lost a ton of weight and yet still makes Seacrest look tiny. He even BIG MIKE looks tiny!

OMG. RUBEN AND CLAY ARE ON TOUR TOGETHER. LINDSAY, WE NEED TO GO TO THAT!!!!

The FORD! video this week is Kung Fu fighting. Dumb. Next.

Some witty banter with the idols, then some stupid report about that stupid Clash of the Titans movie with the cast that I've never heard of before. Let's just get to the results already.

Lee is first. He's gotta be safe, right? Obviously. He & his hot leather jacket are still here next week. Casey is incredibly boring when he talks, and still safe. Aaron is 16, has never been in love (obviously). Simon & Ryan bicker incessantly for no real reason. This show could easily be 15 minutes long. Aaron is safe. Siobhan & Katie stand up together. Oh noooo this makes me nervous. Blah blah blah, chatter chatter chatter, annnnd Katie is in the bottom three. HALLELUJAH. Siobhan starts bawling. Oh, girl, you are making me so sad... Katie deserves to be there, and you know that.

Hey, Justin Beiber is in the audience! OMG, he sounds like a girl. And Usher apparently mentored him? I'm so thoroughly confused right now. What is up with these kids today? Usher takes the stage with a harem of dancers, and I'm pretty sure he stole his jacket from Chuck Bass. I thought I knew this song, but then I realized I actually thoguht it was another one, because this song sounds like every other hip hop song out there right now. Oh hey, Will I Am. Or will.i.am? Or WiLlIaM? I have no idea how he does his name. I'm too old for this music.

Back to the results. Didi is up next, and she's in the bottom three. I can't say I'm surprised, but I will be sad if she goes home, because I think she's capable of so much more than she's given us so far. Seacrest tries to tease Big Mike, who is obviously safe, so Big Mike literally picks up Seacrest over his head, which was funny the first time he did it.

Crystal is safe, and she also, rather amusingly, offers to pick up Seacrest. So we're down to Tim & Andrew. Andrew is safe, and Tim is in the bottom three, probably because he still hasn't figured out he should take off his shirt. Seacrest sends Katie back to safety, so we're down to Didi and Tim... seriously, America? I know Didi has had some off weeks, but I'll be kinda pissed if Didi goes home before a few other people on this show.

Um, Diddy is here. Perhaps he was tired of other people having all the fun singing about how they wake up feeling like him? He is performing some song called Hello Good Morning. I spend most of the song trying to figure out it it's the chorus or a verse or what these random girls are saying. This song is TERRIBLE, even by Diddy standards. I have no idea what just happened.

So, results time. Going home is... Didi. BOOOO AMERICA. I know you want to wait & see if Tim will finally sing naked, but he's not going to, and Didi can, you know, actually sing. Oh man, I'm nervous for her, she is not one to excel under the pressure of THE SAVE. She busts out the Stevie Nicks and sounds quite good, and will the judges save her? I don't know, because MY EFFING DVR STOPS RECORDING. Hey Idol producers! Remember when you thought there was so little going on in this show that Seacrest talked to Katie for 10 minutes about whether she should listen to Kara or Simon? YOU STILL COULDN'T FIT ALL THIS SHIT INTO AN HOUR.

Thanks to Randi, who actually watched this crap live, I find out that Didi was not saved, so we are spared the complete breakdown of Brooke 2.0. Unfortunately, that also means more Tim and Katie. Ugh. Whatever theme is next week, which I don't know because again, MY DVR CUT OFF, we'll be here next week. Same place, same time. MSHBB... out.